"Elaina we're waiting , everyone else has gone ;it's only fair you share too."The counselor said to me while peering through her glasses.
I pressed my thumb nail hard into my thigh .I didn't even know where to start ,I din't want to remember.I looked next to me ,Aiden's hazel eyes were peering up at me.I looked down .So far she had been the only thing close to a friend.Would she even want to talk to me once she knew my past ?
Sweat ran down my forehead as I walked home ,my mother had once again ,forgotten to pick me up from school .My house was soon in wieving distance ,and ,as I neared my front door, I prayed that her boyfirned was not home.I had a long stressful day at school ,my back hurt ,and I was tired from walking .I was not in the mood to argue with him or put up with his peverted self.
I walked into my home and set my books down in my room . "Mom i'm home !" I yelled as i walked into the kitchen in search of a snack .The stove was on and the food being cooked had long ago been burned .
"MOM YOU LEFT THE FOOD TO BURN AGAIN !" I screamed ,anger noticeable by my tone.
It was moments like this that I lost my patience with her . I love her with all my heart but at home it was like I was the adult and she was the teenaqger.My mother had started drinking since father left us 4 years ago .She had never been the loving mother as long as I cloud remember, but at least she was responsible.
Now it seemed like her life revolved around beer,drugs and her stupid boyfriend.
I stomped into the living room ,"Mom seriously ,you dont pick me up from school ,you leave the food to burn ,and there's beer bottles all over...." my mom kept her back to me ."mom wake up "As I turned her to face me ,I realised how sick she looked .There was no color in her skin .My heart started to race ,she wasn't opening her eyes and I didnt know what else to do to help her get better .I didnt want to loose her too...
I ran to the restroom and poured some alchohol on a towel and put it up to her nose.Soon enough she woke up coughing. .
"Elaina where's Danny ?" Anger ran through my veins at her question .I had just saved her life and the first thing that went through her head was her boyfriend.Typical mother of mine .
I helped her up and walked her to her bed ,"Mom you need to rest but i'll go get him ." I lied to her but at the moment it was the only way she would calm down .
Minutes later I walked out of the kitchen with some soup and orange juice.My mother looked weak she needed the nutrients.
"Is Danny on his way ?" she asked me, looking behind me ,obviously expecting him to walk in at any minute."Here mom I made you soup " I answered back trying to change the topic .I got a spoonful of soup and fed it to her. She spit it out just as fast .Smacking the plate and juice out of my hands .I knew what was coming next .This happened everyday .
"I want Danny ,Elaina I need him to give me heroine,go get him or get some for me " she begged me ,crawling towards me.I hated when she got like this .Next I would try to calm her down and she would go crazy .Screaming ,breaking the house apart for Heroine ,begging me for money ect. I walked towards her tryng to calm her down but nothing was working .
Mom I dont know where your stupid boyfriend is ,i dont know where to get heroine and I wont give you any money "I told her in a stern voice trying to hide the tears and hurt .
She stopped crying and walked towards me ,"yuo are fucking useless !" Her hand slammed across my face .I held the tears and walked out the room ,closing the door behind me .
After a whole hour of my mom screaming ,tossing things around,I finally heard her stop ,and minutes later Danny walked past the front door.
I stood up and walked towards him .This time he wasn't going to give her any Heroine ,this time I was going to make sure he left for good .
"Get out of my house we dont want you here ..." I began but he just pushed me aside ,and he walked towards my mother's room. I walked right behind him and grabbed his arm pulling him back.
"Elaina i'm not going to fucking play ok !" He screamed at me and tossed me against the wall.I tried to stand up ,to go after him ,to stop him from giving her the drugs .But my body was exsausted from walking a mile back home from school ,from trying to calm mother down,and from just being tossed gainst a wall .My twelve year old body couln't handle anymore pain .
I lied on the wall he had pushed me against ,and tried to stand up as I saw him walk out of her room .I stood up and walked towards him ,he was in the kitchen grabbing a beer .
"You disgust me " I managed to say and spat in front on his feet .He laughed putting his beer down and slammed me across the the kitchen, counter sink.
"I disgust you,ha i'll give you a reason to be disgusted ." He said as he walked towards me.I closed my eyes expecting his palm to crush against my face but instead he picked my up and put me on his shoulder.
