“Cancer?” I felt like my world was falling apart. Cancer. Cancer. My world was crumbling in my hand. Nothing could change this. I’m 19, almost 20 years old and I had cancer. Again. My fourth time with Liver cancer. Why me? Why did I have to be the one with cancer? I don’t want it. I don’t want to die.
“I’m sorry Bailey. The signs are pointing to it.” I closed my eyes. I wanted to cry but I had no tears. I was in shock. I could hear my heart beating in my ear.
“The baby?” I asked opening my eyes to look at him.
“The baby could in danger.” I ran a hand through my hair.
“How do you know I’m pregnant?” I asked slowly feeling the words as they left my mouth. He nodded to my stomach.
“You got a little bump right between your hips.” I looked down at my stomach before looking back at him.
“I don’t see anything.” He smiled weakly at me.
“Lift your shirt up sweetheart.” I lifted my shirt up and put my hand on my bare skin. “You feel it now.” I nodded. Out of all the misery a glimmer of hope was shining through it all.
“Yeah. Why didn’t I feel it before? Or even notice it?” He shrugged.
“I don’t know why you didn’t notice it. Maybe you just haven’t been really looking for it.”
“I thought I was finally gaining weight…” I looked down rubbing lightly over my little bump. He shook his head.
“But you haven’t. You need to gain weight or the baby’s life could be at risk.” I closed my eyes taking a deep breath. I nodded. I felt Dr. Brown’s hand on my shoulder. “Bailey I have to warn you now. They are going to want you to abort the baby. They are going to...” he trailed off. I opened my eyes for the first time tears coming to my eyes.
“No. No. No. I won’t.” He nodded.
“I know that’s why I didn’t say it. I know you and you would never do that.” I looked down at my little belly and rubbed it.
“I will never get rid of you sweetheart. Over my dead body.” I whispered. Dr. Brown put his hand on my shoulder.
“I know sweetheart. But I have to tell you that you need to call Taylor and tell him to come here.” I looked up at him.
“Is the baby going to be alright?” He sighed.
“I don’t know that’s why I want you to go to the hospital and get a final answer if it really is cancer and what to do to keep you and that baby healthy.”
“What about Fin?” I asked looking at his baby blanket laying on my lap were I put it when I first heard Dr. Brown say Cancer.
“I’ll your mom to come pick him up. You just call Taylor and tell him to meet you at the hospital or to come here.” I nod picking up my bag and pulling my cellphone out as Dr. Brown picked up the phone in the room to call my Mom. I hit the speed dial with Taylor’s name and closed my eyes.
“Hey Baby what’s up?” Was the first thing I heard when Taylor picked up the phone. I took a calming breath before trying to talk to him.
“I need you.” I whispered fighting the emotion that wanted to get out.
“Baby what’s wrong? You were fine when I left. If Fin okay?” I closed my eyes.
“I need you to either come pick me up or meet me at the hospital.”
“Bailey, is Fin alright?”
“Fin’s fine.” I could almost see him shaking his head in confusion.
“Bailey then what’s wrong?” I could feel my tears forming for the second time today.
“I can’t tell you over the phone.” I bit my lip as Dr. Brown put his hand on my shoulder again.
“I promise I will be there I just need to get off work. But I’ll get there I promise.” I nodded even though he couldn’t see me.
“I love you.” I whispered.
“I love you Bailey. I love you so much.”
“I know.” I waited till I heard the sound of him hang up his cell phone before looking at Dr. Brown.
“Come on.” He said softly. “Let’s wait for your Mom to come.” I nodded standing up picking up my bag and taking Fin’s blanket into my hands holding it tightly, as if it was mine. As if it was my comfort blanket. He put his hand on back leading me out into the waiting room. Fin was still looking at the fishes but turned when he heard me. He smiled through his pacifier and ran over to me. I lifted him up and smiled weakly at him. He laid his head on my shoulder as I kissed his head.
“Let me go call in Fin prescriptions for you.” I nodded holding on to Fin tightly closing my eyes trying not to cry. I opened my eyes and looked at Fin as he stared at me.
“I love you Baby.” I kissed his head again as Mom came walking through the door.
