He stood there thrusting inside her. His cock never paused, never missed. She screamed in ecstasy has their fling came to an end. He must have cum inside her as he fell on top, wrapping her in a warm embrace. They whispered words I dare not repeat as the words themselves make me sick, and I could feel them. They trickled down my cheek and landed softly on my lips. Salty, just as salty as the sperm that resided in her. How? Why? The tears flowed faster now and I fell to the side of the doorway. I couldn’t bear to watch their naked bodies tangled into one another as though they could never be untied. I was done. He was done.
I was careful to remain silent, but I guess when a heart breaks it is never a quiet occurrence. He must have heard the slow ripping of my soul as he shot up in the night. Darkness can never cover the eyes of guilt and he began to pull on his clothes. “Don’t leave.” She was timid, but he ignored her words. She repeated the plea once more, forceful this time as though a consequence would follow if he disobeyed. Again, he ignored her. She began to scream at him as he slid on his white v-neck t-shirt. I heard something hit a vase across the room, but wasn’t brave enough to peek in the crack of the door once more. I knew he was leaving and would soon be heading toward my apartment. I slinked down the stairs and quietly out the back door. Once out of range, I ran like hell and only slowed to open the car door.
I beat him home by about fifteen minutes. He must have stayed and fought with her or I’d never made it back before him. No matter, it gave me just enough time to switch clothes and pretend to be sleeping as he crawled in my sheets. He wrapped his arm around my waist, I felt my body tense up. I didn’t want him near me and I especially did not want him touching me, but if I fought he’d know something was wrong and I couldn’t have that. Not yet, not now. I let him pull me close, but I monitored every motion and kept it as just a simple touch. Eventually, I heard him snore and I brushed his hand off of me and moved to the outer corner of the bed, where I finally feel asleep with the taste of disgust contaminating my mouth.
Morning approached with the smell of bacon filling the air. I opened my eyes only to see him not there and I knew he must have been the one to have cooked breakfast. I sleepily walked into the kitchen and he stood there with nothing but an apron, dancing to the music that played on Pandora. He was smiling and enjoying the morning sun as he bounced between counter top and stove. He didn’t notice me at first and for a moment, as I watched him, I forgot about it all, the fights, the pain, and her. I loved him, every inch of him and in this moment I could view him without interruption. I could see his dark brown hair wave with the motion of his dancing and I could see his bright blue eyes ever so pop through the dark undertones in his skin. And his dick. Oh my gosh, his dick. It was a tool, a toy, a taste of heroin that just left you yearning for more when he was finished with you. The best part of the view I had was the simple fact he was there. He wasn’t in her bed; he was here, with me.
He finally noticed me and screamed more like a little girl than the neighbor’s two year old. I giggled and when he finally caught his breath he picked me up and kissed me. Long, hard, and passionate, the best kisses there ever were. He kissed my neck and ran his hand along the contours of my body. He nestled his nose into my hair and lifted my shirt. There, in this moment, I thought maybe I could forget, maybe I could let it all be a memory never to be remembered and I let him have me.
His hands slid down the sides of my underwear and he pulled them down as slowly as he kissed my breasts. I buckled under the sweetness of those lips and he grabbed me before I hit the ground. We embraced as he carried me into the bedroom and he laid me on the bed, missionary. He suckled my nipple as he slipped in. I threw my head back and that was his signal. He pressed harder and drove faster holding me as close to him as possible by my hips and I let it go. My body began to shake and I could feel myself tighten around his cock. He leaned over and pushed his lips onto mine then moved ever so gently to biting my neck. And there we were, tangled together just like they were, our aromas filled the air, and I felt my body suck the last drop of cum that it could out of him before it too released me from the intense hold.
We were tied together too. I lay in the same spot, the same exact spot that she laid just hours before. I could feel my eyes fill with tears again as I laid there. How could I be so stupid as to let him do this to me over and over? He was good, really good. His kisses were sweet as honey, personality was charming, and like I said he had a dick like heroin. No matter how much the needle hurts, you keep coming back for more. And that’s what I had done. I was addicted, but so was she.
We finally untied ourselves as the clock struck noon. I went to take a shower as he finished the breakfast he’d started hours ago. My hair curled around my face as we sat and ate in silence.
“You know what?”
“What you did. Where you were.”
“What do you mean?” He was trying to play dumb. “I was at the office, you know that I have a huge project I’m working on right now.”
“A huge project? What’s that? Fucking an intern, thrusting in her like it was your duty to please? Is she your project now Ian?”
“Fuck, Cait!” He said this in disbelief, of what, I’m not sure. Maybe the fact that I had actually said it or the maybe he was simply surprised that I knew. “I love you. Why would I need a project to find a new wife when I have the most perfect one sitting in front of me?” His voice was affirmative and he never missed a beat. I began to wonder if he felt anything at all.
