I heard a knock on my bedroom door making me look up dropping the letter onto the hardwood floor under me. Mom stood at my door way, leaning on wood frame looking at me. “You alright Bailey?” She asked walking in. I picked up the letter quickly and slipped into my sketch book that was on my desk.
“Yeah Ma, I’m fine.” I said giving her a smile. She nodded coming to sit on my bed still looking at me.
“You sweetheart you don’t have to lie to me.” I shrugged at her looking at her.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Mom.” She looked over at my nightstand picking up one of the picture frames I had sitting on it.
“I remember when this was taken.” She laughed to herself. I walked over to her looking at the picture. It was an old picture of Jayden and me from when we were younger. It was before he changed and started to really ‘like-like’ girls. We were horseback riding on Grandpa’s ranch. I had the reigns in my hands while Jayden sat behind me smiling at the camera. We had to be about 11 or 12. It was my favorite picture.
“So do I.” I whispered to myself.
“You were just getting over the last batch of chemo and wanted to go riding but we didn’t want you to go out alone since you weren’t as strong as you should be. Jayden said he would go with you so you could ride again. You loved it.” She smiled looking up at me. I gave a short laugh fighting the tears.
“I remember. It felt great to ride again. It was go long since I have.” I smiled closing my eyes remembering the feeling of the wind blowing through my hair as I rode Murphy.
“I’m sure you can go riding again soon.” Mom smiled at me putting her arm around my shoulder.
“I know Mom. I just wish sometimes that things don’t change. That memories are what you live.” I laid my head on her shoulder.
“But that’s the thing Bailey. Memories are what you live. You make memories. No one else. Memories are what you choose to do. Both your Father and I know you are going to do what you want in life no matter we say. Because your life and no one else can live it. Only you.” I looked up at her.
“Mom did you think of what it would be like if Wyatt and I were never born?” She looked down at me.
“Honestly when you were younger I did wonder. I was an 18 year girl with a crap past who just had twin babies that would not shut up. The love of my life wasn’t home to watch them grow up. I wondered so much I did the right thing about keeping you two. I was scared that I wasn’t doing a good job that you two weren’t grow growing like you should be. I was scared someone was going to come and take you both away from me. But every time I looked,” She took a deep breath trying not to cry, “every time I looked you both I saw fathers smile. The smile that got me through everything, even the toughest times. Then I think ‘Wow I really made them’.” She gave a chuckle. I watched her face. “I even look at your brothers and think I really made a family.” She smiled down at me.
“What, what do think when I first got cancer?” I asked quietly looking at her. She sighed looking up at the ceiling.
“When you first got diagnosed with cancer all I could think about is why her? Why did my baby have to get cancer? Why did my family have to get attacked? Why?” She sighed looking down at me.
“Did you ever think of giving me up? So you didn’t have to deal with it?” She shook her head.
“Never. I would always look at your brother and watch him as he stared at you. I always wondered what we was thinking when he looked at you. You always so strong when we weren’t.” I watched as the tears rolled down her cheeks. “You held our family together, without even knowing.”
“Mom, what would you do if I got cancer again? What didn’t make it? What if I am not as strong as you think I am?” She looked at me wiping her tears.
“Bailey you are my Baby. You have your father wrapped tighter around your finger that skinny jeans on a famous person. Your Father loves you and so do I. If you got cancer again we wouldn’t give up on you. Never. Never think that we would give up on you. We love you. Never think we don’t. Alright?” I nodded. “And you strong. Stronger than all of the marines I know. Trust me I know a lot of them. Never think about that. Because you know what?” She waited till I answered.
“What Mom?” I asked fighting the tears that wanted to escape.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you strong. Bailey you are strong. No matter what anyone ever tells you. Never forget that.” I nodded.
“I love you Mom.” I said quietly. “Thank you never giving up on me.” She smiled through the tears running down her face.
“You never have to thank me for that because I would never give up on you. Ever.” She kissed my forehead. She sat up and wiped the tears off her face. I smiled wiping mine as well. “I better go start dinner your father should be home soon.” I nodded.
“The boys don’t know he is home yet do they?” She nodded.
“They are clueless about it.” She giggled quietly looking around to see if he boys are listening. “Just the way your Dad wanted them. He does have a surprise for them.” I raised an eyebrow.
“Is that why he didn’t come in when he dropped me off before.” She walked to the door as if she was ignoring my question, but right before she left she turned around and winked. She laughed walking out leaving me sitting there.
“This should be interesting.” I mumbled to myself rubbing my face.
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