The Journal of Genna Oryn

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Chapter 10 (v.1) - October Imperial Year 793

Submitted: October 20, 2014

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Submitted: October 20, 2014

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October 3rd
I apologize that I have been nearly two weeks that I have been silent. I have been lost in my books, planning the best way to teach Ghost, or sitting in the cabin with Ghost going over lessons. He is half way between annoyed and fascinated by everything I show him. He is catching on so fast to everything. I can't imagine how frustration it must have been for him, not knowing. And I think I have found my passion, as mother said. I am so good a reading, and so I can figure out history and such, but I am not so good at mathematics. The basics of arrhythmic I have a firm grasp on, but once it passes that I get a bit lost. Ghost is quite observant though and has figured out several of the problems I have read for him. We just looked over the explanations thoroughly and he was able to figure it all out. The answers are in the last page of the book, so I know he was correct. 
I was so proud when he was reading aloud to me from one of Lydia's old readers.

I had never payed it much mind, but Ghost has a wonderful voice. I would be content to hear him read forever.
Actually I find the more I am around Ghost the more I want to be around Ghost.

The truth is the reason I am writing now and not tutoring is because of what happened over lunch.
I asked him about Jiro and Ferron again, but all he did was shrug. I aked him to tell me more of his past, but again he just shrugged. He does that anytime he doesn't want to answer. I started asking him ridiculous things in homes that he would at least look up from his book, but he started ignoring me entirely. Now I was in no mood to be ignored, so I decided to make him pay attention. I asked if I could pull back his hair, but he wasn't listening. I asked him if he liked me, he muttered and nodded, so I asked if he loved me, again he nodded. It was obvious he wasn't listening at all. 
So I told him I was going to kiss him. He said fine. So I scooted up next to him and asked if I could really do it. I was mad at this point. He has done nothing but stare at that same book for three days now, and the best I can get from him is a grunt or a nod. 

I admit I was in the wrong, but I really was mad at him. The least he could do was let me help him. 

I was, by this point, nearly against him, and I asked if he would at least let me see his face. He just shrugged, still buried in the book. So I lifted the hair back.

He is beautiful! Angelic! Ghost is truly angelic. His soft featured, his thin lips. he is almost unnaturally beautiful, especially for a boy. But his eyes, the faded blue shot through with the faintest flecks of purple. Everything about him was soft and beautiful. Even his thick lashes where as perfectly snow white as his hair. I was amazed.
He looked up shocked, his lovely face twisted into a deep frown, his thin brows knotted in frustration. I'm sorry but I must say it again, even with such an expression he still seemed angelic. 
He finally closed the book and asked what it was that I wanted. He brushed my hand away, letting the hair fall back over his face, hiding those eyes.

I wanted to see them again. I wanted to see him again. 

It has been weeks that he and I have at and talked, he is dark and tends to come across as rude and demented. He seems to enjoy it when people thinks he suffers some form of madness, but I enjoy his humor. Even his temper is not so that I can't easily calm him. And I have seen him come into great frustration. 
I asked him again, this time I wasn't entirely saying it to be cruel. I asked him if I could kiss him.

He looked at me for a moment, pushing the hair back enough that I could clearly see one eye, and he said that there were two reason that I should not.
One was because Ferron was not there, and that there was no way he would allow it unless Ferron knew.
The other was because there was something I should know before I did that. But that seeing how Ferron wasn't there it was a pointless discussion.

With that he looked back down at his book, setting his hair once again mask his true self.

My dear dear friend, I don't know if it is that Ferron has said "no" so many times, or if my heart is changing, but I am so confused.

 

October 8th
Ghost said that Ferron should be back tomorrow, and that he is planning to return to the Crow, but that he is going to keep coming to the house to help. He really wants to learn, and I think he enjoys mothers company, even if he doesn't say it. 

 

October 9th
I went with Ghost to meet Ferron. They actually made it into town fairly early in the day, we were just talking about searching for lunch when the first line was cast onto the pier. Ferron and another young man leaped over, landing gracefully on the planks. Ferron, however froze, his gaze on Ghost. He shouted that if Ghost so much as moved a muscle before he was done he would drop everything to kill him.
Ghost hung his head and urged me to go find something to eat, that the worst would be over before I got back. That I didn't need to see it.
I said that I was going to stay, but ghost said that I needed to go. Something in his voice made it impossible to argue.

As soon as the ramp was laid and the rest of the crew began to make their way onto the pier Ferron stormed towards Ghost, pointing to one of the warehouses. I had walked a good distiance away, but I didn't want Ferron to misunderstand. I was actually quite worried for Ghost, and I was hoping that I could learn more. As soon as they were out of sight Ferron slapped Ghost across the face, I could hear the resounding echo as it rang through the building. But it was obvious it wasn't anger. He grabbed Ghost and held him as if he had thought they would never meet again, demanding to know what he had been thinking, why he would do something so horrible as to jump ship. Asking if he had even the slightest idea of how angry The Lady and the Captains were going to be.

Ghost just shrugged and said that he would explain it to the captains, and that once they knew they wouldn't be so mad. HE said that he had been studying medicine. Ferron looked at him dumbfounded and asked how.

