Love Intended #-1, #-2 & #-3

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

The reader is asked to read all 3 poems and, if you choose to comment, to please do so with respect to: presentation, rhyme, rhythm, structure, theme and vocabulary.

If you like this posting, even if you have read it and commented on it before, please indicate your approval by casting a vote under the new Booksie rating/vote box. Thank you. I think many people leaving positive comments or who like the posting and do not comment, sometimes, forget to do this.

The theme is identical for all 3 poems. Wording varies slightly. Presentation is distinctly different. Poem #-3 differs from Poem #-2 in that words, which do not, normally, begin with an upper-case letter in a normal sentence have been restored to lower-case. This is in response to comments of those who do not enjoy reading text where each word begins with an upper-case letter. Though my reasons for doing so are explained in my response/s to such comments. In other postings as well.


THEME:

Mainly, it is about how God blesses us with success in the different aspects of our respective lives. In this case, love, companionship and marriage.

The theme and wording presented themselves after many years of thought and being informed by my subconscious mind while in that state between wakefulness and sleep. When many of my ideas and inspiration(s) occur and overtake me. In other words, this is not just another technical writing exercise.


PRESENTATION:

While writing this, I found, I had written 24 lines of 5 syllables each. It occurred to me that this was close to being a Shakespearean style (14 lines of 10 syllables each) sonnet. This 1st draft became "Love Intended #2". Lines 13/25 & 26 and 14/27 & 28 were written to meet the requirements of the Shakespearean style sonnet format. Prior attempts at this form have always eluded me. Want to know what the reader may think.

Love Intended 1

By

Edward J. Bradley

 

For Whom! Among Them! Was I Intended?

Which Of The Women? Would Give Me Her Love?

If We Reached God’s Ear! Could It Be Bended?

Would He Tell Us Dear?: "You Two! You’re To Love!"

 

Had We Met Before? Or Cheated By Fate?

Were You Ever Mine? Tell Me! When and How?

School, Work, Church Or The Door? Now It’s Too Late?

Is There Time Enough? For Each Other Now?

 

I’m Told, You’ve Been Near! My Lover And Wife!

Neither Did We See! Nor The Other’s Scent!

Never Did She Appear! In My Lonely Life!

Hiding! Where Was She? Whom God Never Sent!

 

My Life’s Been Ill Spent! Now Left All Alone.

If, To Me, You Appeared. You Were Not Known!

 

Copyright (C) Edward J. Bradley 2007

 

 

Love Intended 2

By

Edward J. Bradley

 

For Whom Among Them Was I Intended?

Which Of The Women Would Give Me Her Love?

 

If I Reached God’s Ear Could It Be Bended!

Would He Tell Me Dear?  It’s "You!", I’m To Love!

 

Had We Met Before?   On A Double Date?

Were You Ever Mine?  Tell Me! When and How!

 

School, Church - At The Door?  Working! Out Or Late?

Have We Time Enough?  For Each Other Now?

 

I’m Told, She’s Been Near!  My Lover And Wife!

Neither Did We See - Smell Each Other’s Scent!

 

Never Did She Appear!  In My Lonely Life!

Hiding! Where Was She?  Whom God Never Sent!

 

If You Did Appear.  Were You Ever Known?

My Life’s Now Ill Spent And I’m All Alone.

 

Copyright (C) Edward J. Bradley 2007

 

 

Love Intended 3

By

Edward J. Bradley

 

For whom among them

was I intended?

Which of the women

would give me her love?

 

If I reached God’s ear,

could it be bended!

Would He tell me dear?

It’s "You!", I’m to love!

 

Had we met before?

On a double date?

Were you ever mine?

Tell me! When? and How?

 

School, church - at the door?

Working! Out or late?

Have we time enough

for each other now?

 

I’m told, she’s been near!

My lover and wife!

Neither did we see?

Smell each other’s scent?

 

Never did she appear!

In my lonely life!

Hiding! Where was she?

Whom God never sent!

 

My life’s now ill-spent

and I’m all alone.

If you did appear.

Were you ever known?

 

Copyright (C) Edward J. Bradley 2007


Submitted: March 21, 2007

© Copyright 2020 EdwardJBradleySr. All rights reserved.

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Comments

avatar

leesah

Mr. B I was just browsing and came across this beautiful piece of work! Wow, in your famous words, Well written!

