Hello, my name is Emma and I am an Addict

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is a story about a girl how is having difficulty dealing with an addiction...then something that is going to change her live forever happens.

Chapter 1 (v.1) - Hello, my name is Emma and I am an Addict

Submitted: May 30, 2008

Reads: 356

Comments: 3

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Submitted: May 30, 2008

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As I woke up my first thought was ‘thank God it’s Saturday’. I rolled over and noticed there was another stranger in my bed. This is not unusual for me. It happens just about every morning. Sitting up in bed I placed my head in my hands. Not because I had a hang over. In fact I seldom drink alcohol. Men end up in my bed and I remember exactly how they did.
 
You may by now be wondering why I am so upset about this. Well, you see, I have an addiction. I don’t do drugs, I don’t smoke and as I mentioned earlier I do not drink all that much. My addiction is sex. I do not have a boyfriend at the moment. I fact boyfriends never stay around for very long. I never seem to get the loyalty thing down pat. I often feel I should get help. I once tried seeing a physiologist, but ended up staring at her for most of my hour and did everything in my power not to run out the door at the end of it.
 
You could say it started round about the time I was about sixteen. However, this was not the first time I had sex. My first time was very unromantic and unceremonious. His name was Oliver. He was seventeen and I fifteen. He was no stranger to sex by then. I was at a party of one of my very close friends. She had an older brother who knew Oliver. I was very flattered at the attention I was receiving from him. He was after all popular. We retired to a quite corner of the garden and spent some time making out. When he tried to put his hand under my top I protested a bit. He assured me that everything was ok. Before long my top and bra had both been discarded. The next thing I knew his hand was moving up my thigh. I protested again. Again he reassured me. His fingers slip into my privates so quickly that I had no time to react. His penis followed suit soon after. Before long it was all over. Is that it, I wondered. My thighs ache for a week. Oliver made himself scares after that.
 
I slowly and quietly got up off the bed and went to the bathroom to take a shower. I always take a shower the morning after. I suppose you can say my behavior makes me fell dirty. Thinking once more about seeing someone about my problem. I grew up in a good home with good parents and a generally stable environment. I love my parents and would be mortified if they found out how I had turned out after all their guidance and hard work. What would anyone think if they knew what I did? Maybe I should go to those NA meetings I read about on the internet. I just can’t seem to help myself though. Every day starts with a solemn promise to myself that I will not have sex today. If only I had a penny for every time I said that.
 
It wasn’t until more then a year after my first very disappointing sexual encounter when my problem actually started. I started dating Sebastian shortly before my seventeenth birthday. About a week into our relationship it was Sebastian’s eighteen birthday. There was a lot of drinking going on and before long no one noticed Sebastian and I disappearing upstairs to his bedroom. We spent what felt like forever making out. At this point I started feeling a tingling feeling in my privates. This, I later figured out, was what it felt like being turned on. This is a sensation with which I have become very familiar. I told Sebastian that if he wanted to have sex we could. He didn’t need anymore encouragement then this. The first time was about as exiting as with Oliver. It was over so quickly and I remember thinking to myself that I in fact did not like sex. But as time went by Sebastian made an effort to make me orgasm. It was incredible. I was hooked. Both of us had strict parents and that sort of thing was frown upon. We would always seize opportunities wherever we could. A lot of the time it would be a quite spot in someone’s garden at a party. Sebastian and I were together for just under a year. Things started going wrong just before our Matric dance. He started being distant and when I confronted him about it he said he wanted to take a break as things were getting to serious. At first I was fine with this.
 
I got out of the shower and walked back into my bedroom wrapped in a towel. Stranger was stirring and I knew the minute he opened his eyes he was the cuddle after sex typed. I can always tell when they wake up and say, for example, ‘good morning beautiful/sunshine/whatever. It irritates me. The need to get rid of my dirty little secret every morning was overwhelming. At least it did not take him very long to leave. Probably a girl at home or something. I was happy though, he didn’t even ask to see me again.
 
After Sebastian and I ‘took a break’ he suddenly started showing a great deal of interest in a girl named Amy and before to long it was apparent that they were together. I was distraught. My first reaction was anger, then vengeance. Which I got. With a boy named Jonathan. Or, as everyone called him, Jono. Jono was great in bed. Incredible, in fact. I think at this stage I had to have sex regularly. I couldn’t explain it then and I still can’t. I just had to. Jono however did not last long. I got bored fairly quickly and by then I was over the whole Sebastian thing. After Jono I had a few more encounters before my high school years were up.


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