Chapter 1: Hoarders and Other Sketches

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 410

Hoarder and Other Sketches

 

 

Copyright 2013 Alan Grimes

Published by Alan Grimes at Smashwords

 

Picture by Alan Grimes

 

 

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or

given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please

purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Introduction

 

Thanks for downloading my first collection of fiction. The book is divided into two parts, Part I is poetry, Part II is short fiction. Both parts are a mix of some old ones, some new ones, and some re edited for this book. They might seem strange or odd, well that’s on purpose. You will find some to be funny, or sad. Just pull through and you will be okay. I am not including a table of contents in this book as I feel the book should be read from start to finish, not picked and chosen. Sorry for the inconvenience (not really).

 

- Alan Grimes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

part I

 

poetry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

poem 111

 

 

prose write my prose

poems empty poems

tear my eye out

blind eye then?

 

bad guy

black sky

 

horrible, horrible lie!

dirty hands washed

empty heart filled

 

but leaky drips dry

such a horrible lie

stab my only eye

 

 

-alan grimes

 

 

 

 

 

 

eyes are not the same

 

I start to feel

my eyes are not the same

the clouds are dark

I wish you were here

 

the ashes are black

the sun is faded

my heart is cold

I am full of fear

 

everything has gone down

deep into the sea

I am afraid of fading away

 

I see the child of my soul

that lingering hope

is not real

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the bastion of light

succumbs to the evils of night

the one truth I once held so high

was nothing more than a lie

my eyes are not the same

 

  • alan grimes

 

 

 

angst #1

fix this valve

pumping full of doubt

plug the hole leaking

make it stop a'

squeakin

make it stop a'

killin

 

from the inside

it burns

a fire raging

everything tearing

 

empty light shine on me

let me escape

I long to be free

I see the exit up ahead

turn to go

but I stopped instead

today I long to see

open my eyes

and maybe

fill the empty

 

- alan grimes

 

 

hoarder

My things I lay around me

around me I build

around me I bury

I blow my nose with a tissue -I must keep it!

never know who'll need it!

I am a collector

I am a protector

Leave it there!

Don't throw it away

I'll need it someday!

My things have feelings

have hearts

they scream in pain

as others rip them in two

My house is full of precious things

the bathtub is full of others

the kitchen has no food -need more room for my stuff I have to save!

My collection grows and grows

no where to sleep

perhaps my car?

no, more room!

Ill put my candy wrappers there!

empty cans, trash pans

I need them all, love them all

No more room

yard is full

car won't move

boxes stacked through

What to do?

Where to keep?

Where to sleep?

I found a gum wrapper

stick in my pocket

I look around -something shiny!

A bag of marbles, perfect timing!

I'll take them -oh no!

Where do I put them!

Every room is full

near its seams

My stomach growls

hungry, stomach empty

empty -empty!

I swallow 20 marbles

one by one

 

 

As I gulp the last one

I begin to choke

grab my neck

fall to the ground

stop breathing

and become another piece

in my junk collection

 

-alan grimes 

 

 

 

deadness

dead is the noise from deep inside

groaning, yelling, moaning

dead is the sound from the sky

the flashing lights, soon die

dead is the feeling on the outside

pulsating head, turn inside out

pound with fists, no more doubt

alone i feel, cold nights many

empty heart gone

burn my eyes

never will stop

dead is the life

walking end to end

no purpose, no money

dead is the life

where there is no end

cries never stop

acceptance is the exit

now all I have to do

is slide the rope on

and kick the bucket

 

- alan grimes

 

symphony no. 3

 

that time oh that time

long ago yet, no, short, time ago

seems like long ago

empty hands empty stomach

no bread

am I dead?

sky is red, dawn or dusk?

cool air, am I lost?

look over there

the building crumbles

the birds scream

trees quiver

oh that time

precious little time

hollow heart

dumb mind

loser habit

gotta kill it - snap out of it!

PAH! NO! No! no! no

listen to the water gush

jesus, whats the rush?

oh, oh that time

when doors shut in faces galore

when god stopped caring like never before

oh that time

I’ll never forget that time

the fires still burn

the animals still scream

burnt flesh in the air

PAH! I..don’t…really….care

 

- alan grimes

 

 

 

 

10 buck whore

I didn't want to leave

the hand pushed me out -

I couldn't see

glasses broke in the shove

wander alone scared

put my best foot forward

take a risk...