Then it started to get a little uncomfortable. Ghost explained about the deal my mother had offered, and that he was planning to take it, that I was teaching him to read so that he could. Ferron mumbled about wasting time, but agreed that it was enough to get out of trouble. Then Ghost asked Ferron if he liked me. If he really liked me. I was ready to walk away. I didn't want to know anymore. But all he did was ask Ghost what the reason for such a stupid question was.

I wish I had not listened in. Oh' my friend. I wish I had gone to lunch as Ghost had suggested. Ghost said that Ferron was an arrogant bastard who didn't know what he had, and that if he wasn't willing to take care of me, if he was incapable of returning my affections, then...

Ghost said that if Ferron didn't love me he needed to let me go because there were other people who really did. There were people who would die to spend forever next to me. That I may be naive and spoiled, but at least I was caring and compassionate. That I wasn't bratty and selfish like Ferron was. Ferron spun and punched the wall, stating that f that was what this was about then Ghost just needed to go and drown.
Ghost wasn't done though. He kept pushing Ferron to make up is mind, that he needed to choose and stop breaking my heart. 
I had heard enough. I ran to the Crow as fast as I could. 
It was nearly an hour before Ferron came stomping into the Crow dragging Ghost behind him. He was red from anger, and ready to hit anyone who dared say a word. That couldn't have been more obvious.

Eleana slowly stood, her expression somewhere between fury and relief as she looked the two of them over, demanding they both go out side. 
I couldn't let Ghost take the fall foe something, not when he has such a good reason to run the way he did. I stood and called to Adrien, I wanted him to stop this madness, and I admit I still find Damien a bit intimidating. Adrein just put his hand on my shoulder and said that Ghost was going to need to tell himself. That there was nothing we could do, and he was either lying, or his reason was unjustifiable based on Ferron's reaction.
I asked him if it was fare to punish Ghost of he was well and truly scared of the truth. Adrien looked at me for a moment, his expression grim. Finally he said that Ghost was the type of person to speak in confidence only, so I needed to respect that, and if he was truly so afraid that he would take their wrath over the truth then perhaps he would do well to flee and leave it all behind him.

I waited for a long time. I wanted to see Ferron, and I wanted to know that Ghost was all right, but Damien finally came over and said that he was going to walk me home. That I had no choice in the matter. I begged him to let me stay, that I wanted to see Ferron, but he shook his head, tucking his pipe into his breast pocket. He said that I was welcome to return in the morning, but that until that time I needed to let the crew care for their own business. I had no choice. I hung my head and followed him.

I really hope that Everything turns out okay.

 

October 10th
I went into town today, and everything seemed normal enough. Ferron talked about his journey, shooting Ghost dirty looks throughout the conversation. Finally Ghost had enough and vanished up to the rooms above. Over all the crew was tired, so things were uneventful. Damien did come over to tell me to smile more. Ghost was just a bit moody, but aside from a good scolding nothing had happened. He went on to say that Ghost was welcome to continue his studies with us, so long as he let them know, as the crew needs a good doctor. However if he vanished like that again he will not be allowed back on the crew. Reliability is vital. Ferron was egar to know everything that Ghost did while he was staying with us, so I explained about the deal with Mother, and how I was working on teaching him, and how fast he caught on to things. I also told Ferron that Ghost needed a haircut, or at least to pull it back, that as lovely as he is he should really be less shy. Ferron was shocked and asked how it was that I had seen his face at all. I explained that he was ignoring me so I pulled his hair back. This was met with laughter. Ferron was thrilled at the idea that I was "bullying" Ghost. That I was able to put Ghost on the offensive, he said, was a miracle in and of it's self.

He walked most of the way home with me, we laughed about Ghosts love of unusual things, and about his determination to find a corps, though I failed to mention his success. It was quite pleasant, and I really do love Ferron, it's just that, if he doesn't return my feelings, how long can I wait? Father is insistent I marry within the year.
I really don't want to marry Barrett, but I'm starting to fear there will be no choice. When I suggested this to mother she smiled and said that Father would be please if there was a young doctor that I had an eye for. If mother means Ghost...
I don't know that I object, but still. I really do love Ferron.

 

October 12th
It started to rain yesterday, out of a clear blue sky. It was as if heaven its self was crying. Rosalie and Alder were on the way back from town and got positively soaked. I ran out to the carriage house with blankets for them and tried not to laugh as Alder cursed the "holy mother of sudden storms". He invented some rather interesting terms for the unusual phenomenon. It has happened a few times before, but it is quite rare. There are so many legends that tell why it happens, but I don't think we really know yet. 

Still I had this horrible feeling that continued to grow as the day progressed. It was horrible. Finally the rain stopped so I decided to go down to the cabin. I knew Ghost was in town, but I thought that maybe the feeling was because I have had company for these past weeks, and I wasn't sure what to do with myself.

I was wrong. I was wrong about everything. My dear friend. I have never been so wrong in all my life. 

