Battles Lost

Reads: 673  | Likes: 2  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 25

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: War and Military  |  House: Booksie Classic

Historical/darkage war poem (I feel its not quite right, but wanted to submit it anyway)

Upon the field o death you march,
first feeling fear as orders barked
With sword in hand, and stalwart heart
The battle... is the dying art.

"Let loose the dogs of war!" The cry
the want to go; to run, to hide
and never face the beast inside....
The hoard, the foe; the oncoming tide.

Then adrenalin pushing fear aside,
The anger, despair of those who've died
Fill you with rage, hate; homicide
All for a kingdoms petty pride?

The clash of sword, and shattered shield
and cries of warriors who could not yeild
Deafens the ear across the field;
So sickeningly.... The enemy's blood is spilled.

The battle goes forever on...
Til someone yells "The day is won"
Hate once again replaced by fear....
for the loss of those you held so dear.

At last, the homeward march begun,
behind.... the dead, the setting sun....
into the night, sad song is sung
Of battles lost, and victories won.


Submitted: March 02, 2011

© Copyright 2021 James D. Storrington. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:

Comments

TheFlowerBox

I liked the flow and imagery and emotion of this. I'm not sure what you feel is "not quite right" but I definitely enjoyed it. It's funny that part of my response to your comment was that I over-critique myself. I think that's the case here for you because I thought this was really good.

Thu, March 3rd, 2011 11:30am

Author
Reply

Thank you TFB! I'm not sure exactly where I thought the problem was. I think I just felt that it was incomplete somehow. As you said though.... Probably just being overly self critical! Many thanks for reading, and of course for the reallyfantastic comment! Kindest regards and keep smilin' :D ~ Ds

Sat, March 5th, 2011 11:33pm

Joe Hughes

I really enjoyed this well done :)

Thu, March 3rd, 2011 1:13pm

Author
Reply

Thanks Joe, I'm glad you like it :) Thanks for reading, and commenting!! Regards ~ Ds

Sun, March 6th, 2011 8:47am

EdwardJBradleySr

Darksabre:

Interesting, dramatic, unique, emotional, vivid, horrifyingly descriptive, well written and presented.
Excellent choice and treatment of a most powerful and serious theme.

Gave it an "I Like It" vote. As with your other postings. All well deserved.

Thank you for becoming a fan. Appreciative and grateful. You are most kind, thoughtful and considerate.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Thu, March 3rd, 2011 8:48pm

Author
Reply

Hi Ed. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my writing :D It means alot, especially as you yourself are an exceptional writer! Again, very many thanks for the comments, and votes. Thank you also for becomming a fan. Keep writing, & keep smilin' :D Kindest regards ~ Ds

Sun, March 6th, 2011 8:54pm

MissArielRose

Wow! You use really great emotional words in this poem, very strong feelings. It's simply amazing.-Ariel

Sat, March 5th, 2011 6:57pm

Author
Reply

Thank you Ariel for reading it and commenting once again :) Really really happy you like it too! keep smilin' & Kindest regards ~ Ds

Sun, March 6th, 2011 9:00am

Amy Stewart

Very interesting!! :)

Sun, March 6th, 2011 5:28pm

Author
Reply

Thank you Amy :) Keep writing, and smilin' :D Kind regards ~ Ds

Sun, March 6th, 2011 10:50am

Prussia

Wow. That pretty much sums it up. xD I can feel the hatred and negativity! :O It's very..... deep. :) I loves it.

Mon, March 7th, 2011 12:43pm

Author
Reply

Awwwh Thanks Prussia, I'm glad you like it hun :) Warmest, kindest regards, ~ Ds Keep smilin' :D

Mon, March 7th, 2011 5:06am

Sunshine Sticks

This is some really great work. My awarness never left the page, and this is the art of poetry. Not in the words but the creation. Nicely done

Tue, March 8th, 2011 4:22am

Author
Reply

Thank you for the great comment, and the read!! Kindest regards and keep smilin' ~ Ds

Tue, March 8th, 2011 9:47am

TammyRay

it gave me good imagery. you remind me of a poet that has their works in literature books. :)

Tue, March 8th, 2011 4:21pm

Author
Reply

TammyRay, Thank you!!! I'm really really greatful, and glad you read and liked this! Thank you so much for reading it, and for leaving this fantastic comment. It has made my day!! :) Best wishes, and kindest regards ~ Ds

Tue, March 8th, 2011 9:44am

SynethGurl

This is very good :)

I enjoyed it very much.

Thu, March 10th, 2011 10:58am

Author
Reply

Hiya SynethGurl, thanks for the read, and comment!! :) It means alot!! Kind regards, keep smilin' :D ~ Ds

Thu, March 10th, 2011 5:47am

Indyblue

Very smooth flow and excellent use of rhyme, it doesn't seem forced at all and yet is consistent. Beautiful imagery.

