Identity

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Thrillers  |  House: Booksie Classic

Chapter 3 (v.1)

Submitted: December 31, 2013

Reads: 135

Comments: 9

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Submitted: December 31, 2013

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***Note***

I've revised the end of the last chapter, I wasn't quite satisfied with it, it was quite rushed and I didn't really think through it at the time. Anyway, here's the new chapter!

 

***

 

Chapter Three

 

The girl watched through the window as the world slipped past them, a small smile playing on the corners of her lips as she thought of how the day had changed in such a short amount of time. Ryan stole a glance at her beside him as he thought of how he was the luckiest guy in the world. Two teenagers, both so small in a world so large, drove on with a glimmer of happiness in their eyes.

Halfway across the city, a young man gazed up at a steel faced building. His crystal blue eyes absorbed the frosted windows, gloved hands clenched into fists as he held his demons back. Jacob wanted to turn and walk away, and he considered it, yet he knew the consequences of doing so. He swore under his breath as he stepped forward, cursing his cowardice, cursing the very demon that had put him in this position.

The building itself meant nothing. It was a generic office building, where various companies rented whole floors to carry out their business. It was a hive; people buzzed around clutching various files and stacks of papers, each wishing they could be anywhere but there. Jacob sought the government offices located on the third floor. He stepped out of the elevator, checked in with the receptionist, and headed toward the office he'd been dreading seeing all week. Jacob had been there before, three or four times now, yet each time he was struck with nerves as he reached the door.

'Dr Hayes - Mental Health Psychologist' the sign read. He took a deep breath as he knocked on the door.

 

 

"So tell me, Jacob, how are you feeling today?" Dr Hayes asked, settling in her chair with her pen poised above paper. She peered at him through designer glasses balanced on the bridge of her nose, her salon perfect hair tumbling around her shoulders, faultless eyebrows arched expectantly.

Jacob squirmed under her piercing gaze, as he always did during their sessions, his eyes finding a nice section of wall to look at. "Good. I'm feeling good today."

He couldn't see the look she was giving him but he could tell that she was disappointed in his answer by the prolonged pause. She was waiting for him to say something else.

"I see. We seemed to have gone back a step, Jacob, do we need to revisit last week's discussion?"

"No, Doctor." He snuck a glance at her. "I'm feeling like I'm in control, my thoughts are clear and my own, and I'm feeling calm."

Dr Hayes scribbled something down on her note pad, her pen scratched loudly at the paper. "Good, that's very good. Have you been taking your medication this week?"

Jacob shook his head. "I did... for two days... but they didn't seem to be helping. You said that it would stop him, you promised me that the pills would keep him away. But they didn't."

"No, that's not what I said." She set down her pen. "I said that the tablets would reduce his presence and, in time, will help you control your disorder."

Stubbornly, he shook his head again. "You don't understand. There is no controlling Jake. He comes and goes as he pleases, there is no boundaries or patterns, he just is. And the medication? It only makes things worse. It angers him."

Dr Hayes exhaled then flicked through his file, pulling out a sheet which she briefly examined then slipped back into the file. "How are your visits with Lily going?"

Jacob felt himself relaxing, realising that he had tensed every muscle in his body and had curled into himself while he had been talking. "We're getting along smoothly. She's forgiven me for lashing out at her the other week, I think she blames Jake and not me, although I still feel terrible for what happened."

"Well that's quite common in families where there is a patient suffering with Dissociative Identity Disorder, it's perfectly normal for her to take her frustrations out on Jake. I hear you're taking Lily out tomorrow?"

"Yes, I plan on taking her bowling then out for ice cream. My dad used to do it for me whenever he and mum had an argument. It helped calm us both down and gave us a chance to talk about things." He replied, leaning back in the chair, letting himself open up to her.

"What sort of things did you talk about?" Dr Hayes leaned back in her leather arm chair, crossing one leg over the other, the notepad resting on the arm of the chair.

The room where their sessions took place was far more casual than he had initially imagined when he first arrived. It was like sitting in the psychiatrists living room; instead of the imposing formal layout of an office, he was faced with a comfortable cream sofa where he could sit and admire the city through a floor-to-ceiling window. The doctor perched on her arm chair, positioned with its back at an angle to the window, but not so that she was in direct eye level to him. He liked this setting, it made him feel more at ease, as if he wasn't being forced to attend by the court. 

"Anything really. We'd talk about school, football, everything but him and mum. I never knew why, I guess he just didn't want to spoil our male bonding time." Jacob told her. Letting his eyes wander, he found himself gazing down on to the street below. A father and his son were walking, the son was slightly ahead kicking up rotting leaves with scuffed trainers. He watched thoughtfully; visualizing himself and his own father walking together.

"Did you discuss Jake?"

"Sometimes. Dad was convinced that it was all an act to get attention, he thought that I misbehaved intentionally and blamed Jake for it. If I ever brought it up, say if I felt him taking over and warned Dad, he'd just snap at me. Eventually I learned to keep it to myself."

"How did that make you feel?"

Closing his eyes, Jacob embraced the soothing darkness behind his lids. He didn't want to watch the pair enjoy their happy little life. Maybe one day that boy would suffer as he had suffered. "Angry. I used to get so mad that I'd beg for Jake to take over. I figured that if he dealt with the anger and hurt I was feeling then I wouldn't be responsible for what he did."

The scratching of her pen brought him back into the room. He opened his eyes and watched as she jotted down her notes. "Was this before your parents divorced?"

