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Sitting in my chair with my feet curled up under me I listened to the doctor talking to the other patients at the mental institution that they had got Nigel to put me in.
A short blonde suffering from an eating disorder stood up looking around us all “hello my name is Diana I am an anorexic and have been since my father abused me and told me I was a fat ugly good for nothing daughter.”
The doctor gave her an encouraging smile “tell us why you are here exactly Diana” Diana looked around us with tears in her eyes “my father always wanted a boy but he got me instead and my mother died giving birth to me then my father turned his anger on me hating me from day one there was not a day that past that he didn’t tell me how much he hated me and wished that I was a boy it continued until I hated myself and started not to eat thinking that if I was skinny and pretty like all other girls then maybe he would love me.”
The doctor wrote in her note book then looked up at Diana questioningly “how do you feel about all of this now” Diana shrugged “I still hate myself but I am getting better and eating again now and I am starting to understand that no matter what my do my father will never think of me differently.”
She sat down and the doctor looked towards me “Annabelle will you tell us why you are here” I slowly got to my feet pulling my sleeves down over my scared arms “I am here because my brother put me in here after I tried to kill myself.”
The doctor nodded while writing in her note book “”why did you try to kill yourself?” I stared down at the floor rather then look at them “I was in love once when I was only fourteen his name was Reece my father hated him on sight and told me I couldn’t see him anymore but being a typical daughter I ran away and moved in with Reece who had also defied his parents and things were great for a little while then he changed he started to hurt me both physically and emotionally then he would tell me he would never do it again and I would believe him” I gave a harsh laugh wiping at tears “he was so good at lying and making me believe that he would change but he never did and it grew worse he had me selling my body for drugs and he would also get me to steal money, clothes, food and grog and if I didn’t he would beat me until I did then one day I found out I was having a baby I was so scared of telling Reece but when I finally told him he pulled me into his arms pressing kisses to my lip while telling me he would look after us always.”
Shaking my head I sobbed “it was lies just like all the other times when I was six months pregnant he bashed me then took a knife and cut my daughter out of me I held her while she died and something inside of me broke and I picked up the knife he had dropped and while he was telling me how he would never hurt me again I stabbed him.”
Sitting back down I looked at my hands “that is why I am here because I can not move past what he did to me and what three other men did to me.”
The doctor took of her glasses giving me a hard look “Annabelle that is a very sad story and something that should never have happened to you but I do not think you are telling us everything” I looked at her through my tears “my brother Nigel introduced me to a family I hated them at first especially this boy called Kane but slowly he showed me that there were some people in this world that were good and I stupidly fell in love with him and started to trust him until he broke my heart all over again and that is why I tried to kill myself because I am sick of people lying to me and using me I just want out of this world.”
Finally the doctor sent us back to our rooms, I curled on my cot and stared at the white brick wall slowly counting the bricks while I waited for them to bring my medication.
Our days here consisted of group sessions along with one on ones with our doctor then we would be given food and medication before lights out.
Slowly I opened up to everyone telling them of my life with Reece and the bad people he brought into my life and losing my baby but they couldn’t get me to open up about Kane and his family that was something I couldn’t talk about.
One day the doctor arranged for me to see her with Nigel at first I was terrified of having Nigel there but she explained that it was my chance to tell him about what I went through and how I thought he had let me down.
Nigel sat facing me looking so sad and lost making my heart ach for what I was about to lay on him but it was something that he needed to hear “okay Annabelle I want you to look at your brother and tell him honestly how he has let you down.”
Looking at Nigel through my tears I took a deep breath “Nig when dad forbid me from seeing Reece you stood by and did nothing and when I packed my bags you did not even try to stop me even though I was only a kid then when I called you begging you to come and save me you hung up on me again and again until I killed him.”
My tears poured down my face as I looked at my older brother who I felt had let me down “I hate you for not saving me from Reece and I hate you for turning your back on me when I needed you the most because you failed to save me my daughter died.”
Nigel’s painful sobs stopped me and I looked at him helplessly “it’s alright Annabelle keep going” I nodded at the doctors words “but most of all I hate myself because I let you down I wasn’t a good sister to you and I hate that when you look at me I see disappointment in your eyes.”
Nigel got up from his seat and I feared that he was going to leave the room or yell at me instead he squatted down in front of me pulling me into his arms as we both sobbed “I am so sorry Annie you are right all those times you called me late at night I hung up on you I didn’t even try to help you and my niece died because of it” I pressed my face into his chest “I should have listened to you and daddy when you said Reece was bad I should never have ran away with him.”
Nigel hugged me tighter “I am not disappointed in you Annie just some of the choices you have made lately that could have killed you” I nodded my tears soaking him “I know I have made stupid choices Nig but I am so lost at the moment.”
He ran his hand through my hair “we will get through this Annie together we will get through this” I nodded wrapping my arms around him tightly as the doctor stood up “thank you guys that is it for today I will leave you alone so Annabelle can say her goodbyes but we will be in touch Nigel when we can tell you that she is ready to come home.”
Nigel looked at her wiping his eyes “thank you” she nodded then left the room leaving us alone.
Nigel wiped my tears away “I am so proud of you Annie you are finally opening up to people about what happened to you” I looked at him sadly and shook my head “not everything Nig I can not open up about Kane and what he made me feel.”
Nigel gave a sad sigh “I know that he hurt you Annie but he was just trying to do the right thing by his daughter and he has now gotten rid of Kristen the last we heard she took the money he gave her and ran back to that guy she left him for in the first place.”
My lip trembled as I hugged Nigel “I am better of on my own Nig this way no one can hurt me but I do love you” he kissed my head “I love you too sis and please come home soon I miss you” I smiled sadly then watched as he left.
As I was returning to my room I saw Diana staring after my brother “who was that Annie?” I smiled “that was my big brother Nigel why?” She blushed “I just wondered since he was cute” I nodded smiling at her “he would think that you were the most beautiful girl he has ever seen if he met you.”
Diana shook her head looking sad “no he wouldn’t since I am not beautiful and someone like him would never love me” I gently rubbed her shoulder “D my brother would love you trust me I know.”
She smiled shyly then went into her room while I continued onto my own thinking about my new friend that I had made in here and my brother that could do with some love in his life.
At my next group session I was the first one to stand up “today I am going to tell you about my life as someone that thought that she didn’t deserve love and the man that showed me that everyone deserves love.”
Diana sat up straighter in her chair as I started to talk about Kane and I “when I first met Kane Morgan I hated him and I was terrified of him and I still am afraid of him but he introduced me to people that loved me for me they didn’t see someone broken and of no use they saw me as a young girl who just needed kind people in their life.”
Sighing sadly I looked around my small group “Kane showed me that even scary looking men were capable of love but afraid of being hurt I pushed him away and I kept pushing him away but he never gave up he kept hanging around until I finally gave in and fell madly in love with him but that scared me even more loving someone so when the opportunity came to go to New York to pursue my music I jumped at it thinking that it was my chance to make a new start away from the place that only ever held pain for me so I left leaving him behind and he married someone else and had a baby with her but when I came back messed up from drugs his wife was gone leaving him and his beautiful daughter and again he convinced me that he loved me so I gave him another chance only to have his wife come back that same night and when faced with losing his daughter he agreed to take his wife back breaking my heart so I tried to kill myself and he was the one that found me when he broke my door down.”
Sobbing I wiped at my eyes hating that I was so weak “he has now sent his wife away but I am now in this place where I feel that I am better of without a man in my life and I think that when I get out of here I will just concentrate on my music.”
When I sat down Diana took my hand giving it a gentle squeeze as she whispered “when I get out of here I think I would like to meet the men in your life” I nodded wiping at some more tears “I think they would love to meet you.”
The doctor stood up smiling around at all of us “I think this group is nearly ready to go out and face the world again so over the next couple of days I will contact your family and arrange for you to go home but until then we will make sure we have you on the right medication and have two more sessions where it will be just you and me now please head to your rooms and I will see you all tomorrow.”
Standing up I looked at a shaking Diana “Diana are you alright?” She shook her head “no I don’t want to go back to my father or it will all start over again” I looked towards the doctor “maybe the doctor would allow you to come and stay with a friend since you are now of a legal age.”
Walking over to the doctor I waited for her to look up from her notes “Annabelle is everything alright?” I shook my head “Diana is not ready to go home to her father and I was thinking since she is now legally an adult would it be alright if I arranged for her to stay with me and my brother Nigel.”
The doctor looked at Diana thoughtfully “I think that should be alright as long as you arrange it with your brother but you will have to keep a close eye on her while she is with you” I nodded smiling at Diana “don’t worry we will.”
Diana walked beside me as we left the room “are sure that it will be alright” I nodded “I think that it will be fine so don’t worry I will organize everything.”
Leaving at her room door I made my way to my own room and quietly closed the door then sat down on the bed closing my eyes I did something I hadn’t done since being in here.
 Time To Say Goodbye lyrics

