YEAH...I'M Monica...

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

its about a teenage girl whose going through's about how she is dealing with everything and just about her, her family, friends and love life... she also curses alot...

Chapter 1 (v.1) - YEAH...I'M Monica...

Submitted: May 07, 2009

Reads: 641

Comments: 3

A A A | A A A

Submitted: May 07, 2009



April 15 2oo9, April 17 2oo9, April 21 2oo9, April 22 2009, April 23 2oo9, April 24 2oo9, April 29, 2oo9, May 1, 2oo9


Jenna and I stood outside the pizza place waiting for Michael to show up, he was already twenty minutes late and I was starting to get pissed off. Michael was supposed to be our ride to Ashleigh’s house, we have no way there without him and the jerk knows it.

“Did you realize that the traffic light has stayed on red for the last fifteen minutes, is that normal?” Jenny asked. She looked amazing and freezing, it was cold outside, like coat cold and it was the middle of June. Figures. 

“I realized it too and it has been annoying the hell out of me” I was seriously pissed off and the light was only adding to it. I hadn’t really wanted to go to Ashleigh’s party to begin with and the whole drama with Anthony and Alan who were messing with Karen and Andy was like way too much for me to handle tonight, Molly isn’t even here anymore for me to talk to …. I shook that last thought out of my head, but of course I’m going because I am a good friend and Ashleigh said she needs me so here I am waiting for the dumbass Michael to show up, he is Ashleigh’s older brother and volunteered to get us so he really should’ve been on time.

A honking car coming up the block distracted me from the murderous thoughts I was aiming toward Michael and Ashleigh and everyone I knew in general.

“Awesome!  That’s him, finally” Jenna was practically jumping up and down, I looked down trying to hide as I smiled out of bemusement when I noticed her bare legs she wasn’t wearing any legging. No wonder she was freezing her ass off.


“Come on in already,” Michael stuck his dark head out the window and waved us in “hurry up”

Jenna loaded herself into the back seat leaving me riding shotgun. Oh joy, not.

Michael was
 dressed as if he was going to a garage with jeans and a t-shirt that was covered in car oil stains and the saddest thing is he looked really hot which I have to admit annoyed the hell out of me as well. Everything was annoying me. Nothing was not annoying me.

We drove for a couple of minutes in relative silence, Jenna was texting, I was sulking and he was…well he was driving. Then I saw a guy walking by in short shorts and knee highs which I found hysterical only god knows why. I couldn’t help it I started laughing uncontrollably and after a coupe seconds so were Michael and Jenna though I have no idea what they were laughing at.

“I- I need to pull over” Michael gasped in-between laughter. Jenna was crying she was laughing so hard. I couldn’t even think properly, this was my outlet I guess for all the frustration I have been going through lately, Molly dying, Marc leaving, Andy stealing and wrecking that car and Dad having his breakdown, Mom preoccupied with her own issues not to mention all the crap with Ashleigh and Lisa and Rube… I guess I am having a meltdown now. Wow I thought it would be different, I really did.

After we all calmed down Michael pulled out of the service road and back onto Route 13. We were all calmer and chilled out now. It was good.

“You’re here! Thank god” Ashleigh ran over to the car and bounced up and down, she looked like an anxious fairy in her green sundress, entirely the opposite of the way I expected her to look considering the reason for the party.

“Ash Ash! Hey Hun, what’s up?” Jenna ran up to Ashleigh and hugged her. They bounced together.

Ashleigh backed up to check out Jenna’s outfit, she was wearing a short jean skirt with a hot off the shoulder orange top, she looked amazing as usual.

“Stun-ning!” and they laughed. Next Ash walked over and hugged me to; she went on her tip-toes to whisper in my ear

“I am so glad you are here, I really need you now. Thanks.” I hugged her back and told her that I would never leave her when she needed me. We smiled at each other and I caught a sad glimmer in her eyes and then a flash of… fear? It took everything in me not to tear apart Jason Kempten right then and there.

In the next second she turned back into the anxious fairy and grabbed Jenna and Michael pulling them inside. Michael looked back at me as he was led inside; I realized he must have picked up on something. Then I shook my head there was no possible way he was that observant, I mean he is Michael for god’s sake.

Then I heard Jenna yell for me.

“Coming!” I yelled back and braced myself; the best was yet to come. Crap.

I walked into the house slowly dreading the ordeal I was facing; I would rather have been on trial with Andy for auto theft. I walked into the living room and was faced with the oddest assortment of people I have ever seen; a whole stack of Ashleigh’s cheerleader type friends and Jason Kempten’s a.k.a Jackass’ loser rocker friends and Dylan Rorer the resident Badass was present  too I wonder why that is?. I smiled for the first time; this was definitely going to be interesting.

