Chapter 1: Finding out My Deepest Secret

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 321
Comments: 4

”God! Can’t you knock?” I yelled through the door my brother tried to open. I was stark naked spread eagled on my bed; it had gotten so hot that this was the only way to stay cool. I started to sweat under the duvet that I hastily pulled over my nakedness.
” is it safe to come in yet?” he called.
”Yes yes” I said. ”what do you want?” I added as he walked in and perched himself on the edge of my bed. I self-consciously pulled the duvet higher, making sure that i was completely covered.
”where were you last night?” he asked, I studied his body language, he was slouching and picking a thread on the sleeve of his shirt, not making eye contact with me at all. I could tell he wanted to say something more but was stopping himself.
“I was at my friends house, Why?” I answered matter-of-factly. This was my usual excuse, I rarely go to my friend’s houses anymore, I mostly sit in cafes and up in the woods or at my boyfriend’s house, or go to the closest party.
“that’s not what a lot of people are telling me” he said quietly.
“What do you mean Matthew?” I asked.
“You know what I mean Danni” he answered. “my friend saw you at a house party, you what dad thinks about them.”
“Oh so you do actually stay in touch with your friends?” I paused for a quick breath, “I thought you were too much of a man to need friends” I added sarcastically.
“That isn’t the point Danni.” He said, “The point is that you were at a party, with older guys thinking god knows what about you, with full access to alcohol and drugs. You could have been hurt Danni.”
“Why do you always think that I’m such a helpless little girl?” I said indignantly. “I’m 17, soon 18 and you still think I can’t take care of myself, I’ve been going to these parties for years and nothings happened. Why can’t you trust me just a little?”
“Because I worry about you Danni.” He said quietly, it was barely a whisper.
“Why? I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.” I answered.
“I’m worried cause you’re changing.” He said, finally looking at me in the eye. “It was subtle at first, you never used to wear jewellery even thread bracelets and look at your self now, you must be wearing 20 odd bracelets. Then your style changed, you hardly wear anything but black anymore, you were so cheerful, you loved short skirts and pretty little tops, and now, and now you’re so….Goth. and at dinner last week when you reached for the salt I thought I saw something on your arm. And what I think I saw made me wonder, now it all fits together, your change in style, the bracelets and the recklessness.” I waited for his grande finale, he took a deep breath and the look I saw in his eyes scared me to deaf, he suddenly looked older, like he suddenly aged ten years, I could tell that he’d been thinking about this for sometime. I felt my pulse accelerate as I waited. “Danni, I’m sorry if I’m wrong, but…do you hurt yourself?”
“What do you mean ‘hurt myself’? I asked, I needed time to figure out my answer.
“Like cut or burn yourself? If you do you need to tell me, I want to help you.” He said seriously.
“I….” I stopped, how was I going to say this? I felt tears well up in my eyes.
“Oh god you do, don’t you?” he guessed, I could do nothing my nod my head. He engulfed me in his familiar arms. “Oh Danni, Danni Danni Danni….Why?” I could only manage a sort of hiccup sound, all words have abandoned me.
He held me for ages, I ended up with my head in his lap with him stroking my hair softly, I had managed to keep myself completely covered this whole time, which I was thankful for. I had pulled my arms up to my chest and I felt him fiddle with my bracelets.
“Danni?” he asked.
“Mhm?” I murmured.
“Can I see them?” By ‘them’ I knew he was referring to my scars. I was actually quite shocked at this; I didn’t think he would want to see them. I gave a half nod twitch in reply and I closed my eyes as he started removing my bracelets. He gasped, he obviously didn’t think it was that bad, half way up to my forearm from my wrist was completely sliced up and scarred, at the time I did them I didn’t think of the scarring I just wanted to feel it. I regret it now. When the scars started getting high up I decided to start on a different spot, I immediately opted for my stomach, it’s the easiest place to cover up.
“Is this all of it?” he asked as if reading my mind, I heard a sound of doubt in his voice and I shook my head. “Can I see the rest?” I hesitated, did I want him to see? Would he be able to handle it? “Please?” I inhaled and exhaled and the lifted myself up and stumbled to my feet in front of him, still clutching the duvet to my chest. I inhaled again and dropped the duvet.
My brothers eyes widened a bit as he saw the extent of my addiction. “oh my god.” he whispered over and over again. He looked mesmerised, taking in every scar. His fingertips reached up and traced my scars with them. I gasped when he first touched my stomach, but soon it felt soothing. I closed my eyes and let my head tilt backwards until I felt something soft and damp touch my stomach, I snapped my head forward and looked down. Matthew, My brother, the shyest guy in the world was gently kissing each and every one of my scars, my pulse quickened and my breathing hastened. This wasn’t right, His hand had trailed up my leg and was dangerously close to my privites, quickly coming to my senses I pulled back and away from him. He hung his head and I turned my back “I’m sorry dan” he whispered. I couldn’t face him so I grabbed some clothes and rushed into the bathroom. I took a long time showering and dressing but when i returned to my room, Matthew was still sitting on my bed, head hung in shame.
