Mum, does this hat really suite me. Samantha, asked me for the tenth time. Yes my dear now would I let you go out looking daft.
Samantha laughed, and my nails they look so grown up, she said admiring them for the hundredth time.
I had treated us both to a day of shopping and pampering. It was what we both needed, and now we were in town having a meal, at our favourite restaurant.
I am not sure your dad would approve though I said sipping a cocktail. I don’t think he would approve to me drinking alcohol either but he wasn’t here, and I wasn’t going to get bladdered, I thought to myself.
It did feel strange only the two of us eating out as usually it would be the four of us or even more if James and Ruby, or Gilb and Nicole, and their son came out to stay with us.
The owner of the restaurant Pepe, came and spoke with me, he said he had heard Emilio was not well and had not sung in a while. I told him he was at home getting well again, and this was a girly holiday. He may of known the truth that me and Emilio had separated but never brought it up in conversation.
Sitting back watching the world go by, made me feel better, better than I had been in ages. Today had been a real eye opener for me. I had a wonderful day with my daughter, and I didn’t miss Emilio at all.
I think I had been waiting for him to say he was sorry and he never meant to hurt me, like he did and that even though his voice had gone we would still be ok, stronger even. But he never said that. And today I finally realised that. Today I realised I could go on without him.
After all, his first wife did. She married again, and was happy, his four other boys had moved on, they still spoke and saw their dad when they could.
It’s taken me a long time. But I came to the conclusion, in life sometimes you really just have to cut your losses and move on. Look at me and James. We get on better now, than we did when we were married. And maybe the same would happen with me and Emilio.
I looked at Samantha, she loved it here. She sipped her coke and liked to watch people go by. Then it hit me, before long she and Joseph would be in boarding school, then what would I do. I would be on my own. I started to well up again. But stopped myself, before any tears could fall.
No I am moving on I told myself. They will have a good education. I will find something to do, I will show everyone I can go it alone.
I started to panic; I had just reassured myself, I would be ok, now I was having doubts again.
Maybe I did have bi polar. That’s what the doctor said, maybe he was right.
No he was not right, it was fear of the unknown, I will be brave, I will be ok.
I looked around at all the people passing us, as we sat in the restaurant.
Then something caught my eye.
I looked at a picture across the road of the Virgin Mary.
It was like she was saying to me, you can do it girl. I stared at it for what seemed like ages. Maybe the cocktail was going to my head.
Mum, are you ok, Samantha said bringing me to my senses.
I looked at her and smiled, of course my dear, I replied.
I knew what I had to do now.
Tomorrow I would ring my solicitor.
Goodbye my lover goodbye my friend, I thought to myself.
I can see them Joseph said to James, as he spotted me and Samantha, come through arrivals at Heathrow airport.
Samantha caught sight of her brother and ran towards him.
I was knackered, pushing the trolley, with our cases on. When I got up to where, James and the kids were, I felt like I had run a marathon.
Joseph ran over to me and gave me a big hug.
Joey, I said hugging him back, god how I have missed you.
James came over and helped with the trolley.
You look well Liz he said giving me a peck on the cheek.
Thanks I feel much better, I replied smiling but feeling tired.
Come on then kids, James said as he began to push the trolley, who will help me load these into the car.
I will dad Joseph said, already trying to lift one of the cases.
And me, uncle Jim, as Samantha called him.
I followed on behind, with the duty free.
James was in his late fifties now, he hardly had any hair, and what hair he did have was grey, so he shaved it off, and kept it short. He looked his age, but still not a bad looking bloke. But people who did not know us, would of thought he was my father, of course he was around the same age as my dad, but James was my ex husband and father to one of my kids. Ruby had looked after him well, they still had not married. But neither was bothered, they enjoyed how they were together. They were both afraid marriage could spoil things, so were happy to stay as they were.
After loading the cases in the car James asked if I wanted to pop to his first for a cuppa. Ruby and James had moved back up to London, not too far from where me, and Emilio lived. But I was knackered, all I wanted to do was go home and sleep, as tomorrow I had plans.
None of us spoke about Emilio, on the drive home. I didn’t even know if Emilio would be home when I got there.
As we pulled up to the house, I did start to panic again. James could see it in my face.
He unlocked the doors and told the kids to get out, and see if anyone was home. They could not wait to get out of the car. James turned to me and asked if I was ok. I looked at him, and said yes. But we will need to have a chat before long, about the kids. James looked at me puzzled. I smiled at him.
Everything is ok, for now, I told him, but when they go off to boarding school you will have to look out for them.
What do you mean Liz he said, looking even more puzzled?
Don’t worry about it now James, all will be revealed, in time, first I have to face Emilio, let me get over that hurdle first.
James took hold of my hand and squeezed it, ok Liz he said, now let me help you with your bags, and you go do, what you got to do.
As I got out of the car Emilio was at the door and was hugging Samantha.
I could hear her say look at my nails daddy, aren’t they pretty.
As I lifted one of the cases out of the car I looked at James as he had heard what she had said too. Now I will be for it, I said laughing, James laughed too, as he knew Emilio would not approve.
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