Julianne Jordan stood in the center of the room and was talking loud and fast about something that I am pretty sure no one really understood but she was still the center of attention, she was standing close to James Fremont. I sat down on one of the corner chairs waiting to see when Ash decided to finally confront Jason about the infidelity and weed he was sneaking around with. The jackass has been messing with her for almost a year, I still don’t understand what attracted her to him  in the first place two years ago, to begin with they are complete opposites  and from two different worlds: Cheer land and a bad Metallica wannabe tour world.  I scanned the room for Jason but didn’t see him he was probably outside on the phone again.

“Well there you are Monica! We were looking for the resident Haverfield Bitch” Dallas Milberg, a jock friend of Ashleigh called over to me. Despite the fact that I and Ash have been friends since the third grade I have never fit into her clique and as a matter of fact they hate me, refer to me as The Bitch, I am not the whole school spirit type of girl as a matter of fact I am a feminist and dislike the stereotypes brought on my Cheerleaders. I also don’t have my own clique I have random friends everywhere. I am only here today because if there is a problem she knows I have her back even if things get physical. We both hope it won’t come to that.

“Yeah I am here what do you want Shorty?” I am three inches taller than him and love to remind him of it. He shouldn’t mess with me I am not up for it. Ever.

“Ha-ha Monica, seriously I’m surprised you’re here you never are one for parties” he looked pissed and malicious obviously he wasn’t planning on leaving me alone anytime soon. I narrowed my eyes at him I was so not in the mood for this crap especially not today with what was going to happen. Just as I was about to hand him his ass Dylan stepped directly in front of me blocking my view of Dallas

“Hey man lay off of her now alright” he sounded authoritive which I found funny since he sort of reminded me of Principal Gerard even in his torn up leather jacket  and chains.  Dallas sized Dylan up and obviously found something worth considering by the sound of his resignation

“Fine whatever man” and he walked away.

Then Dylan turned to me, we never technically met but I heard enough about him, he was tall and rugged looking with long dark hair and a fighting look in his eyes.

“So you must be Monica Griffin The Bitch” he smiled down at me, he had perfect white teeth. Wow was he hot, hotter than any guy I had ever seen in real life, even Damien.

“The one and only. You’re Dylan Rorer The Badass” I smiled back at him. We both really didn’t belong here but I knew why I was here and I couldn’t help but be curious about why he was here. He gave me a long look at that like he was thinking about something, which I found as a pleasant surprise considering that most guys I met barely thought about they were doing yet alone an actual stream of them. I continued to smile blandly at him waiting for a response.

“Well what a pair we would make the Bitch and the Badass maybe we should hang out sometime, start a band” he was giving me the hottest look I had ever been on the receiving end of and I was about to answer when Michael decided to show up next to us

“Hey Nica do you know what this is about I thought that I was just picking you guys up and coming home while you all hung out no one said it was going to be a party” he was grinning at me completely oblivious to the fact that he interrupted a conversation, then he turned to Dylan

“Hey man what’s up! I haven’t seen you in awhile” then he looked at both of us “I didn’t know you and Monica know each other” Dylan gave him a punch as greeting and told him easily that this was our first meeting. Michael pulled out a seat next to us. Perfect.

“Mike I am actually here to see you and Ashleigh told me it was okay to wait for you here, I wanted to know if you wanted to hang by  Jamie’s” Michael looked mildly interested in the idea which I found interesting since he never seems to want to just “hang” anywhere. Michael started strumming his hand on the table in a thoughtful manner

“Is Marie gonna be there? I really want to see her” I rolled my eyes how come every time guys talk to each other a girl or girls in plural come up? It is sickening. I guess Michael caught my expression and figured what I was thinking because he laughed

“Calm your hormones Nica, Marie is Kowalski’s baby sister she is only 9 and has been staying with her aunt for the last year, I used to give her guitar lessons” I flushed a little bit.

“well that’s good ‘cuz I was thinking the worst of you males” I injected enough humor in the last word to get away with it” 

Before they had a chance to respond Ash walked to the center of the room and I saw her scan for me and Jason who was on the other side of the room chatting up Lois Ambridge. I heard Dylan say in a low voice that this doesn’t look good and with one look at Ashleigh’s face I knew that he was right, she looked fit to kill. Something must have just happened.

“I would like to ask everyone something” her voice rang out clear and everyone gave her their full attention.