As I pushed open the door I was shocked to find someone was there. At first I thought it was Ghost, it was as colorless and graceful, but as I know Ghost to be a boy I can assure you that the one standing in the cabin was a woman. She didn't so much as flinch when I opened the door, and, as I apologized and started to close the door she said that it didn't matter. She was dead anyways. I pause at that statement. I didn't want to look, but as those words bounced around in my head I couldn't help it. What was standing before me was a ghost, a phantom. A woman as white as snow. Bruises covered her upper arms and back. Her forearms and wrists were striped with thin scars. She stood looking down at the basin of water before her. I felt chills, not sure of what I had seen, so I closed the door and hurried back to the house. I had seen a ghost. Not my fried Ghost, no. A real ghost, one like from the stories. That was the only thing I could think of, but that seemed wrong. I know that it isn't possible, and I don't know why I felt that then.

I decided to go to the Crow and see what Ferron and Ghost were doing. Imagine my shock when Ferron said he had not seen him the entire day, and that he thought he had gone up to help my mother.

That is when it hit me. How had I been so stupid. I flew back as fast as I could. As I pushed the door open the familiar voice called out telling me that I should go. This only made my heart heavier. I felt as if something horrible was happening. I walked into the dim room and stood waiting for my eyes to adjust. The smell of alcohol was thick in the air, and was accompanied by something else, something sick and metallic.

As I began to see cleared I could hardly believe what I saw. Ghost was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, only a blanket wrapped loosely around his body. He had his hair pulled back away from his face, tucked behind his ears, his hands clasped over the basin sitting in his lap. A gash ran across each arm, blood flowing into the bowl. And he sat there calmly watching it. He acted as if this was normal. 

I ran to him and fell to kneel in front of him, grabbing his hands. He smiled a little, his eyes empty. 
"I won't die, I never do. It's about to stop anyways. See? It always stops. Stops time. Stops thought. When it stops sometimes there is nothing. But I think that is the drink. It never really works, you know. Killing pain with pain. All it does is scar."
I shook my head demanding to know what he thought he was doing. He laughed, saying he was stopping the pain, but his smile was forced and the laugh was demented. He pulled the blanket a little higher, nearly to his chin, and let his head roll back. Then his eyes actually met mine. It was as if he was only just realizing I was there. Tears started to form in those beautiful eyes as he looked at me. He said that he was sorry that I had seen it, that I needed to go and forget everything. I said I would not. Then he asked if I hated him.
My friend he was in so much pain I would have done anything to ease that suffering, even if it was only for a moment. I sat done next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder, I told him that nothing could ever make me hate him. That sometimes I even though I love him. 
He shook his head, tears running down his face. "You can't love me. No one can. I'm a monster. A toy. I am nothing." The words fell out in a drunken slur. Drunken, but honest. These were likely the most truthful words Ghost had ever spoken to me. 
"Not to me, you are not. To me you are very important. To me you are worth loving. And my mother likes you very much as well. That is why she wants to send you to school in Ganderu. She wants you to be a great doctor. She even said she would be happy if..."
I had started to tell him what mother had said, that Ghost could be a viable suitor. But I couldn't. I wasn't sure my heart was in it. He seemed to know what I was thinking though, as he leaned in and kissed me. 
Not like he did that day in front of Ferron, this was not a tease, a joke to make someone upset.
No. He really meant it. And I let him. 

I let him kiss me, I let him slide to the floor rolled in the blanket, I let him pull me down beside him. And if he had not fallen into a sleep so quickly, I think I would have continued to let him. I came back up to the house for dinner, as I don't want Father to notice anything is unusual, but as soon as I hear him close his door I am returning. I am not going to allow him to stay alone tonight. I will ask Alder to fetch Ferron as soon as I can slip out, and I will stay with Ghost. I don't know what happened, but he does not need to be alone.

 

October 13th
Rosalie and Alder didn't answer when I knocked and I had no intention on waiting so I left a note begging them to get Ferron. Ghost sat shakily when I slipped into the dark room. If he wasn't so pale I don't think I would have seen him. I sat back beside him, not saying a word. I didn't know what to say, and I didn't know what he remembered. He lay back down slowly, muttering an apology. This was the last thing I wanted to hear. He had nothing to apologize for. I lay beside him, burying my face in his chest. I could feel his heart beating, each warm breath, there was a certain comfort in the fact that he was alive. I turned my face towards his, a small part of me wishing to kiss him, but not knowing if that was right. The small sliver of moonlight cast a halo around him, emphasizing his otherworldly beauty. Finally I couldn't take it any longer. I asked him why he hid all the time. He shrugged, but he answered me, saying that the world was better off leaving him in the shadows where he belonged. I said that I didn't believe that. That I thought he should live in the light like everyone. 

He said that the very sun hated him, that is why, no matter how hot, he is always covered. That the light actually makes him sick. I asked him if he ever wished he could be normal and strong. He nodded and said that he and I had that in common. That the difference was that I am strong enough in spirit to over come that, and he is not.
So I asked him if I could be his strength. 
He told me that it was a bad idea. That he wasn't normal. He held his breath for a long time and finally said that he was a monster, the kind you are only suppose to read about. When I tried to say it wasn't possible he put a finger over my lips and repeated that he was, in fact a monster. That he wasn't the only one I had met, or I wouldn't have the scale hanging around my neck. I asked what he meant. He said it was obvious that I had met with what they called Sprites, though he didn't know our word for them. He said that his own father was a sprite, a fairy. That is why he can see and hear things that others cant. I said that it didn't matter to me. 
We argued back and forth for a bit about whether or not it made a difference if ones parents were human or not. And he finally reached around me and got the bottle. 
This is where I went wrong. I said that I wanted some as well. He said it was a bad idea, as it wasn't normal. So I took it from him.

