Just good friends, best friends and boy friends

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Chapter 28 (v.1)

Submitted: March 31, 2012

Reads: 122

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Submitted: March 31, 2012

A A A

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Friday did come as did the next and the next, and with each weekend we spent together the closer we grew.

Yet again I was sat on the train on the way to Wrexham, since Easter Daniel and I hadn’t spent a weekend apart. I was still wishing the week away and lamenting the haste of the weekend but at least I knew the summer was fast approaching, with only three weeks until my final exam of the year I smiled to myself as I thought of the long months we’d have ahead of us.

This was the last weekend we would be spending together until the exams were over, and although I knew it would be hard, I had to focus and do well in the exams. I knew my grades had started to slide since I’d met Daniel, so this was my last respite from studying until the summer break.

The train journey had been a blur; I was so preoccupied with my decision, I knew what I wanted, I knew I wanted to BE with Daniel in every way; I’d been thinking about it for a couple of weeks, every time we’d gotten close recently it had taken all my willpower to stop myself from ripping his clothes off. I suppose I could of just let things happen naturally but I wanted to make sure this was what I really wanted and not just my hormones taking control of me in the heat of the moment. But I’d thought about it and this was what I wanted so now all I had to do was let him know. Daniel had stuck to his word and despite the odd innuendo he had never seriously brought up the issue of us having sex, so I knew I would have to initiate the first move, the very thought made me feel nauseous, over and over in my head I’d thought about what I’d do and say.

 I’d toyed with the idea of wearing something black, sexy and virtually see through then trying to seduce him, but I really wasn’t that body confident  and I’m pretty sure I don’t have any sexy moves, so no that idea wouldn’t work. I felt embarrassed just thinking about it, I knew my limitations and I was no ‘femme fatale’ so that was out of the question.

Then I thought about just discussing it like two mature adults, but what would I say I mean how would I start the conversation, would we be sat in the kitchen having a cup of tea and as he passes me the digestive biscuits I casually say ‘So Daniel, this sex thing, thought I’d give it a whirl, okay with you?’ Yeah that’s not going to happen either.

My final idea was to just give him a condom, but after lying awake for several nights I decided that would probably be too subtle of a hint and he’d probably think I’d found it under his bed, then he’d explain it must have been there for ages, then I’d have to explain that it was mine and I was giving it to him, then we’d have to have the whole mature adult sex conversation I was so desperate to avoid. Dear God I feel sick again, at this rate I won’t need to worry about broaching the subject at all because I’ll be covered in hives or some kind of hideous rash brought on by nerves so he won’t want to come near me anyway.

‘Relax and breathe, just breathe’ I told myself as I could feel a panic attack mounting. ‘Perspective Alex, compose yourself girl’ I closed my eyes and breathed heavily and slowly. I was getting myself into a state; I’d focused so much on how I was going to instigate our long awaited tryst as a means to divert my mind from the actual reason for my panicking. If truth be known I was afraid I’d be rubbish at it, yeah I’d seen Tina, and I bet she knew her way round the bedroom, no doubt he’d had the whole swinging from the chandeliers experience with her. Does anyone actually do that, or is it just something made up in movies? Anyway in my mind she was definitely a slapper, so if there was a chandelier to hand she’d of swung from it.

 Whereas me, I was more of the bedside lamp and cocoa type of girl, but that was no comfort when I thought of how disastrous this could turn out to be, I mean what if I was so useless at it he decided he’d need to rethink our whole relationship, you see at the moment there is a promise of something good, this amazing connection between us, but once he finds out it’s actually pretty crap I wouldn’t blame him for bailing on me.

 This was how I’d spent the last two weeks internally tormenting myself on my lack of sexual experience due to my bloody high moral standards, if I’d just been a harlot in sixth form like all my friends I wouldn’t be going through this trauma now, no we’d of had sex months ago and I’d be shagging him in the shower like a pro by now. Clearly I was now suffering from some kind of anxiety breakdown or promiscuity bipolar; seriously I needed to get a grip I was driving myself crazy with this.

As the train pulled into the station and I caught my first glimpse of Daniel I could feel the stress washing away, and as he wrapped me in his arms and kissed me lightly I wondered what all my fusing had been about. We walked back to the campus unusually slowly and unusually quietly, for once I was grateful for the silence between us it meant I could concentrate on what was on my preoccupied mind.

Eventually we reached the dorm and finally Daniel’s room, apart from Craig there was no one in the boy’s kitchen, and for this I was again grateful. Although I loved James dearly I don’t think I could have coped with his overenthusiastic wittering, so we were able to slip quietly in without being noticed.

“So erm Alex, are you okay?” Daniel asked a little nervously.

“Yeah I’m fine of course I’m fine, why do you ask?”

“You’ve hardly said a word to me since you got here.” I could see him watching my face closely for any kind of clue to my behaviour, I smiled brightly and put my hands on his shoulders, then in an attempt to reassure him I reached up and kissed him on the lips.

“Would you make me a cuppa please?” still slightly bemused he nodded and left for the kitchen. I had a sudden sense of urgency and knew I needed to this now, right now, so as soon as the door shut I started pulling my clothes off frantically I wanted to be naked and under the covers before he got back and before I lost my nerve.