“I would like to ask every girl in this room if you have slept with my boyfriend and I would like to ask all the guys how long they have known about it and why no one ever said anything” her statement was met with dead silence and astonished looks, but she stood there proud and unflinching whereas Jason just looked shocked and angry.


“What the hell?”

“oh my god”

That was the chorus in the room when everyone regained their senses. I had stood up ready to be there for Ash if needed and Michael and Dylan had stood up too. In fact Michael looked really concerned; I don’t think that Ash had intended him to be there when she made her announcement. I kept my eyes on Jason though, watching the reactions playing across his features, shock, mortification, anger and then finally rage, he looked murderous and what disgusted me the most thought was that he showed no signs of regret, he just found out that his girlfriend {whom he supposedly loved} knew he was cheating and he showed no sign of concern over the state of their relationship. I walked over to Ash and stood close to her just in case she needed support, and then I heard people crying and scanned the room, a good portion of the females in the room were crying. Either they had all dealt with cheating boyfriends or some of them had slept with Jason. I shook my head trying to clear the thought, it wasn’t a fair one.

But I understood now why Ash had made such a big deal about me coming; she wasn’t sure which of her girlfriends themselves had slept with her boyfriend. I found that probably the saddest thing I ever heard of yet alone experienced. After a few moments of confusion Jason attacked, he stormed directly at Ash and got right up in her face and started roaring about being betrayed and humiliated he even had the nerve to look wounded and claim to be falsely accused. Ash was freakishly quiet and since I stood behind her I had no view of her face but I had a good idea of what it looked like, sad and pissed but trying to put on a brave face. Michael was eyeing Jason in a way that made me uncomfortable he looked ready to attack at the slightest provocation, and I admired him for it since I had the same feeling. This wasn’t the first time I thanked god for my height and strength, since I was ready to get in Jason’s face to, I was actually hoping for the opportunity to punch his face in.

Then- Jason did the stupidest thing of his life. He grabbed Ash by the arms and shook her. Hard.

She flinched before he even got a hold of her.

I acted before I could think I grabbed him by his collar and yanked with all the strength in me, he went flying backward into Dallas and Greg, one of his band mates, then Michael grabbed him and I didn’t stay around long enough to see what will happen next because I hauled a shaking Ash to her room upstairs and sat her down.

“Are you okay?”I knew she wasn’t but I needed to ask her. She nodded but shakily.

“I have a weird question to ask you, I realized that you flinched when he lifted his hands, has he ever hit you before?” I kept my voice low not wanting to startle her, I had never even considered the possibility before but something about her reaction alarmed me.  What she did next did nothing to lower my suspicion, she started bawling.

“I wanted to break up in front of a group so he couldn’t” in between sobs she gasped out “I couldn’t do it if we were alone he would…”

I closed my eyes because I was seeing red, I am not Ashleigh’s best friend or even hang out with her on a day to day basis but I cared about her and I would never have let him hurt her just as I know she would never let anything like that happen to me if she could prevent it. I wanted to kill Jason and then I wanted to kill her so-called-friends for not being there for her. I was loathe to leave her alone but I wanted to get my hands on Jason again, I fully admit to being a violent person I have enjoyed taking  pro kickboxing  lessons for years now and now I wanted to use those skills now, badly. I ran downstairs just in time to catch the ending of Michaels thrashing of Jason. I was happy that someone gave it to that prick but I was a little disappointed that it wasn’t me. Jason’s five friends packed him into their car while pressing an ice pack to his swollen face. The rest of the people left there totaled 6 including Dylan and excluding Michael who was washing blood off his hands ,were left in an uproar after everything, not one of them asked where Ash was except for Jenna  who had taken me over with her upstairs. I looked at the assembly of losers in the living room and something in me snapped I never have been able to reign in my temper. So I lost it.

“You stupid self centered assholes! How dare you fucking idiots not give a damn about one of your friends” I stopped for a second and glared at them all, and then I realized that three out of the four girls here had all cried after she asked who had slept with Jason and whatever control I might have been able to grasp onto slipped away. I turned my attention to the girls, Julianne Jordan, Kayla Fountaina, Sam Washington and Hilary Mason.

“You slutty bitches I would bet on the fact that each of you at one point or another had hooked up with Jason behind Ashleigh’s back. How dare you all stay here and pretend to be her friends and I would also go so far as to say you fucking assholes knew that Jason was hurting her and doing drugs and did nothing about it!” I was yelling and breathing fire, I just didn’t care what these people thought of me personally I was crazy over what happened. I had known something was going to happen I just had no idea what it was going to be and now that I found out that my friend was a victim of domestic abuse I could barely handle it, this was the last thing I had expected, that there was the possibility that Jason might get violent? Yes, she had hinted as much to me on the phone I just didn’t know that he had done it before… I should have though.