Wed, March 21st, 2007 12:37pm

Author
Reply

leesah:

Thank you for the compliment. Glad you liked it. It was a long time "in the works". What/where ever the "works" may be.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Wed, March 21st, 2007 2:07pm

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glenda vautrin

great write as usual

Wed, March 21st, 2007 3:08pm

Author
Reply

glenda:

Thank you so much for the compliment. Glad you liked it.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Wed, March 21st, 2007 2:08pm

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matmoo

Sir,

i'm glad this is just not another technical writing poem - although it certainly works very well.
Personally, I prefer your earlier version, Love Intended 2; it appears more like the process of one person's thoughts.

matmoo

Wed, March 21st, 2007 8:24pm

Author
Reply

matmoo:

Thank you for the compliment. Liked them both. This gives everyone a chance to choose and use the one they like best.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Wed, March 21st, 2007 2:10pm

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Lord Hoth

I truly enjoyed these writings continue the great work

Thu, March 22nd, 2007 1:13am

Author
Reply

Lord Hoth:

Thank you for the compliment. Glad you liked them.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Wed, March 21st, 2007 7:54pm

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Tesseth

Mr Bradley, this was absolutely beautiful! I personally prefer the presentation/structure of #2. The rhyme and rhythm are perfect...as is the vocabulary, of course. I particularly love the theme of this piece...what if we don't know our soulmate when we see them? What then? ------Wonderful piece Mr Bradley!

Thu, March 22nd, 2007 1:59am

Author
Reply

Tesseth:

Thank you so much for your compliment. From you it is most meaningful. To me. To others as well. I am sure.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Wed, March 21st, 2007 7:58pm

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zephyrmail

i vote for #2 :)

Thu, March 22nd, 2007 5:39am

Author
Reply

zephyrmail:

Thank you. How it came out the 1st time. Amazing! Isn't it?
How the initial rendering seems, always, better than attempts to improve it.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Wed, March 21st, 2007 11:54pm

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Lucie

Dear Mr Bradley......I can't choose, I love both. I have also gone back on initial writings and then changed things around, and wasn't sure if this was acceptable or not.

Thu, March 22nd, 2007 7:55pm

Author
Reply

Lucie:

Thank you for complimenting both. It's like voting twice. On Election-Day. Those were the days! Now! Gone forever.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Thu, March 22nd, 2007 1:32pm

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Dizzy Lizzy

I'm just a reader, not a writer, but, for what it's worth the first one gave me goosebumps. I don't know whether if I'd seen the second one first it might have too. But, I definitely preferred the first one.

Fri, March 23rd, 2007 9:22am

Author
Reply

Dizzy Lizzy:

Thank you for the compliment. Goosebumps!?! Hope that means you liked it.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Fri, March 23rd, 2007 6:17pm

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Saturday Night

Really enjoyed them both Ed. I have to agree with Annie, I like the second presentation much better. Your rhyme and rhythm are great and it flows smoothly with a nice message/question. Very nice! Take care, SN.

Sat, March 24th, 2007 12:42am

Author
Reply

Saturday Night:

Thank you for the compliment(s). Glad you liked them. It will, most probably, be quite a while before I ever rise to this level and quality of writing again. But I hope to do so.
Some day!

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Fri, March 23rd, 2007 6:31pm

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ThePseudoMe

I preferred the first version. I personally found it more meaningful, more thought-provoking. An excellent piece of writing.

Mon, April 2nd, 2007 3:43pm

Author
Reply

ThePseudoMe:

Thank you for the compliment. The preference is running about 45/55 with #2 slightly ahead.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Mon, April 2nd, 2007 12:35pm

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ddrandall

Hey Ed... for my style number 2 works better for me... but each one sparked a different emotion as well... great writing Ed!... as always... write on my friend!!

Sat, May 19th, 2007 7:16pm

Author
Reply

ddrandall:

Thank you for the compliment. Glad you liked them both.

Didn't think each could evoke a different emotional response from the same reader. At the same time of reading them both.

Interesting point. Something for myself to give some thought.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Sat, May 19th, 2007 3:58pm

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Desert Rat

Ed,

I did, even if fleetingly, read both pieces, as I am about to be on my way again. Powerful, and I tend to agree with one of the previous commenters re powerful punctuation. It gives a staccato effect, and almost feels like an LMG hammering away. Second one is deeper, more relaxed, I think.

very prodigious writer you are, i must say. Will get back to mine as son as I come back off the road.

Desert rat

Sun, June 10th, 2007 11:07pm

Author
Reply

Desert Rat:

Thank you for the compliment/s. Glad you liked one of 2 versions.

They seem to be about evenly split in terms of which one is preferred by readers. This tells me that, even in poetry, more than 1 rendering will reach a much larger audience. Giving each reader the chance to select their personal favorite/s among multiple postings.

Thank you again.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Sun, June 10th, 2007 5:25pm

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Awaiting Judgement

Wow...you got a lot of comments and popularity for this one...I personally liked the second one b/c it seemed more organized to me. That and, though it was a worthwhile read, I thought maybe around stanza6...it could read:

Were you ever mine?
Tell me--
When and how?