I could feel my heart beating furiously in my chest, I was concentrating on my breathing in an attempt to keep myself calm, it was all I could do to stop myself from jumping out of bed and throwing my clothes back on. ‘Just stay calm’ I told myself, ‘You want to do this, you want to be with him, you want him’ I kept repeating internally until he returned.

“I don’t believe it, why is it that the only time I don’t have to almost strong arm you out of your clothes, is the one time when I need to talk to you, I really need to talk to you” he said a little exasperatedly.

“Really, can it not wait?” I could feel my courage slowly ebbing away from me.

“No, it’s important” I sat up and holding the quilt tight around me letting my hair fall down around my shoulders helping to disguise my nakedness. Daniel was looking very uncomfortable and fidgety.

 “So I take it this undressing by yourself thing means you’ve really missed me this week then?” He said with a smirk.

“Now that’s not what you wanted to talk to me about is it?” I said with a disapproving frown.

“Okay, but you have to promise to let me finish please don’t interrupt” I nodded my agreement, I could see him swallowed hard as he sat on the edge of the bed and was struggling to make eye contact with me, “Right well I‘ve been thinking, this year has been really difficult, I miss you so much when you are not here with me, I don’t think I can go through this again next year.”

“Daniel I don’t know what you are saying, do you want us to split up?” I looked up into his face fighting hard to keep my confused tears from slipping down my cheeks.

“Oh God no, that’s the last thing I want” he said taking hold of my hand, “And you promised” he chastised; I remembered the oath I’d taken only seconds ago and again nodded my agreement.

 “So I’ve spoken to my mum and dad and I’ve decided I want to transfer to college in Liverpool, I’ve looked into it, John Moore’s runs the same course as I’m on here, I can just transfer straight into the second year, so what do you think?” He was still avoiding eye contact and picking at his nails nervously, I held his hands still in mine and waited for him to look at me

“Are you sure this is what you want to do?”

“Yes, I want to be with you, if this is what you want?”

“Well yes of course it is” I leaned into him and kissed him softly on the cheek.

“The thing is I want us to be together, the reason I’m moving is I want to be with you every day, I want to go to sleep with you next to me every night and wake up each morning with you still there, I want us to live together” He paused and looked deep into my eyes, “Well say something” he encouraged.

“I want that too” I said smiling and throwing my arms around him.

“Are you sure, it’s a big step, are you ready for that?” I could hear the doubt in his voice, rather than answer him I kissed him heavily and pulled him towards me, I knew words alone would not convince him I wanted to show him how certain I was. Not allowing himself to be pulled down, he unwrapped my arms and took my hands in his.

“Right well that brings me onto my second thing I need to talk to you about” now he was looking really uncomfortable. “You know I love you and I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. Now I know it’s a big thing moving in with someone and I need you to know how serious I am about us, I know we’ve only been together for a few months but I know I love you and I know I will never feel like this for anyone else.” He breathed out relieved as he finished speaking, I had a feeling he had practiced this more than once. Then swallowing hard he began again.

“Someday I know we will get married, I know it’s too early for us to start making plans but I have something I want to give you.” Then fishing in his pocket he held something tiny in his fist with his spare hand he took my hand.

“I want to give you this, it’s a promise that one day we will get married” and he placed a ring on the end of my finger, “It’s not an engagement ring so please don’t panic, it’s a symbol of my love for you” and he slipped it onto my finger

“Oh it’s so beautiful” I looked at the exquisite emerald solitaire as it shone in the light from the window.  

“It was my grandma’s, my mum will be so pleased you like it” the happiness and relieve shining almost as brightly as the ring on my finger.

“Are you sure you want to give this to me?” I asked as I moved my hand slowly back and forth in the sunshine.

“Yes I’m 100% certain, I love you and I know I always will.” As his lips fell passionately onto mine I again wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him onto me, after only seconds he pulled away from me and started striping down to his underwear. Although I was blissfully happy I could feel my heart pounding nervously in my chest, I was conscious I was starting to hyperventilate; finally he slipped in the bed next to me.

Placing one hand on my waist he reached to kiss me again, as his tongue pushed its way into my mouth his hand snaked around my back and he drew me to him, it took him a second to realise instead of the material of my bra between us there was nothing. His lips froze and his hand moved swiftly up and down my back before descending onto my naked buttock. He pulled away from me just far enough so he could look into my eyes.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” he asked a little sceptically, “Please don’t feel we have to do this now because of what’s just happened.”

“I had already decided it was the right time, I guess now I’m just even more sure” and I kissed him lightly, I was expecting him to pull me towards him but he didn’t, in fact he didn’t do anything, my heart was crashing against my ribs as the thought occurred to me that perhaps this isn’t what he wants.

“If you don’t want to...” but his lips smashed into mine before I could say any more.

“For someone who’s supposed to be so clever you say some really stupid things, of course I want to. I want this more than anything” and taking my chin in his hand his lips again met mine.

“There’s just one thing” he said teasingly, “I think I’m a little over dressed don’t you?” In one swift movement he held his shorts in his hand and then dropped them to the floor.


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