People try to change me even though they know they can’t. Eventually they give up. They move on and we forget about each other. People see me walking in the hallway and I hear them snicker, giggle, or laugh as I walk by. Guess I’m just a big joke to them. No one in this rich bitch place knows what it is like to be told they are hated by a parent, kicked out of their house, or to not have a shoulder to cry on. Not that they need to cry. Their lives are so damn calm.
They think their lives are so horrible. They only get everything they want. I see groups of them, school, the mall, park, anywhere and everywhere. They scream at me, call me a freak, Satan lover, the works.
Walking to class alone is bad enough without being called names, thinking about what I know. I hate it.
I just have three questions:
Is there someone out there just like me?
Who understands me?
Who I can talk to?
All she asks for is a little bit of respect. She thought that Jared, an ex of hers, respected her. Later, she realized that he was just using her for sex and weed. He played her and she willingly played along because she was nae. She should’ve seen though his act but lust got the best of her.
He was tall, six foot, sexy, seductive with black hair and baby blue eyes. She was the new girl that had no friends and could get weed so easily who’d think she had a whole shit load of it in her backyard. She attached herself to him so fast, and no one warned her what he was about.
Just two months afterthey started to go out she lost then “Big V” to him. She regrets it majorly. It’s mainly because of him that she is numb emotionally.
Fire is her escape. Call her what you want but she’s sticking with pyro, simple as that. It’s one of two things she can control. The other… is cutting. She loves the taste of blood, HER blood mind you. And no, she’s not one with the vampires’ world, though she wishes
* * *
She walks to school in snowfall remembering this from last winter, Jared, drugs, sex, alcohol, cutting, fire, anything to get her mind off of the cold. She takes a sip of her hot coco she made before she left the house from hell. She’s not sure if Julie was home. She probably is still out drinking, thought Alex.
She never sees her. The couple of times that she did see her, she was drunk coming home when Alex was walking out of the door to go to school. Julie is her cousin and the only person to be willing to take her in after good-old-mother kicked her out. She is twenty-five years old and she recently became a druggie and alcoholic because her husband left her.They were ok, until Julie met Laney. Laney ruined everything for them. She came intotheir home, when it was a home not justa house, and stole Juan from Julie. July 22, Juan told Julie he wanted a divorce. She broke down in tears begging him not to leave her.
He told her he loved her but the “spark” was gone between the two of them. This is howthey wound up in the half-ass, two bedroom trailer. She hates it, but Julie was the only person to take her in.
* * *
She gets to the hell called school and just like clockwork people stare, snicker, and point. She allows her long jet black hair to cover her hazel eyes. She hugs her books to her chest. People have a habit of knocking them out of her hands.
She turns up her music and ignores everyone and everything around her. She makes herself numb to the stares andsnickers, pushes, and shoves of people passing by. The spot in the back of the school is empty like always. She sits down against the wall and lights up a Newport. The bell rings and she swears under her breath.
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