Reads: 247

Shaking my head I threw the guitar down and fixed Benjamin with angry eyes “this isn’t fucking working.”
Benjamin sighed shaking his head “okay look we have been at it for two straight hours now without a break so lets take one now and we will meet back here in two hours time” I nodded then headed for the door.
Someone grabbed my arm stopping me “Annie you brother called me this morning complaining how you haven’t been in contact for months now” I turned to face Benjamin “I know and I will soon I promise” he raised his eyebrows “Annie you have been here for nearly two years now and have made a name for yourself but you also have forgotten who your friends are.”
Crossing my arms I shook my head “wrong okay I love my brother and I remember my friends back home but they have all moved on with their lives and have forgotten about me.”
Benjamin patted my shoulder gently “Annie I think of you as my daughter and I know bullshit when I hear it and that is bullshit, you stopped talking to everyone back home when your brother informed you that Kane Morgan had gotten married” I blinked away tears, I refused to cry one more tear over Kane Morgan, I had told him not to wait for me to move on and that was what he did when he married the dark headed girl that had been at the house that time.
Her name was Kristen my brother informed me and she was the same age as me but went to some other school that is why I hadn’t known her.
Nigel meant well when he was telling me all this trying to get me to see that Kane had moved on but it hurt to hear about how in love he and Kristen was and how they were having a baby.
The one thing my brother never brought up when talking about Kane and his family was what they did for a living I knew that it was because he couldn’t but I would have preferred to hear about that over Kane and his happy life when mine pretty much sucked.
Don’t get me wrong I had made it big and people appreciated the fact that a lot of our music was about abuse in all forms and loved how our music got the message across that abuse of any kind was not okay but I missed being with my brother and just singing any song I wanted to at Larry’s bar.
Sitting down at a small coffee shop with Josh and the guys I stared down into my coffee sadly “do you guys ever feel like giving up our singing careers and just going home?”
When I looked up they were all nodding “yes constantly but Annie you got to hang in there and just go with all the shit that comes your way things can only get better.”
Sighing loudly I pushed my cup of coffee away from me and sat back in my seat crossing my arms “better ha I don’t think so I thought that coming here would help me forget all the shit I went through back home but I still have nightmares every night and the great guy that was in love with me is now married and in love with someone else.”
Josh ran his hand through his hair “so what are you saying Annie are you quitting the band?” I shrugged getting to my feet ready to head back to the studio “hell I don’t know Josh like I said I don’t get much sleep of a night and I am missing Nigel so much right now.”
Josh and the other guys got up from the table and started to walk beside me the female body guard Stan had organized walking only a few feet behind us “look Annie we now that at the end of the day you will do what ever is right be it that you decide that we are going to go back home to our old lives or that we stick it out here but what ever you decide we will go along with it.”
We all fell silent the rest of the way back to the studio and soon as we got there we got back to recording more of our songs.
That night curled up on the couch I turned on the television to the news channel then dropped the remote as I saw the Morgan’s and my brother leaving the police station “suspected mob boss Stan Morgan and his family seen in this footage leaving the local police station were brought in to be questioned in relation to the murder of another mob boss by the name of Tristan Banks it is believed that Stan Morgan ordered the murder of Tristan Banks when Banks moved into his territory and tried to still all of Morgan’s business associates but Morgan and his other family members were released without charges when valuable evidence went missing.”
While the reporters voice droned on my eyes were fixed on the screen and the tall dark headed male standing beside my brother, Kane Morgan he looked even more bulked up with muscles and there was a hardness to his eyes that I had never seen before, for once Kane Morgan truly looked like apart of the mob and someone truly dangerous there didn’t appear to be any of that goodness that he had showed me left in him.
Watching him sadly as he walked from the police station and embraced a waiting Kristen I blinked back tears; I turned of the TV and threw the remote against the wall.
Benjamin was wrong they had all forgotten about me as soon as I moved away to them Annabelle Roberts no longer existed every single one of them had forgotten me even Tony who I hadn’t spoken to for nearly two years and I still don’t know why.
Getting to my feet I slammed my foot through the table and screamed “I am forgotten I am just fucking forgotten I am nothing.”
Going over to the small table by the door I pulled out the bag of white powder and a small mirror then set it all up on the table knowing that the guys were out clubbing and wouldn’t be back till morning.
Making four straight lines I picked up the small plastic pipe I used and did every line then I laid down on the couch and closed my eyes and started to sing myself to sleep while the drugs took care of the pain.
What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
what would you do? (Oh, oh)
What if I fell to the floor
couldn’t take all this anymore
what would you do, do, do?

Come break me down
bury me, bury me
I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
what would you do?
You say you wanted more
what are you waiting for?
I'm not running from you (from you)

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself
fighting for a chance.
I know now, this is who I really am.

Ah, ah
Oh, oh
Ah, ah

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you.
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

Come break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)

(You say you wanted more)
What if I wanted to break...?
(What are you waiting for?)
Bury me, bury me
(I'm not running from you)
What if I
What if I
What if I
What if I
Bury me, bury me.
I was finished with everyone so what if I wanted to break who would fucking care anyway?

Submitted: April 06, 2011

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