Now I am hoping that writing this out I will be able to sort out my head and remember everything from last night. It is actually quite early, and Ghost is still sleeping next to me. I brought you with me when I slipped out last night.

The last thing I remember for certain was taking the bottle from Ghost. He tried to snatch it back from me, but I took a good swallow before he managed to grab it away. He cursed at me, slamming down the rest of it when I tried to take it back. He said it was better he be the sick one. It was easier to explain. I lay back next to him, running my fingers along the scars that marked his arms. He winced a little as I hit the fresh wound. I asked him why he did it, but he didn't know. He said that in some strange way it makes him feel human, as if seeing that he bleeds like everyone else is a reminder that he is still alive. He said he hadn't done it since the Baccarat's had picked them up though. That this was the first time. 
By that point I remember my head had started to spin. I scooted closer, resting my cheek against his collarbone. I noticed two long scars and one fresh cut over his heart. I asked what those where. He said it was a sort of battle scar. It was to count the times he had lived. I asked what he meant and he said it was the number of deaths that Chenoa had died. I assumed that he was drunk, so I didn't press the issue. I knew that I wouldn't understand even if he explained it. I asked who Chenoa was, and he said she was him, and he was her. That it was hard to explain, that Ferron would do a better job. Then I asked him what had happened. He said it was Jiro. He said that Jiro was a more of a monster then any sprite, fairy or nymph ever could be. With this his voice broke, so I scooted up so we were nose to nose. 
I wanted to take his pain away, and by now my head was spinning out of control. There was another feeling though, I wanted him. I really wanted him. And he seemed to feel the same way, as he rolled over, leaning over me, kissing me so softly and so passionately. The thought actually crossed my mind that I could live like that, I could be content. I remember running my hands along his back. Feeling the muscle under his smooth skin.

And then he stopped. He said that he couldn't do anything more, that we had to stop. He said that I was drunk, that if I had even a portion of the respect for myself that he had for me I would stop. That if I love Ferron anywhere near what he did, I would stop. That I wasn't like that, and that he wasn't going to do something I would hate him for, that he would not be the reason that I questioned myself.
I was angry, pulling him back into a kiss, but he turned away. He said that there was something I didn't know and that if he didn't stop I would never trust him again.
I asked him why, I tried again to kiss him, but he firmly refused. He asked if I would just lay beside him. That where we were going was only going to make things worse, it would hurt both of us, and would I please just be content to lay with him until morning. That if he was alone he would never be able to rest.

He is sleeping peacefully now, rolled in the blanket, and I confess there is still a small part of me that wishes to lay beside him, not as a friend.

 

October 13, later that day.
I fell asleep just after recording the events last night, so I am unsure how much time had passed, nor am I sure what it was that woke me, perhaps I heard the voices as they grew closer.
I sat up in time to see the door open, Ferron glanced around the room, his face flushed. His eyes settled on Ghost immediately, not even noticing I was there. He flew across the room, grabbing him and sitting him upright. Ghost woke with a start crying out in terror and taking a swing at Ferron. Ferron didn't care, in a string of profanities he expressed the concern that Ghost had caused, forcing Ghost to look him in the eyes. Then his tone changed. He grabbed Ghosts had, turning it to look at the fresh mark.
"Chenoa, Why did you do this?" He demanded, searching Ghosts face carefully. Ghost seemed dead. It was clear that he was still in shock from the rude awakening. He asked the question again, this time pulling back the blanket to show the marks on Ghosts chest. 
That is when I noticed it. How I had missed it last night, I can't imagine. Ferron pulled the blanket the rest of the way off inspecting the bruises on Ghosts arms. Again he released a string of profane words, though this time his voice shook slightly. 
I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Ghost was beautiful, to be sure. Beautiful and petite. All this time and Ghost was a woman.
Life returned to her blue eyes as her mind caught up with her body. She met Ferrons gaze, frowning stubbornly and demanding the blanket, as she was cold. She also fussed that she was hungover and that he needed to stop yelling. Ferron didn't want to hear it. He demanded to know why there was a third line cut into the skin above her left breast. 
I remembered last night when I had noticed them, that they were "the number of times Chenoa had died". I felt sick to my stomach. That means that when Ghost told me the story, that the girl ghost was talking about.
Ghost hadn't killed someone to protect another person. Ghost had killed in self preservation. Then the secret Jiro had discovered, what Ghost meant when he, She said that "Some people take what they want, there are those kinds of monsters."

I ran to the door. I could feel everything rushing up and nothing I did would contain it. 

Ghost was Chenoa.
Ghost was the one who had suffered that horrible fate.
When Ghost had cried, he, she was facing her own pain. Not mourning someone else, but mourning the loss of her own innocence.
That meant that Jiro.

I am sitting outside to write this, and thank heaven. I have been sick twice.

