All the little nine year old heads as they giggled around made me smile. Dakota had invited all of her friends to come trick-or-treating with her. I always wanted to be able to trick-or-treat with my friends. But when I was little, I didn’t have any. My Mother always made sure I never talked to anyone. I never really wanted to anyway. I’m not a very social person. My Dad took me to see a therapist once. She said the years of violence and everything can do that to someone. I really know why though. When I was little I envied everyone. I’d watch as there mommies and daddies picked them up from school and gave them hugs and talked about what they were going to do today.
I never got that chance. My mother never wanted to pick me up. I used to just walk home. Not that I even wanted to go home. I have hazy memories of my Dad sweeping me into his arms as I ran out of school. But there were few of them. It was like they were only dreams, not memories. My Dad tried his hardest to see me, to talk to me, to even just have me know he was there. He had the school nurse on his side. When I was in elementary school, my Dad knew the nurse. She used to be friends with my mom at my age at the time, but when high school hit, she turned her back on her. She was no long a use. The nurse felt bad for Dad that he wasn’t allowed to see me. So she did what she could. She would call me down to her office and she would have me talk to him. He could only call at special times since he was in the military, but he told me he rather talk to me then sleep.
All the kids at school thought there was something wrong with me, being in the nurse’s office all the time. They shied away from even more with that. I didn’t care. I would just sit with my backpack at the empty lunch table trying to write letters. The school realized that I was in the nurse’s office so much, a teacher told them or something. They must have told my mother because the next thing I know, I’m switching schools, and I’m even more alone. It was one of the worst times. The beating got worse and it was just sad. I’d come home and that was it. The men came and went as I cowered under my bed when I heard my door open. It’s what I was to do, I know it was. My mother must have liked one of them because they came back a lot. I was scared of him, stayed in my room like I was taught so violently to do. But he was different.
He wanted to know me. He wanted to see me, not in some perverted way, though. He bought me a frozen yogurt one day when I was home alone. My mother said he could stay and do whatever he wanted to do. Like always the door opened and I was curled up under the little bed the springs digging into my back painfully. ‘I’m not going to hurt ya’ sweetheart.’ The gentle voice said. ‘Please come out.’ Did I trust someone telling me they weren’t going to hurt me? Absolutely not. All I could see where some fancy black shoes that shined in the light of small room. The little bed skirt moved and two brown eyes were staring at me. I cowered till I hit the wall. But he didn’t do anything but put a green cup down by the end of the bed. I was curious, hell I was young, and I army crawled till I could see the cup.
‘It’s going to melt if ya’ don’t eat it soon.’ He said in a gentle voice. He didn’t have that look in his eyes I was always used to. I pulled myself out of the confines of my bed and looking into the cup. It was full of all candies any eight year old would like. I looked up like he was taunting me just to take it away, but he didn’t. He sat down on the floor picking up his own cup. I picked up the cup taking a small bite full of candy. I was starving. I pulled a spoon full of candy and frozen yogurt making him smile. That was the day I met Harold. He hasn’t changed since then. He married my mother a couple months later.
“Carson?” I snapped out of the memory to look at Dakota as she stood in her costume looking at me. The trip down memory lane wasn’t one I wanted to see a lot. They usually weren’t fun or happy like everyone else’s. They usually only held hurt and pain. Not all of them though. Not the ones with Dad, or with Sarah, or even with Harold. They were my only happy memories. Like I said, few and little in between.
“Yeah, Sweetheart?” I asked clearing my throat. She looked out into the other room as a cry came out of it.
“JJ’s fussing a lot.” She said pointing. I nodded walking into the other room to smile. JJ was in the little monkey costume moving around in his car seat. Dad said I was the same way. I never really liked it much. Some babies love them, me and JJ not so much. I unhooked him from it picking him up. Tucker looked up at me from where he finished putting together the stroller. We’ve never used it before so it had to be put together to be ready to go.
“You ready to go?” I asked him as he stood up to pull at the pink fabric of my dress.
“You should always dress like this. It shows that you really are my princess.” He smiled at me giving me a kiss. I rolled my eyes at him.