“Calm down Monica” someone put a hand on my shoulder I whipped around to see that it was Dylan he must have witnessed the whole thing, I hadn’t even been aware that he was still in the room.

I took a deep breath and sent one more glare at the crowd before I joined Michael in the kitchen. I heard them talking about me as I left, and by the way all the girls averted their eyes so I assumed what I said was right. I grabbed the ends of my long auburn hair and tugged out of frustration. Then I went upstairs to check on Ashleigh and Jenna, I found them huddled on the bed both of their mascaras running, but other than that Ash looked better than she did when I left her.

“Ash I think I am going to have Michael take me home now, do you think you are going to be okay? I’ll be here tomorrow and I will call you tonight. I just need to get go okay?” they both nodded at me and Ash even got up to hug me.

I ran downstairs to find Michael; he was still sitting in the kitchen.

“Michael can you take me home now? Please” he looked up but Dylan answered before him

“I’ll take you home it’s not a problem” he already rose to get his keys but Michael spoke up

“No it’s alright I want to take her home, I need to talk to her anyway” he got up and grabbed his jacket

It doesn’t make a difference to me either way just so long as I got out of there. We walked to the car in silence our sneakers making a grating noise on the pebbles in the walk way.

When we were well on the highway he began to speak and I sure as hell didn’t want to hear what he had to say because I knew it wasn’t going to be good.

“I had had been thinking for awhile that something wasn’t right you know” he started off with quietly

“so why didn’t you do anything”

“I had no way to prove it and she never complained, she just started wearing long sleeve shirts…and I just didn’t know for sure”

“I’m sorry” there was nothing else for me to say, I knew it hurt him that he hadn’t done anything before that for his kid sister.

“I want to tell you Monica because I think you of all people would understand what I mean, what I am trying to get at.” And oddly enough I did.

“listen Michael…. I know what you mean and I also wish I had figured out what was going on before now” We hit a red light and he turned and stared at me and suddenly I felt very self conscious, I wondered what I looked like to him whether or not my long hair fell the right way or that my big green eyes looked attractive, which was the weirdest thing t since that was the last thing that should have been going through my mind especially when it came to Michael.

“We are almost at your house”



When I got into the house the first thing that I noticed was the smell, it smelled like cooked onions or some other crap, what the hell? No one has touched the stove or anything else in the kitchen in months. I walked over to the living room and found Andy sprawled on the couch looking as if he hadn’t moved in hours, and knowing him after the accident he probably hasn’t. He picked up his head a little and looked back at me

“Where were you? I have been waiting for you for hours” there was an edge in his voice as if he expected me to be there for him no matter what. Since when has he thought that?

“I was at a friend’s. Why does it smell like onions? Has someone been cooking?” I tried not to sound hopeful, but the idea of mom or dad cooking again could mean a lot of things and I was focusing on the good.

“Naa ma ordered some crap from some new place and it was like gunk and oil smells like old onions. It’s in the kitchen” he drawled not looking away from the T.V.  The edge gone.

I sighed, figures. Heaving my bag over my shoulder I ran upstairs and slammed into my room. On the other side of the door I took a deep breath and looked around my room drawing comfort from the familiar haven. My room is painted a dark red and is papered with pictures of AC/DC and 3 Days Grace as well as 3 Doors Down and photos of me and my friends over the last two or three years, the bed had a black comforter and a ton of colored throw pillows and blankets. And the best part of my room is my laptop and iHome, constant music, always. I crashed down onto my bed and hit my remote Wake Up by Three Days Grace began blasting, which couldn’t have been more perfect, I dragged my pillow over my face and breathed in. I stayed like that for a long time, really long time.

The next couple of days went by without much of anything going on; it was probably the most uneventful week of my life. It was the best. On Monday I had an English test that I actually secretly enjoyed and the rest of the week was filled with random quizzes and assignments and blessedly no social life. Friday morning began just like all the others until Heather Spinally decided that I wasn’t happy being home and started to harass me.

“Nika! I know that you haven’t gotten laid ever and I think that it is time finally!” I turned bright red, at least I think I did, I have no idea how Heather knows I’m a virgin but I have a good idea how she found out, Damien has never been known to keep his mouth shut.