Ghost is a girl. Ghost is Chenoa. And Ghost has died inside three times... That means she has suffered That three times...
No wonder she hides all the time. No wonder she pushes people away.


Ferron has asked if I mind that he stay with Ghost until she is ready to return to the crew. That Alder explained that something bad had happened, and that there would be no repercussions for their disappearance this time.
I just hope that Ghost finally tells the truth. I have a mind to go and kill Jiro myself, but that is one thing I fear I cannot do.

 

October 14th
Mother actually joined me for breakfast this morning. She said that she feels so much better.
She has written her friend at the University in Ganderu asking about possibly finding a sponsor for Ghost, that she can attend the medical school. She also said that she received a letter from Lydia, and that she will be coming home! I can't wait! I have missed her so very much. It will only be for a few week, but none the less I cannot wait to see her. I want to hear all about the Imperial City, and about her studies. I do hope she has not changed too much. I hope that I have not changed too much!

Once the dishes had been cleared away mother said she wanted to sit with father for a bit, so I decided it was best that I go and see how Ghost was. Ferron had left for town by the time I got there and Ghost was pouring over her books. I came and sat beside her, not so sure what I was supposed to say. Not that I really had to, she closed the book and turned to me, asking if I knew. I nodded, saying that I knew she was a girl, that her name was really Chenoa, not Cardon or Ghost. She shook her head and said that wasn't really the case. Her name was Chenoa, Chenoa Cardon. That Ghost started as a joke between she and Ferron, but when they decided to run away they started using it all the time. She also asked that I keep it a secret, it was best if no one else knew about it. I agreed, and asked if they had a plan to keep Jiro from telling. She shook her head and said that she wasn't planning on going back until they got rid of him, that she was wanting to keep with her studies anyway, so it wouldn't look so suspicious. I asked if she was willing to tell me exactly what Jiro did, but she just shook her head. She also said that if Ferron ever found out he would kill Jiro without a second thought, so we needed to keep that between us.
I'm afraid I can't promise that, and I told her as much. She frowned, but didn't say anything. I hope she understand.

I told her about Lydia, and how she was going to be visiting next month, and about how mother had hinted that if she ever did become a doctor that Father would not object to our marriage. Ghost actually laughed a little, asking how we would explain away the lack of babies.
Then she asked me if I remembered the other night. I nodded, but told her that I wasn't upset. The truth is that, though it seems a little bizarre now that I know, and I certainly wouldn't do it again, I really don't regret it. I told her how I felt about it, she just shrugged and shad it was a shame, that I was a really good kisser, and that if I ever caught Ferron like that he would be a dead man walking.
I asked what she meant by that and she laughed. This time it was a deep and almost sadistic laugh. She said that Ferron had trouble keeping certain things to himself. That he had been unusually well behaved after he met me, so much so he has slept alone then entire time, but that if I were to back him into a corner the way I had her, he would pretty much fall apart and do anything I asked.

This all raised a question in my mind. I wasn't sure I would like the answer, but I had to ask. I tried to do it in a casual way, as I didn't want it to seem as if I was prying.
So I asked her how she and Ferron met. She laughed and said he made her eat half a pie, and accused her of being a ghost.
They were seven and eight when they met, and have been friends the entire time. She told me that Ferron had, in a matter of speaking, courted her twin once, and that he had left behind a lover when they ran away.
So I asked about Lana and Birdie, as they are on the same crew. If what she said about Ferron, and what Jiro had proved himself to be, were Lana and Birdie in danger, or of interest to Ferron?

Ghost laughed even harder. She said it was cute how little I knew about the world. That Lana and Birdie were never alone, so Jiro wasn't stupid enough to do anything. They were also very loud about everything. She also said that, as they have each other there was no chance for Ferron, even if he wanted to. I asked her to explain, and she did so by asking what would have happened if she hadn't have stopped us the other night.
I couldn't wrap my head around this so she tried to explain it by saying that they were essentially married.

I still have trouble grasping the concept.
Finally I asked about she and Ferron.
 She said that I didn't need to worry. That I loved Ferron, and that she was pretty sure he loved me, so there would never be an issue there. I pushed a little harder, for as strange as it is, it didn't bother me and I didn't see her as a threat at all. Even if I were to marry Ferron I don't think it would bother me. Many of the men in Brunnen had mistresses and the women never cared. It would only bother me if Ghost was ever labeled as such, She deserves more respect then that. Finally Ghost closed the book and turned to me, asking what exactly I hoped to learn from the conversation. Had she and Ferron ever shared a bed? Yes, as a matter of fact the did, many times. Had they ever shared a bath. Yes, many times. Had they ever made love. She blushed really deeply. She said it had only been a few times. That it was more of a mutual agreement that they needed something, and that there was alcohol involved, so it hadn't meant anything.

This did strike me a lot harder then I though it would. All of a sudden I didn't want to hurt she or Ferron. So I asked her if she minded, if it bothered her that I saw Ferron the way I did. She shook her head and said he was more like a perverted brother then anything else. That she would actually be happy if Ferron would, and I am not quoting her exactly, remove his head from his rear end and find his "balls".

