I didn’t go to my class that night. I didn’t do much for the next couple days after it. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I was lucky that I could work from home. I stayed shut in my apartment just ordering in till it had been about two months after the party. It was getting cold out anyway and there wasn’t much to do. But then I missed my period. We were drunk and forgot to use a condom. I took three tests and all of them came out positive. I’m pregnant. I couldn’t believe it happened. I had not gotten my new birth control yet as I had to go back to the doctor for it and was too busy with work.
I thought about the baby long and hard about this. About the baby’s life. Would it be better if I just gave her up for adoption? Would it go to a good home with a happy mommy and daddy? What it grow up to be happy and go to college, get married, and have a baby of its own? I stopped there. Even if this baby was made on a drunken night, it is still mine. I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t miss its life. I knew I had to keep it. Abortion wasn’t an opinion. It is not its fault I had made a mistake. I still have everything now, seven months later. I’m a house. Back when I was at the Party and Kellan called me a light weight. He’s right. I’m small. I’m only about 5 foot. I’ve always been thin.
My doctor told me that I needed to make sure I gained enough weight for the baby. I filled out alright. I now have a big bump that looked like I was nine months instead of seven. I opened my baby book to look at of every ultra sound I had. They were putting them on discs now but they still printed me out two every time. I have one of my pregnancy tests on the first page and every ultra sound after it. I flipped to the first empty page and put the ultra sound in the little folder on the page. For every ultra sound there was a belly shot next to it. I knew one day my little baby girl is going to look at this and thank me. For now it’s for me.
I needed to go grocery shopping. I’m running on nothing right now. I put my scrapbook back on my coffee table. I went out to grab my purse only to stop when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. “Oh ow.” I spit through my teeth. I took some deep breaths before I knew the pain was gone. I shook it off before I walked out grabbing my keys to go get food. I needed fruit, cold cuts, bread, meats, eggs, butter, and milk. I piled all the fruit I could into the cart before making my way towards the deli counter. “Can I have ½ a pound of ham and turkey?” I said putting my hand on my belly as I waited.
“Charlie?” I turned to look as Ella came walking over to me. I looked around nervously to get away. “I know that’s you Charlie!” I turned to look her as she came walking over with her hands on her hips. “Why have you been ignoring my calls and texts?” I turned to look at her pulling at my t-shirt. “Oh my God you’re pregnant.” She stopped in her steps putting her hand over her mouth.
“Ella….” She shook her head as the Deli man put my cold cuts on the counter.
“A pound of yellow American cheese.” Ella finished walking towards me.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Char?” I sighed looking down at my finger nails in shame.
“I…” She blinked.
“I thought I must have done something at the party as I was piss ass drunk.” She cocked her head. “But I guess I didn’t seeing as I wasn’t there for that.” She pointed my belly making the baby kick at her finger.
“I’m so sorry, Ella.” She sighed as I felt the tears in my eyes. She gave me that look she always did.
“Come here.” She pulled me into a hug as I fought the tears. “It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry.” She took the cheese off the counter and put it in the cart.
“You know it’s weird. My brother has been really distant too since the party. It’s almost like….” I closed my eyes tightly at the thought of Kellan. How much I missed his body against mine. “Ella…” She pulled back to look at me. “You slept with my brother.” I bit my lip hard. “It’s his baby isn’t it?” I nodded.
“It was crazy.” I whispered.
“Is that why you didn’t talk to me? Because Kellan doesn’t know?” I nodded.
“He wouldn’t want her.” Her head snapped back.
“What makes you think that?” She asked moving away from me.
“He left me. I’m just another whore to him.” I gave a humorless laugh. “He wouldn’t want to have to think about it again. If he wanted her he would stayed long enough to say good-bye.” She sat down on a bench right near us.
“He just left?” I nodded.
“I woke and he was gone. I waited hours for him to come back. He never did. I felt terrible and just left.” I shook my head. “I have to get going. I have to go to class tonight.” I turned to push my cart away to finish off my list.
“Don’t you want to talk to him? Maybe it was just a miscommunication!” She said hopeful as I went to get milk.
“I don’t want to.” I said moving away again.
“Charlie, please. You’re my best friend carrying my brother’s baby! My niece!” I picked up eggs. “Charlie I want everything to be normal. I want you two not to be avoiding each other like the plague.”
“Ella.” She shook her head.
“He at least deserves to know he is going to be a father. He needs to make the choice if he wants to be in the baby’s life.” I stopped to look at her. “Please don’t make it for him. You never know.” She gave me a pleading look.
“What if he doesn’t?” She shrugged.
“Then I’ll be there for you two.” She hugged me. “I’ll always be there.” I took a deep breath. “Do my parents know?” I shook my head.
“I’ve been working at home for the past seven months. I couldn’t face them after what happened. Kind of what I did to you.” I bit my nail. “I don’t know how to talk to your brother.” I swallowed nervously.
“I’ll show you to the firehouse. Kellan moved out of the house a couple months ago. He’s living there till the house he bought is ready.” I bit my lip. “Come on and pay. I can take these back to your apartment while you guys talk.” I nodded nervously as we paid quickly as Ella helped me put the groceries in the car. She drove us to the local firehouse saying that I can drop her off later to get her car from here. She parked and pulled me out of the car knocking on the front door and waited.
“Morning Ella, how can I help you?” A man smiled opening the door before his eyes slipped over to me as I pulled at my sweatshirt to cover my big belly.
“Can you get my brother? We need to talk, now.” He nodded opening the door inviting us into the house.
“You can go sit on the couch in the living room while I got get them.” He smiled weakly at me pointing at a couch in front of a lit fire place. Ella stood next to me as we hear talking coming from the other room.
“What do you mean a girl?” I froze at the sound Kellan’s voice. “I’m not really in the mood for this right now.” He huffed walking into the room. “Charlotte.” He said surprised. “How…what can I help you with?” I took a deep breath pulling my lip from between my teeth.
“We need to talk Kellan.” He sat down next to me his eyes never leaving my face.
“I should get going. Call when you need me to come get you.” Ella nodded at me picking my shoulder a comforting squeeze.
“I can’t believe you’re here.” He whispered putting his hand to my face gently moving his fingers as to see if he was dreaming.
“We really need to talk, Kellan.” I whispered putting my hand on his pulling it into my lap. He smiled at me.
“You don’t know how happy I am to see you again.” He smiled leaning in for a kiss.
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