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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Meet Catrina... She's not the brightest person.

(A/N: Basically, Catrina is a character "derived from" the stupid part of myself but very, very exaggerated. For now I have no clue what's the main idea of this story so... Let's see how it turns out! :D)

Chapter 1 (v.1) - Life Story

Submitted: April 11, 2013

Reads: 177

Comments: 4

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Submitted: April 11, 2013




Hello reader, Dude or dudewoman. The name is Evian. Catrina Evian. I've been told by my new friend to warn you in the beginning that this story may, I quote, "make you stupider."

Whatever that is supposed to mean.

 She doesn't even know how to say it. It's stupiTER.


 Anyway, I should probably start with my life story. It's pretty phenomenal if you ask me. I was born 16 years ago in a majestic bathroom. It had curtains, a toilet, a sink, a door, a desk, a fridge, a stop sign, and everything a normal bathroom has. I was a beautiful glowing baby. Literally I GLOWED and everything. Like Santa when he was born except I wasn't made out of fat reindeers and magic. I was most likely the MOST beautiful baby you would ever see. I still am. Beautiful, I mean. Not a baby. Obviously! Just look at me! Oh...Right. You can't. Well, it's your loss.

 I was raised (in a huge country that I will dictate one day) by my amazing parents, Mom and Dad. I'm an only child. I spent most of my baby years in a closet though... mostly because I tripped over my lamp and fell in there. Ever since then I would hide in the closet and poke a bunny that I found in there for hours. It was a yellowish-brownish deformed bunny with sharp teeth, a hairy mane, and a freaking huge head. Now that I think about it... it was probably a squirrel. I think I still have its foot in a box. For good luck of course...

My childhood was pretty awesome. I learned and memorized everything. My parent says I could be Einstein's daughter. I think I actually saw him at the mall before. When a woman was handing a 20 dollar bill to this old lady and Boom his face was on it. But I forgot most of my childhood so let’s continue on!

 Up until now I have been homeschooled by a computer. Oh, and my parents. Starting today, I will be going to a real high school. And to prepare for this amazing day I researched the dos and don'ts of high school on Google. I'll share my info with you!

 High school dos and don'ts:


 - Do Act confident.

 - Do introduce yourself to EVERYONE.

 - Do Compliment! Everyone loves a good compliment!

- Do whatever you can to get good grades.

 - Do whatever you want.


 - Don’t listen to an upper-class man if you ask where your Chemistry class is and they tell you a mega huge line of bull on how to get there and you spend 45 minutes trying to find the elevator to take you to the 3rd floor to Room B-309 when it does not even exist!!

- Don’t skip school (because your best friend may call your house number wondering where you was and your mother may answer and be like she’s suppose to be at school... and then she calls the school and everyone is searching for you. your mother is crazy and thinks you were raped and kidnapped while waiting for the bus that morning.. so she shows up at your school flips out and you left your phone in the car while at the mall with your cousin and boyfriend and when you get out to the car you have 49 new voicemails and 62 missed calls and 85 text messages from your mom demanding you answer her back... And when you do you end up getting grounded for 8 months and have to have your mother drop you off at the door of the school while she is yelling out the window I LOVE YOU HONEY HAVE A NICE DAY... so you become the laughing stalk of the school! Yeah DONT do that ever!

 - DONT let a guy/girl get in the way of school and or your personal life (you will regret having a guy control you and causing you to nearly fail biology, choosing him over your friends and then when yall break up you are left alone at a lunch table because your forgot about your closest friend and was too busy with that guy to even bother realizing your best friend was going through a depression and attempted to kill herself all while her parents were going through a divorce! So then you are stuck with no friends, poor grades and single!) Basically you're F***ed.

Yup. Google has problems too.

I think that's all. My toes are tired so I should probably stop typing or they'll fall off. Au revoir! (That means "bye" in Korea).

A/N: So…yah. Should I continue this? Yes? No? Give me an answer! O_O  Hahahah, I literally googled the High school Dos and Don’ts .

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