Chapter 31:

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LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE

CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

Walking into the kitchen the following day I stopped short in the doorway my mouth going dry at the sight that I met.

Standing near the table Blake, Nigel and Kane were tucking guns into the back of the jeans before pulling their jackets down to cover them and it was obvious that they had others strapped to their shoulders.

Kane adjusted a sling he had his arm in then looked up looking startled at seeing me standing in the doorway before he looked away.

Blake adjusted the way his jacket fell then turned to look at me a tight smile on his face “Annie we need to go out for awhile the maid will be here if you need anything but I ask that you do not leave this house or open the door while we are not here and please look after Beth for us while we gone” I looked at Kane to make sure that he was okay with me looking after his daughter, he nodded without meeting my eyes so I gave a weak nod “okay” I muttered.

Nigel walked towards me but stopped when I took a step back, he gave me a confused look making me look at him in apology “sorry but you are carrying guns and I would rather you stayed away from me while you are” he gave a tight nod then looked at the others “okay we ready?” They nodded then started to head towards the door but Kane stopped looking at me slightly “if Beth gets grizzly and wont settle sing to her she likes that and she would love your beautiful voice” I nodded then watched sadly as he followed his brother and mine out the door to do what ever they were going to do.

Sitting in the lounge room with a grizzly Beth in my arms, a little while later I smiled down at her “okay honey I am going to sing to you a song that makes me think of your daddy every time I sing it.”

I'm a broken doll and you're the puppeteer
Take control for me and wipe away my fears

I don't claim to be perfect
I know I'm damaged goods
But I wanna be led out of darkness just like every lady would
Lick my wounds and watch them seal with your healing heart
Embrace my sadness, Look after me
Coz there is no one else I 'd ask

I'm a broken doll and you're the puppeteer
Take control for me and wipe away my fears
Piece me all together, though broken I am sweet
You thought my heart was made of wood but I can hear it beat

I am scared of shadows in the night
When you are not there by my side
Sick of nightmares in my sleep
When there is no place I can hide
See the beauty in the blood that drips down from my eyes
Hold the parts that were ripped out
That took me by surprise

I'm a broken doll and you're the puppeteer
Take control for me and wipe away my fears
Piece me all together though broken I am sweet
You thought my heart was made of wood but I can hear it beat

BOOM BOOM Here it goes BOOM BOOM
To the sound of the grand piano
I am dancing in your light
In the light in here

I'm a broken doll and you're the puppeteer
Take control for me and wipe away my fears

I'm a broken doll and you're the puppeteer
Take control for me and wipe away my fears
Piece me all together though broken I am sweet
You thought my heart was made of wood but I can hear it beat

I'm a broken doll and you're the puppeteer
Take control for me and wipe away my fears
Piece me all together the broken eye and sweet
You thought my heart was made of wood but I can hear it beat.

Wiping at my tears I bent my head and kissed her little cheek “you see Beth when I first met your daddy I was so messed up I guess that I still am but he helped me for a little while then I made the decision to leave him and everything here behind while I tried to make something for myself but found that no matter how far I run I can never escape the nightmares so I started to do bad things so I would forget and now I have to see the disappointment in my brothers eyes but without that stuff I can not sleep without having those bad dreams and it is killing me every night more and more and I am so scared.”

Squeezing my eyes close against the pain I took a deep breath “love Beth is so not what I always thought it was it is way scarier and I do not think I have it in me to love someone to give them my heart while hoping they won’t do anything to break it.”

Opening my eyes I looked down at her and a big fat tear dropped onto her face “my boyfriend took my baby from me Beth so I can never have someone like you and just holding you makes me remember that night when my baby so small and so delicate looked up at me then died in my arms even Nigel doesn’t know that I got to hold my baby for all of five minutes living and breathing in my arms and the moment she died I broke and killed Reece that is why I did it not because of all his lies all the times he beat me but because he killed my daughter.”

Picking up Beth’s little hands I kissed each of her fingers “you are so lucky baby girl your daddy he loves you so much and will do anything to protect you from harm.”

“Not just her baby I would also do anything to protect you from harm” Kane said from the doorway before limping into the room.

Looking up from his daughter I looked at him in horror when I saw all the bruises on his face “Kane what happened to you?” He shrugged while still moving towards us “just business baby nothing for you to worry about.”

He squatted down in front of me then bent down carefully pressing his swollen mouth to his daughter’s cheek “I love Beth but I love you too and I would do anything to have you say that you will give me a chance.”

Reaching out carefully I ran my fingers down the side of his bruised face “Kane I’m sorry but I can not be with you, I mean look at you, you limp in here covered in bruises and tell me it is just part of business.”

