A/N: Sorry about the short chapter friends. I could write only this much today and I would like to dedicate this chapter to 3 people that I love a lot on booksie.
Massie, Take the world by fire and Romance novel all the way.
Thank you so much guys for all the encouragement and I really love you.
Reluctantly, I turned to him and he was sitting on the bed, looking at me with those curious black eyes.
What was I going to do now? I felt like I’d failed many people, especially Rohan and Dan.
What happened the previous night was a big mistake from my part. I was not myself; I was completely drunk.
Every sense of mine had been impaired and all that I could remember was that I loved Jai. The alcohol had removed all the inhibitions that prevented me from returning to Jai and I regretted it.
If it was possible, I could have cried right there, thinking about the sin that I just committed.
But now, as all the intoxication had been wore off, I could analyze the situation better. I felt terribly guilty for returning to him.
What was I thinking? After so many things that he did to me, how could I return to him? How could I forget that he betrayed me and made my life hell? How could I forgive him?
I can’t believe that I returned to him yesterday. God, dammit.
Why things have got so complicated?
Other people had faith in me especially Rohan and Dan. They trusted me to do the right thing and what I did was unforgivable. I told them that I would never return to him and I meant that.
But, after what happened yesterday, I was questioning myself if that promise was in vain. And most importantly, how the hell was I going to face Dan after this?
Oh, god! I so wish that something swallow me right now-the earth opens and takes me with it- or someone kills me because for sure, I was going to die out of shame, guilt, and anger.
I felt so angry that I wanted to break everything in this room. Everything, including myself.
“Where are you going?” JB asked, making me return in the present.
He stared at me for some seconds and I tried to read his face and eyes.
The previous day had been a mistake definitely. But was it the same for him?
He had told me that he regretted everything that he ever did to me. But, did he really mean it?
Okay. So I did a mistake and it’s up to me to rectify it now. I don’t know if he regretted the events of last night or not. But, what I needed to do was to clarify things so that nothing gets complicated.
Having good acting skills now, I just put on a cold face. “I am going home.” I added. “My home.”
The anger and guilt made me remember everything that happened yesterday. My expression did surprise him a bit but something in his features told me that he was expecting this. What would be his answer? Would he deny everything like I wanted to-and move ahead?
Should we just pretend that yesterday never happened? But his face was not giving anything away. He still looked at me as he used to-well-at least once upon a time. But I don’t know if he regretted it.
“About what happened yesterday…” He said, looking straight into my eyes.
I interrupted rudely. “I know. You did not mean anything and it was a mistake.”
His eyes widened and I stared at him coldly. “No. It was not a mistake. I meant every word. I love you and I will always do..”
My breath caught. Get a grip Amisha. I still remembered my questions from yesterday and though I’d been sure that he was speaking the truth then, right now, I was reconsidering my
He was a brilliant actor that was for sure. He had taken his time to stage his sweet revenge plan and I fell for JB instantly. He played on my weak points, which proved that he was manipulative and calculative, but I was not going to get trapped this time.
I repeated my question from the previous night. “How can I trust you?”
He swallowed and then took a step towards me. I stepped back and he looked at me hurt, but he stayed right there.
He took a deep breath. “I already answered that yesterday.”
“No, you didn’t.” I argued. What he did was just expressing his ‘so called grief’ of losing me and I did not know if he was speaking the truth.
He fooled me once with his fake love. How could I believe that this time he was not faking it?
“Look at me.” He insisted. “Look into my eyes. I am not lying. In fact, I was lying to myself all these days. I was trying to convince myself that this was the right thing to do. I should take revenge for what you did with Ram and hate you. But I can’t pretend anymore. Not after realizing what you mean to me, not after feeling that burning when I see you with Dan.”
He looked at me with agonized eyes and I tried not to think about that. If I had to regain control of the situation, then I had to ignore my feelings for him-which I had tried to bury somewhere,
deep in my heart and which had again resurfaced after the previous day.
But, now I’d to do the right thing. Dan believed me and I was not a betrayer. I was not JB or like the ex girlfriend of Dan. I was faithful in my relationships.
“ It’s not love JB.” He frowned when I called him by that name but I did not stop. “It’s simply an obsession. It’s an ego. You can’t see me with Dan because it’s hurting your male ego. You can’t accept the fact that was once yours belongs to someone else now.”
The frown deepened but he did not say anything for some seconds. Our eyes were locked and he still looked at me with agony in his eyes.
Finally, he said. “You told me that you love me yesterday. You-”
“I was drunk. I did not know what I was doing.”
“ You speak the truth when you are drunk.”
