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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Chapter 13 (v.1) - A Memory That Won't Die...Time to Let Go

Submitted: May 05, 2013

Reads: 99

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Submitted: May 05, 2013



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A Memory That Won’t Die…Time to Let Go Part 1

After that night everything changed for me, sure I was still a virgin but I figured out who I really loved. It was Alice, the love I had for her was completely different from the love I had had for Alyssa. Alyssa had been out of lust and popularity but when I saw Alice my stomach flipped upside down and everything else would become a blur.

Everything was going perfectly; we were officially a couple when everyone saw us at prom together. Which brings me to the topic of prom, it was perfect but unlike everyone else me and Alyssa didn’t stay the night we went home…together, that was a living hell. And not for the reason you may think, it was just dead silent and then she’d give me these death glares and if it wasn’t the death glares it would just be this incredibly awkward silence. I hated it.


I woke up to the piercing sound of Alyssa screaming. I took about ten pillows and buried my head in them, but not even that could drain out her outbursts. I knew it was coming, Ashanti had warned me about this day, today marked the day her mom passed away, and well Alyssa never responded well to deaths. I was dreading this day because well I was scared what was she going to do. I mean the screaming was only phase one, there were more coming up. Even though I was probably the last person she wanted to see right now, I still cared about her and I didn’t want her to go through this alone.

I jogged briskly down the stairs wanting to avoid her room…but I mean I had to protect her from herself. I started towards her room when I heard something shatter. Great now I was faced with the decision of should I go see if she is okay or should I endanger myself by entering her room.

I waited five more minutes to see if anything would come crashing down to the floor…once I was sure she was done I made my way to her room. Just as I was about to knock, the door came flying open. I turned her around, remembering to close the door behind me. She shook me off and ran towards the exit, I quickly chased after her and pulled her away by the waist.

“Let go of me!”


“Please I need to get out of here!” she shrieked.

“Listen you’re not going anywhere…Alyssa I will not let you go okay?” I promised.

“But you don’t understand, I can’t stay in here!!” she screeched.

She then somehow got out of my hold and bolted towards the door. I spun around on my heel and then chased after her. Once I had caught up to her, I spun her around so she was facing me. I searched her eyes to try and figure out what was going through her head, it was actually apparent what she was feeling. I looked her over once more and she was scared and I didn’t know how I could save her.

I embraced with a huge hug, and then whispered, “It’s gonna be alright”

She then loosened up and the tenseness started to leave, but with that came tears, she buried her head into my chest and then started to cry. I could feel the warmth of her tears on my shirt, and I wasn’t sure why she was crying. Had it have been because everything was done and she had accepted it? Or was this just another phase that led to something greater?

“It’s okay I think I get what you’re going through,” I said assuring her I’d be there.

“No! You have no idea what’s racing through my mind, you never lost your mother…you still have one…she’ll never see anything, she won’t see me graduate, she won’t see me go to Yale, and most importantly she never got to meet you!” She yelled.

She then struggled free from me and said “I’m going, going to be with her…she needs me and I need her.”

I looked at her and this was the stage I had feared the most, I knew who “her” was, “her” was dead and the only way for Alyssa to meet “her” was to cut her life short. And I promised Ashanti and myself I would protect Alyssa from herself and I would fulfill that duty.

“No you will not!” I yelled…my voice pretty much boomed through out the whole house.

I held her hand, and walked her towards the kitchen gave her a glass of water, as I watched her drink it, I just couldn’t tell what her next actions would be.

“Okay let’s set some rules out…you’re not leaving it’s not going to happen as long as your with me, I will protect you and two you’re going to listen to everything I have to say,” I explained.

She set the glass down, looked around the room and nodded.

“In a way I know what it’s like to lose someone close to you…I lost my father to alcohol…and just like you I don’t see him again, the last memory I have of my father was hitting me and yelling at my mother… and you know what else I did lose someone, someone who I spent most of my life with…my brother, Finn, so don’t ever try to use that line again because I feel your pain.

“Also you need to try and let go of your mothers death you keep holding onto it as if she died today…by letting go I don’t mean forgetting her and locking her up in a box so that you’ll never remember her but you need to stop thinking about her 24 seven…my mom told me that everything under the sun has a season, there’s a time to live, and a time to die, it was your mom’s time to die, her season came to an end. And…and you need to let go, because if you don’t do it now I honestly don’t think you’ll ever be able to do it.” I explained.