Sat, March 12th, 2011 3:41pm

Author
Reply

Thank you Indyblue!! I'm pleased that it turned out readable, as I did have my doubts after I posted it (Nerves, I guess! :D) Please accept my appologies for not being able to reply sooner! And once again, thank you for reading, and commenting! Kindest regards - Ds

Mon, March 28th, 2011 9:32pm

Saria

Very well done ! It is really good. The poems i write aren't half as good or as captivating. It reminds me of poems written by famous people. It flows seems natural and it captivates the mind and insnares (not sure it's the right word XD) the senses.Very emotional.

Sat, March 12th, 2011 4:17pm

Author
Reply

Saria.... Thank you so very much! I am very pleased that you liked "Battles Lost". I'm sorry that it has taken some time for me to reply, Been having a few problems with the 'ol computer, so Your poems will be on my reading list very soon. I find that writing the right words is a hard thing to do, But if they come from within (As it were), then they have to be the right ones :) You express yourself very well here, so I'm looking forward to reading your work. I'm sure your writing is as captivating as you feel mine is (And very probably more so!) Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Very best wishes, and keep writing - Keep smilin' :D - Ds

Mon, March 28th, 2011 9:26pm

Kurlz Basheld

That was really good, I enjoyed reading it. Well done!

Sat, March 12th, 2011 6:59pm

Author
Reply

Thank you Kurls!! I'm very pleased that you enjoyed it!!! Best wishes and kind regards - Ds

Mon, March 28th, 2011 9:14pm

remmy357nikki

It's very good. If possible, I'd like to read a short story version of this poem.

Sun, March 13th, 2011 3:08am

Author
Reply

Hi R357N (Sorry for the abbrv). Thanks :) that's a direction that I'll admit I haven't personally considered until now... But worth a shot maybe. I'm glad you took the time to read and make this comment! :) Watch this space (As they say), Your wish may yet come true! Kindest regards - Ds

Mon, March 28th, 2011 8:17pm

floatingpoet

well I seens yaz left me a message taz come over and read one of yaz stuff. so I'z did! here I'z be! and I like your poem. I like to write the funny stuff come on over and has a laugh on yaz old Cap-pin Mike
and I'l dig'z in mee'z pocket for sum-pin'z yaz like!

Sun, March 13th, 2011 2:31pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for taking the time FP!! I'm pleased you liked it. I'll drop by as soon as I'm caught up, and my own pc is back off of life support (Or sooner!) Kind regards - Ds

Mon, March 28th, 2011 8:11pm

framtahal

It is interesting story you narrated in verses.
Do you think each line should start with upper case letter?

Sun, March 13th, 2011 3:58pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for reading!! Your constructive critique is very much appreciated. I never actually considered it as a story in verse, Interesting idea.... I know what you mean, but in fairness, not all lines start in upper case, it's just what felt right when I wrote it (If you know what I mean). Many kind regards, and I look forward to hearing more from you in the future! Keep writing, and smilin' :D - Ds

Mon, March 28th, 2011 8:02pm

Hope006

wow..
I like it :p
I hope I will be as good as you someday :)
keep writing
x

Mon, March 14th, 2011 3:02am

Author
Reply

Thank you Hope x This is very kind of you to think this, and say so! I hold the belife that you ALREADY are a better writer than me x All you have to do is know it is true!! Keep writing also! You'l be a great writer, because when all else fails... There is ALWAYS Hope x Best wishes, and kindest regards - Ds Keep smilin' x

Mon, March 28th, 2011 6:41pm

DGNAForever

Your writing is so graphic. It feels like I am there on the battlefield.

Wed, March 16th, 2011 8:01am

Author
Reply

Wow, thank you kindly Writinglover. I'm really glad that Battles Lost has had this effect with you (and other readers). Many, many kind regards and best wishes - Ds

Mon, March 28th, 2011 6:22pm

framtahal

You can now view my publication at http://www.booksie.com/Frank_Ramtahal

Wed, March 16th, 2011 12:02pm

sinaid kincaid

Wow you have a way with them words.
It's beautiful...like a seasoned poet:))

Wed, March 16th, 2011 1:43pm

Author
Reply

Sinaid, Your kind comment is VERY much appreciated. Thank you so much for reading it, and for your support! Kindest regards, and keep smilin' - Ds

Mon, March 28th, 2011 6:02pm

xoxoKileeLovexoxo

Beautiful, this is very just great, I love the way that you capture the way that adrenalin takes over the emotions and how you are not given the choice.

Fri, March 18th, 2011 8:12pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for reading and commenting, KileeLove! It is so very much appreciated! Warmest regards - Ds

Mon, March 28th, 2011 5:53pm

More War and Military Poems

Boosted Content from Other Authors

Short Story / Flash Fiction

Poem / Poetry

Short Story / Science Fiction

Poem / Poetry

Other Content by James D. Storrington

Short Story / Science Fiction

Short Story / Other