The light in the center of my darkness
Book by: FyresydeHerbalyst
I woke up to the sound of beeping, and it was driving me insane. I felt heavy and sore all over, I tried so hard to move, but I couldn't lift my arm to wipe my head. I opened my eyes and remembered it didn't matter because I couldn't see anything anyway. It was then that I felt the tears run down my face. I felt alone and I didn't know how long I had been like this when I started to hear footsteps.
I listened around me and heard the steps stop right next to me. I was so scared, I didn't know who was beside me or what had happened after Dan had attacked me. I felt a hand graze the air next to me and I winced. All movement stopped for a moment before I felt a hand touch me. I started to scream at the top of my lungs worried that it was Dan come to finish me off. I kept screaming until I heard a familiar voice next to me.
"Ay quit it now Mara, you are killin my ears. You're fine, don't worry you are alright. I think you just scared the wits out of every person on this floor. Goodness knows Rick is looking at you like you are psycho."
I stopped screaming and started to breath heavily. I was only half paying attention until Georgia started in on the doctor. "Doc you know even if she was asleep you should have announced yourself to let her know you were there. It is something that you should know from all your years as a doctor."
I felt a hand on mine and jumped a bit until I heard his smooth voice. "It's alright Mara, don't worry anymore I am here and I won't be leaving again. I am sorry I startled you, but I have wanted to hold you for you don't know how long. When I heard you scream over the phone I thought I was going to go crazy. I got there and there was so much blood on the floor I thought you were dead. Dan wasn't there and no one knows where he is now, but as long as you are safe it's-"
"Molly, where's Molly. He had her locked in the closet. Is she alright, please oh please tell me she is alright. She had him pinned down until I was trying to get him to leave."
Someone hugged me tight. "She is fine, she was a bit bruised up but I promise you she is just fine and she is waiting for you to come home." The reassurance in Georgia's voice was what I needed to hear. I hugged her back hard so relieved that Molly was alright. It was then that I got a question in my head that scared me.
"Um, just how long have I been in here?" I heard the silence in the room and knew the answer wasn't going to be good.
"Well, I found about three weeks ago yesterday. You had extensive damage all over your body. he threw you around a few more times before I was able to get there. You have been in and out of conciousness for the past two weeks, but this is the first time you have actually said something to us. Every other time you have been too dazed or just plain out of it. I am so glad to actually see you better but..."
He cut off and I got scared. "Tell me, tell me what you aren't saying. What are you both trying to hide?"
I heard someone get up and I got nervous. "Jeez you two she needs to know. Mara, Dan managed to rape you as well. There was some damage and well. I really think that Rick should tell you the rest." Jack's voice carried through the room and I gasped.
I looked over at Rick so scared when I heard Georgia's voice. We will leave you two to talk, there is a lot to talk about. We will come back later to see you again." She hugged me and then I heard two sets of steps leaving the room. I heard a shuffle from beside me and wondered what he was thinking about.
"Rick, what are they talking about. What did Jack mean when he said that you should tell me the rest?"
I felt his hand grip me tighter and I got scared. He took a deep breath and then sighed. "Dan raped you and in the process you miscarried a fetus about three weeks along. I think that was the biggest shock for me was that you were pregnant. I remember you said that you were fixed, well for lack of a better word at the moment. The docs can't explain it. I just didn't know how you would react about being pregnant or finding out about all of this. To be honest with you I was upset, very upset in fact not just for the fact that you lost the baby, but because it was part of me and you and I would have stuck by you. Through it all I would have stuck by you. Your boss has been down here a few times and he has talked to us and told us that you can go back to work whenever you are rea-."
My eyes filled with tears and I cried as it finally sunk in that I lost a child, one that I would never get to meet because of Dan. I way finally able to move and I brought my hands over myself and curled into the fetal position. I felt the pain in the furthest reaches of my body but it didn't compair to the dispair that was in my heart. Thoughts passed over me in waves and the loudest one was "He won't love you now, you know he won't love you now." It played over and over in my head as I lay there. At first I didn't notice the arms that wrapped around me and held me tightly as I cried in agony of everything that had happened. I cried for what seemed like hours as Rick held me tightly against him.
"How is it that you don't hate me after everything. How can you sit here knowing that our child died and you not hate me?"
He held me tighter and ran his hands down my hair caressing it lightly. "I don't hate you, oh Mara far from it. I couldn't hate you it wasn't your fault at all. I am not upset with you about anything, you had no idea to know that he had gone crazy. Mara if anything it makes me care for you more that you are alright. I thought my world was going to implode around me when I saw all that blood and I couldn't feel your heart beat. Please, let me help you get through this."
I sighed. "I, I need some time to think about a few things. This is a lot to drop on a person. I do want to know how my children are doing. Do you think that you could go check on them for me?"
He nodded against my neck. "Sure it is about that time where I go and feed them anyway. They are staying with Georgia, but she lets me help out with things when it comes to the kids. I am still not comfortable changing a diaper, but they get fed, bathed and put to bed every night by me."
I nodded. "Thank you for taking care of them until I am able to get out I will make it up to you I promise."
"There is no need to make it up to me Mara, I enjoy it and it has become routine for us. You don't mind do you?"
I shook my head. "No I am not mad, not in the least. Thank you so much for taking care of them while I am here. Can I get a hug before you go please. I really don't want to be alone, but they come first above and beyond anything else. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you are looking out for them and they aren't even yours."
He huggged me tightly and kissed my cheek. 'Don't worry about it sweetheart, it isn't a problem at all they are great kids and I feel lucky to know them and you."
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