“Don’t look so shocked!” she laughed, must’ve been something in my expression “come out with me tonight there’s a party” I felt panic rise, how the hell am I going to get out of this one? When Heather gets something into her head it is near impossible to derail her and a party was the last thing I wanted to do tonight or any other night.

“Listen Heather I would love to party tonight, but it sucks ‘cuz I can’t go, my cousin James is coming into town from New York tonight and I got to pick him up from the airport.” I rolled my eyes for effect praying that she bought it, my cousin James wasn’t coming until next month.

“Really I’ll come with you then and we can hit the party afterwards” Fuck, she didn’t buy it. I have always like Heather; she was a good friend even though we aren’t the closest people, but she was annoying at times, times like this.

“Umm maybe not because well…you got me I am just not into it alright?” I just gave in I couldn’t think of any other excuse to give her and besides I rationalized what am I scared of? What is she going to do anyway? She gave me a triumphant grin her dimples flashing as if she was just proved right.

“Ha Ha child I thought so! Great so I’ll pick you up at 8?” she ran off before I was able to tell her that there was no way in hell that I was actually going. Oh well she was going to find out tonight when I refuse to go, I shrugged and grinned to myself and walked down the hallway to Spanish class.

That night when Heather showed up with Damien at  my doorstep I was fully decked out in flannel pajama pants and a tank with my hair a mess and running down my back with pieces sticking out in every which direction, in other  words I looked exactly like someone planning on a night in. Heather and Damien on the other hand looked as if they were rockers heading out to the red carpet; she was decked out in a short black jean skirt and tiny off the shoulder top with a hot cap and strappy sandals that showed off her great legs and Damien looked too hot for words in ripped jeans and a leather jacket, his longer hair making him look brooding and bringing out his godly feature…wow is he hot. I blinked twice and smiled at them.

“Hey Hottie! I like your style as comfortable as you can get. Let’s go!” she grabbed my arm and made to tug me out the door.  Andy yelled from the place he parked on the couch

“Shut the hell up! I am watching Supernatural”

“Sure” Damien yelled back and grinned at me.

“As hot as you look right now Monica I’ve got to ask you to change, the only guy I want to know  how you look when you go to sleep is me” Damien shot me another killer smile to escort his flirting home. I have known Damien Willis since we were in diapers and we had a “Thing” going for awhile, he is undeniably hot and I love him to death just not in that way anymore. He is probably one of my best friends.

“I will only come if you guys promise that when I get drunk, and I want to get drunk tonight, that I will be escorted to my bedroom at the end of the night with no more piercings or any tattoos okay? Is that understood?” I waited for them to nod which they did earnestly and I ran to my room. I pulled on short black dress, red leggings with black roses laced on and high heeled boots and ran a brush through my hair and took five minutes to apply light eye liner.

“Damn girl, you’re really hot!” Heather did a double take; she is always shocked when I dress up since I look frumpy and casual all the time.

“SEXY! Where the hell have you been?!” Damien stood up and scanned me from head to toe.

“Are you guys ready to leave yet? If not shut up” Andy still hadn’t looked up from the T.V. it was getting pathetic already, he’s fucked up big time and aside from the legal troubles now he got out scot free from the family and still had the nerve to treat himself like a victim.  We didn’t even answer him we just left.

The party was a disaster. I am standing in Horse’s Stable, the new club that just opened and I was having the worst time of my life, losers kept on buying me drinks and I couldn’t find my friends anywhere. I am stuck talking to this stoned looking dude and trying to follow what he was saying when I hear Rube Cameroon scream, I knew it was her no one else can sound like that, I swerved my head around and caught sight of her jump on some guy’s back. I grimaced a little to myself; if Rube was here it meant that so is Karen who is attached to the twins, Alan and Anthony. The twins have been giving my family a hard time over Marc leaving us after the accident, Karen and Andy had been dating before it and she was the main cause of the tension between our families, she convinced Alan that Andy had forced Marc to intimidate her into staying with him, which was in no way true since my brothers had never ever been in real speaking terms so Marc would never have done anything like that for Andy.

“Little Nica, how’s your big brother doing” came a snide voice from behind me. Fuck they are here.

Alan stood not two feet away with his arm hooked over Karen’s back; she looked like an angry goddess. The bitch. I looked at them trying to keep my expression bored, I was hoping that they would move on without making a scene. I don’t really know them personally so I have no idea which way they are leaning.

“Well don’t you look preetttyyy!! HAHA”  Anthony was clearly drunk, he was a little green and he was leaning on Karen for  support purposes nothing else. He had an overfilled drink sloshing in his hand and he was swaying out of rhythm to the beat. He looked up and down at me in weird looking leer, it sent  pure disgust rolling in me. Karen just glared. What the hell was her issue? I know that no one threatened her she has no freakin reason to look so angry, she lied for god’s sake.