Fuck!

stepped in dog shit!

wipe away the nasty

cry out for patsy

stupid whore

stupid cunt

go ahead, suck that milk chocolate lump!

across the alley

I saw a crack whore

outside she wore furs

drooping titties

knee high booties

10 bucks later

I got some really bad itchies

And all I can do

is scratch myself

and wonder if the crabs will go away

 

- alan grimes

 

 

 

coward

underneath my skin is dirt

liquid filth pumps through my veins

I run from mirrors

which might reveal

a horrible secret

I do not wish to know

or see

or feel

I am a runner

A ugly runner

who hides

cries

cannot face

lies to escape fate

yet cannot realize

his hope of getting away

rots with flies

I am so ugly

So ugly

Maybe I should just

Jump into oblivion

So I could reald

finally

escape

then

 

- alan grimes

 

 

 

 

 

 

part II

fiction

 

 

 

 

 

 

masterpiece

a flash piece

 

It, is done. I’ve finished my masterpiece. There it sits, motionless and quiet. God, so beautiful, so fulfilling. The arm dangles down, fingers outstretched pointing to the ground. It speaks in silence, and I hear it chatter endlessly. The eyes stare at me, lifeless, yet alive. The beauty they portray will forever make me cry. The body, cold and hollow moans to be touched. Yet I can’t -  can’t move my masterpiece. I pick up my knife, stained with blood and I stare into her eyes one last time - I must confess my love to her in only one way.

 

The cold, sharp edge of the blade slices my throat only to be warmed by the blood gushing out. It all starts to go dim as I look upon her one last time; we both become motionless, joined together for all time.

 

- alan grimes

 

 

 

thankfulness

 

 

 

In this bowl I spit death. I can only find solace in the fact that I might not wake tomorrow. This fire that engulfs us all is a no win scenario that will taunt us for every day that we live, and I can only pray in the hope that my day will come sooner. The bowl fills with every passing hour, fuller and nastier. How can I even think to wash it out? The greyness of the sky used to get to me, but I have grown fond of it now. The sun rarely shines, and the grass is no longer green. In the distance I see a black void forming, slowly reaching its thin arms out towards my home. Maybe god has come, maybe heaven will come with the darkness. The streets of gold and everlasting joy soothe my mind before I come to realize that knocking feeling in my head, just another headache. Another aching head - when will it end? My body is one continuous pain that throbs and shivers with sickness. Has this been given to me as a blessing? A preview of things to come? Those streets of gold sound so good right now, if only I knew what gold looked like. I open my mouth in fatigue, yawn, and then swallow a fruit fly in accident. Damn! They have multiplied 100 fold, the only thing to flourish in this paradise. I cringe at the aftertaste, but I must ignore it. That is my dinner for the night, and I must learn to accept what is given to me. All in all, I must say all is good. This paradise could be worst, much, much worst. Plus, I must concede that death will come to me eventually, and all my pain and sorrow will be gone.

The sky goes dark, and the sounds begin. The ground starts to move with fear and the air grows crisp cold. In my shelter I lay on my makeshift bed covered up in what paper I could find. After a while, one gets used to the shivering, and I learn to accept what is given to me. Oh, gold streets I can not wait for thee! I close my eyes and drift to sleep, dreaming of hot water, meat, and those golden streets that I have never seen.

The sounds of the morning were different, a kind of rumble with water splashing. I raise my head and rub my eyes. I look over out the window and a small stream flowed past that was not there before. It..was colorful! A golden road perhaps? Yes! My god, death had come! I was finally free. I run outside, where flies swarmed in frenzy like never before. On the ground before me laid mountains of rotten flesh. My..never..could..heaven! I was in heaven! As the flies swarmed around I couldn’t help but think why would their be flies in heaven, but as my lips grew restless at the feast that was ahead, I didn’t really care anymore why. Taking in a handful of rotten flesh, and swallowing it whole I then gave thanks to god and what he had provided me. Now, if only I could find god to thank him personally…

 

- alan grimes

 

schubert's serenade

 

It was something I knew had to be done. My arm hurts, chest burns. I awoke early to do it. I hate the mornings, it always leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I find myself thinking endlessly about it. Today is the day and I will see it through. I wash my face in the sink, only to stare back up at my reflection.

 

"You are a sick man. You are a angry man. Coward. Coward!

No! I must clear my head. Ha! Must stay level headed,

HA!"

 

I grab my head and I try to calm down. I can't let my demons get to me. Today I will do it. Today I will dress in my best shirt and tie, for if I am to be remembered I want to be seen as sharp. The park at 53rd and Wesley has a bridge that she crosses on her way to work. I will do it there, and it will be perfect. She will be surprised, so very surprised. God, I love her. Why can't she see it? She will accept it, and we will be together forever.