“Bailey.” She hugged me. “Are you alright?” I nodded.
“Look.” She looked down as I lifted my t-shirt up to show her my bump. Her eyes widened looking down at my belly.
“You’re pregnant.” She said looking up at me. “Wow. I don’t know what to say.” I put my shirt down and shook my head.
“I weigh 85 pound.” She closed her eyes.
“I need you to drive me to the hospital.” Fin looked at me as he held onto me. Mom nodded tears forming in her eyes.
“Alright let’s go.” I shook my head.
“I want you to watch Fin for me. I don’t want him to see any of this.” Mom sighed before nodding.
“Come on. I’ll take you there.” I looked at Dr. Brown watching him nod before turning around and walking out of the waiting room with Fin in my arms and Mom behind me. I sat next to Fin stroking his hair as he stared at me. I smiled at him kissing his head. I watched as we left the pediatrician behind us. I looked at Fin and smiled at him one more time before leaning my head on his and closing my eyes. I could feel my barrier starting to crack as I started to cry. I felt little hands on my face making me open my eyes and look at him.
“Mommy no cry.” He said his pacifier falling out of his mouth. I nodded at him kissing his head trying to stop crying.
“No cry.” I whispered to his laughing. He gave me one of his father’s frowns. I kissed his forehead wiping away my tears. “I love you Finley.” He smiled at me.
“I love Mommy.” I kissed his head one last time as Mom pulled up to the hospital on base.
“You sure you don’t want me to come?” I nodded.
“Watch Fin for me. Taylor should be here soon. I’ll call you.” I nodded at her. She nodded back.
“Alright sweetheart. Call soon.” I got out of the car gently and made my way towards the entrance. I looked up at Uncle Rodger.
“Hey Kid.” He gave me a weak smile.
“Hi Uncle Rodger.” He put his arm over my shoulders.
“Come on let’s get you up stairs.” I nodded as he led me into the hospital…
I lay in a hospital bed waiting for Taylor to come flipping through the channels. “Baby.” I looked up from the TV at Taylor. I smiled weakly at him.
“Hey.” He walked over and kissed me.
“I’m sorry it took so long but I couldn’t get anyone to cover for me.” He sighed before kissing me again.
“It’s okay.” I whispered looking up at my IV. He pulled a chair over to my bed side.
“What’s wrong Baby?” I took his hand and laid it on where our baby’s home putting my hand over his. He looked down his breath catching in his throat as he stared at my bump before moving his hand up and down the bump. “A baby.” He said looking up at me.
“A baby.” He took a deep breath.
“Our baby.” He leaned over to kiss my bump through my hospital gown. “We are going to have a baby.” I nodded at him. “But why are you here? Is it alright?”
“I don’t know yet. But Taylor…” I trailed off tears forming in my eyes. He put his hand on my cheek.
“Baby what’s wrong?” I closed my eyes.
“I have cancer.” He swallowed and looked at me.
“Can…cer?” I nodded. He shook his head in disbelief.
“But the…but the….but the baby? What about the baby?” I bit my lip trying not to cry.
“I don’t know.” He held his hand still on my bump looking at it. “I’m sorry.” I could feel the tears start to roll down my face. Taylor put his forehead to mine.
“It’s not your fault. Baby it’s your fault.” I closed my eyes as I started to full on cry.
“I’m sorry. I can’t protect our baby.” Taylor took my face into his hand and kissed me.
“Don’t you say that Bailey. You are protecting it. I love you Bailey no matter what happens. I love you with everything I got.” I watched the tears roll down his face.
“I love you too.” I nodded kissing him putting my hands on his head. I heard a knock at the door making me look up. Uncle Rodger came in with a nurse behind him rolling in an ultra sound machine. Taylor sat back in his chair wiping away his tear looking at Uncle Rodger.
“Yeah Uncle Rodger.”
“I got your blood test back. Your Alpha-fetoprotein production was very high.” I closed my eyes taking a deep breath fighting tears.
“What’s an Alpha-fetoprotein production?” Uncle Rodger looked at him.
“It’s a substance that liver tumors produce.” Taylor bit his cheek.
“So this means…” Uncle Rodger nodded.
“That it means Bailey really does have liver cancer again.”
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