I lost her. By now she was probably already married and celebrating. I really wanted to go see her and say hi maybe congratulate her but then I thought better of it. I mean I didn’t want to ruin her day by being there.
I took off after I chatted with Nicolai. I went to the one place I swore I was never going to return to unless I was going to join my parents yet here I was. I walked in the gloomy afternoon getting close to the cold darkness. I walked silently taking my time. My only thoughts were on Natalie and how I had lost her.
I knew that many would call me crazy for not only leaving my life but also leaving Jennifer after all the trouble I went through in order to find her. I really was too heart broken to think straight, I just wanted things to go back before Jennifer and I fought so that I could still be at school with Natalie and Jennifer by my side without having had changed. I wanted to be happy but those dreams were so far away.
I finally arrived to my parent’s graves and fell on my knees, ha-ha dramatic right, anyways I kneeled down and began to cry. I cried for a while before lying down on the grass over their graves, kind of creepy, I lay there looking up as the lightness becoming dark. I wondered if that was going to happen to me as I slowly laid there n the grass dying.
I took out the knife I had and soon cut my wrists slowly looking at the blood flow from my body. I felt stupid but I really didn’t want to be here anymore, not without the one I loved. I should have gone after her even if she didn’t call but I was afraid of being rejected face to face. Now here I was lying down with open wrists staring at the sky and the darkness that had now descended upon the earth. It was bittersweet seeing this.
I could feel the blood on the sides of my hands and even though I knew I really hadn’t lost that much blood I began to faint slowly maybe it was because I was just tired maybe I was just ready to die.
“Where is she Jennifer?” I asked as is I began to run around hoping to catch a glimpse of her.
“She’s not here.” Jennifer said slowly.
“What do you mean?”
“Those are my parents graves and she’s not here.”
“Oh God, please don’t tell me you’re lying.”
“I’m not.” Jennifer said.
I believed her but as we got closer we realized that we were looking from behind and because of that we didn’t see that there was a body lying on the grass. I began to move faster as I got to the graves and saw Max lying there with her eyes closed and her wrists cut.
“No!” I heard Jennifer scream as she fell on her knees. I was too far gone in my head to fully comprehend what was happening until I felt Jennifer push me down and take my phone out. I couldn’t move I was paralyzed. Well not really but my heart was broken…wait no my heart had been shredded and stitched back together only to be torn piece by piece.
“Hello I have an emergency…”I heard Jennifer say before my brain shut down and all I could do was stare at Max on the ground, I crawled to her said and looked at her face. She looked so peaceful and all I wanted to do was look like that as well but I couldn’t I had to save her. Finally as if by a magic spell I got up and went to Jennifer who was sobbing again.
“She’s… she’s dying Natalie.”
“Shh Jennifer you called them didn’t you?”
“Yes, they’ll be here any second.”
“Good.” I said as I hugged her against me and just as soon as I finished saying “good” I saw the lights and waited for them to come.
“Ma’am I’m going to ask you to scoot back please.” They said as they began to work on Max. As soon as they had finished they put her in the ambulance and Jennifer and I hopped in. They wanted to leave us but once they saw our looks they thought better of it and we drove off.
I could feel myself moving but I couldn’t see. I heard people talking and I heard someone calling my name. I wanted to open my eyes and see who it was but I couldn’t. I felt like my eyes had been stitched together and my wrists felt like they were burning. I couldn’t help but feel pain as I kept hearing someone call my name, I was about to try to open my eyes but again darkness came for me.
We arrived to the hospital and all they did was take a look before taking her. I held onto Jennifer as she called out for Max. It almost felt as if she were a mother and her baby had been lost. It pained me seeing her this way and finally I gave in again and began to sob along with Jennifer as we waited. Jennifer kept calling for her almost like if she was lost not caring where she was. I had to sign some papers because Jennifer was just too lost too even think clearly.
I wasn’t trying to be a fool anyone I wanted to curl up and just sob my eyes out but I couldn’t give up just yet. Jennifer was too lost and I had to make sure she was okay for Max’s sake. I knew that she would never want to see Jennifer like this so why is it that she left her and me.
I was still holding onto Jennifer, yes we were sobbing and Jennifer kept having her moments in which she called for Max but I held her and tried to calm her, as she seemed to be losing it. I really didn’t know how long we waited but once we saw the doctor we jumped up. There wasn’t any expression on his face as he came to us.
I could feel Jennifer trembling as we waited for him to talk. I myself was praying in my head and I’m sure tears were streaming down my face but I couldn’t feel them maybe it was because I had cried so much that they just didn’t surprise me.
Anyways the doctor looked at us and gave us a small smile filled with pain before saying the words I feared the most at that moment.
“I’m sorry.” That was all I had to hear from his words before both Jennifer and I had a moment of fainting. I know because I felt Jennifer slide down against me to the ground just as I myself felt my vision become blurry before I too ended up on the ground.
© Copyright 2016 dlaura69. All rights reserved.
Poem / Poetry
Poem / Poetry
Poem / Poetry
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