Have you ever woken up in the dark hours of the morning or stopped in the middle of your day and realized just how truly insignificant your life is? Have you ever stopped and noticed that the more you try and branch out to be different and unique, you always find yourself being just a slightly altered version of everyone else? I did.
It was summer break and I was lying in my back garden hung over and drenched in my own sweat missing most of my clothes and covered in black marker pen, looking like some disheveled Maori warrior with a bad tattooist, and that’s when I decided I wanted out. You see it might have been sunstroke or just me coming down from the drugs I’d taken the night before but I figured that the only way to be truly different from everyone else is to just do what your heart screams at any given moment. Following your dreams and living to a plan is well and good, but what happens when all that is compromised by what other people think? So that’s when I swore to live only in the moment.
I told my girlfriend about my plan and after a few hours we’d both decided to run away and start our lives as new people. We shed our old lives, names and everything. I called myself Lucas and she called herself Lucy, we kind of liked the similarities between the names, it meant we were bonded by a little more than just some empty promise of a high school crush. We pooled together our savings and bought a crappy car, some relic of a forgotten age, and filled it with narcotics, pharmaceuticals, uppers, downers, hallucinogens and things we’d never even heard of before. I wrote a letter telling my parents I was sorry, but this was what I wanted and then we drove off into the sunset with each other, ready to start our life together, beyond the hazy July midmorning mist.
I sometimes wonder what I would have done if I’d known what would unfold around me after we took off that night. Part of me tells me I would, save myself all the trouble that was to come. Then
again another part of me, the louder and stronger part says “fuck it, it was fun while it lasted and you didn’t die.”
I have to agree, life stung me like mammoth sized wasp but I trudged on and watched the universe explode in the process.
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