Never, until I began to socialize with them, had I understood the term "To curse like a sailor". So often their language causes me discomfort. At least Ferron tries to remember his class, Ghost doesn't seem to care, and neither do the rest of the Baccarat crew.

 

October 17th
Ferron seems frustrated being so far from town. He really is a social creature. He only makes to about an hour past lunch and he disappears into town again, and it has only been four days.
He would never be able to live in the mansion. It would truly kill him. 
I asked Ghost if it bothered her, being isolated as we are, but she said it was really a pleasant hike to town, and that she wasn't much a fan of people.
It is only a little over a week until Lydia's arrival, and I am counting the hours.

 

October 18th
Ferron decided that we needed to take our dinner at the Crow tonight, thought I could tell Ghost didn't want to, she also wasn't going to give him any reason to pry, so as soon as dinner was prepared Alder pulled the carriage from the carriage house and we headed to town.
Ghost slipped out as soon as we stopped, not waiting for the rest of us, and vanished. Rosalie and Alder slipped in arm in arm, they are rarely separate if they are not working. Fran says its the mooning phase and that it will pass eventually and things will go back to normal.

Ferron helped me down, but this was not from his kindness or chivalry. The look in his eyes actually frightened me. He was on a mission, and out for blood, that much was obvious.
He backed me against the side of that carriage, his grip tight on my arm, asking if I knew what had happened to Ghost. I bit my lip. I didn't want to lie to him, but I also didn't want to betray Ghost's trust. He growled that if I wanted to play games he was up for the challenge, and he marched me inside, sitting us in the alcove under the stairs. He began pointing out various crew members, naming them one by one. 
I looked around hoping that Ghost saw, that she would know that I was trapped and had no choice. She was sitting next to Adrien, watching us intently. It was clear she knew what was happening. She seemed to be trying to indirectly draw his attention to Ferron, but nothing was going to distract that man from his story.

Finally Ferron reached Jiro. I knew he has suspected, and I knew he was saving the name for last. I could tell that he was trying to wear me down, and his plan was working. He finally looked me in the eyes and asked again if it was Jiro. I couldn't bring myself to lie. I knew he would see right through it, so I begged him to calm down, to wait and talk to the Captain's. I said that Ghost made me promise and that I wasn't going to say anything out of my respect for our friend. 
He wasn't satisfied with the answer.

He stood and turned to Ghost, shouting across the crowded room, saying that we were both horrible at lying, and even worse at keeping secrets. He asked if it had been Jiro. No explanation, just the one question "Ghost, was it Jiro?"

She looked down. I knew her heart was crushed and I tried to slip around the side of the room to reach her before he started anything. I hoped that the Captains were sober enough to stop this before it started. 
Ferron had every intention of killing him.

Jiro, as I have seen he has the wisdom of a housefly, stood and demanded to know what Ferron thought he was accusing him of. That the little freak was a fake anyways. That he knew the real reason that Ferron kept that horrible pet around at that it was time for them to be honest.
He never go to finish. Ferron hit him with all he had, and Jiro stumbled backwards, falling into a table. The table buckled under his weight, but somehow managed to stay upright. Ferron swung again, aiming for the head, but Jiro rolled just in time, trying to find his footing as he stumbled towards the door. This was the worst thing he could have done. Ferron is smart, and he thinks ahead. I could see what he was trying to do, to back him out into the street where the Captains and Eleana would have trouble reaching them in time. The three who ran this show, the three who were staring in total confusion at the seemingly random event. Ghost grabbed Adrien's arm, begging him to stop Ferron. Her voice was shaking. Eleana snapped out of her stupor and flew through the madness, Ghost and I both close behind her.

Farron had Jiro on the ground, blinded by his hatred. Jiro, his face beaten to the point it was unrecognizably even human, was trying to beg for mercy. It was a horrible, bloody, and pathetic scene.  
Eleana pulled a pistol from somewhere and put it to the back of Ferron's head, demanding that he stop and stand up. Ferron didn't budge. Frozen, one hand gripping Jiro's throat, the other raised in a fist, ready to land the next blow. She repeated the words again slowly in a dark voice. I knew from the cold tone that she was not going to hesitate to pull the trigger. Ghost grabbed me and pulled me around in front of her, so that I had my back to Ferron and Eleana, her grip firm in my arms. She whispered that, no matter what I heard I needed to look at her, and only at her.
Eleana's voice was cold and even as she demanded that Ferron stand up and step away. I know he didn't move, because Ghost tightened her grip on my arms and Eleana repeated the order even more forcefully. At this point Ghost broke. She cried out that Ferron was only doing it for her. Eleana's voice never faltered as she demanded a clear explanation. That they had crossed the line and she was not going to have this sort of behavior on her crew.

Ghost let go of my arms and stepped around me. I know that I wasn't supposed to look, but I had to know. I had to. So I stole a glance over my shoulder. Ferron was still kneeling over Jiro, his fist lowered, but his grip still firm. Eleana was standing above them, the barrel of her gun pressed against the back of Ferron's head.

