Chapter 11: Chapter 11

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Jack rushes towards me and hugs me as soon as he sees me. “What did they say?”

“I might be out of here soon. Though I will have to get back a couple of days a week for therapy.” I pull Jack close to me, happy to be able to feel his body against mine. The only thing I'm really missing in here is being able to hold Jack. I feel so watched when I hug him when he visits.

“That is great news.” Jack tightens his grasp on me for a couple of seconds and then relaxes against me. “I'll be so glad to have you back. I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too. It's lonely here. Did you come on your own?” We sit down on a bench in the garden. I hold his hands in mine. It might be the beautiful enough to sit outside but it was still chilly and his hands were nice and warm.

“Yeah, your mum has to work overtime and Anne is looking after Kevin. The poor guy has caught the flu.”

“I hope he gets better soon. Poor guy.” I rub the top of his hand with my thumb. “I wish I could hold you again without anyone spying on us.”

Jack quickly leans over and kisses my cheek. “Like you said, if they are releasing you soon we should be able to have fun together in not too long. Just a short while left.”

“How do you feel about going home?” Dr Smith puts down the pen and lays his hands flat on the table. I always think of it as his excitement stance.

“I don't know. I really want to see everybody but I'm scared I'll relapse.” I look around Dr West's office. In movies you always see either those large offices with dark wooden interior or very white and clinical ones. Dr West has a combination of both, everything in his room is made of wood, but a very light wood. It always makes me think of summer, even though it's only nearing the end of March.

“Why do you think that? I would think you would be glad to go home.” Dr West frowns.

“I... I just don't want to relapse and give them more pain.” I fumble with the seam of one of my sleeves.

“If you keep taking you medication you should not relapse. But you do need to keep taking them.” Dr West drops his voice, making it sound more serious.

I know I was wrong in not taking my meds before but sometimes I just can't be bothered with it. “I know. I really know, but I'm still scared of it.”

“You've been here for six weeks now, how many times did you relapse?”

“Once. Right after I came in.” Remembering the pain and the confusion, the scars still hadn't faded away.

“Yes. Before we found the right medication for you. You should be fine now. As long as you keep taking them.” He stresses the last couple of words.

“Yeah, yeah. What about school?”

“You can go, but you'll have to take it easy for a bit. You need to get used to all the pressure and everything. What is going on Victor? Do you not want to go home?”

“I do! I do. It's just that... It's a lot more scary than last time.”

“Why? You've been home in the weekends, that seemed to have gone fine. And you'll still see me twice a week.”

“What if I need you on the other days?”

“Then you call me or email me on those days. You know how to get a hold of me. What is really going on Victor?”

“I'm just not sure I should go home. It's just safer in here.”

“Victor, stop doing this to yourself. You're just jinxing yourself. Come on, let's get the paperwork done and then you can start packing.”

I sigh and stand up, following Dr West out of the office. Why did he not understand that I felt so much better here? Everything was planned out and I didn't need to make any decisions. I could just do the bare minimum and no-one would care. Going home meant responsibilities and having to go back to school.

I am finally in my own room again. I drop my bag on the floor and fall face forward on the bed. A low laughing reaches my ear and as I look up I see Jack stare at me from the doorway.

“You seem happy.” He walks into the room and sits next to me on the bed.

“Of course I am. We now have private space, to do private things.” I wink at him as I pull him down next to me. A soft smile graces Jacks features and I gasp. I had forgotten that he could smile like that. I look at him closely, trying to find anything that might have changed about him. He doesn't seem to have changed apart from his eyes. They seem more grown up. I bow towards him and softly kiss his eyes and then the rest of his face. Ending on his mouth, the kisses getting longer and rougher.

Jack suddenly moves me over him and pulls me close to him. “I'm so glad to be able to hold you again. I've missed you so much.” He sighs.

“I'm sorry for causing you so much pain.” I push myself up so I can look him in his face.

Jack grimaces and then shows me a half smile. “No apologising. No more about that. You are back now and that is all I want tonight to be about.” He bites his underlip and smiles, an evil gleam in his eyes. “Anne and Kevin are at my place, your mum is going out with a friend and Chris is out with some girls. We will have the whole place to ourselves.”

The question if this would be a good idea on my first night crosses my mind for a second before I feel Jacks lips on mine again. I lose my train of thought as I focus all my mind on the fabulous guy underneath me.

Submitted: March 24, 2012

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