Reads: 217

Sitting at the bar I stared down into my coke while I waited for the band to turn up, while I was lost in my thoughts arms slipped around me and I felt a kiss to the back of my neck “hey baby band not here yet?” I shook my head unable to find my voice when I was still not used to being with Kane and having him being so loving to me.
He stepped around from behind me and sat down on the stool beside me “so baby I have been talking to Blake and Nigel and we feel that it is time to bring you back home so we are more able to keep a closer eye on you” I turned my head to the side to look at him “what the fuck are you talking about I am not moving again.”
He looked at Dana who was grinning at him then he slid closer to me pressing his mouth close to my ear “yes you are Bell because I won’t sleep properly of a night if I don’t know that you are there in your room and safe.”
Squeezing my eyes closed I whispered in fear “Kane you need to back off you are trying to move our relationship along to quickly and it is scaring me” he sighed pressing a kiss to my ear “I am not trying to do that Bell I am just trying to keep you safe please” he pleaded kissing my ear again.
With a sigh I gave a tight nod “fine I will come back but this time I am staying no matter what because I am sick of being moved around from one place to the next.”
He went to say something else but my mobile picked that time to ring, I pulled it from my pocket checking the number before answering it.
Me “hello handsome how is it going?”
 Tony “It isn’t I am missing my side kick”
 Me “then maybe it is time that you came to visit me”
Tony “are you kidding me I would love to come and see you”
Me “alright I have to perform in a few minutes but later I will send you a message with all the details so you can find me”
Tony “sounds good okay baby girl I will let you go and I will see you in a few days”
Me “okay love you bye”
Tony “love you too and I will see you real soon.”
Hanging up I looked towards where Kane had been to apologize for the interruption but he was no longer there, I looked at Dana questioningly, she pointed towards the door with sadness in her eyes that I didn’t understand but had no time to question as the band entered the bar and we had to get ready to perform.
Later that night while I was helping Dana to close while Larry was busy in his office I asked her why Kane just left like that, she shook her head sweeping faster as she answered me “Annabelle you were sitting right next to him talking to another guy like he was your boyfriend and even told him that you love him, how do you think that made Kane feel when you keep telling him not to rush you.”
Staring down at the empty glasses I held I gave a sad sigh “I didn’t mean to hurt him Dana it is just that I find it easier just to be friends with a guy without the whole relationship thing getting in the way.”
Dana stopped sweeping and took the glasses from my hands placing them on the bar “maybe you are not ready for a relationship yet honey and no one would blame you if you wasn’t after everything that you have been through” I sighed wiping at some tears “I don’t think I will ever be ready for another relationship after Reece I just can’t not when fear is all I know and I still have nightmares every night.”
Dana patted my shoulder gently as she past “then you should talk to Kane honey and make him understand that you don’t want that kind of relationship just be careful when you do because he may not hurt you in the ways that Reece did but Kane does have quite a nasty temper.”
Picking up some more glasses I shook my head sadly and wondered why I even bothered anymore when my life was just so fucked up and I was just a broken doll like the song but no one would be able to pickup the pieces and make me whole again.
After Dana and Larry had gone to bed I snuck back down to bar and poured myself a drink while lightening up a joint.
Taking a puff I sat down on a stool and looked towards the stage that had become like a home to me, the only place where I felt like myself anymore.
A noise near the door had me shooting up in fear “relax Bell it is just me, Larry gave me a key about a year ago so I could come and go as I please.”
Kane closed the door then came to sit beside me at the bar “okay I think that we need to talk” I nodded taking another sip of my drink.
Kane took the joint and put it out shaking his head angrily “why do you have to keep doing that shit it will never make everything better.”
Slamming my glass down I went to get to my feet but he grabbed my arm “oh no you don’t, you are not running away, you are going to sit here and talk to me about us.”
Yanking my arm away from him I turned to face him “that is the thing I do not want an us I do not want a relationship with you and I do not want you thinking you have a say in my life.”
This time it was Kane that jumped to his feet as he started to angrily pace the floor “what the hell are you trying to say to me?” I shrugged trying to pretend it didn’t hurt “what it sounds like I am saying that I am not in love with you and that I do not want to be with you.”
His foot slamming into one of the tables had me jumping and yelping in fear “fuck you Bell I have done nothing but try to keep you safe and love you and you treat me this way, well fuck you I do not need this fucking shit” he shouted before storming out the door slamming it so hard the glasses hanging behind the bar rattled together.
Sobbing softly I got to my feet and walked over and sat down on the stage and started to sing.
And I take another step
Slowly I open the door
Check that he is sleeping
Pick up all the broken glass and furniture on the floor
Been up half the night screaming now it's time to get away
Pack up the kids in the car
Another bruise to try and hide
Another alibi to write

Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through

And there are children to think of
Baby's asleep in the backseat
Wonder how they'll ever make it through this living nightmare
But the mind is an amazing thing
Full of candy dreams and new toys and another cheap hotel
Two beds and a coffee machine
But there are groceries to buy
And I know I'll have to go home

Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through

Another bruise to try and hide
Another alibi to write
Another lonely highway in the black of night
But there's hope in the darkness
You know you're going to make it

Another ditch in the road
Keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Silent fortress built to last
Wonder how I ever made it.
Laying my head down on my knees I started to sob as I cursed this thing that Reece had made me, something that was so scared of love that I sent away the greatest guy I had ever met.

Submitted: April 06, 2011

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