Reads: 553
Comments: 6

warm water splashes into sheridans face as her black hair falls over her the back of her neck clenzing her face with cream she gets ready to take a shower.

She feels that her gothic style  life has no use.

After her shower she wraps the warm cotton towl around her naked body.

she opens the closet door and picks out a red top and pulls  her tight skin into the arms of the shirt.

Her back shows through the lace in the back making a zig zag desighn.

she pulls on her blue panties and her black skinney jeans.

Then looks into the mirror to reveal her pierced eyebrow and lip.

her dull gray eyes shined in the moonlight.

the alarm rang 1 in the morning

this was the time of the vampires the time she feasted

she woke up this time every night but just to stop the feast

she did not eat mortals but inmortals

just to stop the the vampires when her window slowly opend with a creek

it was Tyson the minotaur

with the body of a bull that was so graceful he could sneak inside with out notice

his horns 2 feet tall shone brightly

he looked like he was going to kill.

But he loved Sheridan and would never hurt her or would he.

He catches his balance and walks forward  and  goes to strike her with his ax

The ax over his head he quickly drops it towards her

She gives one vampire great leap out of the way

Tysons hooves pound on the light brown wood floor

she dived for the door he has already blocked her

will she get out she doesnt know

When the centaur gallops in to save her

"DILLION YOUR HERE!" screames sheridan with her british accent

Dillion kicks tyson

and tyson yelps in pain the centaur and minotaur

battle it out for sheridans love

but she is confused Tyson attacked her so why is he fighting for her love

Well Tyson hates Dillion

so he tried to kill his own love to kill Dillion's soul

She never noticed that they hated echother they never showed

Tyson's black hair flowing as the breeze moves with the battle


Submitted: December 05, 2009

© Copyright 2022 daytona9683. All rights reserved.

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xxxGirlNextDoorxx

um, punctuation is good, other than that your story is very addicting. Ima read the next chapter now!

Wed, December 9th, 2009 12:02pm

Author
Reply

thank you please add me as a fan so i rember to keep you updated on my stories

Wed, December 9th, 2009 2:05pm

MiMa

well, to tell the honest truth...it was wicked confusing. i dont fancy a novel, with no periods of commas. its too confusing.
and you put a bit too much detail into the first part, when she was showering and getting dressed. not many people care to read about her clothing.
as far as the idea, it might need a bit of work, but i am only reading the first chapter.
just to let you know, the first chapter is the most important chapter of them all. it has to be catchy, and get the readers entrust right from the beginning, or you lose the read. im not trying to be rude, but this just didnt catch me. i wasnt as entrusted as i should be.
im sorry, i just didnt like it. :[

Thu, December 31st, 2009 12:46am

Author
Reply

Thats fine i dont mind thank for reading

Wed, December 30th, 2009 5:00pm

The illusionist

Very interesting. And not confusing at all

Sun, January 3rd, 2010 9:04pm

Author
Reply

cool and if you want i will keep you updated

Sun, January 3rd, 2010 1:29pm

Paranormal Activity

it was a littl confusing at first but i liked

Tue, January 5th, 2010 3:16am

Author
Reply

Cool good to know please read other i dont have many readers

Mon, January 4th, 2010 7:17pm

mommy3

Okay this was good you just need to polish on some of the grammar skills example commas and capitalization not trying to be mean just trying to help you out. Also if you need an example check some of my recent writings to look over. :D

Tue, January 5th, 2010 3:45am

Author
Reply

Okay im sorry thats the thing i fail in school and just chose not to use it

Mon, January 4th, 2010 7:47pm

ThinkTurquoise

I love this and i dont like using puncutation either but oh well good luck

Mon, January 11th, 2010 2:42am

Author
Reply

oh cool good to know cuz

Mon, January 11th, 2010 5:50pm

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