She then looked at me, sighed and whispered, “But I, I just can’t”

I thought about her life for a brief second, she had lost her mother due a fatal car accident, her father was lost with alcohol for about a year but finally got help, and her sister went missing (thank God she was found). I could see how it would be hard to let go…her life was already pretty screwed, so the reminiscences of her mother’s life was what was keeping her alive inside. For Ashanti cutting had told her she was alive but unlike Ashanti, all Alyssa had to do was think of her mother and she would know.

I looked at her once more, this time with a blurred vision, trying to make out her face, but she must have noticed I was crying.

“You shouldn’t cry Damien, it won’t make anything better,” she said using the line I had used on her when I first met her.

I smiled and embraced her with a hug. “I mean this is my battle to fight and I don’t want to drag you into it,” she explained.

“But you’re not dragging me into it, I want to be apart of it,” I whispered softly in her ear.

I pushed away from her for a brief second and then smiled. Her face was a wreck but I saw it again the pure beauty, the beauty I had seen once before.

“Why are you smiling?” she asked.

“Because I think you’re pretty again,” I said with a wide toothy grin.

“You never thought I was pretty?” she said chuckling.

“Nope not at all, you were just to ugly, what was going through my mind when I went out with you?” I said laughing.

“You’re one mean person Dame-yan…that’s how she says it right?” she said laughing.

“Yeah,” I responded softly.

“So…you really like her huh?”

“I guess I do, I mean there’s just something about her that changes me as a person…I don’t know what it is but it’s kind of weird.” I explained a bit confused.

“I know what you mean…it’s kind of how I feel about you and Chris…but now your both gone from me and I don’t know what to do, I mean what should I do?” she asked, I wasn’t quite sure if it was intended for me to hear that.

“You still have both of us, for example I’m right here comforting you, because I knew you’d be going through so much pain today I didn’t stay back at the hotel last night…I wanted to be with you, I know we were going through way to many rough times and our road was well broken but I felt something jolt me and tell me I had to go with you…it’s like I’m here to protect you…kind of like your guardian angel,” I responded.

She sighed, took another sip of her water and said, “Well if that’s the case I guess I’m saying thank you Damien, for everything…you’ve been a really good friend.”

As she said that Alice walked into the kitchen, she was about to turn around but she stopped herself and asked, “Are you okay?”

Alyssa pointed to herself in shock, her thought probably was, why would Alice care? But I knew Alice always cared and to see Alyssa in that state where we weren’t yelling at each other she knew something wasn’t right.

“Nope, not at all,” Alyssa finally said.

Alice set her bag down and made her way towards the table. She pulled out a chair and sat beside Alyssa. “Well then we can’t have that, I hope Dame-yan here has taken good care of you.”

“He has actually which well scared me as much as you right now, why do you care how I feel I mean I never did anything nice for you? I was always such a bitch to you,” she explained.

“Because I see good in you…and you’re a human and we all go through rough times in our lives,” Alice explained.

“Thanks…I think.”

“So what’s up?” Alice asked, in a caring tone.

“Well, where do I start…?

She then went off to explain everything, I just sat there and kind of zoned out, I really hadn’t wanted to hear this again. I slowly got up and made my way to the kitchen, opened up the fridge, placed a container of yogurt and a carton of orange juice on the counter. I searched the cupboards for granola, and when I had found some I scooped a handful up and dumped it in the container of yogurt. I opened up the juice carton, ah, just enough to drink from the carton. I started to drink it when I felt a smack on the back of my head.

“Damien Wolfe, you were raised better than that!” exclaimed Angela.

“When did you get here?” I asked dumbly, great now it sound like I always did this.

“So…you do this when I’m not here?” she asked, in a serious tone.

“No, I don’t it’s just that there was a little left and I thought it didn’t matter,” I explained.

She smacked my arm and said, “I does matter, you have two guests here and you’re acting like an ill-mannered pig.”

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Alyssa and Alice laughing, nice to know that they would back me up any day.

“So let me get this straight the problem you are facing is…you can’t let go?” I heard Alice ask.