Ghost slowly pulled her over coat off, dropping it, her hands shaking. She said that if anyone should take the fall it was her, not Ferron, that she had been the one lying. Slowly she undid the buttons of her shirt, letting it fall to the ground and she stood there in her camisole and breaches, the bruises faded, but still visible against her colorless skin. Eleana gasped, demanding to know why they had never told her Ghosts true identity. Ferron began to tense up again, his rage building. Ghost promised that she would explain it all later, if everyone would just stop, she begged Eleana to either stop the madness, or shoot her first.
Eleana nodded, bringing the butt of the pistol down firmly on Ferron's head, and then dropping in on the cobbles. Ferron crumpled sideways and Jiro let out a cry of relief. Eleana pushed Ferron away from the broken man and squatted next to him. 
What I saw next I still don't believe. She demanded that Ghost dress quickly and fetch the doctor and the flames leaped from her hand. 
From nowhere. Eleana held the fire in her hand as if she could will it to do as she pleased. She leaned in close and whispered something to Jiro and he began to scream. I closed my eyes turning away. I don't want to know what happened, but his agonizing screams pierced the air. I covered my ears, but there was nothing that could block out the sound of his wailing.

Damien was there all of a sudden, his arm around my shoulder, leading me back into the Crow. Adrien just a few steps away. They rushed me behind the bar and into the back. Quin hurried back into the other room as soon as we entered. Damien pulled the stool from the corner of the room, setting me on it and taking my wrist between two fingers and his thumb. Adrien handed me a mug of something warm, something I took without a second thought. The screams were still ringing in my head, or maybe he was still screaming.

Damian began asking me questions in a slow deep voice. Each monotone word certain and precise. 
How long had I known about Ghost?
Had this started before Ghost jumped ship?
Did Ferron know the details of what had happened?
Did I know the details of what had happened?
Did I know how many times he had hurt her?

I couldn't find my voice. I didn't want to be there. I wanted to be home in my bed. I wanted to wake up and none of this be real.

Finally Damien stood up and said that he had the answers he needed, that Ferron and Ghost were telling the truth. I finally managed to choke out what Ghost has said about how they were running away from abuse like that, and that is why they were so secretive and didn't want to tell people who they really were. Damien took my wrist again and asked if Ferron was hiding his true identity as well. I said he wasn't that he really was Ferron Rowe. That I knew he was really what he said he was.

Damien nodded, satisfied and Adrein stepped up and put a hand on my shoulder, He said that it wasn't working as fast as it usually did, and that he hoped I wasn't immune to it.
I started to panic, dropping the mug. I don't know why, perhaps it was seeing Eleana so calm when she was about to kill Ferron, or maybe it was seeing her burst into flame, the screams from Jiro. What ever it was, I panicked. I asked them if they had poisoned me. Adrein bent down to look me in the eyes, he promised that I had not been poisoned. He said I had seen too much, that it was best for everyone if I could forget it all, that I was just going to sleep really well and that in the morning I was going to think it was all just a dream. I asked how I was supposed to forget, that I wanted to go home, that Rosalie and Alder needed to take me home and that the authorities needed to come. Damien lit his pipe and let out a large puff of smoke. "Your servants are fine, we just made sure they didn't see anything. They will take you home in just a moment. We just need to know that they won't say a word about this. You, young lady, need to decide where you belong. You can't live with one foot in each world. And for the authorities? There are none. This town is Eaux Reves. It is a dream. Forgotten by the empire. It is a den of thieves, pirates, and mercenaries. We are the law hear, each crew or gang attending to it's own. We live by a strict code here, we can not bring our grudges into the town. No one will ask what becomes of Ferron, Ghost, or Jiro. No one will remember the screams, not even you."

I started to feel the weight on my body as he said that, as if I was about to drift off to sleep. Adrein smiled as I struggled to keep my composure. I was overcome with the urge to lay right there on the floor and sleep. Alder appeared from nowhere, shooting the Captains a nasty look as he lifted me from the stool and carried me to the carriage. 

The last thing I remember was the sickening smell that hung in the air. A smell of scorched flesh.

 

October 21st
Ghost is back, working as if nothing happened. She is as dutiful and diligent as any doctor or nurse that we ever hired to assist Mother. Ferron has stopped by a few times, he seems set on gaining employ with my fathers company. 
I know I was supposed to forget the events the other night. That whatever the captains gave me was supposed to make me think that it was all just a dream, but when Rosalie woke me to take me to my room I couldn't let the thoughts go. I had to tell you before I fell asleep again. I didn't want to forget. And now, had I not written those words, even reading over them again, it all seems so strange. I am not certain how much was fact, and what was the product of my imagination. It matters not, as Lydia will be home in a week and I have to prepare.

 

October 24th
Mother is doing so well she decided to go down to Ghosts cabin herself today. Imagine our surprise when she opened the door! She sat and watched us study for a little while before declaring that we had all been far to coddled and that we needed to treat ourselves. Then she demanded to know Ghost's true name. Ghost stammered and shuddered for a moment, trying to find a way out of the question, but to no avail. Finally she caved. My mother tried it out a few times before bluntly asking if Ghost was, indeed, a woman in disguise. Ghost nodded, frowning at me. I shook my head helplessly, She had to know that I hadn't said a thing.
Then mother grinned, handing Ghost a letter, asking her to read it aloud.

