Pain Isn't a Weakness

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Chapter 10 (v.1) - Believe

Submitted: July 12, 2011

Reads: 486

Comments: 16

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Submitted: July 12, 2011



 Dad held me close to him as I felt the sobs shake him. “Please don’t think like that Bailey. Please.” He took my face into his hands holding me tightly as if he never wanted to let me go. “Please Baby. You have to have hope. Faith. We will get through this. All of us. Together.”

“But what if, what if I don’t make it?” Dad shook his head.

“Don’t think about the what ifs. I raised you so you don’t have any what ifs. You need don’t need to worry. Remember what I used to always tell you.” I nodded.

“There’s a lot to think about, but nothing to worry about.” He nodded.

“I don’t want you to worry Bailey.” I closed my eyes.

“But there is Dad. I have to worry about Fin. What would happen to me if I don’t win the fight this time? I have to worry about the baby. What would happen to it? Could I give it cancer? Is it worth the fight if I know it could die? God what would I do for Taylor?” Dad shook his head.

“Bailey you have to fight. You have to have the hope to fight. If you don’t,” He shook his head. “You need hope. For the baby, for Fin. For your babies.” I nodded.

“For my babies. For Taylor.” I could feel the tears rolling down my face again. “I love you Daddy.”  He kissed my head.

“I love you too Baby.” I curled up into him as we held me to him. We both looked at the door as Mom knocked gently on it.

“Dinner’s ready you two.” She said smiling gently at us.

“Alright Ryan we will be there soon.” She nodded turning around. I moved out of Dad’s lap as he got up and we made our way to the dining room. I kissed Fin on his head as he looked up at me. He frowned at me reaching his arms up at me. I lifted him up to me as he held on to my neck burying his face in my shirt as I rubbed his back.

“Mommy.” He whined into my shirt.

“What’s wrong Baby?” I asked him as he looked up at me. His bottom lip stuck out as he looked up at me with puppy dog eyes.

“I missed you.” I kissed his head.

“I missed you too Baby. But I’m here now and that’s all that matters.” He nodded. I looked around the table. “Where’s Dillon?” I asked after kissing Bentley’s head.

“He doesn’t want to come out of his room.” She said putting the food on the table before looking at me. “He is taking really hard Bailey.” I nodded walking over to Taylor and handed him Fin. Fin looked at me.

“Mommy.” He said as Taylor sat him on his lap.

“I’ll be right back. I’m going to go talk to Uncle Dillon.” He nodded at by looked up at Taylor with a pout. I smiled at Taylor before turning to walk up the stairs to Wyatt’s old room which was Dillon’s new room. I knocked gently on the door. “Dill can I come in?” I heard a muffled yes making me open the door. The light was turned off but I could still see Dill laying on his stomach his face in his pillow. “Dillon honey?” I sat on the end of the bed. He looked at me his eyes swollen from crying.

“It’s unfair.” I looked at him.

“What’s unfair?” He shook his head.

“It’s unfair that you’re sick again.” He put his head back in his pillow.

“Why is it unfair?” He looked back at me as tears rolled down his face.

“Because I don’t want to lose my sister.” I could feel the tears in my eyes once again.

“Come here.” I patted my lap. He crawled onto my lap and wrapped his arms around me.

“I don’t to lose you Bailey. You’re my best friend.” I held him close to me.

“You’re my best friend too Dill. I love you. You’re my baby brother nothing will change that. No one can take it away. You will be my best friend for the rest of our lives. You know I love you.” He nodded his lips wobbling.

“I love you. I don’t want you to be sick. It’s fair that everyone has their big brothers and sisters. They brag about how cool they are and how they are awesome. I want to say that Sissy. I want to say that too.” I wiped his tears holding his face like Dad did with me.

“You can say that. It doesn’t matter that I’m sick. That doesn’t make me different from all your friend’s brothers and sisters. You know what you can say them. My Sister is a hero. She can kick cancers ass.” He looked up at me.  

