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Chapter 5

How long would it be until my entire family found out? I had to call my grandparents, my aunts, my uncles, and a few of my cousins. I couldn’t handle that, not now. I watched Mike sleep. It was really comforting to have him back. He just seemed so comfortable even after all of this and that was contagious. I sat down in my desk chair and ran my fingers through my hair. This was all happening so fast. One second, everything seems perfect, if not a bit dramatic, and then the next…my mom is dead. My breathing sped up a little bit at the thought.
My phone buzzed again in my hand. Exhausted, I opened it. Brian had left me another text message. I actually took the time to read this one.
ANSWER ME PLEASE! I saw the news. Are you ok?
I stood up and walked to my window. There in my front yard, parked beside the remaining cop cars, sat a news van. I was beyond mad! They hadn’t called. They hadn’t talked to me about this. They just put my family’s business out there for the area to see. There were people coming out of their houses and looking through their windows at the scene that was my house. I opened the door, closed it behind me quietly and rushed downstairs. I held my breath as I walked past the crime scene and over to the front door. The smell wasn’t exactly pleasant and it lingered throughout the bottom floor of the house.
I pulled the front door open and was swarmed by news people. They surrounded me with their questions and cameras and microphones. I pushed past them angrily. Brian was parking his car next to the sidewalk in front of my house. I didn’t need this right now. Surely he wouldn’t recognize Mike’s truck, right? He didn’t see it often enough to remember it. I walked around the cars in the crowded driveway and went to Brian’s window before he had the chance to get out. To my surprise, my voice was still a little shaky.
“Hey. I’m sorry I didn’t answer the phone. I was a little bit distracted.”
He looked at me in disbelief. I knew I had to look like crap, but at least I had an excuse. What kind of person would I be if I looked like a freaking supermodel after my mom was killed? I hadn’t bothered to clean myself up in the slightest. He got out of the car and hugged me. I know this may seem a bit heartless, but I just stood there. Thanks to Mike I was all hugged out for one day. Oh crap. Mike was still asleep in my room.
Brian pushed me to arms length so that he could see my expression.
“You want to be alone right now, don’t you?”
Thank goodness! He made that part of my day so much easier.
“Yeah, I do. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Call me if you need me, alright?”
“Okay.”
He gave me another hug and a kiss before getting back into his car. I waited until he was down the street before turning around and going back into my house if you can even call it that at this point. I held my breath, looked straight ahead, and ran up to my room. Mike shook at the sound of me closing the door and finally woke up. He always was a light sleeper. I sat down in front of him and crossed my legs.
“How do you feel?” he asked me while rubbing his eyes. I ran my fingers through the gigantic knot that was my hair.
“I feel about as bad as I look.”
I tried to smile, but I knew that it wasn’t very convincing.
“Well considering all that’s happened; you really don’t look that terrible. Are you going to stay here?”
“I have to for right now. My mom already took care of the bills for this month, but what am I going to do next month or the month after that? All I have is my college fund and the emergency fund that my dad started for me. I have to get a job and how great of a job can I possibly get while I’m still in school?”
I was rambling and before I knew it, I was crying again. My life was screwed. Mike reached forward and took my face in his hands.
“Breathe. It’s going to be okay. You have me.”
He smiled. I pushed his hands away and started wiping my face.
“And what…is that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t have to go the second they call me and you’re going to be graduating soon. I’m sure you have a reasonable amount of money in your accounts and your mom was doing pretty well before….”
“There’s no guarantee that I’ll be able to afford college. They won’t pay for everything.”
“Yeah, but you won’t be either. I heard about your scholarship. That’s better than not having anything at all. Come on, smile for me. I have something for you.”
He stood up and walked out of the room. When he came back, he was carrying the same bag that he used to take to school and put his art in. He sat down in front of me. Whatever it was that he had, he was really excited about it. He flipped open the bag and pulled out what looked like a photo album. He tossed it onto my lap. A perfectly life-like red rose and white lily were drawn on the front underneath the words ‘For Lala’ with their stems intertwined. The red ink that was used for the letters matched the color of the rose. This was written in the cursive handwriting that he used to autograph his work. The rest of the cover was black, making the flowers stand out more.
I didn’t want to take my eyes off of the cover. It was amazing. It was something that only Mike would think of, for me anyway.
“Open it,” he said, struggling to keep his at a reasonable level.
