Life Fails you when you need it most. Sadly I may not live up to my expectations, only because life fails me weather Ineed it or not.
I sat in my seat and fiddled with my pen. I sat still in almost pure silence, would of been without the kids talking in the halls. I was waiting for that stupid beep, to tell me that another dredded day of school was about to take place.
The beeps went off and I sat up quickly and found new confort as everyone else piled in. I looked and watched as my crush sat next to me. I smiled and looked forward and bit my lower lip.
Matthew Jones has been my crush sence we were both only 6. Our families are close, I`ve known him sence Iwas born.
We would play in the back yard and run around the nabourhood. We were best friends, but we arn`t really anymore. I mean, we walk to school together, and home. We chill sometimes at each others houses but, not at school anymore. He smiles but nothing else. He said its because he doesn`t want to reck his reputation of being the school jock. He plays football and hes the star player, just my luck. He lives right next door, so its easy for us to hang out. Other than that, we are just good friends. I still tell him whats going on in my life and he tells me about his. I never knew that high school was the difficult intill he started to share, nothing special happends in my life. I`m plain.. I`m boring.
When my parents passed on, his parents were over everyday for a couple years to help Justin get things settled and to help us greive, and of course they cried with us, I mean, they were best friends after all.At school, Matthew was by my side every single day, at all times. Giving me lots of hugs and kept asking if I was okay or if I neded anything. It started to get a bit annoying, but the hugs, every single one, I enjoyed and took advantage of, all I could.But even today, I still cry in his arms and we still have hour long conversations on the computer or on the phone. Hes there for me, but at school, not really.
Matthew leaned over and whispered " Westill going to chill after school?"
" I guess. What arewe going to do?"
" Chill at my place or yours?"
" Mine I guess.If you don`t mind. Justin and Casey are going to be out on a date."
"So wewill be home alone?"
" Yeah, I guess."I smiled.
" Well, I have important things to tell you." he smiled, got up and walked away.
I can`t believe he actuly talked to me, in class.
At lunch, Matthew came over to me, sat down and got outhislunch.Of course we were inthe cafiteria andof course, Iwas alone, like always.
"What are you doing?" I looked around and giggled, mybangs covering most ofmy face.
" Well, I`m having lunch with a friend." He smiled and took a sip of hischocolate milk.
" Well, whata nice surprise. Shouldn`t you be with those jerks you call ' friends ' or ' the guys' as you call them?" Ifrowned.
" Look. Someone I love recently died. And they told me this in exact words " If you know someone truely cares about you and you care about them, but your shunning them away and bringing them back when you need them, go be with them because you don`t want to lose someone you care about." " Than there was silence.
" I care about you." He said to break the silence. I blushed majourly, I looked down to hide it, but he saw, look back and smiled." Oh man." He laughed and looked back at me.
Of course I said nothing. Just sat there and blushed.
" Iguess, I`ll see you after school." He stood up.
" Wait, who died?" I frowned.
" My grandma." He sighed and looked down.
I stood up and walked over to him and hugged him tight. "I`m sorry." I whispered. " Its okay." He whispered back, hugging me tightly.
I kissed his cheek. My god, why did I just do that? I`m doomed...
I let go and stepped back to see his reaction, but I kept it all cool, as if it ment absolutely nothing, even thought, to me, it ment everything.
He looked down and.. wait.. is he biting his lip? and is he blushing? Oh my god! He is!
" See you after school." he smiled and turned around.
" Yeah" I looked down and moved the bangs out of my face.
After school, I stood at the pond behind our school, waiting for Matthew.
The pond is a beautiful place that the envirnomental club put together. The pond has a stone bench with a cherry blossom tree behind it. Flowers bloom everywhere and an amazing pond with those big fish lay before it.
I sat down and took my diary out of my black side bag that has buttons all over it.
Matthew told me that he cares about me today. He sat with me at lunch and I found out his grandma died, so I hugged him and ended up kissing his cheek to only notice that he was blushing and biting his lip when I stepped back. But if Matthew only knew how much I care for him and love him....
" Sorry I`m late." Said Matthew as he stepped through the white fence and walked over to me.
I closed my diary quickly and placed it on my lap, covering it with my hands.
" Whats that?" He asked, short of breath, pointing to my diary.
My cheeks blushend and I could feel my stomach churn with butterflies. " Um, nothing." I looked down at my lap and than back at him smiling.
He walked over and took it quickly.
" uh" I said as I stood up, reaching for it as he turned around every time as he went through the many filled pages that are all about him and my parents.
" Matthew." I said and looked at him, basically hugging him, as he reached the last entry.
" But if Matthew only knew how much Icare for him and love him..." he said alowed.
I closed my hands into fists and crossed my arms and put my other hand to my face.
" Whats this?" He looked confused and looked at me pointing to the book. " Is this taking about me.?" I nodded and looked down, my bangs covering half my face.
Mathew looked at me and hugged me.
Confused I hugged back.
Matthew moved his head and sholders away from me, still holding me, he looked into my eyes.
" What I wanted to tell you, was how I really feel." He said. Than we stared into each others eyes and moved closer to each other as our lips pashtionatly touched. His solft lips on mine was all a dream to me, but it was reality. It is unexplainable.
My first kiss, is with my first crush and only friend.
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