“You are my hero Sissy. Always and forever.” I kissed his forehead. “I just wish you weren’t sick.” I bit my lip trying not to cry.

“I wish so too. I wish I wasn’t sick. I wish; I wish I didn’t have to put everyone through this. I feel terrible that I stay healthy enough to keep everyone from crying over me. I wish I didn’t have to everyone through this pain. I wish I wasn’t going to have to go through this pain.” Dillon looked at me as I told him my fears. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly.

“You’re strong Bailey. I know you are. You can do this. I know. I can feel it. Don’t give up hope. Please don’t.” I held him tightly.

“I won’t.  I promise.” He was only 12 and acting like he knew. He knew like was beyond his years. He took my face into his hands.

“You have to believe. Dare to believe.” I nodded.

“I will Dill.” He looked at me.



“Do think Dad will be mad at me if I didn’t go to the front line?” I shook my head.

“Of course not Dillon. Why would you think that? Dad would be happy if you were happy.” He shrugged at me.

“I still want to be like him. But I want to be a doctor.” He nodded smiling at me for the first time since I have seen him today. “Like Uncle Rodger!”

“Why do you want to be doctor?” He looked up at me.

“I want to help soldiers. But I want to help people with cancer. So no one has to go through this like us.” He moved under his bed and pulled out a book.

“What’s this?” I asked opening it.

“It’s a first-aid book.” He pointed at the pictures and told me what was what.

“You really do want to be a doctor.” He nodded. I kissed his head. “Come on let’s go get some dinner.” He put the book under his pillow. We walked into the dining room as Mom smiled at us.

“Come on kids come eat before the food gets cold.” I smiled sitting down next to Taylor who still had Fin on his lap. He took my hand and smiled at me/ I know he was saying he was still here, without having to say it….

I let Harley into the apartment as Taylor held a fast asleep Fin in his arms. “You want me to take him and get him ready for bed?” I whispered to him turning on the living room light on.

“I can get him ready. Go get ready for bed. Warm it up for me.” I nodded kissing him.

“I love you Taylor.” He smiled at me making his way to Fin’s room.

“I love you too Bailey. And I will never get tired of saying it.” I watched as he went into Fin’s room before making my way into ours. I turned the lamp on before changing into a pair of small shorts and a t-shirt. I pulled the comforter back and pulled the blankets up to my waist. Taylor came in a little later in only his uniform pants and his dog tags hanging around his neck. “Don’t you look comfy?” He smiled unbuttoning his pants and pulling the zipper down.

“I am but I could do with you next to me. Make it better.” Pulled his pants down picking his pants up and putting them on the chair in the corner of the room. He came over and crawled into bed next to me.

“Tomorrow is going to be a big day.” I nodded as he got into the sheets next to me pulling me to him.

“It’s going to be for Fin. His first airplane ride and it’s across the country.” He nodded kissing my head.

“Yeah but we will be there for him.” I laid my head on his bare chest and looked at the ceiling.

“Bailey?” I looked up at him.

“We will get through this. I know it.” I kissed him. “Tomorrow starts are journey. We better gets some rest.” I pressed my lips to his chest and closed my eyes as Taylor turned the light out.

“Mommy?” A small voice called in the darkness. I woke up quickly and turned the light on, much to Taylor’s dismay as he pulled the pillow over his head.

“What’s wrong baby?” I asked rubbing my eyes looking at the clock next to me. 2:30 am.

“I want to sleep with you and Daddy.” I nodded patting the spot between the two of us on the bed.

“Alright did you wet yourself?” He shook his head climbing up onto the bed into my arms as Harley yawned at the end of the bed where we must have come into from when I was sleeping. I pulled the blankets back and over him before turning the lamp off again.

“Daddy?” Fin asked in the silence.

“Yeah Buddy?” Taylor answered sleep thick in his voice.

“I sleep by you?” I heard Taylor laugh.

“Yeah buddy. You can sleep here with Daddy. Now go to sleep. We have a big day tomorrow.” I closed my eyes falling back asleep as I felt Fin curl up next to me going back to sleep.

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