 

As I approach the bridge, I can see her in the distance. Her hair flows like an autumn wind through the trees. Her face, smooth with every feature perfect. She is a goddess, my goddess. Once I have her I will worship the ground she walks on. Such a masterpiece, a work of art. The park, with its endless chatter of children playing and birds chirping become silent as she moves closer. My heart beats with every footstep...this is it, now or never!

"Ma-Maria. Uh, eh, Hi. Hu-ow are you?" I said nervously.

"Oh, hi. I am, okay. I can't really talk, I hav-"

"Please, just listen. I-I am in love with you."

I bent down upon my knee, and I produced a small box, which I opened to reveal a diamond ring.

"Marry me. Be my wife, my goddess. Let me protect you. Hold you."

Her face went from annoyed to shocked. I reach my hand out to touch her, but she thrusts it away.

"We hardly know each other. How can I marry you if I don't even know you?

"I know you. I have watched you for months, studying your beauty from afar. Can I just hold yo-"

"No, this isn't going to work. I need to go."

 

A empty rage fills inside me, and I couldn't control it any longer.

 

"You will marry me! We are in love! We are meant to be together forever!" I yelled. I reached inside my coat and pulled out a pistol and point it at her face.

"Please, I can't be with you. Just let me go!" she cried. She covers her face with her perfect hands. I bask in their beauty. If I couldn't have her, no one could. I reach my fingers out and touch her cheek. So soft, what a goddess. My goddess. I grab her hair and put the pistol to her forehead. She screams, and I pull the trigger.

 

Silence.

 

She falls to the ground, I reach out but I know I can't save her. She is now in a place where I could have her. Around me children scream, their parents running to cover their little faces and get away. They all glare at me, terrified. Hateful. Tears flow down my face as I look around and then down at her lifeless body.

 

"I am coming my love. We'll be together, forever."

 

My lips are dry. My face covered in sweat. I put the pistol to my head, this is it. Joined together by love. By the gun.

 

"My love, I say to thee:

 

If I profane with my unworthiest hand

this holy shrine, the gentle sin it is

My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand

To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss"

 

I close my eyes and pull the trigger. As I faded away, I was walking towards that same bridge. My love was there waiting for me. She gazed at my eyes, and I reach out my hand to touch. Soft, angelic. We were free now. To love, live, for eternity.

 

- alan grimes

 

 

 

village in the dust

 

