The life of a depressed girl

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Personal Finance  |  House: Booksie Classic

"Should I do it? Why must I? How come this always happends to me?"
Alex asks herself these questions every day. Alex strugles through life with the thought of her mother and father dieing still leaking in her brain, fighting through high school and trying not to be such a loner, but does she come through strong?

Chapter 1 (v.1) - The life of a depressed girl

Submitted: October 28, 2009

Reads: 566

Comments: 2

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Submitted: October 28, 2009



I Wasn`t quite so sure what I was doing. Or why I was doing it. But what I was sure of, was that it took the pain away. Maybe I do know why, and maybe I`m sure of it. But at the moment, I`m confused about life. And shedding blood from my skin, slicing through the layers intill the blood rushes to the surface and drips onto the floor, was all I could do. To realieve my ever lasting pain, that comes from the heart.
I pulled the glass away from my skin and squeesed my wrist tight, feeling the pain as the blood dripped down, slowly and painfully. But atleast the pain inside went away and I focased on the pain I felt in my wrist. Watching the blood flow out of the deep slit, tears flowing down my perfect complection.
I placed the Glass on the desk and pulled my sleeve over my many deep cuts from before. I walked over to my mirror and put on a fake smile, pretending to be who I`m not is what I`m good at, hiding who I really am. Showing the truth to people will only hurt them, more than it hurts me.
I walked back over to my desk and opened a drawer, than picked up the glass, I squeesed it tight in my hands and it cut through my skin again. I dropped it into the drawer and closed it quickly. Than headed for the door to my bedroom and picked up my backpack on the way. Another depressing day of high school.
I walked down the wooden stair case and with each step the stair case would creak loudly. So to get other the pain in my ears, I ran down quickly. I jumped the last step to save time but tripped and fell onto the floor, my backpack spilling out into the living room.
My brother Justin sat on the couch eating chips laughing histarically, his half eaten chips spilling out of his mouth. "Shut up Justin." I glared at him as I pulled myself up, picking up the stuff that fell onto the floor. "Oh man. You should of seen our face when you fell!" He laughed. "I`m not in the mood for this." I groaned and shoved everything into my bag. "Well, have a good day then." He stopped and smiled. I can`t believe he was actuly being nice. "Thanks.. I guess.." I pulled my backpack over my sholder and walked into the kitchen.
If you didn`t already know, Justin is my 23 year old brother, who annoys me, but takes care of me. Him being 23, leaves a big difference in age between us, hes 8 years older, yet I`m the mature one.
You see, my parents died when my brother turned 21, meaning that I was 13, just getting into my teen years. Sad part was that it was my brothers birthday and we took him out to dinner.
We were driving to the best restarant in town, its called ' Courtnee`s.' and you have to book months ahead to get in. We were on the waiting list for 6 months.
My brother and I sat in the back of our little black, 1995 sports car. I blared the music in my ears and Justin text messaged his girlfriend, blushing everytime she sent one back because the song was "I love you by Tila Tequila." They dated for 5 years and are still going strong today.
Back to the story, I was paying attention, but not really. We were on the high way and it was storming outside, rain, thunder, lightening, the hole thing. I stared out the window and saw a couple flashes on lightening. One in particular hit a tellaphone pole and desided to crash right infront of us. My parents swerved, having the pole miss us, but we hit other car, or they hit us. But next thing I knew was that my brother was knocked out cold and blood streamed down his face. I looked upfront and the front of the car was smashed in and I couldn`t see my parents. I started crying and opened the side of the car door. I ran out, I had no scratched nor bruises. I was in perfect condition.
I ran to see where my parents were. But I could not see them anywhere. The other car was destroid and on fire. The tears streamed down my face and I cried out "Help!" I ran around the other peoples car, looking in the back window. I could hear a cry of a baby. I looked upfront and saw the parents heads on fire, no panic, no life in them. I wasn`t about to leave a car thats on fire in the inside, with a baby in there. I groaned and opened the door and picked the baby up. She stopped crying. She looked to be about 4 months old.
I held her tight, up against my body and ran over to see if my parents were alive. I looked at the front of the car and their heads, bodyless, layed, blood pooring everywhere, eyes whide open staring at you with shock and terror in their expression.
I cried louder for help. But no one was coming.
The rain poored down heavily. My hair was wet and my clothes stuck to my body, as did the baby`s.
I ran over to my opened door and sat next to my brother and put the baby down. His phone went off. I knew who it was so I took his phone and read the message. It wrote:
Happy birthday my baby boy. I`ve been meaning to say this but, I love you with my everything. I wanna be with you forever. Xoxo. I mean it.