Kane grabbed my hand twining our fingers together looking at me pleadingly “Bell you and Beth mean the world to me I know that my life scares you but you know that I would never hurt you or let anyone else hurt you please baby just let me in give Beth and I a chance.”

Looking at him through my tears I hesitated to say no but there was something I felt that he and the others could do for me so I just asked “Kane before I decide about us there is something you and the others could do for me” he nodded looking at me wearily “what do you need us to do?” I sighed looking at him sadly “I need you to find Tony and find out why he just disappeared from my life.”

Kane seemed to lose color and moved back slightly “Bell I, I have something to tell you about Tony” I felt my heart twist painfully at the pained look he was giving me “baby those guys that took you they saw Tony with you and thought that he was one of us and they took him” I started shaking me head my hand shaking against his “no he isn’t.”

Kane gave a sigh and shook his head “baby I’m sorry we were to late to save him but we did take care of them and made sure that they could never hurt anyone else” I pulled away handing his daughter to him before getting to my feet wobbling as I moved past him “Bell?” I shook my head weakly “save it I do not want to here how it is going to be alright how no one will ever hurt me again I mean the one friend I really had outside the band is dead and I am only just hearing about this because why ha because just like always people are trying to protect me well you know what I am so sick of people trying to protect me.

Nigel and Blake stepped into the doorway blocking my way “Annie do not let what happened to Tony destroy what you could have here with my little brother” I looked at Blake through angry tears “have here in the home of men that hurt people for a living I can have nothing.”

Shaking my head angrily I swiped at my tears “Josh thought bringing me back here would save me from myself but all it has done is made everything ten times worse and as soon as Benjamin wants I am going back to New York and far away from here.”

Nigel crossed his arms and I felt warm angry breath on my neck “you are not going back Annie I had Josh tell Benjamin that you are no longer able to perform and trust me we sent a message that would make sure he stayed away” I looked at my own brother in horror taking a startled step back until I was pressed against Kane “you threatened Benjamin are you fucking mad he is my manager.”

Kane’s warm breath brushed against my ear “not anymore he isn’t and if he comes near you I will kill him for allowing you to become a drug addict when he promised my uncle and Blake that he would look after you.”

Shoving past both Nigel and Blake I stormed towards the stairs “you keeping me prisoner here will just make me more afraid of you then I already am.”

Sitting on the floor in my room I closed my eyes and started to sing a song by Aqualung called breaking my heart.

Need to know
I don't wanna know
Already know
I've seen the signs
I watch you as you pull yourself away from me

Can't believe
I wanna believe
How can i believe
You're making me doubt
I thought i knew you
I don't even know myself

I'm losing faith
I'm losing all faith

You're breaking my heart
Breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart again
Don't ask me to start
Ask me start
Don't ask me to start again
Start again

I wanna fight
Afraid to fight
Why don't i fight
And make you see
I hold my breath
And disappear inside myself

I'm losing strength, i'm losing all strength

You're breaking my heart
Breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart again
Don't ask me to start
Ask me to start
Just don't ask me to start again
Start again

Oh you're breaking my heart again

Don't ask me to start
Ask me to start
Just don't ask me to start again
Start again

No

Oh no no

I'm losing you
I'm losing, oh, you.

Shivers were making my body shake so much that I could hear my own teeth rattle, I curled around my legs and squeezed my eyes close “god I fucking hate you I am so sick of people thinking they know what is best for me” I sobbed.

Arms gently wrapped around me making me jump and let out a squeal “calm down Bell it is just me” Kane whispered in my ear.

Struggling against his muscle arms I tried to put distance between us but his arms became like steel around my small waist “don’t fight me Bell because I am done letting you run away from now on you stay with me and we sleep in the same room, we eat together and we take care of Beth together for two months then if at the end of the two months you still want nothing to do with me I will leave you alone.”

My body trembled against his making him give a sad sigh and press a kiss to my head “I am sorry that we didn’t tell you about Tony but you had already been through so much and we thought that this would tip you over the edge” I felt tears slide down my cheeks and lifted my hand to wipe them away “don’t make me do this please I can not have a relationship with you.”

He gently lifted me up of the floor then he carried me out of my room and into his, I was shaking so bad that when he put me down on the bed he had to wrap all his blankets around me.

He hugged me into his body and pressed his lips to mine “I know that you are afraid Bell but I also know that you love me so please just give me and Beth two months to prove to you that we can be a family together.”

Blinking away tears I slowly nodded making him smile slightly against mine “thank you baby I wont disappoint you I promise.”

I pulled away from his mouth “please don’t say promise I don’t want you promising anything because it hurts when someone breaks that promise.”