“What do you want.” I decided to take the direct route in dealing with them. From the three of them the only real threat was Alan so I kept his gaze trying to silently warn him off. He unhooked from Karen and walked up to me until he was really close and slid his hand onto the bar near mine.

“Nothing at all, just saying a friendly hey. What do you think we’re doing” his voice grated he is almost as good at seeming sincere while being sarcastic as I am . Almost.

“Oh right then Alan, I have been dreaming of you saying a friendly hi to me for a long time” I injected enough sweetness and surprise for him to blink at me in shock, then I saw comprehension dawn and he looked at me admiringly, he was smart he had just realized I wasn’t  some pathetic little girl. I’m not so sure how good of a thing that is.  Just then the D.J. announced a new Flo rida song and the air became electrified and we still held eye contact , it was sort of like a battle. The type you find in every pathetic psycho warfare novel.

“Monica is he bothering you” a strong male voice broke the weirdness. I turned around to see Dylan Rorer standing behind me, he was looking at the whole scenario with concern. I wondered how all of us looked? Ready for war or like I was being bullied by a drunk, a hostile girlfriend and an oversized bully?

“It’s alright, they were just saying a friendly hi before leaving right?” I turned to look at Alan and then Karen, both were sizing up Dylan but Karen’s gaze held a little more interest than hostility and I felt a flash of keen dislike for the girl, who the hell does she think she is?

Dylan grabbed my hand to my extreme shock and drew really close to me as if he was laying a claim and forcing them to back off, which as much as I really should appreciate it, annoyed me, he doesn’t know me well enough to act like that and besides I was doing perfectly well without him. The  troubled trio glared at me once and then made their way over to the other end if the club.

“Are you okay, it looked like they had it out for you especially the sober guy he looked ready to kill” Dylan was checking me out, how weird were guys?

“I’m fine I was handling it, they aren’t too keen on the Hopeson siblings and in case you didn’t know my last name is Hopeson” I smiled at him, he really was hot. I tried not to laugh at my own shallowness, had anyone else done what he did I would have chewed them out for not letting me handle myself.

“Well I had said we should hang out and here we are, so you want to dance?” he sent me one of those lethal smiles that were basically kryptonite to me.

“Definitely! Are you any good”

“yeah I am, You?”

“Well I’m passable” I am the best dancer in 29 states according to the last five competitions I’ve been in. As we made our way to the dance floor I caught sight of Damien and some chick that looked as if she was hitting on him. I shook my head we can’t take him anywhere, it’s not fair to all the girls he’ll encounter. 

We started dancing, feeling each other out at first and then picking up the speed with the songs, he was really amazing I had to work to keep up. We danced for a long time both of us getting sweaty and thirsty but having too much fun to stop. Finally the spinner took a break and we ran to the bar

“what do you want?” he asked me

“Just Sprite I don’t really want to drink anymore” he nodded and then got the same for himself. We grabbed a table at the corner of the by the door
“Hey I just realized something! Where are the people you came with?” I looked at him in confusion I hadn’t even seen him so much as nod at anyone since we started hanging out.

“I came with two of my friends but they both left a couple of minutes ago I saw them leave”

“so how are you going to get home, do you have a ride?”

“no I was their ride here I guess they found another one” I looked at him trying to figure out if he was pissed that they left without him but he looked perfectly chilled, I would have been confused at least if my friends just left without telling me anything. But whatever , to each his own I guess.

“Who are you here with?” he looked at me with interest probably thinking that I came here with my “clique” I guess he thought he was going to find out where I’ve been hiding them.

“I came here with two of my friends also, the big guy in the leather jacket over there” he turned but his gaze went right passed Damien “the one with the longish hair surrounded by all the girls”

A look of surprise crossed his face as if the last person in the world he thought I had come here with was that guy. The guy being Damien.

“And the petite blond dancing crazy in the center of the floor” he caught sight of Heather and an identical look passed through his face. I drew some satisfaction at that, I get a kick out of people trying to figure me out.

“Those are actually the only people I had ruled out to begin with” He shook his head as if trying to process the info.

“And why is that?” I batted my eyelashes at him as a joke

“well because you don’t really seem they type  to hang with the party animals or “Cool Peeps” if you know what I mean, from the couple of times I’ve seen you around you’ve always seemed in your… I don’t know I just hadn’t pictured it” For some reason that sort of struck me, in two ways: he’d been looking around for me and second of all did I really seem as if I am all alone? But I decided not to harp on it.