I dialed her number and called her. "Hey babe." she said flirtasiously. "Casey, its not time for this. We just got in a majour car acident. Call 911 and drive down here right now. We are on the high way, almost at Courtnee`s, the restarant. Please come help us. I`m the only one alive besides a baby from the other people, who I picked up and have with me and my parents are dead for sure and Justin is knocked out cold." I cried. "I`ll be right there." Her voice changed, I could tell that she was crying, or about to.
I sat in the car and held the baby tight. She started crying. "Everything will be alright." I said in a soothing voice, but she continued to cry.
We waited for Casey to come, smells of blood filled my nostrals. How gross.
Soon enough I saw lights from a car, they shined in my brothers side.
I picked up the baby and opened the door quickly and Casey ran over and hugged us tight. Tears falling onto my sweater that was already wet from before.
" Where is he?" she asked. "Who?" I asked confused. "JUSTIN!" She screamed.
Next thing to know, Justin stombled out of my side with the blood still pooring out of his head. "Ow." was the first thing he said when he got over to us. Casey hugged him, bursting out in tears.
All the sudden, Justin fainted in her arms. Casey freaked and dropped him.
The seccond he hit the ground, the police car and ambulance showed up.
Casey ran over to the police officer and pointed to the car wreck. I stood there and held the baby tight. My bangs covering my face, rain pooring down.
I wasn`t paying attention. I was staring at Justin, But a cop came and took ahold of my arm and I was told to get into the Ambulance, as Justin was being lifted onto the strecher.
" Its gunna be okay sweety. I`m here." Casey took ahold of my hand and we hopped inside the ambulance and Justin was soon aborded.
I sat next to Casey and a nurce or doctor, what ever they are called. And I held the baby close.
I stared out the little window at the accident, that just happened moments ago.
The doctor person put towels around us and wanted to take the baby away. I insisted she didn`t touch her, I was to scared of loosing her life too
Casey held me tight. Scared of what might happen next.
The rest of that night was a bur, because I kept going off into my own thoughts, remembering how my parents looked when dead. I dream about that night often, slip off into my own little world.
The only thing I remember after that was that the baby was taken away and is now living with her aunt and uncle, half an hour away. I call and talk to her sometimes. Even tho shes around like, 2 I visit aswell, I`m known as a hero in their family, the one who saved her life. Her name is Ally. Shes the cutest little girl in the world.
I blinked twice and stepped back. Had I really gone off on that?
I started walking through the kitchen, picking my lunch money off the counter, slipped through the door.
I sighed and started to walk to school, 10 minute walk is good right? Atleast I don`t have to walk for an hour like Malinda, my best friend, my only friend. Maybe its just because we are slow walkers.
I finaly arived at school, I walked past the smokers area and past all the groups of people. I walked through the doors and down the stairs, turned left, walked down the science hall, past a flight of stairs and walked a bit, that up 2 flights of stairs to my locker, near my first period class, in the English hall. Miss. Gramer, shes a total nut case. Her office has pictures of her cats and tells us about how we should get involved because she didn`t and now shes all alone.
I opened my locker, inside there are pictures of my favorite bands like, Metro Station and Silverstein. Theres also a mirror, my text books and binders, my gym clothes and running shoes.
I put my stuff inside and took out my english binder and a pencil, closed my locker door, locked it and walked inside my english class and sat down. I`m always the first one and sit there for 15 minutes and write poetry about my crappy life. Sometimes I go to my parents grave and read them my poems. I wonder what it would be like to see them again. I`d like to of said goodbye, but instead I`m stuck with screaming as their last memory of me. Where did they go after they died? The unknown hevan that people preach about. Is god even real? I believe in ghosts and spirits, soals and orbs, you know.
Miss, Gramer walked into the classroom and want to her desk. "Early again Miss.Alway?" the old lady smiled. "Please. Call me by my first name." I insisted. "Alright." She sat down and picked the news paper up off her desk and started to read it and took an apple off her desk and started to munch on it.
I looked around the class room than hunched over my desk and look out my poetry book.

The past are my memroies of death and the future is a fresh start for losers like myself.

Thats what it says on the first page. Amature stuff from a year ago. I`m stronger at writing now with a big vocabulary or atleast bigger words with the same meaning.
I looked at the headline on my teachers news paper. "16 year old, Abby Calmer commits Suiside."
I sit anxiously and wait for my teacher to be finished. As soon as she set it down, I stood up and walked over. "Yes." she smiles and clasps her hands together. "May I read your news paper?" I ask quietly. "Go on ahead." She smiles and picks it up and hands it to me. "Thanks." I take it and walk back to my seat.
I start reading. It says:

Abby Calmer was a 16 year old when she was found hanging by a rope in her backyard on november 16th 2010. She was a depressed teen who cut herself to take the pain away.
Her boyfriend whom we will leave nameless dumped her that morning. She was so heart broken, she couldn`t take it. They had been dating sence she was 12 and he was 13. Her parents slip up and she was abused by her aunt.
Abby will stay in peoples hearts forever.

I sighed and got out of my seat. I went over to the teachers desk and dropped it infront of her. Than I walked back to my seat and looked at the clock. 5 minutes till class starts. Great.

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