I couldn’t hold the tears anymore and they rushed out of me like a stream falling into a puddle that was pooling on the table. My sobs jumbled my words, but I didn’t need to speak. He knew. I ran into the bedroom, jerking the suitcase from the top shelf of the closet. I don’t even remember the words I was screaming at him as I shoved my belongings into the spaces of the luggage. He didn’t say a word. Not one sound came from his mouth. He just stood there still naked from the sex that consumed us and it took all I had not to look at him because I knew one glance and I’d stop. He knew it too. He knew I loved him and he waited until it was just tears that he could see and he grabbed me.
“Stop! Just stop. You don’t want this. We can work it out. Please Cait. Don’t.” His sentence trailed off as I could hear the shakiness in his voice, but he never cried. I did stop, but with the last ounce of strength I had in me, I resisted my natural urge to turn and kiss him. When I pulled from his arms, he knew we were done. I had never resisted the chance to kiss him. Not even in the moments where I hated him most did I resist the urge to kiss this beautiful man that stood behind me, but I did today. I threw the bag onto my shoulder and finally faced him. I could tell I was sinking back into his trap, so I ran. I ran out of the room, out the door, and went to the car. He flew after me, yelling my name with his thing flopping in the air. I drove away, fast as I could possibly make my little Ford Focus go and I left him. In the middle of Second Avenue, I left him.
Finally, I got out of sight so that I wouldn’t turn around and jump into his arms and I pulled over. My eyes blurred making driving impossible and I just broke. I felt my heart shatter and I could feel the pieces dissolve into nothingness, never to be repaired again. He was my everything. I had given up my friends, my family, my school, everything, for him. Still sobbing uncontrollably, I dialed the phone.
“Caitlyn? Are you okay? Caitlyn?”
“No, Mom, I’m not okay.”
“What happened? Are you hurt?”
“Ian.” Her voice became fierce with anger. She already didn’t like this man who stole her child’s innocence and now, now he had hurt her. “Where are you? I’m coming.”
I gave her my location and hung up the phone. I knew she’d be here within minutes, as the speed limit was never her thing, so I took those precious moments to gather myself. I knew she’d want to know the unusual who, what, when, and where and I needed to have proper answers to these questions to avoid adding length to an already unavoidable lecture. I grabbed a napkin from the glove box and dried my tears. I quickly braided my hair to the side to seem as though I was more put together than I actually was. I looped the elastic one last time and saw her headlights. I shut off my engine and grabbed my bag. Someone would be back for my car in the morning and I moved quietly into the passenger seat. She immediately started.
Who? Ian. What? Another girl. When? Last night. Where? Her house. Short, sweet, and to the point. Sufficient answers, but she questioned the what.
“Another girl? Cait, who was it?”
“Iris.” I choked out the name, but it left more than a bad taste as I hissed out the last syllable.
“Oh baby. Iris? The prom queen from Roadale High?” She barely remembers my dork of a brother’s name, but boy does she remember the prom queen. My mom was all about popular people and being known for being the best. I guess that’s why she never cried when I stopped calling every day. I was never the best at anything, except attracting the wrong type of guys and all I was doing today was proving her right. She went on and on about how Ian was totally wrong for me and that I would get over him and blah, blah, blah. She continued to talk, but I missed her words. I focused my attention on the trees outside. I tried counting them, but she was going too fast to be able to get an accurate number, so of course I thought about him. He had been mine since I was sixteen. Being twenty now, I had wasted four years of my life on that deadbeat of an asshole. And mom was right. I had given even my virginity to him and how many girls had he fucked? Well at least one I knew of and it could be hundreds more. He’s had four years of practice to get everything just right.
The garage door opened as we pulled into the driveway and in she went barely stopping before the wall became an obstacle she’d hit many times before. Like I said, slow was never an option for her. Silently, I just crawled from the car through the garage and up the stairs to my room. She hadn’t touched it. The walls still radiated the neon green, orange, and pink that my teen self found to be cool, but somehow those blinding colors were comforting and I closed the door behind me.
My suitcase still sat in the floor when I woke up the next morning and the smell of bacon in the air reminded me of yesterday and him, the sweetness of his kisses on my breast and the addiction of his dick filling me inside. Plus, the pain. The absolute heartbreak of seeing him standing there, and the tears came again. I was almost getting tired of the tears but I couldn't seem to make them stop when Jared opened the door.
“Breakfast is… Cait?”
“Go away.” Little brothers always stick their nose in places they don’t belong, but Jared was the worst. He had just turned thirteen and he knew how to push everyone’s buttons, but hey, what’s a teenage boy to do with his time when he’s the only child left in the house. My older sister, Kirra (mom’s favorite child), had moved out a year before me and was now married to Mr. Perfect with a baby on the way. She lived in California now and we only saw her on the holidays, but she would always be mom’s favorite. Her pageant awards and prom queen crown gained her the top spot in popular town and with mom. I tried to keep up with her success, but failed miserably and veered off of that path quicker than I drove down it. My brother's words brought me back from memory lane.
“Whose ass am I kicking today? Mr. Ian’s? You got it.” He left the door open as he casually walked down the stairs. I couldn't help but laugh at his smug attitude and that gave me just enough energy to get out of bed.
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