I smiled. This was the Mike that I fell in love with. He was just like a kid at Christmas, only he was like this all the time. I opened the album and stopped at the first page. It was the picture of me that he had drawn the day that he left. That was without a doubt one of the worst days of my life. Of course, considering how this day was going, that day didn't seem as bad. I had been sitting on my windowsill that day and he was just as upset as I was, but he had a few hours before his flight. He could’ve just taken a picture, but he wanted something more personal.
He had asked me to sit still. I was furious at him for leaving even though I knew that he had to but I did what he asked. I didn’t want to look at him, so I just looked out the window. To be honest, I didn’t want to look at him now either, but I could feel him watching me just like he had been that day. See something important that I should mention about Mike and the way he draws is that his art is usually based on his memories. I say this because that fact was obvious as I flipped through the book. After the first picture was one of nothing but snow. This was special to me because he knew that winter was my favorite season and I that I was always happiest when it snowed. It was just so serene and simple, and that seemed to make it even more complex if that makes any sense. The majority of the book was based on my favorite things including the cover. Roses and lilies have always been my favorite kinds of flowers.
The last two pictures made my heart stop. The first of the two was a drawing of me, Mike…and my mom. Judging by the background, the picture was of my mom’s thirty-sixth birthday. Mike had talked me into setting up her surprise party and in the picture, we were cutting her cake. In the corner, he put the actual picture that had been taken of the moment. I ran my fingertips over the real picture and then looked at the next page beside it. It was without a doubt a picture of our first kiss. I still remember it perfectly and obviously…he did too.
It happened the day that he asked me out. I didn’t have my car then, or my license, and he offered to give me a ride after the football game. We were good enough friends at that point that I was willing to ride with him. We talked and decided to stop at the park. Of course, I was having issues at home and I was looking for as many excuses as possible to stay out. We sat by the lake and just talked. It was pitch black and the only light was coming from the moon and the few park lights.
That was the day that he became not only my boy friend, but also my best friend. I told him things that I had never dared to tell anyone. I closed the book and ran my fingers over the cover. I knew what I needed to do. I surprised him by kissing him quickly on the lips and then jumping off the bed to the door.
“I have something that I need to take care of, and there’s a key on my desk if you need to go somewhere.” I yelled while running down the stairs, out the front door and to my car. Ten minutes later, I was parked in front of Christian’s house yet again. I stepped out slowly and walked to his front door. I could hear the ding of the doorbell ring throughout the house the second that I pushed the button. He opened the door and looked at me with a mix of fear, curiosity, and sadness in his expression.
“Can I come in?” I asked quietly. He stepped to the side and closed the door behind me.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten so mad at you. I was being a hypocrite.” I said as I sat beside Christian on his couch. He leaned his head to the side and watched me.
“Don’t compare us,” he said, “It’s not the same thing.”
I turned and faced the TV. He had it on the news. He followed my gaze and reached for the remote. I stopped him.
“I’m here now in front of the scene where a brutal murder-suicide took place. Only hours ago, thirty-eight year old Lana Pearson was strangled in her home by her husband, Shane Pearson, who killed himself directly after. The only witnesses to this horrific set of events were Lana’s eighteen year-old daughter and her daughter’s supposed boyfriend.”
I froze. What if Brian saw this? It was pretty obvious that the ‘boyfriend’ that they were talking about wasn’t him.
“Are you okay?” he asked me in barely over a whisper. I looked at him and realized just how important all of this was to me. It needed to be done.
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“No…not really.”
“Do you want to talk about her?”
There it was. This was my reason for being the cheater that I am. I had blown up on him and he still wanted to listen to me. The sad thing is, I had this in Brian and Mike too. Who was I to have these three amazing guys when most girls pray every day for just one? I really didn’t deserve them. Next thing I knew, I was crying on his shoulder. Emotions suck.
“Tell me about her,” he whispered, playing with my hair again.
“I was mad at her,” my guard was down.
“Why?”
I couldn’t help but to tell him. I needed to get this out. “I had a brother…he was five years older than me. He was my world. I did everything he said…I looked up to him and she just let him… die.”
The words burned in my throat and I started choking. He got up and got me a glass of water.
“What happened?”