He cupped my face between his hands “alright how about this if I do something to let you down you have permission to kick and hit me anywhere you want” I smiled then nodded “deal” I agreed before pressing my mouth to his.

Someone knocked at the door making us pull apart just as Blake stuck his head through the door “sorry to interrupt but Kane we really need you to come downstairs” Kane looked at him questioningly “why what is going on?”

Blake shot me a look “I will explain downstairs Annie it would be better if you stay up here for now” I nodded looking between the two brothers and wondered what business had Blake looking so worried.

Kane kissed me lingeringly then got of the bed following out the door Blake whispering in a hushed voice and sounding agitated.

Raised voices had me jumping of the bed and hurrying to the door, hesitating I debated whether I should see what was going on or just stay put like Blake said.

But as the voices grew I pulled the door opened and hurried towards the stairs, I stopped at the bottom pressing close to the wall as I listened to the shouting.

Kane: what the fuck are you doing here Kristen I told you I never wanted to see your fucking face again.

I winced at his harsh words even if they were not directed at me then I listened to Kristen’s response.

Kristen: baby I am so sorry for what I did but I miss you and Beth so much please forgive me”

Kane gave a harsh laugh “forgive you like fuck I will forgive you and you leaving was the best thing that you have ever done for me and Beth”

Kristen “it is that little slut isn’t it I heard she was back but she was fucked up from drugs.”

Nigel “that is my fucking sister whore so watch your fucking mouth”

Kristen “she is a slut and if she thinks that she can come back and steal my family then she can think again”

Kane “we are not your family and you will leave right now before I throw you out”

Kristen “I am not going anywhere without my daughter so either you take me back or I will take Beth away from you”

Kane gave a harsh laugh “take my daughter bitch you will never get my daughter”

Kristen “I will take you to court Kane and after telling them and showing them proof of what goes on here they will throw you in jail and you will never see Beth again”

Kane “guys leave I need to talk to my wife alone.”

Scurrying back up the stairs I squatted down as Blake and Nigel came out of the lounge room looking angry and headed into the kitchen leaving Kane alone with the girl that he married.

Moving back down the stairs I again listened to what was being said in the lounge room.

Kristen “thank you baby you will not regret this I promise”

Kane “I already regret it and do not call me baby I am not your fucking baby and I will make you regret black mailing me into this bitch”

Kristen “I am your wife it is only right that you stay with me and forget about ever being with that girl”

Kane “leave Bell out of this have you got that or the deal is of and you leave”

Kristen “you had better just make sure she knows that I am back now and you and Beth are mine or I will”

Kane “stay away from Bell I will make sure she knows that I am with you and you will stay away from her”

Kristen “fine can I at least have a kiss.”

Having had heard enough I raced back up stairs and slammed my door shut and locked it before falling to the floor.

All of Kane’s words had been for nothing he was back with that girl all because he was scared of her sending him to jail.

Pressing my face into my hands I sobbed, I should never have let him into my heart I should have known that I would just end up getting hurt again, girls like Kristen always got the good guys while I got nothing.

Lifting my head I wiped away my tears as I started to sing.

You Broke My Heart Lyrics

Oooohhh

You know that I would follow you
To the end of the Earth
And maybe I was kinda bold
You shouldn't know my words

I was waiting for the time to remind you
You were in love
What I gave was so incredible
But it was never enough

You took my love
And broke my heart
You took my smile
And tore it apart
You left me crying
Down on the floor
The funny thing is
I still want more
If only you love me like I wanted you to
But you trick me into loving you
You tore me apart
You broke my heart

You charm me with your little ways
You knew the buttons of praise
And you said I was your everything
But boy you couldn't care less
And you said we'd be together forever
Now look what you've done

What I gave was so incredible
But it was never enough

You took my love
And broke my heart
You took my smile
And tore it apart
You left me crying
Down on the floor
The funny thing is
I still want more
If only you love me like I wanted you to
But you trick me into loving you
You tore me apart
You broke my heart

All that I needed
was someone to hold me
And all that I wanted
was someone to show me
just what it is to be loved
And I hoped that someone was you

Oohhhh

You took my love
And broke my heart
You took my smile
And tore it apart
You left me crying
Down on the floor
The funny thing is
I still want more
If only you love me like I wanted you to
But you trick me into loving you
You broke my heart
You broke my heart
You tore me apart
you broke my heart
You broke my heart.

Curling into a ball I tried to tell myself that I didn’t need anyone other then Nigel but I wanted so much for Kane to show me what real love was but now he never would.

There was aloud knock on my door “Bell are you in there open that door baby” I pressed my hand to mouth stopping another sob from coming out “baby open the door I need to talk to you” he pleaded banging louder.

Slowly getting to my feet I walked to the door and pressed my face against it “I know you are going back to her I mean nothing to you.”

