Chapter 1: The Would-Be Maybe's of Love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 232
Comments: 1

The Would-be Maybe’s of Love
Girls should envy me. I can have any guy I want, they can’t resist my smile, my face, my words.
But they don’t understand. Underneath it all, I couldn’t give a crap about most of these guys. I am the type of girl who gets a crush for years, and even when that object of my affection is going out with someone else, is completely oblivious to my presence and I don’t even see them all that often. Sigh. I am stupid, I am cursed.
Underneath it all, I am in turmoil. My life is a mess, and I struggle to keep up that ‘perfect girl’ charade. The mask is slipping.
There’s the guy I have known for years, who I did love (and sometimes think I still do). We were so young, and he told me he loved me, he wanted to be with me forever. But I didn’t want something so permanent, because I knew I my heart that if we were ever together, there would be no turning back, we would be together forever. So what did I do? I rejected him. Too much of a coward to say no to the one I loved, I simply began to ignore him, I tried to never talk to him. But he would always end up being my shoulder to cry on, he would be my comfort, always there for me. He has a girlfriend now (the type who publicly and loudly shows her affection), and I try not to look or even care, but still I sometimes catch his chocolate swirl eyes linking with mine, showing that there’s something still there.
I was so selfish.
Then there’s the boy who I knew even when I was young, and we were really good friends. But then we lost touch for a couple of years. But when I next saw him, he had become a man. He was shy at first, but didn’t miss a beat when it came to being my friend. Sometimes he was stupid and dim, other times his shyness was endearing, and at other times I loved nothing better than laughing with him. I grew to love him, and thought about him every moment of every day. I knew he liked me too, so I waited and waited and waited until that day he decided to act on it. It never has. He moved away, and I only see him occasionally. I still love him, but have to accept the obvious, so I still feel guilty when I spend time with or get a crush on another guy, and then my brain will come wheeling back to him.
Then there’s the new kid on the block. Well…not exactly. He’s always been there, even when I was a little kid, but I never even noticed him. That was, until a time when he asked me out. My initial response was, “huh? Who?”, and being me, I thought it was just a joke at my own expense. But after that, I actually paid attention to this guy. He was sweet, he wasn’t a loser and he wasn’t a jock. He wasn’t a try-hard, but there were certain things he cared about, no matter the cost. He just blended. So now I like him. But I can’t act on it – he asked me out ages ago – does he still like me? Would he even say yes? Sigh.
I have issues.
Then there are the other guys, guys I don’t really care about, but I still notice. I see them glance at me, look into my eyes and think there’s something there. The guys who will spend time with me and pay attention to my every word, others will sit back and analyze everything I do.
Oh, and did I mention I can read minds?
And that I can feel people’s emotions and links to other people.
Oh, and while I’m on the whole confession role, I’m not quite sure that I’m completely human either.


Submitted: March 31, 2009

© Copyright 2021 disagreeinglyagreeable. All rights reserved.

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Comments

jessieleigh24

I like the way you have described the different relationships between your main character on the 3 boys, I am very similar to this character as i fall for guys very quickly, even when i have a boyfriend. Its a very confusing state of mind and i believe that you can capture this by furthuring your novel:) i will be checking back here frequently hehe.

Btw, starting your first novel is the hardest part. You have done well and should continue.

Tue, March 31st, 2009 11:07am

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thanks so much. XD. I am still not overly sure which direction i am gonna take this novel, seeing as there is the whole love thing there, plus the 'i can read minds' things. so....well......yeah.....

Tue, March 31st, 2009 10:20pm

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