Reads: 28362
Comments: 10

MAJOR W.I.P!

Chapter 1: Leaving

I’m in my room sobbing. The scratches at my door are becoming louder and louder. The door is almost broken down. I grab the gun from the wooden shelf to my right, and check if any bullets are left; 3 of 7 are. The door breaks, and there is a hole in the middle. I can finally see the zombie that used to be my brother, William. He looks so distorted already, boils and scratches polka-dotting his face. I head towards the door, a hand tries to grab me, I recoil back and reach my hand towards the doorknob, open it and back away for whats about to happen. William slowly walks in, and I point the gun at him.

“William, back off!”

William doesn’t back off, my finger is on the trigger now.

“William, PLEASE!” I sob.

The ringing is echoing in my head and out my ears, even before the bullet hits William square in the forehead. William drops to the floor, dead. I drop the gun, and cry.How can I survive without William?

After I finally feel to get up, I do. I open my shelves to my drawer, go into my walk-in closet and grab a backpack. I start stuffing clothes into the backpack, and I look onto the shelf towards the picture of my family. I shuffle towards the photo and grab it. Everyone in the picture is dead, except for me. My parents went out last night on a dinner date, and they never came back. William and I thought they died and started to barricade the doors and windows. I put the picture into my backpack. I go to the wall, where William is still on the floor, and grab my gun. I put it into my pocket, then I go to the nightstand and grab the rest of the bullets in the box. There is only 24 bullets left in entirety. All in all, I have 26 bullets.

“That won’t get me far.”

I go downstairs, going through the hallway I see pictures of me and William when we were younger. My parents on their wedding day (I do look quite a bit like my father and Will looked like my mom. It was weird that way.), my aunt and uncle, grandma, grandpa, Disney. All gone. I head into the foyer, to the key rack. I grab the keys to the SUV, and head towards the garage. I put the keys in the ignition, just to make sure the engine hasn’t died. VROOOOOOMMMM! It hasn’t died yet. I head back inside,

I’m going to need food. I head to the pantry, as if almost painfully. I open it, There are cans of food scattered throughout. I try my best and put them into the backpack as well. I see a 6 pack of bottled water. I carry that to the SUV and put it in the passenger seat, with it I put down my backpack. I head back inside.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

I’m so suprised that I almost slipped, I bring my pistol out of my pocket.

“Who’s there?” I ask.

“Jake, It’s Daniel, let me in, one bit me. Please you got to help! my friends left me here!”

“I’m sorry, I can’t let you in.”

“PLEASE? I just want some gauze or something!”

“I said no.”

I hear shuffling outside the door, meaning Daniel has left the door. I don’t need to be infected, I think to myself, or i’ll turn out like William.

I’ll need to leave this house by tomorrow, before the zombies reach it. I go to the living room.

“Tomorrow will be a better day.” I say out loud. Boy, was I ever so wrong?





Submitted: May 10, 2014

© Copyright 2021 BryanGargan. All rights reserved.

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Comments

peacemaker06

Hey Bryan ") I really enjoyed reading your first chapter. It started of with a hiss and a roar and captured my attention straight away. I felt sorry for Jake having no choice but to kill his brother and the fact that he had already lost his parents. You played on this well with all the memories plastered over the walls. I was surprised at Jakes coldness at the end of the chapter. I don't think i could leave a friend outside like even if he was bitten bu then i haven't my parents to a zombie attack and then had to kill my own brother (although clearly, he had seen better days). Fear is certainly driving him at the moment, fear and self preservation. Nice cliff hanger too. Where has Daniel gone? Is he infected? Why is tomorrow not a better day?? great start bud!

Sun, May 11th, 2014 10:21pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! I like the ways you describe and get Jake and his feelings, you really captured the emotion and got what i'm conveying. Every question you have will be answered, Promise.

Sun, May 11th, 2014 8:48pm

Cloud Runner

I found that these 4 chapters were very well written with only a few mistakes. I loved every bit of this novel and would definitely recommend it to my mates.

Brilliant Job!! :D

Thu, June 5th, 2014 2:33pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much! I really do hope you enjoyed! I'm going to be getting on to more soon!

Sun, June 8th, 2014 10:59am

smircle

"..There is (are) only 24 bullets left.."
"..I'm so surprised that I almost slipped (slip).."
I would be the worst person in this situation. I can't even kill a fly, never mind a person who was once my brother .

