Chapter 9: Without Consent

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 126

I didn't ask for this to happen. I didn't wake up one morning and decide I wanted to be this way.

No, I never said I wanted to be this way. This way of drowning in my own silence.

And I want to tell people this, I want the world to know, it wasn't my choice.

Because people like to use that saying "You choose to be happy."

Well I want to let you know, that's the worst lie you could be telling someone battling a mental disorder. It's as if people think I signed a paper selling my happiness to the devil.

Society doesn't understand it's not easy,

You think I'd rather be sitting in my room crying than laughing and hanging out with my friends?

Do you honestly think that all of us who fight this cultural phenomenon chose to be like this?

I mean sure, I could plaster the classic smile on my face.

Pull the "I'm just tired" card. But why should I?

Why should I have to pretend that I'm perfectly fine?

You say society accepts depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, ADD, the list goes on.

News flash, society doesn't care about these people.

These people who are literally fighting against themselves,

Some of the strongest people I have ever known.

But we're not famous, most of us don't have millions of dollars,

Most of us don't appear on the cover of People's Magazine.

We're not Kim Kardashian, we're not Kanye West, we're not someone famous athlete.

We're the shadows, the people who isolate themselves from others because we're "freaks".

The average anxiety levels in teens are the kind of numbers that would of landed

Us in a mental hospital 60 years ago. Funny, isn't it?

60 years ago, things were different.

So don't tell me that my happiness is a choice.

Because until you've hit rock bottom, you won't know the difference.

The pain of laying in bed, crying.

Wishing that maybe you'd somehow just stop breathing,

Because suffocating would feel better than the pain you feel now.

I'd rather be happy than go through the baggage pain we freaks experience.

Because my happiness, that's something that left without my consent.

 


Submitted: April 25, 2016

© Copyright 2020 Lexi Zimmermnan. All rights reserved.

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