“Her second husband was a monster. He used to beat my brother and there was nothing that I could do about it. He was sixteen and that bastard hated him. He beat him at least once a day and whenever I tried to get help, he would come after me. My mom didn’t do a thing. She knew and she didn’t do anything! She was too afraid of him. She always thought that if she did do anything…that he would kill one of us or all us.”- I took a second to force myself to breathe. –“He came home drunk one night and Chris fought back. Chris put up a good fight, but…he just couldn’t take him.”
That was all of the story that I could get out. It was all that I could live with. The only sound coming from Christian was the quiet hum of his breathing andI was still in shock from telling him all of that. The only other person outside of my family who knew about this was Mike. Aw crap. He was still at my house I guess. Well, I still had one more thing that I needed to take care of. I knew that my face was stained, my hair was a mess, and that I was still hyperventilating, but I pushed myself out of Christian’s arms. He was surprised, but he let me go. I looked into those eyes and almost wanted to cry again, but I was done with the emotions for one day.
“I have to go take care of something, okay.”
“Do you know what time it is?” he asked calmly and pointed at the clock on the wall. It was almost midnight. I sighed. How did I always manage to not be able to leave his house at night?
“ I’ve had one hell of a day. Do you have anything strong?”
He smiled and stood up. He hadwon once again. I followed him into the kitchen and watched as he pulled out a bottle of Smirnoff from the small closet.
“Shh, my sister doesn’t know that I know where this is.”
I smiled and took the bottle. Strawberry had always been my favorite.
“This is going to be fun.”
“Do you think you can actually use a glass this time?”
I frowned playfully.
“But what’s the fun in that?”
I pulled the top off and took in a mouthful. I let the alcohol go down slowly and let my pain slip out. I was no alcoholic, but I could understand how someone could become one. For that quick second, I felt amazing. The buzz was coming. I took in another mouthful and then handed the bottle to Christian. He was hesitant at first and then finally took the bottle from my hand.
Nearly an hour (and a full bottle of Smirnoff later) we were walking to his room. It was still just as spotless and perfect as it was the last time I had seen it. I sat in his desk chair. My head was cloudy, and it was pretty relaxing.
“Why is your room so…perfect?”
Teehee, my words sounded funny. I leaned back and touched the tips of my fingers to the floor. He smiled and sat down on his perfectly perfect perfectly made bed. I stood up and sat down Indian style with my legs crossed beside him. We hadn’t been keeping track, but it was pretty clear that I was way drunker than he was. Ha, drunker.
“Why are you so…shut out?”
I looked at all three of him and just stared. What did he mean by that?
“What are you talking about?”
He burped.
“You never talk about the serious stuff unless you’re drunk or upset. And then with all these guys that you have, you probably talk to me more than you’ve talked to most of them.”
“And your point…is?”
“I’m no psychiatrist, but I’m pretty sure that’s not a good thing.”
“You know, you never answered my question.”
“And you never answered mine.”
“I asked you first.” Was I really being as loud as I felt like I was? My throat was hurting, but everything sounded kinda buzzy. Maybe there’s a bee in here.
“If I answer your question, will you answer mine?”
I put my index finger on my lip and then leaned my head in his lap. He put his hands behind him and put his weight on them.
“We’ll just have to see now won’t we?”
He sighed.
“Fine, my mom always loved for my room to be spotless. She would always be so proud of me when I cleaned on my own. I don’t why she would get as excited as she would, but she did and it was nice. I’ve kept my room perfect ever since. You’re turn.”
“My turn for what, are we playing a game?”
“Why are you so shut out?”
“Because I can be, Mr. Bossy. Nobody has to know how I feel. It’s none of their business, just mine. I only tell you stuff cause you make me. I don’t like being me to you. I’m no fun. And you make it hard. You’re too good to me. You all are and drinking makes me feel better cause when I think all of this stuff and say all of this, I can’t remember it later. Is there any Smirnoff left?”
“You don’t need anymore,” he whispered, “Maybe you should go to bed.”
“Ha, only if you go with me.”
I rolled over so that my head was still in his lap, but I was facing him. He smiled.
“Don’t tempt me.”
I sat up.
“Maybe I want to tempt you.”
“You’re drunk.”
“You don’t know that. I could be perfectly logical right now.”
“It’s pretty obvious that you’re not.”
“Are you a virgin, because you seem scared? Is that it?”
“No…I’m not a virgin and I don’t want you to make a mistake. Besides, I think it’s clear who the virgin in this situation is.”
“First of all, shouldn’t I be the one worried about that? And second… is it that obvious?”
“You make it obvious. With the exception of your multiple boyfriends, you’re a good girl. Let’s keep it that way for a while. ”
“Maybe I don’t want to be a good girl. Ever think about that?”
“No. You’re untouched, and I’m not the one who’s supposed to change that. You don’t love me.”