“Uh, yeah”

I walked back to the table, seated myself on the other side of Alyssa, and started to eat. And that’s when it hit me I knew what could represent her letting go.

“A balloon!” I said aloud obviously looking like an idiot, they both looked at me with their left eyebrow up. They had no idea how much they were alike. “I mean you want to let go but you can but get a balloon, write down some stuff you’ve always wanted to say to your mom on it, and then let it go, even better we’re going to the beach, a letter in a bottle.”

“Dame-yan, that’s so smart!” Alice exclaimed.

“Thanks babe”

“Okay I’ll do it, can I just get changed and like wash my face and stuff?” she asked.

“Yeah but one of us have to stay with you at all times,” I replied.

“I’ll do it,” volunteered Alice.

While Alice went to Alyssa’s room I searched for a glass bottle and two sheets of stationary.

“Angela!?!” I yelled.

“What do you want?” she asked, you clearly knew she was 21, she was more of a big sister than a “nanny” to me.

“Do we have stationary?” I asked.

“Nope, the big house does though,” she explained.

Your kidding me right? There was no way I was going over there, the chances of me bumping into my dad was way too high.

“Can you go and get it please?” I asked trying to look as cute as I could.

“Damien, please…get it yourself,” with that she walked off.

I didn’t want to do it, but it was for a special reason, she may not have been the love of my life anymore but I did still love and care for her, and truly believed this would help. I quickly made my way over to the other house praying to God, that I wouldn’t bump into my dad.

I quickly climbed up the tree, hopped onto the balcony and made my way into my former room. I would have proceeded to go look for some stationary but the thing I had feared most called out my name, and he was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room.


“Yes, sir” whoa where’d that come from?

Why didn’t you just come to the front door?” he asked, but there was softness in his voice.

“I dunno?” I replied dumbly.

“I don’t hate you son, everyday after the day I kicked you out, I didn’t know how to get you back…I was sure you probably hated me, so I just remained quiet, but something shook me awake and I knew I had to tell you I still love you and I want you back, here with me until…

“Until what?” he was actually scaring me, what was going on?

“Son I’m dying, but I don’t want to know from what though, one day I passed out, and it kept happening continuously, when me and your mom went to the hospital to see what was going on they told me I was dying, but I don’t want to know why or how I am…but I asked your mom to keep quiet because I knew you guys had private meetings, so she obeyed and didn’t tell me…then I decided before I die I’d have dinner with my son and regain his lo—

“STOP!!!” I shrieked tears rolling down my face. “YOU’RE LYING!! YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DIE!!!”

He looked at my then dropped his head into his hands and started to cry hysterically. It was true I was going to lose my dad, he was going to die. I don’t know what it is, but you never even realize how much you love a person until they are gone or going. I really did love him, and I didn’t want to lose him, I wanted him to be there for me.

“Please go find out what it is, I don’t want your death to be a mystery, dad, is there something you’re hiding from us all why you’re dying?” I asked.


He got up and then disappeared. I didn’t know what to do next, my life was slowly falling apart, what would I do without him? I know this sounds kind of ironic because he wasn’t really apart of my life for 2 years but still, just to know that you had a father was good enough to let you go on with each day.

I wiped the tears away, shimmied down the tree and ran. To where I’m not sure when you have 50 acres of land you can go well anywhere. I just kept running I don’t know what it was but when I ran it felt like could touch me now.

I kept running until I found the oak tree, which held a tree house my dad built for me when I was 5, we used to come up here all the time. I remember when I was 14 I hid a box of fun-filled treasures in here. I searched for it, but it was hard with a blurred vision.

There it was in a corner, I quickly opened it up, it held: pictures, a toy car, a cell phone, and a letter to my dad. I remember writing that letter, I told him when I was 20 we’d come back up here and he would have to read the letter. I looked at it and started crying again.

It read:

Dear Daddy,

So, here it is, I love you…you are the world’s best dad and I mean it. I don’t want anything, I’m not sucking up…I just want to know you love me in return. I sit here in this big tree house you made for me and I think, any dad who can make his son a tree house is super cool…Finn says hi too he loves you just as much as I love you. When I grow up and you’re old and grey I’m going to let you live with me and I’ll take care of you, because you’ll still be cool in my heart. Jeez I don’t know what I would do without you.

