“Megan, would you like to go next?” Robs voice broke my thoughts, pressuring Megan with gentle authority. She barely moved in reaction. “No. No, I wouldn’t like to tell everyone the ins and outs of why I stuck my head through a hole in a rope and jumped off a chair.” Lisa smirked, Gemma gasped. No one else reacted. Her eyes flicked to mine, and a spark of sadness flashed through them. “It is a vital part of your recovering, Megan. You will have to tell us at some point.” She sneered at him, arms crossed over her chest, eyes pointed at the floor; every inch the teenage rebel. Rob looked flustered by her confident, no holds barred approach. “Right, well then. Gemma, would you like to go?” Gemma’s cheeks flushed pink as she jumped to her feet, pulling Nick up. “Well mine is the same as Nicks because we did it together, so I’ll talk for both us!” She squealed quietly. Megan rolled her eyes at me, but I was too busy watching Harry to answer. He was staring at me, lips turned into a playful smile. I raised my eyebrows at him quizzically. ‘Wait for me when we get out of here’ he mouthed at me. I nodded, grinning. As much as I hated this place, it was made bearable by Harry. Harry, who stood tall and shining like a beacon in the darkness.
“Well, basically, Nick and me, well we were going out in school and everyone said we were emo’s but we weren’t, we just looked a bit different and liked different music and clothes and stuff.” Everyone relaxed into their seats in anticipation of Gemma’s incredibly detailed, incredibly tedious tale. Thankfully, Nick paused her and murmured something in her ear. She giggled. “Nicks gonna tell the story now” she announced, still giggling cutely. Nick cleared his throat and flicked his hair out of his eyes, before taking a seat.
“Gemma and I met in year 10, and we have been together since then. 3 and a half years. We weren’t happy at school, everyone used to take the piss, and college was just as shit. Our parents couldn’t give two shits about us. I, I mean we, knew that we wanted to leave it all behind, but we wanted to go together. I mean, what’s so good about being alive anyway? Life’s just a big disappointment. No one cares about you, not really. It’s all bullshit, people filled with fake optimism that gets them nowhere. So we decided to jump and get rid of it all. All the sadness, all the fake, everything. Gemma and I are in love, and that's all that matters. We don’t need to be tied down to a beating heart, because she is what makes mine beat anyway. We had to get away from that place because it was killing our relationship. So that's why we did it, we had to kill ourselves to save ourselves.”
The room was silent, when Megan burst out laughing. Nicks eyes narrowed and turned dark. He started to step towards her, but was hesitantly stopped by Gemma. “Leave her baby. Its fine” she reassured, nuzzling into his neck. I shuffled my chair away from Megan in disgust but she barely noticed because she was laughing so much. She was bent over double, spluttering. Rob touched her shoulder nervously and asked, “Megan, why are you laughing?” She stopped abruptly and stood up, mere inches away from Rob. “I’m laughing because it’s funny.” She sounded drunk. Her laugh was slow now, almost like a baby. “It’s funny, Rob. It’s funny how pathetic everyone is around here.” she slurred her words, giggling deliriously. Rob coughed. He was so obviously uncomfortable around Megan. He was usually polite and kind, but he had an edge of authority and a tone of anger in every order. Now, when faced with Megan, he was a wobbly, nervous shell of himself.
“Stop it Megan.” Rob continued, voice wavering. Megan didn’t stop though. She was acting drunk, but it seemed impossible for her to actually be drunk. “Why should I?” Megan screamed. “This place is a big pile of bollocks! I killed myself so I could get away from people, get away from all the fake and the lies and the bullshit, but I ended up here. Why? Why would you do that? Why couldn’t you just let me die?” She wailed uncontrollably. I could see people hovering around the door, uncertain of whether to come in or not. I could see Rob unable to make eye contact, lip quivering as he had no idea how to deal with this situation. But my eyes kept darting back to her and so mostly, I could see Megan. I could see her eyes blurry with tears that were streaming down her face; I could see her mouth leaking dribble as she cried. I could see the dead behind her eyes, the dead of a girl who had given up on everything she had ever believed in. And as her eyes met mine, she knew I could see it.
Her hand reached out and grabbed mine as she dropped to the floor and screamed in agony even though nothing had hurt her. No, that wasn’t true. She was desperately hurt by everything in the world and she was broken. She was broken and she was crying out to be fixed but no one wanted to. They didn’t want to because they didn’t like the sharp shards that stuck out, they didn’t like Megan’s broken bits that made her cut you like a knife. She knew that I knew because her eyes filled with hope and then clouded with disappointment, as she realised I wouldn’t want to help. I did want to help, but then I didn’t. Soon I would be gone from this place and the sad broken girl hanging onto my arm would be less than a memory. So would the boy who was sitting next to me, but he would be worth spending the time with. He made me feel excited and happy and free and nervous all at the same time and even hearing his name made my heart flutter and my head cloud with confusion and excitement and everything in between. I couldn’t choose to waste my time with him looking after poor sad broken Megan with her bitchy remarks and her lack of consideration. And yet, staring down at her big wet eyes was making me want to help her, because she was the first thing in this place that had reminded me of me.
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