Pain Isn't a Weakness

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Chapter 8 (v.1) - A Heartbeat

Submitted: June 30, 2011

Reads: 626

Comments: 19

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Submitted: June 30, 2011



I closed my eyes as Taylor squeezed my hand. “I knew it.” I sighed looking at Uncle Rodger.

“I wish it was different Bailey. I really do but you know how it goes.”  I nodded as Taylor laid his forehead on our baby bump. I put my hand on his head and rubbed it gently. He turned his head to look at me as tears rolled down his face.

“I wish I could make it go away.” He whispered closing his eyes. I gave him a weak smile.

“I know but there is nothing we can do but hope. Hope is our best friend.” He nodded slowly opening his eyes.

“I love you so much Bailey. Please never forget that.” I put my hand on his head trying to pull him up to me. He came up to my face.

“I know you love me. I love you too.” I watched his face as he cried. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I closed my eyes as I started to cry with him. “I’m sorry.” He put his hands on both of my cheeks.

“It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.” He whispered leaning in to kiss me. I heard Uncle Rodger clear his throat. I opened my eyes to look at him.

“We want to get a look at the baby. See how it is.” I nodded as Taylor moved so he was next to me so Uncle Rodger could get to my belly. I wiped my eyes as Taylor took my hand in his and kissed it.

“You think it will be alright Uncle Rodger? You think my baby will be okay?” He looked at me before looking at the nurse.

“I’m really not sure Bailey. That’s why we are getting you an ultra sound.” I nodded as he pulled my hospital gown up putting the machine next to me.

“I will go get the oncologist.” The nurse nodded leaving the room. Uncle Rodger smiled at me.

“Alright this is going to be a little cold.” He said picking up the gel and putting it on my bump.

“That’s cold.” I shivered. Uncle Rodger laughed at me.

“I told you it would be.” I took Taylor’s hand in mine before I looked over at him. He smiled at me tears still in his eyes. Uncle Rodger put the wand onto my stomach and clicked some button till a picture came up on the monitor. “Did you drink your 16oz of water?” I nodded.

“Yeah. I got to pee real bad right now.” He smiled at me clicking more buttons. “You hear that?” I closed my eyes listening to the sound coming from the machine.

“Yeah.” I whispered tears rolling down my face.

“That’s its heart beat.” Uncle Rodger smiled at Taylor and me. I opened my eyes and looked at Taylor as he stared at the monitor.

“I remember when I first heard it when it was Fin.” He smiled sadly at me. He leaned down to kiss me.

“That’s our baby.” I smiled at him biting my lip.

“It is.” Uncle Rodger moved the stick around my belly and clicked some more buttons before turning the screen closer to Taylor and me. “You see that? That’s your baby.” My eyes widened as I stared at the picture. I looked at Taylor.

“That’s our baby.” He nodded as tears fell down his face.

“That’s our baby.” I reached my hand out gently running my fingers on the screen as I watched the baby move on the screen as I watched it wide eyed.

“Is…is it alright?” Uncle Rodger looked at the screen taking measures and everything.

“For a 12 week old baby it looks healthy.” He smiled at me.

“You sure it’s 12 weeks Rodger?” Taylor asked kissing my hand. He nodded.

“I’m positive Bailey is 12 weeks pregnant. And the baby looks healthy even for your weight.” I smiled at Taylor as tears rolled down his face.

“I got you pregnant right when I got home.” He laughed happily at me leaning down to kiss me again. “It’s healthy. That’s all I can ask for.” Uncle Rodger printed out the pictures and some extras before pocketing one.

“This on is for me if you don’t mind.” He smiled handing me the pictures and a tissue to wipe my stomach. I wiped my stomach pulling the gown down before handing the pictures to Taylor. A man walked into the room as Uncle Rodger stood up.

“Hi I’m the on call oncologist today.” Uncle Rodger nodded at him as Taylor watched him. “What can I help you three out with?” He asked looking at the three of us.

“Bailey here has liver cancer.” He nodded.

“Alright.” He gave me a thoughtful look before looking at Uncle Rodger. “Is there something else I need to know?”

“Bailey is 12 weeks pregnant with her first child.” He nodded looking at us.

“Are you aborting the baby?”

“No. Absolutely not.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“It’s not in the best interest for you or the baby.” He said in a bored tone.

“I don’t give a crap what you think. I am not giving up this baby. Over my dead body.” He stared at me.