“Oh shush. The stroller is ready? The kids want to get going.” He nodded picking the stroller up easily to carry it outside.
“Alright munchkins, you all ready to go?” There were about 5 other kids here. 3 little girls and a set of twin boy. I knew most of them as they have been around when I was over here to play with Dakota or when I was asked to go pick her up from a friend’s. The girls were all dressed in different costumes. A princess, a witch, and Jesse from Toy Story 2. The boys were both Power Rangers. It was so cute. The town we live in has this Adult Halloween party every year to raise money for the town, seeing as it is a wealthy town it makes good money. But some of the money goes to charities as well.
“Yay we’re going to get candy.” The twins giggled. They were identical so they had the same blonde hair and brown eyes as the other.
“Alright, let’s go. Everyone have their bags?” I ask strapping JJ into the stroller. It was another gift from Harold. We have an older stroller but this one was much nicer. JJ might not like his car seat but he loves his stroller. I watched as the kids ran to the neighbor’s house to start off the night. I walked over with Tucker pushing the stroller.
“You looked deep in thought before.” Tucker said pulling at the sash on his shoulder.
“Just thinking about when I was little.” I sighed watching the kids. They would come back and we would walk to the next house. For all being nine they are very smart and well behaved. We were waiting as they went to an older lady’s house.
“Why?” He asked. He knew about some of my past. Some of my hardships. Not all of them, but the ones he knew gave him an idea of the rest. I never did have a good childhood.
“Just happened.” I sighed. He looked at me leaning in to kiss my face gently.
“I’m sorry. You want me to get you a piece of candy?” I smiled at him. He really was sweet. He made sure I had everything I need. The whole pregnancy thing has really put us into a different light.
“I’d love one.” He picked up his sister lifting her off the ground running with the rest of the kids as they all giggled happily. I don’t know what I expected to think being pregnant at 18. I still had my doubts. It wasn’t about my family, or Tucker’s family. Not even Tucker. I know he’ll be an amazing father and any child would be lucky to have him. No, I was doubting myself. My mother got pregnant with me young. She had me at almost the same age that I am now. What if I turn into her? Could I even live with myself? To hurt my baby like that?
“Hey I got you your favorite.” I looked over as Tucker handed me a Reese’s peanut butter cup. I smiled at him unwrapping the candy and taking a clean bite from it.
“I want a piece of candy.” The little princess said. I smiled at her. There was a rule when you’re younger at school. If you want a piece of candy, you have to have an adult check it first. Just in case someone did something to it.
“Already let me see it.” Each one of them showed me a piece, which each got an okay on. Tucker wrapped his arms around me pulling me to him and putting his head on my shoulder. I felt his hands link together on my bump rubbing gently at it through the fabric.
“I love you.” He whispered sighing. I turned my head to kiss his cheek.
“I love you too.” I don’t know what I would have done if Tucker left me when I found out I was pregnant. What I would have done. I don’t even know what to do. I’d be crushed.
“Come on Carry.” I shook my head to look Dakota.
“Alright Kota.” I pulled away from Tucker to continue walking with them. Tucker stayed at my side as we walked around the community.
“My feet are killing me.” I sighed looking at Tucker. He looked at the kids.
“Alright come on Kids, Home we go.” The kids nodded, their feet must be hurting too.
“Heels are terrible.” I could hear the sound of JJ sleeping in the stroller. We got back to Tucker’s quickly as we weren’t too far away. The kids ran into the living room to go count and trade candies while I pulled off my heels and put them down before walked down stairs to the TV room. Tucker had JJ in his arms as he followed me. He laid JJ on the ground as I put a pillow on both sides of his so he wouldn’t roll. Tucker lay down before pulling me on top of him. I was falling asleep when my phone started to ring. “Who’s calling me?” I whined opening my eyes tiredly.
“You’d have to answer that to find out.” Tucker smiled muting the TV. I picked up the phone answering it.
“Hello?” I said tiredly as Tucker rubbed at my bump.
“Hello Isabelle.” I swear my heart stopped….
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