An Artifice Perception
CHAPTER 1: Introduction
Before I batter you with my problems, I'll try and explain alittle bit about myself, prepare to be disenchanted.
I was born and raised in the state of Minnesota. In that state is a small county named Faribault, and in that county is a small village named Northfield, which is where I lived the majority of my life, or what you can call a life, I refer to it as basal, nearly ethreal existence. Believe it or not I did have parents, one was named Drunken Sap, and the other Screaming Masquerader, ignore my sarcasm, It can get alittle out of hand sometimes... How they married I don't know, they're like positive and negative, and they are living proof of hell; you see, have you ever heard that saying: "A match made in Heaven"? Well these two, my parents, are like the one match that heaven decided to put into the devil's hands. You have my word, he did a hell of a job too. They never came to my school plays, even though I was just a tree, It's a parents duty is it not? They never cared much for me my entire life, and I've never been happy when around them, and stuff like that can lead to other bad stuff like drugs and alcohol. My freinds didn't help with the situation either, most were pot heads or early perceptions of my father. I made it my duty when I was about fourteen to not grow up like them, to not cry, scream, and throw empty beer bottles at the one I swore to love until enternity.
Forget about my parents, I don't see them or talk to them any longer. Lets get back on track. So right after high school, I jumped the first train right outta that place. You see, I had plans, big plans too. The kind of plans people hate to tell you your just not going to accomplish, yet they still do anyways. Like I was saying, I jumped aboard that first train and it took me to a place where I found peace, atlast! Well that's what I thought I had, peace, I didn't know much about the working world, it's not like my father taught me how to fix things or give me any of those man to man talks, I was damn near clueless. And it was crystal clear at my job in a small, hometown restaurant in Hudson, Wyoming that I was destined for failure. I was the dish washer who had the worst manager in all of the world. And you'll never believe this, but In high school, I got the Most likely to Succeed award. You find it Ironic, I find it funnier than hell because I've never tried at anything in my entire life. I mean, I got straight A's, but not because I studied or practiced, but because I was an utmost problem solver. I would always look past the questions being asked, look at the douche who came up with it, and then choose what I thought would be the most appropriate answer. Everyone who had a stable thoery on who I was in high school was completely wrong. I knew how to defeat systems, I could have gotten me or any of my freinds straight A's as well, of course, they were all pretty bright anyways. Teachers didn't see it, doctors didn't see it, and of course my parents didn't see it, but I was special when it came to getting in and out of situations, I had the ability to read people, and on top of that, I was careless, so my skills, or whatever you wish to call them, came into no use whatsoever.
It wasn't but a week after I ventured to this lovely place that I met the most beautiful girl in the entire world. Of course you may think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not, take my word for it. And of course she didn't even notice me, I mean, who would take much consideration in the dude washing dishes in the back, sweat on his browl and old geezer's biscuts and gravy all over his comfortable, flashy, bib. Of course you may think I'm lying about that as well, but I'm not... I'm very sarcastic, but do not exaggerate, remember this. And for you young lovers out there, there is such thing as love at first sight, however, the only problem is, it's not mutaul. Call me obsessed, but I even remember what she ordered; a trash omelet, hold the onions (I hate onions too by the way), and extra cheese. Then a second passed before she said she wanted cranapple juice. Cranapple juice! Is that not amazing? Anywho, I found out that she too had just recently moved into town, how ironic right? And another thing, she came into that restaurant every sunday morning, and even ordered the same thing everytime. I know I'm in love, I couldn't of made it more obvious, it's just, I haven't yet worked up the courage to ask her out. Yea I've stood in front of the mirror and practiced what I would say, but it was in that restaurants bathroom, and it smells like foul and festering shit in that damn place, I got about two or three lines out before I had to take my leave. Like I said before, I can figure situations out like a mouse can sniff cheese, I'm going to get this girl to like me.
That's probably the best thing going for me at the moment. So now that you know the best, here's the worst. I'm seeing a shrink, I haven't yet, but I'm going to Friday, and I've heard from people he's insane himself. Please don't think of me differently now that you know I'm going to be shrunken, It's actually a very enthralling story. After my manager at my work had screamed into my left ear "Fuck you!" forty seven times, I had grown a very large headache, one so husky I made the mistake of seeing my doctor. He said it wasn't from that fat, bald, foul smelling douche bag (He didn't really say that) yelling in my ear, but rather from boundless stress. He said I was in depression. I wasn't surprised at the least, but I knew this would just be another burden to stack with my other burdens, and my god, I was so close to actually crying. Jesus, I need to go out with that girl, that would calm me down so much. And a punch into my managers face would clear up some of that clutter as well.
Anyways now that you know alittle bit more about me, I can finally tell you my story, the story of my ethreal life beyond the boundaries of my hometown. The life that I've made for myself outside of the people I grew up with, the starting of what most would call, a destituted life.
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