I ignored that fact and started to say something when I realized another thing.
Wasn’t this what I wanted since he betrayed me? Didn’t I want him to regret what he did?
This was all happening for real and I was feeling sad?
But I never wanted him to return to me or me doing the same thing.
“ Not always. Look JB, I am not interested in talking about this anymore. I just want you to know what happened yesterday was a mistake.”
“Mistake?” he said in disbelief. “It was not a mistake for me.”
I turned to go, already made my point clear and not wanting to hear any more lies. But before I get till the door of his bedroom, he caught my hand.
Ignoring the throbbing in my heart, I said. “Leave me.”
He did not but turned me to him so that he can look into my eyes.
I tried to look away but he held my chin and at last, our eyes locked together.
“ I know that I’ve wronged you and made a mistake.”
I pushed him away. “Mistake?” I yelled and he stared at me. “I loved you more than myself and in return, you crushed my heart under your expensive shoes and pushed me in the movie world. But that was just a mistake to you. Just a mistake. Fantastic.” My voice turned bitter and louder with each word.
He put a hand on my shoulders and I shoved them off. “ I am sorry. Just give me another chance.”
“For what? To break me again.”
His eyebrows pulled together but he was still patient. “I’ll do anything it takes to gain your forgiveness. I can even beg if you want but don’t go. I don’t need anything else but just your heart. All I want is to spend my life with the woman who makes my world stop. All I want is you.”
Hearing him say that reduced some of my anger. But when my thoughts again wandered to Dan, I shook my head. “No. There is nothing you can do now.”
That was true. Our love would never be restored. It was gone. My heart was empty. There was a time when I thought that I could trust him but not now. “When you left me, everything shattered. There is nothing left in me superstar JB. I am still as broken as you left me and this will never heal.”
“Amu,” he said painfully and touched my cheek. Immediately, I removed his hand but he said anyway. “I realize what I did but give me another chance. I won’t fail you again, I promise.”
I shook my head fiercely. “I have long learned not to believe you. No, get out of my way and of my life.”
He did not leave my way. “No.” He was adamant.
“ No.” he repeated and I pressed my lips together. Where was I stuck? “ You heard me, you can’t leave me and go.”
“ Yes, I heard you. I heard every word of your madness. But I have a great answer for your proposal of getting back together.” He continued to stare at me, shaking his head. “No. Never. I am never going to return to you. If I’ll return to you, then I’ll have to kill my self- respect. And now, let me go.”
He knelt in front of me and I looked at him in shock. What happened to his ego? How can he kneel in front of me like that?
“Everyone deserves a second chance.” He said desperately.
“ Yes.” I stared deep in his eyes without blinking. “But it’s given to those who truly deserve it.”
He still did not accept defeat. “ Don’t say that. I promise that I’ll do anything but just forgive me. I won’t be able to live if you leave. I will become the way you want me to be. I’ll be the
sweet Jai. It’s still there in me. I’ll change everything. ” he promised rashly.
For a second, I completely melted. The want and need to be with him haunted me again but I could not. It was not right and I was not going to regret again. Accepting him mean living that pain again. If he betrays me this time, I won’t be able to endure it.
“ What will you change? Can’t you change the pain in my heart? Can you change the fact that now I’ll have to be an actor for the rest of my life?”
He did not say anything and I continued. “No, you can’t. So stop that. Do you know how I felt when you left me? I felt like trash when you said that I was not worthy of you.”
His face changed while I spoke and I knew what he was seeing. He wrenched himself from the memory and stared at me.
But I did not stop on seeing the pain on his face. “ But now, I am saying that. You are not worthy of me and I don’t want to get back to you.”
The last line caught his attention and he got up. “Is it because of Dan?”
I frowned deeply and he waited for my answer. He really was incapable of understanding. How many times will I say it?
“It’s not Dan. It’s because I can’t forgive you for what you did. It’s because of you.”
“But you love me.” He persisted and I was starting to believe that I was banging my head against a rock. Was he ever going to understand? Or maybe he cannot handle rejection well.
I shouted right in his face. “No. I hate you for trying to ruin my life and for pushing me in films. I hate you so much.”
“No.” he murmured painfully more to himself than to me. “You said you love me yesterday.”
Then he looked at me as if he wanted me a confirmation of his own words but I was not going to give him that.
“And I also said that I hated you yesterday.”
A silence followed and he just stared at me again with that painful look. When I was sure that he was not going to say anything, I walked out of his bedroom.
He called after me. “Amu.”
I took a deep breath and faced him. What now?
His expression was changed now. Determination and courage replaced the fear and regret. “I want you to know that I am not going to lose you again and I am ready to fight for you with Dan. I’ll do anything to bring you back.”