I was a stranger in this wasteland. Alone and weary, I had been wandering for hours in this hot place, ever since the accident. My plane had taken off from Tripoli and was supposed to do a tour of the landmarks in the desert of Libya. From the sand dunes of the Sahara to the ancient Roman ruins of the north. I was told it would only take an hour at the most. Yet I was so wrong to believe so. The plane encountered a dust storm, which along with a number of other things (the plane being old and in need of repair) caused the engines to fail and crashed in the middle of nothing but sand dunes. Sadly, I was the only survivor.I somehow made it out of the crash with only a few cuts and scrapes. Almost too lucky, I thought to myself. I gathered up what things I could salvage, and began to walk. I wasn't sure which way to go, so I just walked straight ahead. I remembered from earlier we saw a caravan of natives not too far away, and I figured I could have made it to them. Walking for hours in the desert may not have seemed logical, but somehow it made the most sense to me. As hours went by, and with the sweat rolling off my face continuously, I dropped to the ground ready to give up. I had no water. I had no idea of where I was at. My chances of survival were slim, if non-existent at that point. Around me, the sands blew around encircling me with their dryness and power. Through the plumes of sand, I saw what appeared to be a village in the distance. Painfully, I stood up and made my way to the small huts I could barely see. Upon entering the village, the winds around me died down and I got a sharp chill down my spine. Something about this place made me feel uneasy. My quest for water, however, overruled any attempt at leaving this odd silent place. Looking around, the place was very small. Only 4 huts in total, and all appearing abandoned. In the middle, there was stone structure that rose 4 feet off the ground. With closer inspection, I found that it was a well. With joyous yelps and screams, I lowered the bucket down hoping for a drop of the precious water it could contain. While lowering the bucket down into the well, I heard a strange noise from behind me. I ignored it at first, only thinking of the water that could replenish my parched body. Once again, I heard the same noise but this time it was several times louder. I turned, and to my horror, I saw twelve naked natives slowly walking towards me. One of them was beating a stick upon a drum like instrument. The others just stared at me. All of them were deathly skinny, and had this gelatin like substance on the heads. I looked at him, I thought I would be the leader and try to reason with him; I put up my hands to show I meant no harm, and that I only wanted water. After doing this, the man just looked at me stoically. The native with the drum started to beat faster and faster. He then yelled out in some unknown language, which caused all of them to erupt in a screaming fit upon me. Knowing I must have offended them, I took off running towards the back of the village. I knew I was weak, but after seeing that all of them were literally skin and bones, I thought that there was no way they could catch me. I was wrong. All of them instantly were behind me, throwing rocks as they ran trying to hit my legs. I tried running faster but my body just gave up. I slammed hard onto the sand, hoping they would just kill me there, so I could not suffer anymore. Lying there, I felt them put their hands over me, feeling all parts of my body. I wondered if they were cannibals, if perhaps that would cook and eat me. The group, with all their strength, lifted me up and carried me back toward the huts. In absolute fear, I passed out. My eyes soon opened to the sight of darkness. Hours must have passed, as it was now nighttime. As I slowly lifted my head and looked around, I saw I was next to the well in the middle of the village. A chill ran down my spine, and I realized what the villagers had done to me. All over my body was the paste like substance. It gave off a cooling feeling, almost euphoric. I struggled to wipe it off me, but it had dried onto my skin. My sudden movements aroused the villagers to the well, and they all started to chant at me. Sum ca dall full! Sum ca dall full! SUM CA DALL FULL! I yelled back at them to burn in hell, when a lone villager, a shaman perhaps appeared and spoke words that made my heart stop: They are inside you!! Realizing that he spoke English, I demanded an explanation at what he meant. With a small grin on his face, he turned and walked away. My chest then burned slightly, and I felt my lungs grow tight. My whole upper body ached, and I had a strong desire, an urge for more of the paste. I had to rub it on me. I had to consume it. My mind was filled with sounds of chatter nonsense. It grew louder and louder, to the edge of driving me insane. I tried to collect myself, to create strength out of pure weakness. All of my attempts were futile. Time had passed, and I found myself lying back next to the well. My body was covered in the paste, the wretched substance that drove me mad. I felt it pulsate over my skin, consuming my flesh. I knew then there was nothing I could do about it.

 

- alan grimes

 

 

 

 

the unknown

 

 

It will be soon. This end will be a new start, an awakening. I will finally see what my head tells me not to see. This end will not lead to a golden kingdom, but back to where I am now. A tragic loop-birth and death. One that we are condemned to repeat. I will win by losing and I will lose forever. My head is sharp with pain, a knocking throbbing pain. It pounds with every beat of my heart. My mind is empty with no thoughts. It is like a blade has cut out all that I remember and scraped them away. A bitter goodbye. Eh, a new start though. Yet the echos of the past still haunt me. The visions of peoples faces that I cannot identify plague me, drive me to insanity. Yet, so euphoric. Arousing. They make my head pain so much worst. I dream of escaping from this prison, this hell. There I will meet god. We will fight with silence and I will be the loudest. I am ready, yes ready. Ready to see god, meet god, become god. I will learn to lose, but never believe. The world spins, my eyes hurt from the constant spinning. I know I am ready, and will face it. The silence is strong, but I will kill it. I look at others who stare at me, the ones that smirk, that laugh, soon they will understand. They will see it. I will lose and so will they. Alone in this place with only pointing fingers and jeers. Alone I thought the treasure was life, yet I constantly yearn for the darkness of my eyes closed.

Under this tree is where it all started. I awoke there, not knowing how or why I was there. Or who I was. I tried to stand, but a terrible pain shoots through my body. As I sit up to look around, a glimpse of a face flashed before my eyes. A man, me, stood alone surrounded by darkness. My eyes were black and face red with blood. My lips quivered and I whispered “enter, enter”. My lungs burned as I screamed out what my mouth tired to prevent

 

 

 

“enter my gates

and punch my face

blacken my eye

and make it die”

 

The days and nights that have have passed, to many to count, as I sit under this damn tree trying to remember, trying to forget. I drink the rain, eat the grass. I am stuck, my feet can't bare to move. Alone and scared. Broken, yet I feel alive. Should I praise my situation? Should I learn to forgive? Accept it as is? HA! Enter my gates and punch my face. Today will be it. The end, a new start. I must leave, walk away from this tree. Away from this field, this hell. I wish to kill the haze in my head, push it all away. I will choke it away! And I will awake anew. I open my eyes again, and I am back to what I only remember. This tree, that damn tree. I cannot be blinded by the empty soul inside me. I will not fill it, it shall be hollow, as hollow as the ground beneath.