Kane’s head hit the door as he pressed it against it “baby please open the door I need to talk to you please” I squeezed my eyes closed “there is nothing to explain Kane you are going to be with your wife so she doesn’t send you to jail and take Beth away I heard everything okay so please just leave me alone.”

There was another thump against the door “I do not care about going to jail but I can not let her have Beth or hurt you” I sobbed sadly “it doesn’t matter Kane I was never meant to be with someone like you Kristen is right I am a little slut that has been destroyed by drugs so please just leave me alone.”

The door handle rattled “Annabelle open this door and let me in” he pleaded “no just leave me alone” I cried moving away from the door and over to a draw beside my bed I grabbed the small blade I had in there holding it against my arm “Reece was right I am pathetic why would anyone love me I deserve all the pain that he and everyone has caused me” I cried slicing my arm “Bell baby you are not pathetic and I love you so much but I have to do this or Kristen could destroy everything my family has built.”

Closing my eyes tight I slit my other arm while humming to myself heart brokenly one of my favorite songs from Aero Smith called Don’t Want to Miss a Thing

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you the sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you the sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile, I don't wanna miss one kiss
I just wanna be with you, right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close, feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time

Don't wanna close my eyes, don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you the sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you the sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep
Yeah, I don't wanna miss a thing.

With the blood running down my arms and pooling I lay back and closed my eyes whispering to myself “I am better of this way, no more pain, no more heart break that is what I want.”

The door was broken open and a worried looking Kane burst in stopping when he caught sight of my arms “Bell what the fuck have you done” he shouted hurrying over and pulling me into his arms.

Opening my eyes I looked at him through my tears “please just let me die this is what I want” he shook his head tears in his eyes as he tried to stop my bleeding ‘no I wont lose you.”

He put pressure on my arms while yelling out for the others “hold on please baby just hold on for me” he whispered his tears dripping onto my cheeks ‘I was never meant to be loved Reece told me that but I started to believe you.”

Kane pressed his lips to my cheek “you are meant to be loved by me please hold on baby don’t leave me” I closed my eyes again a tear leaking from the corner of my eye “I am so tired of this life and all the pain in it now I just want to sleep.”

Nigel and Blake hurried into the room Nigel panicking when he caught sight of me so pale being held by a sobbing Kane “Annie what did you do?” Nigel shouted looking at Kane accusingly “she hurt herself because she heard me talking to Kristen downstairs.”

I mumbled tiredly “I love you Nig” I tried to move but my body was being held tightly and I was just to tired “tell daddy that I love him and kiss Beth for me and tell her that she is so beautiful and I would have loved to have been a mummy to a little girl like her.”

Kane hugged me against his chest while someone tugged on my arms “don’t go to sleep baby just talk to us” I licked my dry lips “Reece smirked when he pulled my little baby from my bleeding stomach thinking she was dead then he laid her on my chest and I heard her breathing I held her while she was dying and told her how much I loved her until she left me then I grabbed the knife and shoved it into Reece’s chest hating myself for ever believing his lies for believing that someone like him would ever love me.”

Nigel let out a painful sob “I bet she was beautiful just like her mummy” I gave a tired smile “she looked just like her uncle Nigel so I loved her as soon as I saw her but just like everything else Reece took her away from me.”

Someone stroked my cheek “what did you call her honey?” I frowned as my mind grew more tired “Hope I called her Hope” I felt a tear slip down my cheek “I want to sleep now.”

Someone shook me gently “no Annie you stay talking to us tell us about living in New York what was that like?” I sighed “I hated it I missed Kane I just wanted to be here with him holding me making me feel loved but then I started to take the drugs and they would take some of the pain away until I saw you all on the news and realized that you had all had forgotten all about me.”

Lips pressed against mine “I never forgot you baby never even when I married Kristen it was you I thought about and it was you I missed” I smiled sadly “I would have made a good wife and mother but that was taken away from me” Kane hugged me tighter his lips moving across my cheek “you will make a great wife for me baby and a great mother for Beth.”

Someone cleared their throat “Kane the ambulance is here and I would appreciate it if you didn’t make promises to my sister that you can not keep.”

Warmth breath brushed my ear “not a promise baby when you are all better I am marrying you and making you Beth’s mother just don’t give up on me.”

I forced my eyes open looking into his sad green ones “I love you but I am scared of you because all you will ever do is hurt me” Kane shook his head “no Bell I am not Reece” I moaned against something being put tightly around my arm “you tell me you love me then you hurt me just like he did.”

My body was laid down on something then it started moving while I finally succumbed to my tired body closing my eyes and falling into a deep sleep.

Submitted: April 06, 2011

Romance