I just don't want to waste another day
I'm trying to make things right
But you shove it in my face
And all those things you've done to me I can't erase
And I can't keep this inside
It's time to say goodbye

On the first day that I met you
I should have known to walk away
I should have told you, you were crazy
And disappear without a trace
But instead I stood there waiting
Hoping you would come around
But you always found a way to let me down

It's time to say goodbye
(I just don't want to waste another day)
It's time to say goodbye
(Cause things will never be the same)
It's time to say goodbye
(You make me think I need to walk away)
It's time to say goodbye
It's time to say goodbye

After all the things I've done for you
You never tried to do the same
It's like you always play the victim
And I'm the one you always blame
When you need someone to save you
When you think you're going to drown
(Think you're going to drown)
You just grab your arms around me and pull me down

It's time to say goodbye
(I just don't want to waste another day)
It's time to say goodbye
(Cause things will never be the same)
It's time to say goodbye
(You make me think I need to walk away)
It's time to say goodbye
It's time to say goodbye

Now I'm gone
It's too late
You can't fix
Your mistakes
I was trying to save you from you
So you scream
So you cry
I can see
Through your lies
You're just trying to change me
(Trying to change me)

Somewhere in the distance
There's a place for me to go
I don't want you to hate me
But I think you need to know
You're weighing on my shoulders
And I'm sick of feeling down
So I guess it's time for me to say goodbye.
 Smiling sadly as tears ran down my face I whispered “goodbye Reece you no longer have any hold on me I am done being your victim.”
Laying down I closed my eyes and thought of going home and facing everyone again the hardest the one that scared me the most was Kane, I wasn’t sure how I was going to face him but I knew I would have to but I would never let anyone hurt me again I was never going to be a victim again never.

Submitted: April 06, 2011

© Copyright 2022 katcas77. All rights reserved.


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