Perfect is something that doesn’t exist. I hope eventually everyone realizes that. At one point, I thought my life was perfect. Even the small details. It was like I came from a stepford village, I wore all bright colors especially a navy blue. It was my favorite. My girlfriend was tall, blonde hair, with blue ocean eyes that scanned everything. She was our valedictorian, and she was extremely polite. My parents were happily married and we lived inside a large beach house that’s living room consisted of windows that overlooked the ocean. At night I would lay awake and just listen to the ocean, my room was extremely organized, nothing was ever out of place. Some people might have called our house a mansion. But I called it home…. At least until it started going downhill.
When I turned 18 my Mom ran off with some rich banker. She left my dad the house and me, which was nice to not have any papers to sign. But without her.. The house was vacant. My dad was often at clubs and began to bring home girls in there twenties who looked like possible prostitutes and smelled like it to. Since I was out of high school, I hadn’t talked to Sofia (my girlfriend) in almost a month. I assumed we were over. It was depressing, I wasn’t heart broken, but I felt a piece of me fade away like a stage light dimming on the main actor.
Most of my summer was spent sitting in my room writing my name (Landon) over everything in my room. I shaved away my long blonde hair at the end of summer and then the collage experience began. Within a week I dropped out. I was beginning to thin out. All my muscle was beginning to fade. I was extremely scrawny and I didn’t really eat much.
I went from being, tall, muscular with beautiful hair into a scrawny, dark clothed, tall child with vacant gray eyes. I turned into the emo posers I made fun of my whole high school career. But now I was heading into a whole new place with all new people. Sofia and I both live in Manhattan but she attends Brown and I attend Manhattan University. Eventually I plan on seeing her but Manhattan is so busy it’s like you could be in the same area and live completely separate lives. As I walk to school every day, the traffic rushes past me and often the rain pours on my head like a bucket of water, not drops falling from the sky. The downtown streets were filled with tons of sounds that I blocked out by my second week with my iphone. The speeding sound of cars, the clamoring footsteps of people passing, the sizzling inside the restaurants, multiple cell phones ringing and a constant hiss sound that seemed to hover over Manhattan at all times. My collage was small. The university was more like a small house than an actual university. It had around 11 classrooms with seven or eight people in each class. The only person I met that was actually friendly was Adam. Adam was friendly to everyone, but he had such a laid back attitude. While I would sulk, he would lean back in his chair and look at the ceiling and close his eyes as if there wasn’t a care in the world. Everyday the Geometry class would be the same thing. Come in, say hi to Adam, sit next to him, listen to the lesson and in fifteen minutes he would lean back and close his eyes. Every day I wondered what it would be like to be him. I never learned much from him except that he had one sister in middle school and that he lived with his mom in East Manhattan. He always spoke very philosophically. On a hot day in spring, I sat next to him and while he stared at the ceiling he began to murmur a word. Then a sentence.
“If you decided to jump off a cliff and kill yourself… would you go face first or face up?” Adam asked. His voice was a rather comforting deep toned one with a slight vibrate after every word. His speech was perfect, he didn’t hiss when he said something with an S unlike everyone else.
I shrugged and looked at him. He was in his favorite maroon hoodie with a pair of ripped blue jeans. His brown wavy hair fell back away from his face. He opened his always-wandering blue eyes and turned to me. “I don’t know. Facedown I guess. I would want to see how it ended.” I replied in a whisper. I tried to listen to the lesson and to listen to him but it was hard. He shrugged and looked up again and clasped his hands on the back of his head. He let out a large sigh. “I don’t know. I would rather just… fall back and enjoy the ride. See the finer things in life rather than predicting every little second. It seems to cliché. It’s what we’ve been doing our whole lives so why not do something different?” Adam asked in a serious but relaxed tone. I thought about it and without a spoken word I agreed and he seemed to receive the message and nodded.
When the last few weeks of collage approached I was wandering downtown Manhattan looking for a new library that just opened up. It was a busy road, I think it was 32nd street. But it had taxi’s piled as far as the road stretched and the shops were all for coffee and records. Finally at the end of the road I saw a sign for the new library on the sidewalk. People galloped around it like animals, giving it dirty looks because it interrupted their phone call or drinking their coffee. I walked closer and closer until finally, emerging from the library with a blastoff wind to accompany her was Sofia. Her blonde hair had grown waist length and she was wearing a pink skirt with a low cut loose tank top. It was patterned with different spots of paint, from green to a light tint of blue forming the shape of a heart in the center of the shirt. Her sunglasses were completely round and covered almost her whole face. She smiled and moved them up revealing her memorable eyes. “Landon?” she smiled. She galloped up to me, embracing me with a hug. Her small purse hit me in the back but I didn’t mind I just hugged back. “Hey Sofia, I miss you what’s up?” I asked. She seemed extremely excited to catch up with me. Her cell phone began to ring. “Hang on” she smiled as she held up one finger with painted acrylic nails. She pulled out her small razor phone and flipped it open in a girly fashion and pressed it against her skull. “Hello?” she asked. “Yea, I’m picking it up now. I’ll be over there in a little bit. Ok, bye sexy!” Sofia smiled. She closed her phone and looked at me. She sighed as we broke eye contact and I looked at the library up ahead. “Sorry, I have to go. But, I want to catch up. There’s a party next weekend to celebrate collage being finished for the year. You should come, what’s your number? I’ll text you directions” Sofia smiled. She had her phone ready and I was ready to decline. I opened my mouth to decline but I spewed out my number. I guess my heart took over. She hugged me goodbye and left. Maybe I wasn’t over her.
© Copyright 2017 Devon Jacob Huebner. All rights reserved.
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