What if? The alternate version of Never Alone

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Chapter 39 (v.1) - Chapter 39

Submitted: April 17, 2011

Reads: 64

Comments: 2

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Submitted: April 17, 2011



I opened my eyes, confused for a minute. I looked around the room and remembered where I was.

Mamma was sitting in the chair off to the side. She smiled when she noticed me looking at her.

I tried to smile back, but I just couldn't. I was disappointed that I was apparently fine.

She lifted the little bundle from the bassinet, a few feet away, before coming over to me.

"Meet your son, Lizzie." She said, putting the baby in my arms.

I stared at him for a minute before I looked at Mamma, in awe.

She just smiled and I looked down at the tiny sleeping person in my arms.

In those few seconds I knew Ben was absolutely right. It didn't matter who his father was or how he got here. Nothing mattered at all, except that he was here and he was mine. My son.

I never thought I could feel so much love for anyone as I did for this little boy. And I was amazed by how instantaneous it was.

I couldn't stop staring at him.

And the truly amazing thing was, I didn't have to worry about who he would look like. I didn't have to worry about ever seeing Josh in him. I knew I would love him just as much anyway, but it didn't matter.

Of all my stupid, idiotic behavior and choices, I did one thing right. Just one.

I was so glad I did.

Because this baby did look like his father. It was hard to tell by his little scrunched up face, who's facial features he would have, but he had his father's hair.

I hadn't thought about how much hair he might have or what it would look like. But if I had, I would have been sure it would be blonde, since Josh and I both had light blonde hair.

I hadn't even thought to expect the mop of brown curls, covering his head. Just like his daddy.

Apparently, I'd gotten pregnant much earlier than I thought.

I was so glad that the way Josh and Brooke wanted to take care of my 'problem', had never been an option for me. What a horrible mistake that would have been.

So, maybe I did two things right.

He opened his beautiful eyes and stared back at me. They weren't the typical blue of most babies. They were deep brown, just like his daddy's.

I wiped away my tears with one hand, realizing how lucky I was. I wasn't going to be reminded of anything bad when I looked at him. I was only going to be reminded of Ben and how much I loved him.

"Is Ben here?" I asked, looking at Mamma. I suddenly couldn't wait to see him.

"Yeah," She said before she left the room.

I stared down at my little boy, who was drifting off to sleep again and for the first time in a long time, cried because I was happy.

A minute later the door opened and Ben came in, looking unsure. I smiled brightly at him as he made his way over to the side of the bed.

I saw the same shock, I'd felt a few minutes ago, cross his face when he had a chance to realize what I had. He looked at me, dazed.

"You're a daddy." I said, still crying.

He smiled as I handed him his son.

Ben cradled our baby in his arms, looking awkward but completely right. I guess it was a good thing that I'd never worked up the courage to correct my parent's assumption about Ben. Now I didn't need to.

Ben didn't say anything for a long time, he just stared down at the baby in his arms. He still looked completely amazed as he touched the tiny hands and feet. It was like he was trying to make sure it was all real. That this was really his son.

Mamma came back in the room with the nurse. I thought they were gonna have to wrestle the baby away from Ben, the way his face looked when they said to hand him over so I could learn how to feed him.

He looked back at me from the door as Mamma was ushering him out of the room. He still seemed slightly dazed, but the look gave me...there was so much love in it. I knew we couldn't be together the way I wanted. At least, not for a long time. There was still so much for us to get passed. But I felt so much hope, now. Like it might really be possible. One day.

It took such a long time to get the baby to actually eat. It was completely awkward and he didn't want to cooperate. But finally, it worked and he was sleeping, contentedly.

I was exhausted.

Mamma said she'd stay with me and keep an eye on the baby while I slept. I felt so lucky that she was here and apparently ok with me again.

When I woke up, Mamma was gone but Daddy was holding the baby.

"Daddy?" I said, sleepily.

When he smiled at me, I knew we'd be alright.

"This kid's got alot of hair." He said coming over to sit on the edge of my bed.

"Yeah." I smiled.

"What are you going to call him?" He asked.

I reached over to pick up the little card, the nurse gave me, where I wrote down his name.

Daddy read the card and focused on the middle name.


I nodded and Daddy grinned down at his grandson.

"You gave us all quite a scare." He said. "Your mom thought she lost you for a few minutes."

"Sorry." I said, feeling ashamed of just giving up the way I had.

"Sweetie, I know things have been bad, lately." He said seriously.

"It's ok, Daddy." I said. "You don't have to say anything."

He looked at me. "Just let me get this out."

I watched him, waiting.

"I got so...upset because it hurt so much." He said.

My eyes filled with tears and I had to stop myself from apologizing, so he could finish saying what he needed to.

"And it hurt so much because I love you so much." He said. "Nothing's ever gonna change that."

"I love you too." I said. "I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"I know." He said. "But we'll be ok."

I nodded.

"Besides, I can't seem to be too upset when I look at this little guy." He smiled down at the baby.

I smiled and wiped the tears from my face.

"Where'd you get the name?" Daddy asked about the baby's first name.

"Ben's middle name is Alexander."

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