I gave him a flirtatious look and said

“well I guess you don’t know me as well as you thought” We talked some more after that and then we got back on the dance floor, the night was amazing after that I had one of the best times. Damien took me home at around 3 a.m. because Heather had met up with some other friends and decided to stay at one of their houses.

Time went by slowly after that night, my dad checked into Greenbrae Mental Health Rehabilitation Center, he hasn’t been handling Marc leaving well, and from all of us Dad was the most affected. Dad and Marc were the closest ones in the family, they talked and went out together played football and that kind of crap, and they were both athletic . When he just upped and left Dad had a meltdown he felt betrayed I guess and as though the thought of being left alone with me, Andy and mom was just the worst thing, he cried a lot and went into a depression. I’ll never forgive Marc for doing that, how dare he think that he can just ditch the rest of us and not even tell Dad what he was planning and not having any contact with any of us, I have never been close to him as a matter of fact neither have mom or Andy, but still… What the hell? And Andy… well I don’t think he’s even moved in the last three weeks.

“Monica sweetie do me a favor, I am going away for the next week I have a couple of meetings in Europe coming up and I need you to check in on your father every so often and please make sure Andrew is ready for his trial, his lawyer Mr. Rorer will be in contact over the next couple of days, call me after the trial so I am aware of the outcome” I was only half listening to her but that last part of her sentence felt like a train hitting me

“YOU AREN’T GOING TO BE HERE FOR ANDY’S TRIAL?? How can you do that, your youngest son needs you this trial can freakin mean the worst future for him and you aren’t planning on being there?” I was shocked, frozen and horrified that this woman is my mother. She has always been work obsessed and distant but she has never been uncaring about our welfare, never not cared especially about something like this.

“Don’t look at me that way, no I am not going to be there, I have to be at this trip, whatever is going to happen will happen and I being there won’t change anything”

“what about support? Supporting your son who has his everything at stake” I looked at her incredulous

“Stop being so dramatic Monica, it’s not a good quality” she picked up her bags and left. Left just like that. What the fuck is going on with “family” I added quotation marks in my own head. How sad is that?

When I told Andy that Mom was on an important trip and wouldn’t be able to make it, he didn’t even blink.


“Are you Ms. Monica Hopeson, it’s very nice to meet you” Mr. Rorer was a nice looking guy in his late forties, in fact Dylan looked just like him plus a dangerous air, he looked perfectly like the stereo type of a successful lawyer.

“And how are you Andy?” Andy was slumped down in his chair lookingbored, as if he was in the school shrink’s office, he hadn’t even really gotten dressed to go, he was still in pajama pants for  fuck’s sake.

After getting no response Mr. Rorer sat down and skimmed through a couple files, when he finished he didn’t look happy.

“I’m going to give it to you straight, it doesn’t look good for you Andy” again no response but I could  tell that he was paying attention, thank god for that at least “ it’s clear that the accident was your fault you ran into a tree and the car wasn’t yours and there are witnesses claiming that you stole it in addition to the report the owner filed however in our favor there is the fact that you weren’t under the influence of anything but pure stupidity. I just want to know why you did it, it may help me find something to help you” I turned to look at Andy waiting for him to answer just as the lawyer did, I wanted to know why my formerly intelligent big brother did something so incredibly stupid and then shut down.

“Damn it Andy answer him” I couldn’t refrain I needed the answer too.  Instead of answering he got up and walked out of the office leaving me sitting  there looking like a dumbass. Perfect, just perfect. I felt an intense headache coming on, I’ve been getting them a lot lately. Mr. Rorer looked at me in concern and then when I made to leave he stopped me.

“Monica I really would like to talk to you” he looked serious so I sat back down

“Alright, what is it aside from what just happened”  the headache was picking up momentum.

“How old are you Monica?” what the hell is he asking that for?

“I’m turned seventeen two months ago”

“Where are your parents?” Again what the hell…

“My mom’s on a business trip and my Dad is taking some …umm…Vacation time off for his….health.” that didn’t sound too bad did it?

“I see, when does your mother plan on returning? How long before the trial?” how the fuck am I going to answer this one….that’s right I’m gonna lie

“A couple of days, I’m not exactly certain” wow the headache was pissed, damn.

“I am aware that your family is going through a lot, I truly am sorry about your aunt, but it doesn’t seem as if anyone is putting any seriousness into this. Your brother may very well do a serious amount of jail time”

“I understand.” There really wasn’t else for me to say, how was I supposed to defend my family when I wasn’t sure they deserved it? I got up and went home, because honestly what else was there to do.