Mother's friend, a doctor in Brunnen, never married and never had children, and he has agreed to take on Ghost, putting her through school, in return Ghost will make an appearance as his sponsored child at a charity dinner. He said that mother request gave him a fantastic idea and that he want's to see more promising youths taken in and a more pure and beautiful society created. He went on about how we needed to arrange marriages base on the physical and mental characteristic of people to evolve our race into the next stage, but I really don't care about that. And I know that neither Mother nor Ghost do either.
Ghost looked at the letter for a long time and said that she would agree, so long as it was only the one event, and that she never had to be alone with a man she had never met.

Mother shrugged and said that we could just send Ferron in Ghosts place. That the man wouldn't know the difference. A grin spread across Ghosts face at the idea.

Mother then informed us that we were to be leaving for Ganderu at first light, so our studies were to be cut early tonight. She said that if Ghost was going to be staying at the university she would need supplies and decent cloths that didn't shed salt no matter how you washed them.
Ghost looked at me helplessly as mother closed the door behind her. I said that that was how she was before she took so ill. And that it was best that we just go along with it. She nodded, still looking at the letter.

I am so glad to see mother is doing so much better.

 

October 25th
Mother had us out the door and in the carriage before the first rays of sun had began to show. Ghost reluctantly climbed into the carriage beside us, voicing her discomfort at the entire concept. She did grin a little when she said that she had left a note for Ferron, that she wrote it herself.
Mother patter her hand and said that progress is always a reason to take pride, that that "you needn't always be so modest, Chenoa."
Ghost blushed at that, but mother wasn't done with the questions. She wanted to know why Ghost was already in a coat, hat, and gloves. That it wasn't cold, and it wasn't raining.

Ghost sighed and said it was a fashion statement. Mother popped her across the back of the hand and demanded the truth. She said it was pointless to try and hide things when she could see what Ghost was thinking.
Ghost finally explained that the sunlight would cause her to burn and even blister with even the smallest amount of exposure.
Mother nodded, thanking her for being honest, and promised to keep that in mind while shopping.

We spent the majority of the trip with mother trying to settle on what colors she would put Ghost in, and Ghost defending her "manhood"
My sides still hurt from laughing.

Ghost was initially unphased by Ganderu. I assume that she has seen may cities and town in her travels, but as we headed into the district where the nicer shops and eateries were she let out a gasp. Mother turned to her, asking if she had ever been to a neighborhood like this. She shook her head, saying it was forbidden, nit just by the Baccarat's, but the authorities would follow you closely, expecting you to do something suspicious. She said that Ferron would go sometimes, but that he had a way of talking that would make people think he belonged, so no one ever messed with him.

Mother grinned and said that she could understand the Baccarat rules. But that today was the Oryn rules, and that meant they were shopping and eating and doing all the things that Mother wanted to do. Ghost just nodded, gape-mouthed.

We spent the day exploring the various shops. Mother chose five different outfits for Ghost, all in lovely pastel and with matching gloves and hairpieces. She also got her a parasol, insisting that Ghost must be a woman at the university. Ghost muttered something about having her penis cut off and mother popped her, citing her for foul language.

Just before lunch mother decided that Ghost was going to change. That she would never be able to join us dressed as she was. So grudgingly Ghost changed.
She was beautiful in the soft purple and off white, it was a simple dress with no frills, a strait loose skirt, and only the smallest bit of lace around the collar. With the parasol and the clip that mother arranged in her hair, you never would have known that she had been a sailor just the day before.

Finally during lunch Ghost decided she had enough and wanted to go back to her pants. Mother shook her head and said we still had half a day to go, and that a lady needs to know when to wear what. That it was importaint that Ghost was a woman at the university, because so many girls were just dolls. That as she believed that Ghost would become a great doctor then everything she did was important.

Ghost, sharp as ever, countered that that meant that it was also important to show that girls could dress however they pleased. That pants were not only for men. Mother agreed, and by the end of the day Ghost had several outfits that were not as feminine.

By the time we reached home I was far too tired to write.

Today has been slow, and Ghost has been trying out the skirt, as mother coaches her in etiquette and posture. I actually feel sorry for her, though the thought did occur to me to fetch Ferron so he could share in my amusement.

 

October 29th
Today was fantastic! Lydia arrived just before dinner, so we did not have so long to talk, but she had grown so much. I realize that it has been nearly a year, but still, she has become an elegant young woman. She is taller then I am now, and graceful. Though she is only thirteen she is beautiful. She has the same green eyes that I do, but her hair is much darker and falls in thick round curls that fall to the center of her back. She excitedly told us of her friends, and the girl who shares a room with her at the school, Moira. She said that she loved her music lessons best of all, and that there is a boys school on the other side of town, and that she and her friends are always hoping to meet them on their outings. She also suspects that the headmistress is careful to avoid that. After dinner thought she was quick to bed, as the journey left her exhausted.

 

October 30th
I am sorry that I have not bee writing. Lydia and I have so much to catch up with. She told me that Benjamin and his fiance are already secretly married, and that his fiance is with child!
My friend I am going to be an aunt! But we must not say a word to mother or father. I know they would be furious.


© Copyright 2018 Kitalia Emme. All rights reserved.

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