Chapter 1: Dear Diary: Abigail

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 629
Comments: 10

Dear Diary,
I know you don’t know me yet, but I have to start out with this because it just happened a couple minutes ago.  My gram confuses me.  One minute she cares about what I’m doing with my life, and the next she doesn’t want to know anything.  Tonight she started asking me what I wanted to do for college.  And then she started saying that I need to work harder and everything.  Sometimes its just hard for me to concentrate in school because everything is running through my mind.  My mom thinks its because of my boyfriend, but it’s because of her, and my dad.  They both drive me nuts.
About my boyfriend now.  I am in a serious relationship with a guy named Mason.  He is 17 years old, only 5 months older than me.  We have been dating for over nine months now, and it is going really well.  I know I’m in love with him, and I truly believe he is the one for me.  He isn’t like my other boyfriends.  He’s much different.  He really does care about me.  For some reason, sometimes, it overwhelms me.  When he thinks of anything and everything that could go wrong, and I never even realized that.  Don’t get me wrong though.  I enjoy that he looks out for me.  He is an amazing guy.  He is always sweet.  I always feel safe in his arms.  We can talk for hours and never run out of things to talk about.  He makes me feel protected and loved.  I love that about him.  The only small fault he has is an anger problem.  Do not jump to that though.  Mason has never once hit me, and I know he never will.  It’s just sometimes it is hard for me to understand how he freaks out so easily.  Small things throw him off.  I always think if he were in my situation he would be in huge trouble because he wouldn’t be able to handle it.  Some times I don’t think he realizes that though.  He’s often always talking about his problems with his parents, and I don’t get the chance to.  I do have the chance though, its just that I don’t want to because it upsets him a lot.  I don’t like making him mad at my parents.  
I can read Mason really easily, and so can he.  I can always see his emotion in his eyes, when others can not.  I think its because I love him and understand him so much.  There is times that I don’t want to tell him what’s bothering me also because I think he thinks I’m handling everything so well, when really, it’s killing me inside.  I’m just really good at acting like I’m ok, except when I just hold it in too long and everything blows up.  
My life seriously is a mess though.  I don’t want to bring up the past except for what I know is absolutely true.  Other people have told me these things also, so it can’t just be me.  The reason I only want to tell you what I know is true is because I don’t want to find out later that it wasn’t true.  I’ve told myself so many times that it never happened when I was younger, that even though I KNOW it’s true.  I don’t completely believe that it wasn’t just a dream.  
My parents have had a drinking problem since before I was born.  Then my little sister was born.  When I was six she was diagnosed with cancer.  She is three years younger than me.  When I was six, my childhood was gone.  I mean, I never knew a true normal life, but before six things were as good as they got for what I remember.  Then came hospital trips.  If you thought (those middle child kids, normal life ones) being a middle child was bad, you don’t know the half of it.  Everyone was stressed and over whelmed and it all came out on me, the suppose-to-be child.  It came out in verbal abuse, neglect, emotional abuse, and physical abuse.  
One thing I hate now is mom saying, “I raised you better than that.” when she didn’t raise me at all.  I understand my sister being the favorite, and me being forgotten, but there are parents out there that did not and do not abuse their kids if another is sick.  
When I was in elementary school, I talked to a school counselor.  I told him everything.  I remember once gram threatened to slap me if I told my mom something that she did to me.  I told him that and he had me call my mom there.  She told my dad and my dad talked to my gram.  This always just made gram even more mad at me, and treat me worse.  Really this counselor never helped me.  I also talked to a middle school counselor, and all he did was keep me company.  Once my sister passed away from a brain tumor at ten years old, when I was 13, he didn’t call me to his office anymore.  I think he thought that everything was fine after she was gone, except for the grieving.  
It turns out though, everything was not fine.  This was when everything went wrong.  When I found out my life was not normal.  When I saw my parents for who they were, and that was not them being real parents to me.  When I noticed everything I thought was ok, understandable, and deserved was not.  When I learned hot to really break, and that’s what happened; I finally cracked.  
I am really sorry.  I would continue, but giving you the whole story in one night would be boring, and I need to sleep.  Tomorrow I will continue to write to you and explain more, but my hand must rest.  Thank you for listening because to you I can say mostly everything.  Not because I know you won’t tell, but you are one that will listen and understand, without judgment, or interrupting and telling your own problems.  I’m not saying your problems don’t matter, or that mine are worse.  Mine will never be the worst story out there, and I don’t wish it to be.  I just want to be able to talk without feeling that my story is not important.  I’m sorry, you see up there, I was trying to say goodnight.  Now you know another thing about me; I talk on and on.  Goodnight now though.  We will talk again soon.  Thanks again!