“It probably will be when the cancer spreads to the baby in your womb.” He said in a hard voice. I sat up in bed.

“I have had cancer four times now. This could be my last chance to have a baby. I will never ever abort a poor baby that didn’t do anything to deserve it.” I snapped at him. “I will not kill my baby.” I looked at Taylor. “Don’t make me kill my baby.” He shook his head.

“Bailey is right. I’m not making her kill our baby.” The oncologist gave both of us a dirty look.

“Look. If you want my help you will abort that problem. If you don’t, I just won’t help you. This is a win-lose situation.” I looked at Uncle Rodger’s shocked face before crossing my arms. “That baby is going to be sick its whole life. Do you really want to be the problem to that thing? Really want to be the reason that it was cancer? Really do you know how it feels to grow up with cancer?” I glared at him.

“You shut your fucking mouth. My baby is not a thing. It might be an it right now till we can tell what sex it is. You cannot say to me I will ruin its life. You don’t know the future. You don’t know what it’s like. But I do know what it’s like to grow up with cancer. I have had it three times since I was 8 months old. I know what it is like to have cancer.”

“Then you want your baby to have a terrible childhood like you?” He said raising his eye brow.

“I might have had cancer but I did not have a terrible childhood. I had parents that loved me. I had a great brother who loved me and cared for me. Same with other brother. I might have had cancer but I loved. That what helped me survive. Not chemo. Sure it helped but it would have killed me the process.” He glared at me.

“You have no other chose you have to abort the baby before it is too late.” He shrugged matter-of-factly.

“No I will not. It has a heartbeat already that means it’s alive and I will not kill it.” He glared at me again.

“I told you if you don’t abort it I’m not going to help you.” I looked at Taylor as I put my hand on my baby bump. I could see the anger in his eyes as he stared at the oncologist.

“Get out.” The oncologist stared at him in shock. “She said no. Now get out. We will find another doctor. You won’t go near my family.” He snapped at him. I took Taylor’s hand in mine as I looked at Uncle Rodger.

“Taylor’s right. Get out. I’ll my niece and I know I have to protect her from you.” The oncologist glared at me before turning around and leaving the room. Taylor turned and leaned his head against mine.

“I love you Bailey. I’ll follow you anywhere Baby.” He kissed me as a tear rolls down his face.

“I love you too.” I whispered kissing him back. Uncle Rodger cleared his throat making the two of us look at him.

“I’m going to call around see if I can find any oncologists round that would be able to help you. I’m sorry I brought him in. I knew he was an ass hole. I just wish I thought of that before I took him in here to help you.” I nodded.

“It’s not your fault Uncle Rodger.” He nodded smiling at me.

“Thanks Bailey.” I looked at Taylor.

“You know Uncle Rodger maybe we can call Dr. Johnson in Cali and see if he can see me and get an idea of what I should do.” Uncle Rodger gave me a thoughtful look.

“Yeah that would be a good idea since he knows you so well as well as in being a well-known, well respect oncologist.” I looked at Taylor.

“Who’s Dr. Johnson?” He asked looking between Uncle Rodger and me.

“He was my first Doctor when my family moved to California.” He nodded at me.

“Where is he?”

“About 5 minutes off of Camp Pendleton.” He looked at me.

“You know Camp Pendleton is only about 20 minutes away from my house. I’m sure if we can get you a appointment my parents can put us up at their house.” I nodded.

“And we can bring Fin and maybe go to Disneyland.” He cocked his head to the side.

“You sure you’re up for that?” I nodded.

“Yeah and we don’t.” I took a deep breath. “We don’t know how long we have together before you get sent away again.” He closed his eyes.

“I haven’t thought of that yet.” I put my hand on his cheek.

“Don’t think of it then yet. We will think about when we come to it.” He nodded opening his eyes to smile at me.

“Alright. I’ll call my parents and ask them later.” I smiled at him. Uncle Rodger looked at me.

“I’ll call Dr. Johnson. You can leave the hospital tomorrow. Right know I want to keep you on the IV before you leave.” I nodded. I moved over in the bed and patted the newly empty spot at Taylor. He took his boots off and crawled in next to me pulling me into his arms and the blankets around us. Uncle Rodger left us to ourselves before turning the lights off closing the door. I looked up at Taylor before laying my head on his shoulder closing my eyes listening to his steady heartbeat with my hand on our baby that was living inside me….

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