"Yeah. Dad moved out after the divorce and he didn't like us visiting. We did once or twice but his girlfriend didn't like me, she said that I gave her the creeps, and so Dad never asked to see us again." He paused to take a long breath. As he exhaled a low whistle escaped his lips. "I haven't seen him since I was fifteen."

"It says in your file that you assaulted him in the street when he was out shopping." Dr Hayes said bluntly.

"Jake did. I served six months."

"You broke his cheekbone, jaw, three ribs, and fractured his skull."

"He abandoned us." With his fists clenched and jaw rigid, it took all of his strength to stop himself from submitting to Jake's call. Jake was eager to meet the doctor. He wanted to play.

"Why did you do it? Was it for revenge? Did you want him to experience the pain you felt? Or did you just want to feel superior to him?" Dr Hayes leaned forward in her chair, an elegant brow arched high, eyes daring for him to answer.

"I don't know. Jake did it, not me." Jacob said, his anger slowly decreasing, Jake's voice faded from his thoughts. He had successfully stayed in control.

Dr Hayes, who had noted down Jacob's conflict, gave him a moment of calm. When Jacob finally looked up to meet her eyes, she continued. "Have you completed any of the challenges we discussed last session?"

"One. I managed 48 hours without him."

"That's really good. Things really are moving in the right direction. Do you think you could manage three days with no interference?"

"I'll give it a try."

Dr Hayes smiled and set down her notepad. "I think that's enough serious stuff for one day, how about we try out some relaxation techniques?"

 

An hour later, Jacob stepped out of Dr Hayes' office feeling calm and refreshed. His previous nerves seemed so petty, talking about Jake always made him feel a little better. Around him, the autumn air whirled and sung a tuneless melody, it was a cool crisp morning that left a chill embracing his shoulders as he walked aimlessly through the city centre. It was a busy day; a sea of shoppers swirled around him, they huddled beneath coats and shivered against scarves as the wind swept past them. Golden flecks of fallen leaves collected in pools around the trunks of trees and scattered along the concrete. From above him the ashen sky released a light drizzle of rain; a spectrum of umbrellas were raised to shield warm bodies from the crisp blades.

He wandered for a little while longer until he found an empty bench overlooking the park around the cathedral. It was there that he sat and watched the world around him, where he thought of nothing at all aside from the scenes before him, he embraced those quiet moments.

"There you are!" Exclaimed a disembodied voice from behind him. Startled, Jacob turned to find Scarlett approaching him. He couldn't have missed her; with the armfuls of shopping bags and the beaming grin on her face. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"In all the wrong places, by the looks of it." Jacob smiled, taking in the sheer amount of bags she was tackling.

"It was only a bit of Christmas shopping. Oh, Jake, don't look at me like that, I didn't buy that much." Scarlett rolled her eyes at him, setting the bags at her feet as she reclined on the bench beside him.

"A bit?" Jacob scoffed. "I think you've bought enough to cover both nice and naughty lists there, Miss Claus. Did you even leave anything in the shops?"

"Shut up Jacob, I'm not exactly a shopaholic or anything." Scarlett gave him a sharp nudge in the ribs, to which Jacob yowled with dramatic exaggeration.

"Isn't it a bit early for Christmas presents anyway?" Jacob questioned, giving Scarlett a light nudge back.

She shook her head, he crimson waves brushed over her shoulder as she did so. "I don't think so. You can never be too early for Christmas, Christmas simply takes too long to arrive. Besides, the best thing about Christmas is the build up, and that includes tons of shopping."

Jacob smiled at her enthusiasm. "Mind doing mine for me? I've no idea what to get Lilly, what do teenage girls like these days anyway?"

"Boys, mainly." Scarlett teased. "Well when I was her age all I wanted was some hair straighteners to tame this mess," She grabbed a handful of her red hair and looked at it with disdain. "And I'm sure Lily wouldn't have that problem, she has gorgeous hair."

He shook his head at her, swatting her arm for her to drop the fist of dyed curls. "Brilliant. You're a great help, Scar, how could I ever live without you?" He muttered sarcastically.

"You'd live an awful lot longer if you were nicer to me." Scarlett raised her brow at him.

A long silence passed between them as the atmosphere dropped. The wind shuffled past them, sending strands of black and red hairs flurrying in its wake. Scarlett collected her long hair and tucked it into her scarf, then looked over at her neighbouring friend. He looked worse than usual, she noticed. Slightly more shabby, Jacob's black hair was ruffled and unwashed, eyes cast in shadows, and his stubble was thick and dark against his pale skin. Things had been tough on him recently, especially with all of the tension between Jake and Lily from the week before hand, yet Scarlett had a feeling there was something else he hadn't spoken to her about.

"How was therapy?" She asked, her voice as soft as the wind around them.

Jacob covered his face with his hands and sighed. "Fine."

Scarlett wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed him comfortingly. "I think we could both do with a drink." She murmured.

"I think I've been doing too much of that recently...My head's constantly pounding."  Jacob laughed as he recalled where he had awoken that morning. His face had been pressed against sticky linoleum floor, surrounded by beer bottles and cigarettes, his only company were a passed out middle aged woman. Sometimes, he really worried about Jake's sanity, as well as his own.

 

 

***Note***

Thank you for all the wonderful responses on the last two chapters, it's really helped me get motivated for writing again. I hope this chapter made sense and I know it's bit early to introduce Jacob's mental illness but please bear with me. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

And have a wonderful New Year :)


© Copyright 2019 Emma Richards. All rights reserved.

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