\"You've made me weak,\" I wanted to say as we lay there, naked in my bed. It was and still is the truth. I used to be able to hold things in: tears, anger, fears, anything. Now it is so hard. I wear my emotions right out on my sleeve. That's how the saying goes, right? Anyway, the saying is not the point. The point is he made me weak. I don't know what to do when he's not around. I feel so... alone. It's kind of like, when he's not around, I might as well not be either. I'm not myself when he's gone.
About a year ago I could have done something about it. Fake being happy for a while. It was so easy, sometimes I forgot I was faking. But ever since he brought out the real me, the overly loving and caring person, it's hard to fake that I'm okay when I'm overly sad.
BUT! Enough about me and my feelings. Time to tell you about the man/boy/male figure I believe I am falling in love with. He's the best. He's sexy and sweet and amazing through and through. For some reason, people are afraid of him. Maybe it's because he is rather big, about 6 foot 2, broad shouldered, and a bit chubby in the tummy. The tummy is my fault. I can cook.
Another reason might be because he has this pissed off look on his face most of the time, but you would too if you spend majority of your life alone. I wasn't scared of him though. I first saw him in Mr. Vine's science class. It took me a few weeks to notice him completely. I was new to the school and trying to figure out how to get to my classes on time. Needless to say, friends and boys were the last things on my mind. After he caught my eye through, I saw him everywhere!
In the hallways, I couldn't get away from him if I tried. Luckily, I wasn't trying. I saw him in town a handful of times too. I wanted to talk to him so badly. I wish I had spoke up earlier, knowing what I now know. I didn't make any kind of a move at all that year.
That summer I got into a relationshit and yes, I am aware I have \"shit\" at the end instead if \"ship.\" That's what it was, shit and a huge waist of my time. When school started up again my crush started back up too. I was still in the relationshit but what harm could a little crush do? After the school year was just two months from being over, my relationshit was over. I was looking to move on.
All of a sudden guess who I started to notice more in the hallways. One day, I pointed him out to one of my friends. \"You mean Soren?\" She asked as she put a book in her locker. \"He's real easy to talk to. Kind of quiet though. He's in my English class.\" With that last sentence she waved at him. As he started to walk over, my heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest.
\"Hey Soren,\" my friend said. He nodded to her then glanced at me. Megan noticed he glanced in my direction and said, \"That's Vy. Vy, Soren.\" She turned and smiled like she had just won a contest for match making. We nodded at each other and I smiled, my heart still going a million miles a second.
This was the first time I had a chance to look into his eyes without him walking by me. I noticed that they were brown but had a bit of hazel to them. The three of us stood there and made small talk for a few minutes until the late bell rung. We all said bye and as Soren went one way Megan and I went the other.
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