I made the decision to get out of there, I grabbed my bag and stuffed my phone, ipod, purse, Make up bag and sweater in and headed for the door, as I was pulling my shoes on my brother immerged.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“Out, I’ll be back later.” I answered curtly.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Danni.” He said urgently, almost pleading me to stay.
“Don’t worry about it okay? I just need some time.” I said and I walked out, just like that. I knew that I wasn’t going back, at least not today. I saw a bus turn onto the road and I ran to the stop not far from my house, I got on and paid and just sat on there. I didn’t pay attention to where I was going until my phone started ringing, I looked at the screen thinking it would be Matthew but it wasn’t, it was my boyfriend Zach. I answered on the third ring.
“Hi Zach, sup?” I asked, trying to sound normal.
“Your brother called me.” Zach said.
“Great, somehow I knew he would.” I said spitefully.
“Where are you now?” Zach asked.
“I’m on a bus somewhere, I haven’t been paying attention so I don’t know where I am.” I replied.
“Danielle…” crap, he only used my full name when he was either mad or extremely worrid. “look out the window and tell my where you are.” I looked.
“I’m by the Cineplex.” I said.
“Right, get off the bus, I’ll be there in 5 mins.” He instructed.
“Fine. See you then.” And I hung up and pushed the stop bell.
The evening chill hit me suddenly when I stepped off the bus and I was grateful that I brought my sweater and I pulled it over my head. Sure enough, 5 minutes later, Zach pulled up in his shiny red sports car, one that my friends always drooled over whenever they saw it. With out hesitation I opened the passenger door and stepped into the car.
“Hi babe.” He said as he pecked my on the cheek. “So do you want to tell me why your brother was so worrid about you?”
“So he didn’t tell you?” I asked.
“No, he just said that you stormed out and that he was scared or something.” He waited for my answer. “Hunni, you know you can tell me everything.” And he reached over and squeezed my hand gently. I new this to be true, I’d told zach about my ‘problem’ a couple of months ago and he accepted it and was there for me when I needed him. So I told him everything as he started to drive. About Matthew guessing my problem and how he reacted to it. “Hmmmm.” His eyebrows pulled together in concentration. “I see why you left.” He said
as we got out the car outside his house. He lead me inside and sat me on the sofa. “Drink?” He offered
“Anything strong. I need it” I said.
“One scotch coming up.” He poured me and himself a drink and brought them over, he slumped on the couch with one leg resting on the sofa. He drank a bit of his scotch and leaned his head back and closed his eyes. I shifted on the sofa and leaned into him, automatically his arm came round me a stroked my arm softly. I sipped my scotch and closed my eyes too.
I drifted into a light sleep and dreamt about an entirely different reaction from Matthew when he saw my scars, he started ranting and raving and telling me how stupid can you get? And that shit. I woke with a start and found Zach looking down at me. I quickly got my bearings and found that I was stretched out on the couch and that Zach had draped a blanket over me. I suddenly felt extremely calm and serene and incredibly tired, so I let myself drift back into a deep sleep which remained un-disturbed by my brother and any unpleasant thoughts, when I woke, however, was a completely different story.

Submitted: June 05, 2009

© Copyright 2021 jessie wal. All rights reserved.


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Add Your Comments:



Interesting, I'm interested in finding out why she started hurting her self and what's gonna happen next. Please update soon!

Fri, June 5th, 2009 8:31pm


i shall try

Fri, June 5th, 2009 1:49pm


That was an awesome beginning.
Matthew seems a bit weird though, lol.
But I love the story! You should make it into a novel or something. :)

Fri, June 5th, 2009 8:36pm

Nina Skye

OMG this is so good and filled with so much DRAMA.
I'd say add more but it's only a short story :p
will we ever find out what happens when she wakes up?

Fri, June 5th, 2009 8:36pm


perhaps, if i'm in the 'Zone', it apears that's the only time i can write properly and theses times are usually 3am in the morning

Fri, June 5th, 2009 1:51pm

Luna A Phoebe

i loved this! every single bit of it! you should make it into a novel since i absolutley wanna know what heppens next! please? amazing! LIKED IT!

Fri, June 5th, 2009 8:41pm


thanks, i'm thinking of reposting it as a novel but i'm not sure it'll be as good cause this was a 3 am, spur of the moment sort of thing...

Fri, June 5th, 2009 1:49pm

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