Love your son,

Brandon Damien Wolfe II

P.S. you have to love me I have the same name as you!!

Did I really say this, did I actually love him that much…who knew that one death could change everything in a person’s life. But then again, who knew that Finn would die. My phone started to vibrate; I quickly took it out and looked at the caller ID. It read home.

“Wolfe,” I said quietly.

“Damien, where are you?” asked Alyssa.

“Somewhere, in a tree…I’ll be there soon, I just need time to think,” I said softly.

“Are you okay?” she asked concerned.


And with that I hung up the phone and turned it off. I looked at all the pictures there were of me, Finn and my dad, why couldn’t we go back to this days when we were a happy family? I wiped away my last tear and made my way out of the tree house.

As I got down I saw my mom sitting against it reading. She looked up at me and smiled.

“I knew you’d be here,” she said as I sat beside her.


“I don’t know, only he and the doctors know…I just wish I could’ve stopped or helped him,” she said quietly.

“Same, so I just found a box of memories up there…mom it’s not fair why us?” I asked.

“I’m not quite sure Dame.”

I just looked at her and sighed she was all I had left unless some miracle saved my dad…my mom was all I had left.

“I never knew how much I really loved him, here look at this,” I said as passed her the note from when I was 14.

“Listen, he was always the favourite parent for both you and Finn, of course you loved him, it’s just when Finn left us, it kind of ruined that relationship, and I just became the rebound…but don’t take that the wrong way, you obviously love us equally but it’s only natural for two boys to hang with their father more often,” she explained.

“Yeah I guess,” I whispered. “Well I think I should get going before Alyssa and Alice kill me.”

“Tell them”

“No…I don’t think I can,” I replied.

“Try, I think Alyssa will be able to help you get through this,” she suggested.

“Fine” After that I ran off for about 10 minutes and then finally I found my home, as soon as I walked into the door they both raided me with hugs.

“ARE YOU OKAY!?!?” Alyssa and Alice shrieked in unison.

“Uh…hmmm…how do I put this no,” I said then walked by them, I know it was a pretty bitch move to do, but I never responded to deaths well ever it’s not like I would cry, cut or freak…I just get really rude.

“We know…your dad called and…

“Just, let’s get this letter thing over with,” I said.

“Okay um, I got some stationary from my room, so I’ll use that, did you find a glass bottle?” Alyssa asked.

“I found three…I think I’ll be writing a letter too,” I whispered.

“Well here then, here’s a stationary,” Alyssa replied.

“Thanks” I quickly made it up to my room and started to write. I don’t know where all the emotions came from but they filled up the whole front and back of the paper.

I’m letting go of hate for my father.

Dear whomever,

For the past two years you could say my life was a living hell I mean, I lost my brother to leukemia, and it ripped my family apart, in fact the biggest tear was the separation between me and my dad. It happened one night when he hit me and then kicked me out of his house, but he was drunk and well confused…but I’m not going to apologize for his mistakes because they were still dumb and irresponsible.

But today, today something happened…he told me he was dying, he obviously knew what it was from but he wouldn’t tell me or my mom, which makes me wonder…could it be leukemia, is that why it has to be a secret? I mean he was covered from head to toe all of his skin was pretty much covered and when Finn had it, he had had bruises everywhere.

Anyways, I noticed something, I never stopped loving him and he probably never stopped loving me. Just awhile ago, I was in our tree house and I found so many precious memories that had even brought me to tears…and I guess what I’m trying to say is we have always used each other as an excuse of not even trying to regain each others love.

But the minute death comes knocking on one of our doors we immediately notice that we both have made mistakes and we need to mend those wounds.

I just wish some miracle could happen to stop him from leaving me forever.


Brandon Damien Wolfe II

I read it once more and then went looking for Alice and Alyssa.

“Here” I said once I had found them.

“What is it? Is it your letter?” Alyssa asked.


“Well here’s mine” Alyssa replied.

“And here’s mine” said Alice.

“I don’t have to read it you know, I just want you guys to read mine because I want to explain, but if I try I’m pretty sure I’ll end up crying,” I explained.

“We want you to”

I looked at Alyssa’s first.

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