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Nightmares again woke me through the night, I lay there with angry bitter tears falling down my cheeks.
Josh had taken the only thing that kept them away at least for a little while, god what I wouldn’t do for another hit.
Rolling out of bed I staggered out the door and towards the stairs but stopped at the sound of a baby crying “hush sweet heart.”
Kane was in there talking to his baby but where was his wife Kristen? I shook my head and told myself it was none of my business.
Moving slowly down the stairs I checked to make sure that no one was still up then headed for the kitchen.
Hoping no one was around wasn’t because I was up to no good I just didn’t want them seeing me with red swollen eyes and resembling Casper the friendly ghost or in my case not so friendly ghost.
The sound of a baby reached me before Kane walked into the room carrying a small bundle in his arms, he froze at the sight of me then seemed to shake himself before continuing into the room.
He rocked the baby back and forwards gently while he grabbed something from the fridge then turned around heading for the kettle.
Feeling like I was intruding I started to leave the room “Bell wait” I slowly turned to face him “could you hold her for a minute please?” I shook my head backing away “no sorry I can’t where is her mother can’t she do it?”
Kane adjusted the baby in his arms while still looking at me “Kristen left about two weeks ago with another guy and I can’t hold Beth while I am getting her bottle so can you please hold her for me.”
Looking at the baby in terror I again shook my head “I can’t Kane I might drop her.”
He shook his head giving me a pleading look “please Bell I trust you and will only be for a few minutes.”
Taking a shaky breath I nodded “okay pass her to me” he carefully past her over “just make sure you support her head” I nodded while looking down at the beautiful little baby in my arms with the same green eyes as her father.
Gently rocking her like I had seen Kane do I carefully sat down in the kitchen chair “why did Kristen take of with someone else and leave Beth here?”
Kane looked up from testing the bottle on his wrist “how the fuck should I know Bell she was just a cold hearted bitch that didn’t care about either of us I guess” I looked down at Beth bewildered by just how tiny and gorgeous she was.
Kane sat in a chair facing me and set the bottle down on the table “okay I will take her back now and you should go to bed” I shook my head “I’m not going to bed I can’t sleep.”
Kane took Beth from me settling her gently into his arms before giving her the bottle “why can’t you sleep?” I gave an angry sigh and turned my head away “I just can’t.”
Kane gave a harsh laugh that made his daughter give a little grizzly noise before she went back to drinking “why Bell because Josh took the drugs away from you?” I jumped to my feet and turned towards the door “go to hell Kane Morgan.”
He gave an angry sigh “Bell wait” I shook my head “no I think that you have said enough” I blinked as tears gathered in my eyes “I will leave you and your daughter alone.””
Racing from the room I heard him call my name but I ignored it as I ran backup stairs slamming my bedroom door behind me.
Again laying on my bed I curled into a ball and sobbed knowing that Kane hated me and there was no way I was getting any sleep.
My bedroom door opened then closed again “why do you have to do that Bell when you don’t like something I say or do you either run of or break down in tears” Kane asked while moving towards the bed.
Sobbing into my pillow I tried to shut him out until he lay down on the bed pulling me around to face him “why Bell just tell me why?” I shook my head my eyes swimming in tears.
With aloud sigh he pulled me into his chest “what did you expect Bell you left and told me not to wait so I didn’t.”
Wetting the front of his white cotton shirt with my tears I shook my head “I don’t care just leave me alone” he gently rubbed my back then he sang a song I hadn’t heard for nearly two years.
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry

When you're down and confused
Nothing seems right
And it's you who decides
Who's going to make it right

Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry

Well life ain't no joke
But it's good when you smile
Steal everything
But you won't get far

Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry

Sometimes you will fall
What cha gonna do?
Give your friend a call

Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry

We know that you can smile
Even though it takes a while
To lose your fears and say
Gonna lose your fears and say

Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry

Do you know who you are
And where you're going to
Don't you know that love
Gonna pull you
Gonna pull you through now baby

Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry

Baby don't cry, Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry, Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry, Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry. Baby don't cry

Face to face
Anything is possible
Not political, or analytical
Never giving up on the wrong
You got a choice
Why don't you use it
Change, is an attitude
Guaranteed to take hold of you
So welcome, to the turnstile
Take a turn with a new vow
Hey, I know what you know
All the sympathy
Made a mess of me
Respect the sacrifice
Before the number one
Now it has begun

Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry
Baby don't cry.
His singing just made me sob harder as I cried painfully “god it hurts I just can’t take this anymore I thought that in time I would forget everything that was done to me but I will never forget and I can no longer sleep without something to help me I just want my life over with.”
Kane gave an angry growl and his hold grew so tight I feared he would break my ribs “don’t you ever fucking talk like that again Bell Roberts do you hear me?” I nodded then sobbed again.
With a sigh he lifted my head so our eyes met “look I know that things seem bad and hell I don’t blame you for wanting to just give up but there are so many people that care about and love you even if it doesn’t seem like it.”
He lifted his hands and wiped my tears away “just promise me you will not do drugs anymore because they are not good for you they may seem like it at the time but they will destroy you in the end.”
Blinking as more tears gathered in my eyes I pulled away from his hands and turned my head away “could you please leave now” he squeezed my waist slightly then slowly released me “if you need anything you know where my room is even if it is just a hug I know we are not together anymore but I can still give you one if you want.”
When he left the room I squeezed my eyes closed and imagined him there still singing softly to me and while I was imagining this I fell to sleep.
The next morning I hesitantly made my way downstairs to find only my brother and Blake in the kitchen “hey Annie how did you sleep” I gave Blake a small smile “okay once I actually got to sleep” he nodded “well okay um help yourself to breakfast but Nig and I have to head out for awhile” I looked up from grabbing a bowl of cereal “um what about Kane and Amber?”
Blake finished his coffee and while washing the cup answered my question “well Amber is actually away at college and wont be home for another couple of months and Kane is still asleep since Beth kept him up half the night” I gave him a curious look “why did Kristen run of with another man?”
Blake looked at my brother who in turn was giving me a disapproving look “Annie that really isn’t any of you business” I shrugged taking a spoonful of cereal from my bowl “I was just curious Nig since Beth is so tiny and beautiful I couldn’t imagine a mother wanting to leave her.”
Blake gave me a warm smile “I bet you wouldn’t have left if she was yours would you.”
Nigel made a hissing noise from between his teeth and I sucked in a hurt breath “n, not if I had a choice” I stuttered.
Blake realizing what he had said gave me a look of apology “god Annie I am so sorry that sounded so insensitive” I shook my head pushing my half eaten breakfast away “its fine you are right if Beth was my baby I would never leave her but then again I can never have a baby so I will never have to make that kind of choice.”
Blake reached over pressing a kiss to my head “I know honey and again I am so sorry but Nig and I had better go now but to make up for my stupid mouth later I will cook you something to eat” I shook my head giving a small chuckle “you don’t have to do that” he shrugged “maybe not but I want to.”
When they had gone I wondered around at a loss to what I should do since I wasn’t allowed to leave the house.
Looking towards the stairs I hesitated then slowly started to climb them, at the top I could hear Beth’s small cries and headed towards the room they were coming from.
Kane was laying on his back with no shirt on making me blush when I saw all his hard muscles and the tattoo’s that decorated most of his chest and down near his hips just visible above the waist line of his jeans but after a quick glance at them I hurried over to the little basinet and picked his daughter up, hugging her close to my chest I tried to think of any lullabies I knew but drew a blank.
Staring up at me Beth had stopped crying and started cooing instead “she likes you” I swung around to find her father with his eyes open looking at me.
Kane moved over and patted the bed “bring her down here she just wants to cuddle” I hesitated looking from him to his daughter “Bell bring her here I wont bite.”
Giving his daughter a soft smile I walked over to the bed and went to lay her down but Kane stopped me “no Bell I meant both of you” I shook my head holding his daughter out to him.
Kane sighed then sat up and gently pulled both his daughter and I into his lap “you never did do to well with listening Bell” I spat from between my teeth “let me fucking go Kane Morgan” he just chuckled then carefully moved us off of him and down onto the bed then he wrapped his arms around both of us “Bell I know that you probably didn’t get much sleep and since Beth and I will be sleeping you may as well stay with us and get some to.”
Beth cooed again making me look down at her but when I did I imagined what my baby would have looked like if Reece hadn’t taken its life away.
Kane sensing my distress tightened his arms around me and lent down pressing a kiss to my cheek “your baby would have been beautiful just like you baby and would have loved you unconditionally.”
His daughter blinked her big green eyes at me curiously making me smile through my tears “you are so lucky Kane you have a beautiful daughter that will always love you” he lent his cheek against mine looking down at his daughter “yes but I will not have the woman I love in my arms everyday where she belongs.”
His words tore deep into my chest making me wince and my tears fall faster “sorry” I muttered before squeezing my eyes close, he tightened his arms around me but kept his cheek pressed against mine “just go to sleep Bell.”

Submitted: April 06, 2011

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