"Let me go!" I screamed as he walked towards my room .I tried punching him but my body was too weak to cause him any damage .
He stopped in front of my bed and dropped me on it .I crawled to the corner ,I was scared I didn't know what to do .
He got onto the bed and ran his fingers down my cheekbones,I squirmed under his touch .I closed my eyes tight ,hoping that when I opened them ; it would all have been a dream .
Sadly that never happened ,as I opened my eyes I saw him close to my face .His fingers running over my lips.I was too weak to scream .I would never be able to push him off me so as he ran his finger down my bottom lip I bit hard into his flesh.
I tasted his blood and he screamed .He moved off the bed and I took that as my cue to run . I crawled to the edge of the bed and tried to go towards the door.I only got three steps ,away from my bed ,before he grabed me by the hair and trew me onto the bed.
"Mom !" I called but even I knew she wouldn't come.He had drugged her and even if she heard me she would have never been able to get him off me .
I had just pulled his last straw of patience ,I knew I was a goner.. He got on top of me, on all fours ,and kneeled down close to my face .Invading my space; smelling my hair.
" I disgust you ?" He whispered in my ear ,and held me still by my hips with his hands.
I was scared ;his breath reeked of liquor .I punched him in the chest trying to pull away .It was helpless the more I pulled the tighter he held me.
He grabbed me by my hair and kissed me .He was eating my mouth away .He licked my bottom lip asking for entrance and when I didn't give in he forced his tongue inside ..he started to kiiss me down my neck .
"Please let me go. "I begged ,his kisses burning my skin .I screamed for help yet no one came .I was alone ,and I knew it right then .
"Don't worry i'll let you go ,once i'm done ." He said as he took my shirt and bra off and started giving soft kisses to my breast .His tongue circling around my nipples.
My body started betraying me .my nipples started to get hard . I hated his touch ,yet my body was reacting to him .
"I promise to leave the house,you wont see me gain ,I wont tell .."I pleaded again ;he just smiled as my nipples got hard and he started to unbutton my jeans .
"Please " I cried ,my heart was racing,what was he doing ? Why was my body reacting like this ,when he touched me ?
"I'm sorry little Elaine but this will teach you to respect your elders"He said in between gasps.I just closed my eyes and bit my lip .Hoping this would soon be over.
"Im done playing with you"he said and he pulled my jeans half way down .
He just shoved his cock into me .The pain was intense .
"Danny you are hurting me ." I whimpered ,blood was rushing to my face ,my heart rate increasing ,ten times more than it had already increased.
He started to trust deep into me .all I could do was bite my lips to hold back the tears.It hurt ,it was like he was ripping my insides .then my body started to react a soft moan left my mouth as he started to trust slowly .
His hands going back up my chest .playing with my nipples .This went on for what seemed like an eternity ,and finally he got off me .
"This was great little Elaine " He said as he put his pants back on and walked out .
As soon as he closed the door I started crying .I was hurt ,tired and still in shock .I didn't move from my bed .I just held on to my knees and cried . I hoped that it had all been a nightmare ;that I would soon wake up.
"It's ok Elaine it was just a bad dream ,you'll wake up anytime soon" I told myself in between sobs .Deep inside wishing it was true.
The next day I tried to tell my mother ,before going to school .
She beat me and cried telling me I was selfish .she had finally found love and I was going to start lies ; just because I was jealous. I was alone .she beat me so bad I had to stay home.
This life went on for five whole years .He would come home give her, her drugs and rape me .when I turned 17 I ran away I had had enough so I stood in front of the train tracks ready to end my misery.I saw the train lights flash.....
"Miss Elaine are you going to daydream all day ,we are still waiting " The counsler looked towards me annoyed.
Tears were all ready piling in my eyes . I could still feel his touch .it sickened me .
''What do you want to know ?' '
"Why you are here. "
"Well I'm here since my attempt to kill myself failed . I tried to kill myself because I was tired of being raped by my mothers boyfriend. " As I spoke the last words tears flowed out of my eyes.I wiped them off and ran out the room not caring what people thought . I hated myself for going to the counseling meeting .It was pointless .How were they helping us by reminding us the hell we were living in ? I suddenly had an urge to cut .All because of him he ruined my life and my skin .
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