Love, Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010.  11:50 pm
Abigail


Submitted: June 24, 2010

© Copyright 2020 DearDiaryWriter. All rights reserved.

Chapters

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:

Comments

vampirekisses101

Wow this is amazing Great job =)

Fri, June 25th, 2010 6:11am

Author
Reply

Thank you :) That means a lot!

Thu, June 24th, 2010 11:49pm

dantana

good job! even though it's kind of sad. but great job!

Fri, June 25th, 2010 9:54pm

Author
Reply

Thank you. I know its sad..

Sat, June 26th, 2010 12:10am

sweet angel

hey dear diary writer, i love ur idea... i mean who thinks about writing diaries? (xpt me) Great job! keep it up. n could i hope that you would take a look at my novel if u r free?:)

Sat, June 26th, 2010 3:54am

Author
Reply

I definitely will check out your novel! :) Thank you. :)

Sat, June 26th, 2010 12:12am

Brii Morris

Wow, no tonly was it a genious idea to write a diary, but it's very, very, very (did I say very?), well written!
Onto the next chapter... or diary entry.
;D

Sun, June 27th, 2010 12:37pm

Author
Reply

Wow! Thank you sooooo very much :) That means so much to me!

Sun, June 27th, 2010 6:00am

imagination101

GREAT IDEA!!! WRITE ON BROTHER!!!!! SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR SISTER!

Sun, June 27th, 2010 7:12pm

Author
Reply

Thank you :) That means a lot to me!

Sun, June 27th, 2010 12:37pm

nhejie

it was really brave of you to share this.. all i could say WOW.. and i'm sorry to hear about your sister. Just remember that everything has its reasons and I know you would overcome all of this..

Tue, June 29th, 2010 7:47am

Author
Reply

Thank you :) That really means a lot! :)

Tue, June 29th, 2010 4:55am

randomwriter

Hi1 This is really sad, but it's good writing! I found it interesting! I write stories in diary form too, you should come to my page and have a look!xx

Thu, July 1st, 2010 2:35am

Author
Reply

Will do :) It does get happier if you read on through the diary. Thanks though :)

Wed, June 30th, 2010 11:28pm

zainub ajmal

This is a really good idea, its kind off throwing it all out, really love the style so far.

Thu, July 1st, 2010 9:30am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much :)

Thu, July 1st, 2010 9:30am

Noyz

it was well written. i trully felt as if i was intruding on someone's diary. for the same reason, i found it a little hard to read, because i was being told a story insted of being given the chance to live it in my imagination. its hard to explain what i mean. to put it short, its a great piece of work, its simply not my style. keep doing what you do tho! as you can see by ur other comments, ther are plenty that love your style! i hope one day you have a best seller on ur hands! XD

Thu, July 1st, 2010 10:54am

Author
Reply

Wow!! Thank you :) That actually means a lot, and I really appreciate you being honest with me. I'm sorry that it isn't your style, but I'm so glad you took the time to read it, and comment. That's amazing! Thank you so much!

Thu, July 1st, 2010 9:31am

Noyz

also, if this is all true, i applaud your bravery and pray that life has taken a turn for the better for you! all of us have problems, things we wish hadnt happened, and very few have the guts to lay those problems out for others to view. you are a very inspiring person! :)

Thu, July 1st, 2010 10:56am

Author
Reply

I am going to keep that to everyone's imagination. I know a lot of people believe that it is non-fiction, and others believe it is fictional. I like to hear peoples ideas on it either way. It wouldn't feel right if everyone just started looking at it as if it's an actual diary, and there really isn't any good writing in there. I don't know if people would be so interested in it then. :) So it's up to everyone to believe what is true and what is not. For now, I will only know the true answer! :) Thank you though! :)

Thu, July 1st, 2010 9:37am

Other Content by DearDiaryWriter