I mean, that's just a suggestion so...I still liked it, to each their own

Awaiting Judgement

Sat, July 7th, 2007 10:00pm

Author
Reply

Awaiting Judgement:

Thank you for your complimentary remarks and kind words. Your suggested "rewrite" of stanza 6 is most thoughtful and well written as well. Liked it.

Glad you liked what you did read.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Sat, July 7th, 2007 6:59pm

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Katrina Leigh

Wow, i really liked both of these poems, but i must say, i like the second one better. these were really beautiful poems and they seem to really express your feelings. keep up the great writing!

Tue, July 24th, 2007 6:31am

Author
Reply

Katrina Leigh:

Thank you for your complimentary remarks. They are most appreciated. Glad you liked them both.

This was one for which my source of inspiration was most strong, consistent and to which there was the longest period of personal visitation and attachment. Until it was finally and fully written. That it has been well received makes the experience worth the struggle to find the words to give it the fullest possible and most complete expression.

Thank you again.


Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Tue, July 24th, 2007 12:08am

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Mys Lyke Meeh

Hey there,

This is a very nice, well-written good poem. I wonder if the object of the affection has read this. This poem is really good. I like it very much. The way you wrote it, it's convincing! The emotion is quiet clear and the admiration is definite.

Fri, September 28th, 2007 3:41pm

Author
Reply

Mys Lyke Meeh:

Thank you for the comment and the compliment. Glad you liked it. Your comment is most thought-provoking as well.

As for "wondering" about the person who is "the object of the affection", this is just one of many crucial questions. Often unanswered. For both.

In other words, the person to whom such question/s should occur should also be the conscious "object of the affection" of the person receiving this silent and inner focus. Bespeaking a spiritual aspect as well. For them both.

In the lives of many worthy persons, the answer for this crucial question seems never to present itself. Even if and when they may know enough to ask it or to whom it may occur. To the person who is adored as well as for themselves. When the asking of it might be most appropriate. In a timely manner. While still young enough to be able to, successfully and happily, act upon and implement the answer to it.

Thank you again.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Fri, September 28th, 2007 9:16am

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Paula MacK

Hi, I loved your poem(s) I feel that #1 touched me more but that is also the style that I write more of.
Keep up the great writing

Fri, September 28th, 2007 6:51pm

Author
Reply

Paula MacK:

Thank you for the comment and the compliment. Glad you liked it.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Fri, September 28th, 2007 12:27pm

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Kathryn

I liked the presentation of the third. I think if you emphasize everything, than nothing really stands out- it just all screams at you. I think changing the structure to lower case words was much easier to read and adding the variety (but not over-using) of punctuation really made it so much smoother. Having the moments of normalcy really created more drama or tension or suspense when things changed (beit capitalization or punctuation). Take into account that this is all based on my opinion. Sometimes we like the familiar best, and so take all this with a grain of salt and present the poem however you choose best. Poetry shouldn't be democratic. You should dictate how you want use to read it and feel afterward, although I completely understand your want of feedback. Good work and lovely topic.

Tue, October 2nd, 2007 11:53pm

Author
Reply

Kathryn:

Thank you for the comments and the compliment. I agree with you. Poetry is highly individualistic. The choice between different presentations is just "seasoning to taste". Is there a "best" way to "present"? Perhaps! Depends on: the theme and message of the poem, the poet and the reader. To each their own. I guess.

In this case, 3 poems for the price of one. Better value for one's $1. Will this help "sell the poem"? Quantity discounts?!? Where will all of this lead? One may wonder. Just kidding!

Thank you again.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Tue, October 2nd, 2007 8:10pm

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penniless poet

Liked the poem - liked the second format best

Wed, October 3rd, 2007 11:33pm

Author
Reply

penniless poet:

Thank you for reading, commenting and for choosing. Glad you liked one of them.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Wed, October 3rd, 2007 7:21pm

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Bitter Irony

Lovely work as always. I like the first version best: the effect of the lines seems stronger when they are all put together. I also love the way the last two lines fit together.

Excellent piece!

~Bitter Irony

Thu, October 4th, 2007 1:34am

Author
Reply

Bitter Irony:

Thank you for the compliment and for relating, to me, which of them you most prefer. Think I'll leave them all so that each reader may choose from among them that one (or more) which they may prefer.


Thank you again.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Wed, October 3rd, 2007 7:19pm

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angel777

what a beautiful poem it flows as easily as a river keep up the awesome work and thanks for reading mine as well

Thu, October 18th, 2007 12:50am

Author
Reply

angel777:

Thank you for reading, commenting and the compliment. Much appreciated. Glad you liked it.

Your own work is excellent as well.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Wed, October 17th, 2007 11:30pm

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