The house was empty when I got there and for some reason I couldn’t handle it, couldn’t take it, all of it anymore, I felt anger and pain rising in me and I took a couple deep breaths to calm down but it hurt to breath, like something was twisting my chest and insides. Out of nowhere, I’m not even sure when I grabbed it, I threw the living room lamp at the wall and heard it crack then  the next thing I knew the matching bowl went crashing, next went the pillows and some bowls a couple glasses and then finally the family portrait hit the fan. I ran upstairs faster than I can ever remember running at slammed down on my iHome switch and hit the highest volume and another Three Days Grace song came on, this time it was Home, I still felt adrenaline pumping through me.

I’ll be Coming Home Just To Be Alone ‘Cuz I Know That You’re Not There And I Know That You Don’t Care”

“I FUCKING Want you to care!!” I screamed  over and over again yelling at people who weren’t there to listen

No Matter How Hard I Try Your Never Satisfied This Is NOT a Home I Think I’m Better Off Alone”

“ What the fuck do You want me to do? What the hell am I supposed to do! Why are you all leaving me, Molly  first then Marc now everyone else” I yelled and screamed and threw stuff I couldn’t stop, didn’t want to.

“Why the Fuck did Molly have to die!!!??? Why her damn it!! There were so many others! She fucking cared about me… She did I know she did!!” my throat was raw and painful my head was pounding and the song just went on and on replaying. Images of Molly flew into my head and I fell hitting my head on the edge of my desk but I barely felt the pain, I huddled in the floor and tears poured and poured I couldn’t make them stop, they wouldn’t stop.  I was no longer screaming, at least I thought I wasn’t screaming anymore, I wouldn’t even be sure I was crying if not for my face and arm getting wet.

 I’m not sure how long I stayed like that , it felt like years but it was probably only a half hour or so, after I calmed down I went into the bathroom and washed my face, I put my hair up and went downstairs to fix whatever I had did. I cleaned up the broken glass and plastic and ran to the store to pick up a new frame for the family portrait. When Andy got home everything looked the same as he left minus a vase and bowl or two, I was sitting on the coach reading  The Viscount Who Loved Me by Julia Quinn. He didn’t even look at me just fell onto the coach and turned on the TV and turned up the volume clearly telling me to take a hike, so I did. My room was the only evidence of what had happened earlier, if not for the jewelry scattered all over the  floor and the box being broken I wouldn’t have been able to tell if it had actually happened or had been a bad dream. When I slept that night it was dreamless.

“I am so sorry for your loss Monica I know how close you and your Aunt Molly were” Mr. Sandbridge  smiling at me sympathetically. Mr. Oliver Sandbridge and his family have been our neighbors for as long as I can remember and our families have always been good neighbors to the other and I appreciated his caring but the last thing I need right now is to talk about Molly’s death right now.

“Yes it is difficult, I wish I could stay and talk but I have to be somewhere now” I made my way down the street sighing in relief. I looked up at the sky and smiled; Molly would have laughed and called my narrow escape unoriginal yet effective. I shook my head and felt tears rising up so I bit my lip until I felt it go numb and continued walking downward no destination really in my mind. I pulled out my iPod and lost myself in the music, I ended up in the near abandoned part of Haversbridge, it was scary quiet when I took my headphones off it was perfect, I sat down right there in the middle of nowhere even though I knew that it wasn’t the smartest or safest thing to do. As I sat there I pulled out my cell and went through the old pictures and texts I refuse to delete, they were all of me and Molly. The first image was us making the weirdest faces at the camera and I could see the movie theater in the background, it was taken two weeks before her accident, we had decided on a girls’ day out and it had been amazing.  Most of the other photos were of the same day us just goofing around and having a great time as we always had. I felt a tear roll down my cheek and I wasn’t surprised, I’ve been crying a lot lately. Molly was my Dad’s little sister, she was Marc’s age though we were always the closest, she was my aunt, big sister, my best friend and when there was no one else my mother. I am lost and I can’t handle that she’s gone, how the fuck did one bad decision kill her? Why did she drive home with Jessica that night, everyone knew Jessica was buzzed… neither of them made it after they hit that tree. I was nearly a ball right there on the corner of Hemmer’s Lane between the abandon tracks silently crying.

“Monica is that you? Are you okay?” the next thing I knew was that Damien was standing in front of me with the most panicked expression I have ever seen on his face. I stood up and wiped my face off trying to make it seem as if everything wasn’t as bad as it looked.

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