“You don’t know that. Maybe I want you to be the one who changes me. Maybe I don’t want it anymore. Maybe I want you to be the one who takes it. You never know, I could love you.”
“Could you?”
“I don’t know…it’s possible. It took me until not too long ago to realize that I might actually love Brian.”
“And that was definitely something that I wanted to hear.”
His sarcasm hurt my feelings, and I really didn’t mean to hurt his.
“I’m sorry. That wasn’t what you were expecting. Are you saying that you love me?”
“Yes, I love you, but loving someone isn’t the same thing as being in love with someone. Right now I’m in lust, but I fear that I may be dangerously close to falling in love. We’ll have to see.”
Oh gosh! That was a shocker, but it was even more of a shocker that I had managed to keep my bladder from exploding for that long. I ran to the bathroom. When I came back, he was laughing. I laughed with him, I felt so much better. I was tired of the love topic. It was stiff and so was the atmosphere.
“You’re tense.”
“And who’s fault is that?” he asked sarcastically. His face was serious now. He was so cute.
“I make you nervous?”
“Of course; you never noticed that?”
“No.”
“Well, now you know. And you need some water or a muffin or something to get rid of at least a little bit of that alcohol.”
“I don’t want a muffin,” I whined, “I want you.”
“You’re drunk, you don’t mean that.”
“Don’t tell me what I mean.”
“I’m not going to take advantage of you like that.”
His voice was stern, determined, and utterly sexy. Ha, utterly. COWS!
“You won’t be.”
“You’ll regret it in the morning.”
“Stop telling me what I’m going to do! You can sleep with random girls but it’s a sin to sleep with me?”
“That has nothing to do with it.”
He stood up and looked at me. We were both mad. I jumped off of the bed and stepped in front of him.
“Then prove it.”
I stood on the tips of my toes and smiled as he let out a shaky breath. I pressed my lips to his softly and pulled away, waiting for his reaction. I didn’t have to wait long. He filled in the few centimeters that I had created between us and this time it was he who took my breath away. He didn’t fight me. He needed me just as much as I needed him, maybe even more. He was impatient, needy, and nervous all at once. Most importantly, he tasted like strawberries. Not like like Strawberry Smirnoff, but strawberries in general. One of his hands migrated from my waist to my hair. And suddenly his entire body tensed and he stepped back.
“We’re not doing this,” he whispered, shaking his head, “Not like this, not when you’re…like this.”
I pouted like a five-year old and crossed my arms.
“But you want to.”
“You know that I want to, but not like this. You should seriously consider abstinence. It’s not worth it.”
It interested me how he refused to use the word 'sex'.
“You’re telling me what to do again.”
“Then maybe you should listen.”
“What’s your problem?”
“For right now, you’re my problem,” he yelled, “You’re sexy, ok! Is that what you wanted to hear? You’re gorgeous and you’re amazing. You’re a really sweet girl and you have no idea of what you’re getting yourself into.”
“Neither do you.”
“I know a lot more about you than you do about me.”
“So what, did you kill a person?”
“Technically it wasn’t a person.”
This caught my attention. I was focusing on him a lot more on him then than I had the entire day.
“What?”
“I’ll tell you when you’re sober. I want you to actually remember this. Now do you want a muffin or water?”
“What kind of muffins do you have?” I whispered.
“Chocolate.”
He smiled. He knew that he had won this round, but that only meant that there would be more rounds to come. MUWAHAHA!
“Then you already know the answer to that question, don’t you?”
We sat on the counter in the kitchen and split a muffin quietly. I looked over at him and he was staring back at me.
“What?” I asked. I couldn’t help but to smile a little bit. He laughed.
“I just can’t believe you sometimes. You’re just so unpredictable. I’ve never met a girl quite as…random as you. Have you ever done anything like this with any of your other guys?”
I didn’t really like this question. He still didn’tknow just how serious Mike and I had been, and in a way, still were.
“I spent the night at Brian’s, but nothing happened, and there’s another guy.”
“There’s another one?”
His shock was amazingly sarcastic and it made me laugh a little.
“Well, I don’t really count him as one of ‘them’. He means more to me than all of them do. I met him before I met any of them and… I love him.”
“Wow. The entire time that I’ve known you, you’ve never talked about loving anyone. It’s a miracle...you have a heart!”
I hit him in his shoulder. He was lucky that I was still a bit tipsy; if not then it actually would have hurt.
“Yes, it’s a cold one, but it does exist. Can you answer a question for me?”
“It depends.”
“Who was that girl that you were with at the basketball game?”
His smile faded away and stone took its place.
“I guess you can call us ex friends with benefits.”
“So you’ve slept with her more than once?”
“Yes.”
“You still do?”
“No, but that has to do with the story that I’ll tell you in the morning. Are you ready to go to bed?”
“I’m guessing that you’re still not coming with me?”
“No.”
“Then at least stay with me until I fall asleep?”
“Fine, but only until you fall asleep.”