Tue, August 19th, 2014 6:51pm

Author
Reply

thank you for correcting my mistakes. I really appreciate it. I'll try to fix them soon.

Fri, August 22nd, 2014 12:13pm

smircle

**Comment cut off**

Tue, August 19th, 2014 6:51pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for correcting my mistakes. I'll try to fix them soon.

Fri, August 22nd, 2014 12:12pm

jedbook

I really like your writing. This was a fun read! I would like to see more emotion come from the narrator after he shoots his brother besides the wondering thought. I mean, after all he did just shoot his brother. And just a little tip... When he pulls the gun from his pocket, I'd expect him to fumble with the thing. Like the gun snares on a piece of cloth or won't come out easily. He didn't strike me as an expert of firearms. I hope those notes are helpful! I really loved your work. Keep up the good job!

Tue, October 14th, 2014 3:22am

Author
Reply

Thank you for taking the time to read! I really appreciate the helpful comments! But, in a world like this, if you kill someone you have known, do you thin that maybe you would have the time to grieve? Or would you like to get out of the house and grieve later? :) Just a hint for what's coming! :)

Sun, November 30th, 2014 4:10pm

Keke Serene

Here after seeing AnarchyBlues review, she's wonderful, isn't she. A few tiny things I'd change, suggestions tho. Okay, ""how will I survive without William?" I wonder." The words, I wonder is kind of irrelevant. Since this is first person, you're like in the characters head, which is a really hard thing to pull off, but usually people don't think about thinking something while thinking it. They think something, then think about it. Does that makes sense? I swear, I am so incoherent and illiterate for a so called writer. Someone send In a replacement brain! This one isn't smart enough! Anyways, So what I mean in a nutshell is like, I wonder is kind of not necessary. As long as it's in italics, readers are gonna know he's thinking it. Same for words in quotations. After you say he "accidentally says" words outloud, we don't really need to know he's saying words in quotations outloud. But yeah, so there's my irrelevant two cents XD
ANYWAYS! I really liked this start so far, it really sucks that he had to kill his brother already. Man, shoot, If some kid was like I got bit please let me in, I'd be like heck no too!! Like no dude! No! XD

Tue, January 19th, 2016 3:33am

Author
Reply

Those are great ideas! I'll get right to them! Thanks!

Mon, January 18th, 2016 8:18pm

ShadaStorm120

Just started and he has already lost his parents and had to kill his brother. No boring start for you. His poor friend though, being left outside with a bite like that. I guess Jake is only driven by instinct to survive right now, unlike I would in that situation. Every time someone mentions a zombie apocalypses I always say that I'd die in ten minutes or so, maybe not even that. So at least he's making a solid effort to make it out alive. I would to but my efforts wouldn't be as successful. But anyway, I wonder what is going to happen, considering apparently how wrong he is about tomorrow being a better day? Well, I must read on. This has been a very good start so far :)

Fri, January 22nd, 2016 8:05pm

Author
Reply

Thank you Shada! Glad you are loving it.

Fri, January 22nd, 2016 2:47pm

Alexander Wilson

Wow! Awesome!

Tue, May 17th, 2016 11:54pm

Author
Reply

Thank you! Hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters as well!

Tue, May 17th, 2016 5:15pm

Sa.L.T

After weeks of debate on what to read on Booksie, I decided to read your amazing featured story, and boy I wish I was up to date! This is incredible! From my first impressions, I thought this story was just going to be a Walking Dead clone, and was I wrong? Completely.
I usually hate the Zombie genre, as it's too cliché these days with my generation, but this was sublime. I've read the 21st chapter also, but I decided to comment on this chapter, because, why not?
I felt like I was experiencing what Jake was feeling in that moment, the pain of killing your beloved sibling would have any normal person break down (unless they were insane/in a bad relationship with them/in some other situation).
There was only one thing that concerned me about this chapter, and it was that the description of Jake killing Will was so short-lived, and I think that either William's death should have gone into more detail, or that Jake's reaction should have been more emotional.
This was extraordinary!
Upload s'more, it's been donkeys years since you published chapter 21...

Thanks for answering the mystery on what I should read!
Sa.L.T

Mon, August 15th, 2016 1:25am

hblovecraft

Wow this is a great beginning to your story. I will definitely be reading the rest of this and you are welcome to check out my story "Purgatory" if you would like to.

Tue, August 29th, 2017 10:23pm

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