I will muster all my strength and I will leave. This time, for good. My legs tremble as my weight puts pressure upon them. I start to walk, slowly, away from my spot. From a distance, I see a road. Old with age and not paved, I started towards it, hoping it may lead me to salvation.

--

I had been walking for hours when I came upon a wooded pass that split into three directions. I stopped and stared out, trying to decide which way to go. From the bushes I heard a sound, a voice. It was moaning -in pain. I looked around, trying to find where the voice came from. Next to the road, a man laid in a ditch, bloodied and nearly dead. As I stared, a feeling of dread overcame me. I looked into his battered face and saw the suffering, the torment, everything I had just experienced. Wallowing in the mud of suffering. I stood there for a moment, watching him take one breath at a time. Slowly, each one further apart. Every moment seemed like a thousand years, until he finally took his last breathe of air. The silence of death is peaceful; something I long for. He was now free, no longer bound by this vicious existence. It will now only be a matter of time before he returns, starting the cycle over. This is what I long for. This freedom, to walk away, to give up! And this man has done it. I glance once more at his face, before I turn and walk away. I continued my journey through the towering forest, green with life and chattering birds. Ah, my existence rests upon these trees, rooted deep in the ground yet free to move in the wind. I look into the sky and feel the warmth of the sun upon my face. As it's rays warm my skin, a truth is revealed to me:

 

“Pain is the only

absolute

in a world

of no

absolutes”

 

Up until now I was only sure my mind existed, and nothing else. I only thought the stars existed because I saw them. I only thought the sun, it's warmth was only a figment, a non existent shadow upon my very soul. Yet, I felt it. For the first time I had actually felt it. My wounds, my lack of memory. It is one of the truths I have found. Pain is guidepost, the light in the darkness. The only way to truly understand everything. I sat down then, to fully absorb my revelation. The world around me started to spin, my eyes became heavy and darkness filled the bright blue day. I passed out, dehydrated, hungry, yet full of optimism. I would find who I was and learn to accept the cycles of life.

 

 

- alan grimes

 

 

 

 

 

a crowded aloneness

 

Out the window I look, await my friends I shall. Ah, whats that sound! They are here! My friends are here! Here they come, Manny walking with briefcase in hand, and Cali, with her slim dress - oh so pretty. He’s smiling! A good day perhaps? 

I can’t believe I got the account! My bonus is going to be the biggest yet! I can finally afford to buy her that ring and propose!

Ah, please stay and talk Manny for a bit longer - damn they are in a hurry.  Maybe tomorrow we can talk for longer. Yes..maybe then.

Silence again. Damn, I hate the silence. What a feeling, a kind of pain that stabs you in the mind. I need to see my friends, ah 12:00, time for Deana! Shes here to tell me the weather! Better turn the tube on before I miss her. What does the forecast look like Deana?

Rain with a chance of thunderstorms is the forecast for the next two days. As for the weekend-

Ah what a bummer. I thought maybe we could do something - oh Deana, so pretty. Why can’t we just run away together, run away to some place where we can live happily ever after. Your hair today is lovely, your smell - oh. so. euphoric.

Who else is here I wonder! Oh! Look, old lady Meredith is walking her dog down the street! I must go and say hi! Meredith how are you?

Um, oh, I’m okay, need to- have an appointment can’t stay and chat, sorry.

Oh ok. For an old lady she sure walks fast.

Hmm silence again! I hate silence. It makes me want to pull my hair out! I just wish to escape from it, run away to a place with noise and people. Gah, all my days I spend here sitting fighting away this silence. Ah I see, it laughs now! It taunts me now! HA! The bastards can’t get me! Anyone else here? Anyone? ANYONE?

Damn! NO one. What, now you're laughing at me? Bastard! Stop laughing at me!

My entire life you have taunted me - fuck you!

I’ll rip my ears off before you ever win!

No escape, no life. Ha, HA! I’ll escape. And I’ll have a life.

I’ll prove everyone wrong, wheres my pills now. They will shut you up!

No, NO. Don’t mock me, stop mocking ME.

Ha, ha, ha!

Sleep I need sleep, too much silence. Too much silence.

Sleep, sleep.

sleep.

- alan grimes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the end.

 

 

 

 

about the author

 

Alan Grimes is a writer by night, computer guy (whatever that means) by day. When not writing he is usually reading or dreaming about more things to write. He resides in Indiana with his wife and 1 son. For more information, you can e-mail him at:

gdustin87@gmail.com


Submitted: December 25, 2014

© Copyright 2021 dgrimes. All rights reserved.

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