Janey sat there for fifteen minutes, not moving an inch. The trauma was too much for her. Her entire life had fallen apart in a single week. She had nobody. Her mother was gone, and nothing was now going to change that. She could not go on any longer. Why would anybody want to live in this position? she thought to herself. The image of her mother's lifeless body was stuck in her head; Doris was lying there, in between the two cars, her head tilted back, motionless. Janey begged to God, over and over again, that it was a dream. But she knew that she was still awake. She had no hope. Her grandmother was gone. Her mother was gone. Her brother was gone. She had lost her two best friends through betrayal. There was nothing at all left in her life. She cried and screamed over and over again.
Marilyn then entered the room after fifteen minutes.
"Oh, Janey!" she cried, running up to her to give her a cuddle. Right now, Marilyn was the only person left in the world who cared for her.
"I'm so sorry", Marilyn told her.
"She's...dead", whispered a completely traumatised Janey. By saying it out loud, it became more realistic.
"Honey, your mother would have wanted you to be happy. I know it may take some time, but you will be happy again. I'll look after you until you're eighteen".
Janey thought about that for a moment.
"I don't want to stress you out, with your baby and everything", said Janey, with tears flowing down her cheeks.
"You won't bother me at all", said Marilyn, who was also crying her eyes out, "and besides, there's nowhere else for you to go. You don't want to go into one of those homes, do you?"
"I just can't believe she's gone!" cried Janey, "she was talking to me twenty minutes ago!"
Janey still hoped that this was a horrible nightmare. She knew it wasn't. Everything in her life was real, even though it didn't seem real.
"Listen to me, Janey", said Marilyn, "I promise nothing is going to happen to you. I'll make sure you have the happiest upbringing of all. Your mother would have wanted me to take you".
"But how can I be happy when she's gone?"
"She's not gone", replied Marilyn, "she's still in here, and whenever you start to miss her, just think of the memories that you both shared".
"Has Michael been told?"
"He'll be told in good time. Now, I think you should go up to your room, and I'll try and sort things out".
Janey slowly got up to go to her room for some rest.
"Do you believe in God?" she asked Marilyn.
"I do", whispered Marilyn, holding Janey's hand, "which is why I believe your mother will always be there, watching down on you, making sure that you're happy".
"So, she'll be waiting for me in Heaven?"
"Of course. Your mother was the best person I knew. She'll be waiting for you to arrive, and you'll be together forever again".
That somewhat made Janey feel slightly better, believing that maybe one day, she would be reunited with her mother again. On the other hand, she thought, why would God put her through this?
That gave Janey an idea. She wanted to be with her mother again. Whilst Marilyn answered the telephone, Janey snook into her mother's bedroom, where she found her father's gun from the war. It was only a tiny thing, but very, very lethal. She looked at it, and thought for a moment, "am I really going to do this?"
The thought of her mother kept running through her mind. She found a bullet, loaded the gun, and went into her bedroom, where she closed the door. She looked down into the barrel of the gun. It was pitch black. She knew that by pulling the trigger, her life would also end. She thought about the advantages and disadvantages of both. If she were to kill herself, she would end her suffering, and perhaps be reunited with her mother (and father), but that would also mean that there was a chance that she did not go to Heaven, and that there was nothing there, but darkness for eternity. She also thought, knowing that suicide was a sin, "would I go to Hell for this?"
The advantages of staying alive were that she would live her whole life, and maybe pick up the pieces, and start afresh, but she also knew that she would miss her mother like crazy, and she might not be able to cope without her. She knew that fine well.
Janey thought long and hard, and she had made her mind up, and that was to kill herself. She decided that, before she would pull the trigger, that she would think long and hard about the wonderful memories the had when she was a young child. She remembered running around in the fields with her mother and brother, and playing with her old friends, and she remembered the parties that she used to go to when the war had ended. She remembed very little about the war, since she was only a young child when it ended, so the vast majority of the memories in her life were positive. She remembered the walks down the river, and playing in the park. She had once went to Blackpool, which was an amazing experience for her.
Janey cried as she thought of those happy times, and now she knew that they had all come to an end. Her time had come. She knew that she was about to leave the world forever. Slowly, and carefully, Janey placed the gun inside her mouth. Then she thought, "I might survive it that way, or it might be very painful", so Janey changed the position of it. She moved the gun to her forehead, and decided that was the quickest way. She heard Marilyn's voice downstairs.
"Janey! Janey!" cried Marilyn, running up the stairs.
Janey knew she had to hurry. She prepared herself to do it. Then, Marilyn opened the bedroom door. At that moment, it seemed like time itself slowed down. Marilyn froze when she saw the gun pointing at Janey's head.
"No!" cried Marilyn, running towards her to try to grab the gun. But it was too late. The shot was fired, and the bullet was lodged in Janey's brain. Marilyn screamed and screamed as Janey fell back on to her bed, not moving a muscle.
To Marilyn's surprise, Janey had actually survived the suicide attempt, but she was still unconscious. An ambulance took Janey to the hospital, and Marilyn got in the ambulance with her.
"Are you her mother?" asked the paramedic.
"I'm her legal guardian now", said Marilyn, shaking, "is she going to be alright?"
"I'm afraid to say, it looks bleak for her", replied the paramedic.
"Oh, God, no!" cried Marilyn, falling to the floor of the ambulance, "no!" she screamed.
"Miss", said the paramedic, "it's not over for her yet. She still has time".
"Why did you do it, Janey? Why?" cried Marilyn.
At the hospital, after a long wait, Marilyn was informed of the news.
"Her condition is stable", said a doctor, "Janey has fallen into a very deep coma. It is unlikely that she will ever emerge from it, but since you're her only guardian, you have been given the choice of turning the life support machine off or leaving it on.
Marilyn looked through the window. She saw Janey's seemingly lifeless body in the hospital bed. There were tubes inside her all over.
"I'm never going to turn it off", said Marilyn, "Janey might wake up one day".
© Copyright 2017 declan mckimm. All rights reserved.
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