Chapter 3: First Write

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 269
Comments: 11

1/1/08
 
Dear Journal,
This is something I said I would begin today.  My name is Greg Hall, if that is any meaning to you.  Why I am starting this, why even in a sense waste my time is beyond me.  But for 15 years now, since I was 18, a lot has been beyond me to be honest.  You see I have schizophrenia, (My next entry will talk more about it).  I have had it since I was 18, and in a way grew to control it...until recently.  The voices and what I saw over the years was something I could manage most of the time, but lately I am afraid to even think.  What am I saying?  I don't even have to think and they still talk to me, still bring visions to my eyes that make me scream, cry out in the dead of night and want me to finally just end everything. So many times I have thought about running my car off the side of the road over a cliff and smash each and every one of those voices in my head. Watch them splatter all over the dashboard and float away into the air like cigarette smoke. I have brought a gun to the side of my head, wanting to shot them all out and watch the demons within my head fly out amongst the brain matter and blood. But they keep me from doing it…they convince me in a way. How? I do not even know at this point. 
This disorder was past on by my Grandpa Smith, Owen Smith, the father of my very own. Why it skipped his son I do not know. I have read that at times it skips a generation; sometimes it may not even run in the family after a certain person has it...no luck here. My father is Peter Smith, mother is Angela Imo. They met at an office party where they both worked and from there you can guess what happen. I spare you details of that sort because it does not really matter, nor do you care I suppose. To me it is not important because I was not created yet so hence I do not care for their past. My father owns a software company, and, like always, the Smith family is loaded with cash. I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth and was seen as a rich boy. Like it was a choice of mine I was born to it so I used it to my advantages. Yet, never used any advantage to try and subside this illness of mine. 
I hate who I am and what runs through my mind, whether it is my own thoughts, or the ones of the Voices. I see things on a daily basis that would shred the innocence out of any other person. But having this for so long, I have grown accustomed to it very much so. I hate at times I can’t sleep of the nightmares I get, but also hate staying awake because of the Voices. I have in a way lately grown to enjoy the comfort of really just myself and whatever lurks behind my sanity. My best friend since college, John tries to get me to go out with the guys from work, but I’d rather stay within the company of my own. This of course is just the first entry so it is mere rambling and jumping from one thing to another I know. But that is how I have felt for years now within my own skin. Never happy, never content on my life because it is “Them” that simply controls it.  I am just the puppet of vulnerability and pleasure for “Them” to fuck with. They rest for now that is why I am writing. Who knows when they wake up to scream, shout, laugh, and taunt me again? Hopefully within the next entry I can give you a bit of information of what I deal with each day and what schizophrenia is…if “They” allow me to. Also I hope to give you some background of my Grandfather who I would like to thank for giving me this plague. Also of my father and mother and who they are to the public, and then the REAL them I was forced to live with for years. I hope this night is a quite one, but I dearly doubt it. 


Submitted: December 07, 2009

© Copyright 2021 garavagliat. All rights reserved.

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Comments

PeaceLoveLingleton

this is probably my fav. chapter yet... its really well written, and i feel like i can see what is going on inside his head the way you wrote it.

over all, its an amazing piece, extraordinarily detailed, and incredibly written...

Mon, December 7th, 2009 4:45am

Author
Reply

This is where I am going to focus on research and taking a bit of time from the Novel. I will thought still be writing other pieces of work. I just really want to have this down perfect and have an idea where this will fully go.

Sun, December 6th, 2009 8:54pm

Amy2609

Tell me when you update :)
and if you can, could you possibly check out one of my novel thingys? (not as well written as yours - but I'm young XD)

Mon, December 7th, 2009 6:25am

Valena Crest

Like! :D wow...just wow...again i love ur discriptions...and its so real...how u think~ uhhhh-mazing! :D xoxo Val

Mon, December 7th, 2009 9:30am

RACHELnZAC

wow, first journal entry....it was amazing and poetic and soo powerful...i felt so much emotion and i want to read more...update soon!

Rachel
xoxo

Mon, December 7th, 2009 1:38pm

Else Cederborg

I have a problem with this: Would a man this age and this sick write a diary? I don't think so. Maybe he would use a tape recorder or something like that, but not a diary. Also, part of this information you might let some other character give us. Then you would both inform us and introduce others.

Mon, December 7th, 2009 5:52pm

Evie Sang

This is excellent! (I hope you don't horribly mind my repetitive use of the word...) I didn't realize that Greg had this much going on, and I'm glad to have finally read this chapter after waiting for it for so long... Please, write more as soon as you can!

Mon, December 7th, 2009 10:03pm

Graeme Montrose

It is interesting i look forward to see how the character develops as you see into his mind and what goes on in the dark recesses.

Mon, December 7th, 2009 11:01pm

SunsetDreamer

Wow, I'm speechless. This was great. Do keep me updated.

Tue, December 8th, 2009 6:23am

RayneMarie

This gets better as I read it, please keep me updated! And if it's not too much to ask, would you please check out some of my poems or my book and let me know what you think? Thanks for the great read :)

~Rayne

Tue, December 8th, 2009 6:53am

walkingonfate

There is something about the way you present this character, Greg, through his words, through your words. It has a chilling sense of realism to it; it has depth and meaning.

I would love it if you could check out something of mine and give me some pointers

Wed, December 9th, 2009 7:26pm

Author
Reply

I would love to. I am actually going to have a couple cigarettes and then get to writing for the day lol.

Wed, December 9th, 2009 11:29am

Chloe the guitar girl

I really like this one, one thats from the journal its self. It reminds me of the journals of a suicide victom that gets published in real life.

Is the rest of it going to be exerpts from the journal or is it going to switch off?

Its really awesome though

Wed, December 9th, 2009 11:51pm

Author
Reply

It is basically going to be the journal itself. But every now and then you will hear what John has to say every so often.

Wed, December 9th, 2009 7:21pm

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