I flinched upon the sound of the impact. There was no point in trying to move just yet, his body was barely a hairs width away from mine, and our body heat filled the space.
So I maintained eye contact. I wasn’t weak. I couldn’t and wouldn’t cry. There’d be no use, I know that and so does he. It wouldn’t affect him anyways.
Looking now, beyond the green-brown of his eyes, trying hard to decipher his emotions. Something washed over me and saw me shut my eyes momentarily; breaking the trance he had us in. The type where the silence echoes, hairs’ breadth apart, and your chest is heaving, your breathing the same air, and you want him but know you can’t have him. When you open your eyes and see the anger smoldering down to non-existence. And then he realized, the only way I know to make him realize.
His fist falls from the wall, an indentation made in it where he struck it in anger merely millimeters from my head. I turn from him once he steps back, forcing myself to look away from him semi-nakedness. I wouldn’t have been able to control myself otherwise; he wasn’t just beautiful facially, he had the body of an Angelo masterpiece to go with. Such a distraction would not aid my defiance.
I turned, my heart heavy, and I walked away from him, towards the futon where my button down shirt lay discarded. Placing it on hastily missing all the top buttons in the process, I heard him sigh, a remorseful sound. One that numbed me.
But I just couldn’t, no, not my best friend.
As I headed for the door, I couldn’t help but wonder, what if I’d let him go on? What if I hadn’t stopped him? Why did I stop him? Lord knows I want it, not just it, but him, all of him. Each and every one of his faults and all, and man do I know his faults, 6 years is more than enough time to have uncovered them.
Great. Yet again I’ve forgotten why I’ve come here. I came for his input, my best friends’ thoughts, opinions and advice. Instead I get another dose of this… I just don’t know what to call it. We can’t be friends with benefits I refuse it. Especially now that there’s some else to put within the picture frame.
Running a hand through my copper colored head of hair, the feel of my fingers run down my scalp to my nape and on wards somewhat comforting. But even I knew that’s not why I did it, I knew he’d notice it, I knew he knew me well. And I knew it would hurt him to see me both frustrated and upset. Like I said tears would be useless, it’s the subtle things that really get him.
I know he’s been watching me. Without bothering to turn to him, too many thoughts and that heavy feeling had me reach for the door knob and pull it open.
Authors Note: Feedback and comments will be greatly appreciated :]
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