“You’re what?” He asked looking down.
“Kellan, I’m pregnant.” I pulled the hand into my lap onto my belly. He pulled gently on the fabric till it was at my bra line leaving my big bump exposed.
“I thought you were….” I shook my head.
“I’m sorry. I forgot. I was…” He sighed.
“Drunk.” He moved his hand off my stomach. I bit down on the hurt that formed in my chest at that one movement. He moved to the ledge of the couch putting his head in his hands. “Were you ever going to tell me?” He asked not looking up at me.
“I would have told you. But I didn’t think you cared.” His head snapped to look at me fast.
“Why would you think so poorly of me that I wouldn’t care about my child?” I moved away from him as the sting of his words hit me.
“You left. Got up and left just like I meant nothing. Why would our baby mean anything?” I gave a humorless laugh. “Cause I mean so much to you.”
“It’s different! So much different. You aren’t worth…. ” The look on his face the moment his said, he regretted it. I tried to take a deep breath to clear my chest from the chunk of pain that now took the place of my heart. “Charlie I didn’t mean it…” He whispered trying to take my hand. I shook my head pulling my hand away from him. I could feel the sweat forming on my face as I fought to breath. “Charlie? You look pale.” I took a wheezy breath as I clutched my stomach as the block in my chest expanded. “Charlotte?” I sucked in air sharply as a pain went across my stomach. “Al! Al! Get me Will!” He yelled into the house. I put my hand to my head as I felt a headache coming on. No. Now I just need to calm down before I fainted.
“What?” I looked up as a man came jogging in looking at him.
“Help her. She won’t let me.” He put his hand on my back rubbing it as I fought for me breath.
“Alright sweetheart look up at me.” His gently voice had me looking up as he shined a light in my eyes. “I want you to lean forward and take a slow deep breath.” He showed me what to do. I copied his actions. I slowly got my breath back as the man pulled out his hand to my chest.
“What are you doing?” Kellan asked outraged.
“Shut up.” I could see him counting before putting his hand to my forehead.
“Anemic?” He asked me. I nodded regretting it as it sent my head spinning. “Alright. Lay back sweetheart. Do you have your tablets?” I shook my head again. I could feel the tears as Kellan and Will helped me lay back on the couch. “Do you have the number to your doctor? Can you call?” I fumbled for my phone giving it to him clicking on my doctor. Kellan stroked my hair wiping away the sweat.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered. “You just need to understand that it was a mistake, what happened.” I pulled away from him quickly. I just couldn’t deal with this right now. I stood up on shaking legs. “Charlotte!” He asked worried as I went to take a step. My legs gave out.
“I gottcha.” Will said catching me before I fell onto my baby. “She wants to see you now.” I gripped onto his arm. “She didn’t really tell me anything but she wants to see you.” I nodded weakly as my knees gave out from under me.
“I’ll take her.” Kellan said standing up. “We need to talk anyway.” I laid my head on Will’s shoulder as it started to spin.
“I don’t think that would be the best. I promised her doctor I would bring her before she needs to be admitted to the hospital again.” Kellan looked at me in horror.
“Again?” I clutched tighter on Will’s arm. “She’s my responsibility.”
“Stress is what is making this happen, Kellan.” He wrapped his arms around my back hold me to him. Not in a romantic way, in a supportive way. “Right now, you aren’t what she needs.” He looked at me. “I’ll show you to the car.” I nodded not looking back at Kellan. I couldn’t. My heart is broken. He doesn’t want the baby; he thinks we’re just his responsibility. I will not let my baby be heartbroken like I am because he has a responsibility. “Do you want to say good-bye before we go?” I shook my head as he helped me walk to what must be his car.
“Thank you.” I whispered putting my hand to my forehead.
“I’m sorry you had to deal with that.” He looked over at me as he drove away. “I think he’s just in shock. That’s why he was acting like that.” I looked out the window as my episode started to calm down.
“I really don’t want to talk about him right now.” Will nodded as we pulled up into the doctor’s office. My doctor stood outside with a wheelchair.
“Afternoon Charlotte.” I smiled standing up as Will handed me my purse.
“Thank you, Will.” He smiled at me.
“Please, just think about it.” I looked away as Dr. Blake rolled me into the office. The nurse opened the doors as I was rolled in. My blood was taken to check my iron levels as that’s what I was anemic of. I was then laid down on the bed in one of the exam rooms.
“Charlotte, you’re going to need a shot, okay?” I nodded sitting up tiredly. I felt the prick of the needle causing me to wake up from the burn. I groaned. “How you feeling sweetheart?” I rubbed my face.
“Better.” My doctor sighed.
“You’re making me nervous, Sweetheart.”
“What if you have an episode at home? You might not be found for…” She shuttered. “I would just feel better if someone was there with you to take care of you.” I sighed.
“I don’t have anyone here to take care of me.” She sighed looking at me.
“Charlotte, you already are a high risk pregnancy. What if something happens and no one is there to help you? What about the baby?” I looked up at her as my eyes started to water. I need to think of my baby girl.
“Do you think I can fly?” She looked at me in question. “Like in an airplane?”
“I believe you can. But not for long.” I nodded.
“I think I’m going to go home. My Mom could take care of me.” The doctor nodded at me. “I want to go home.” I cried as the pain started up in my chest again.
“It’s going to be okay. I’ll get updates on the baby. Send pictures.” She smiled at me as I called Ella to pick me up. “I’ll miss you.” She smiled as I stood up.
“It’ll be alright. I’ll be back soon.” She smiled weakly. She knew I wasn’t sure if I’ll be back. I’m not sure if I’ll be back right now. I’m not sure if I even want to come back….
I had my bag packed with everything I’ll need. I picked up my bag putting it on my shoulder. I walked towards the coffee table picking up my scrapbook. I opened the front cover to look at the picture taped onto the back of the cover. It was from the party of me and Kellan. I have loved him since I was little. But now, now I know it will never work. I closed the book as the tear slipped down my cheek. I put the book into my bag before writing a note to Ella if she came back.
Tell him I’m sorry. I just can’t be here for just his responsibilities. I wish it was different. I wish I wasn’t in love with the man who didn’t want me. But it’s not. I was once again given the cruel deck of card. I’m sorry you were dragged into this Ella. I love you as if you were my sister. I’ll always be there for you my friend. I’ll send you pictures of her. Don’t tell Kellan I left. No matter how much I’ve been hurt, I’ve always loved him; ever since I was little. I hope you understand.
Tell him I’ll always love him, even when he doesn’t love me. At least now I have a part of him to love me back.
~Charlotte ‘Charlie’ Stone
I left the note on the table making my way out of the apartment leaving my life here behind the closed door….
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