I smiled. He did just as he said that he would and I fell asleep in his arms. I knew that I was restless. But, then again, I generally was when I went to bed drunk. I felt him move once he thought that I had actually gone to sleep. I felt so much colder once he left, but he kissed my forehead before sighing and taking light steps to the door. I couldn’t hear him open or close it, but I could once my headache woke me up accompanied by my bladder, but of course, at the time, I didn’t know that it wasn’t him who had opened and closed the door. It had been his sister and she was not a happy camper. I sat up at the volume of her voice. Considering the fact that she had just found a girl in her brother’s bed, you think she would be a little bit more considerate. Okay, maybe not.

A/N: I'm sorry that i post so slow on here. I just started school with an AP class and a class that's as advanced as an AP class but not counted as one so i have a buttload of work already so most of my posts will probably be on the weekends or just whenever i can get them in but thanks for reading!


Submitted: August 13, 2008

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Kewee

That was great and you don't post slowly. I post slowly. Ha I loved the cow thing.

Fri, August 15th, 2008 9:13pm

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thanks so much! im stil workin on my time management

Sat, August 30th, 2008 10:59am

ThumaLina

HEHEHEHE!!! SP MUCH DRAMA!!! I LOVE IT ABSOLUTELY!!!! lol Update as soon as possible....
P.S. i know how you feel about the ap class, i have two at the moment. lol =D GOOD LUCK

+Hecate+

Sun, August 24th, 2008 5:57pm

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finally sum1 who understands! haha but thanks!

Sat, August 30th, 2008 10:58am

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