With a bold way, I said. “Your ranting and ravings don’t reach me now JB. I am beyond them now. Stop trying because nothing can bring me back.”
His expression changed but I went away this time and he did not stop me again. Once I was in the open air, my thoughts again wandered to Dan. I’d told him to call me in the morning and he would be
worried if he did not reach me.
But my cell was not with me and I wondered where I dropped it.
After some time, I reached home and people watched. It was a miracle that the media did not see me this time. Rohan was not at home and I remembered that he must have gone to school.
He would not have been worried for me, as he knew that I could take care of myself. But what about Dan?
What was I going to say to him?
I sat down on the sofa and looked at the telephone longingly next to me. After much hesitation, I called Dan.
“Hello,” he said and I took a deep breath.
“ Hi Dan.”
“ Amisha, thank god you reached home. Where were you? I called two hours ago but no one picked it up. And I also tried on your mobile. It’s ringing but-”
I interrupted. “I am sorry. I think I dropped my cell somewhere.” I added with hesitation. “Can we meet today?”
“ Sure. I can’t wait to see you.”
The guilt tugged at me for doing that to Dan but I controlled myself. “Okay, then. Telfair restaurant at one o’clock.”
“ Okay.” I could feel him smiling.
“Amisha.” He said when I was just about to hang up.
“ I love you.”
My breath caught and I bit my lips. Damm. Since when I started to wrong other people?
“Yeah.” That was the best answer I could give him and then I hanged up.
After taking a shower, I prepared my breakfast. I still need to search for a house cleaner but I tend to forget that every time. Maybe I need to give an ad in newspaper after all.
As I put the plate in front of me, I could only inhale the sweet smell but the guilt was so much in me that it killed my hunger.
I was in deep conflict, trying to decide between right and wrong. Dan did not deserve what I did yesterday. Not at all.
But I could not help thinking about JB. He said that he would do anything to bring me back and I was worried about that.
I was still not sure if he meant those words or was again faking it since I did not break with the first attempt.
Dammit! Who ever said that love was the most beautiful feeling? It practically sucks and hurts and who knew that better than I did.
After sitting for some minutes in the dining table, I finally threw the food, which was cold now in the dustbin and put the plate in the sink.
Dan was waiting for me at Telfair restaurant sharp at one. He was very punctual. He smiled as soon as he saw me and rose from his seat to hug me.
He held me in his arms for some seconds and then kissed my forehead. “I missed you angel.”
I did not say anything and he pulled a chair for me. What would I say? I would have missed you but I was with JB in his bedroom. I shuddered and he looked at me worried.
“ Are you okay?”
I nodded and his smile returned. “What will you have?”
“Nothing.” I said automatically. Nothing will go down my throat at this moment.
He seemed to notice the change in me but did not comment. Instead, he called the waiter. “Can we get two glasses of water please?”
The waiter went away and he asked me. “So how was the party?”
I swallowed. “It was okay.” Wish that he had stayed. At least I would have been in control then.
“ How is your mother?” I asked, remembering about her.
“ She is just tired but happy that I came to pick her.” His face brightened. “I told her about you.”
I gulped. “Oh! You did?”
The waiter put the glass on the table and we both said at the same time. “Thank you.”
Dan nodded at me and gave me a full smile. “She wants to meet you.”
I frowned. “I’ll-”
He noticed the change in my expressions and put a hand on mine. I picked the glass up and took a sip of the water.
“ Are you okay?” he asked again and I was touched on how much he cared about me.
Not able to meet his eyes because of the immense guilt, I looked down.
I felt as if I betrayed him and let him down. And Dan was so nice that he did not ask me again where I was the previous night.
He knew that if I wanted to answer a question, I would have done it right then. But I won’t be able to hold it inside me and so I looked in his eyes and murmured. “I am sorry Dan but I did
something that I should not do.”
He looked at me worried and then shook his head. “I can’t believe that. You won’t do anything wrong.”
His trust me in me made me feel more guilty. Why did he trust me that much?
“Don’t trust me that much.” I muttered. “I did something unforgivable.”
He did not say anything but curiosity was clear in his eyes. He pressed my hand as if he wanted to encourage me to continue and I blunted out.
“ I was not at home yesterday because JB-”
Someone interrupted nearby. “Hey Amu.”
On hearing my nickname, it could only be one person. Both Dan and I exchanged a look and then turned to him hesitantly.
Guilt and fear built in me more as I looked at JB. He was holding a phone in his hand-my phone.
He gave it to me. “You left your phone in my bedroom last night sweetheart.”
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