It felt so real, it could not just of been a dream.... or, concussion, but I had to get back to him.
It had been nearly a week since my fall. The bump on my head had gone down, but my memories of the life, I thought, I had lived were still there.
I can remember everything, even dying.
But the doctor reckons it’s just concussions.
Yet I was only knocked out for a few minutes.
But you tell me how I remember many years of a life, I so say never lived.
Mum kept me off sixth form for a few days.
She told me, if I went into school telling people of these dreams I had, people would think I was mad.
Dad said it was a cry for attention.
I remember so clearly the day he slaps me round the face hard, when I tell him I am off to live with James, I want to make sure that never comes to true, and I will never allow any man to hit me again, well I will not let them ever hit me, as its not happened yet, in this life.
Caroline and jenny, though supportive, thought I was bonkers as well.
So I decided to keep it all to myself.
If I had learnt anything from my dream life, concussion or whatever I, or people wanted to call it, was, I fucked up plenty of times, and I was going to learn from my mistakes, if they were real or not.
When I went back to sixth form, some of people I did not usually get on with asked how I was. I thought they were being genuine, then they took the piss and asked how my two husbands and kids were.
My bitch of a sister had gone in school and told the pricks, of what happened and now they thought I was a right fruit loop.
Damn I should of kept my mouth shut from the start.
Just ignore them, Caroline and jenny said, they will always be nobbs, concussion or no concussion.
They were right and I had decided I would try harder at school so I would have to be with the pricks for a while longer.
So are we going out tonight then, Caroline asked.
It was Friday, and our night out down the Rumbler club.
But what if James was there?
I wanted to go just to see if he was there.
Jenny could see I was thinking about something.
So come on Liz, I know your dying to tell us what happens, as you have lived this, remember you said you run off with James and marry him, she said, taking the piss a bit.
Not impressed with her comments, I turned to her and said, well I want to go out to see if he is there, but nothing will happen, I will make sure of it.
Ha, Caroline said.
I gave her a dirty look.
I did feel like saying fuck the lot of you, but they knew I would give in and go anyway, So I left it at that.
I had decided I wanted change my studies and spoke to my tutor about what my options were.
She was quite surprised, at my change of attitude, but she had to drop in the conversation about my fall, and maybe the bump on my head did me good.
I was not impressed, but acting growing up I said nothing.
But wanted to scream at everyone I know what I saw, and I am not mad.
I had stayed on at sixth form in my dream life if that’s what it was being called now, even by me.
But I had no idea of what I wanted to do when I finally left sixth form, I now decided I wanted to improve everything I had done, seeing before I had not much interest.
I did ask if I could learn Spanish and music. The tutor said it was a bit late now to start those two subjects but I begged her, and maybe I could go on to college later to get a qualification in them.
She told me I would have to stay on at sixth form another two years then go on to college if I really wanted to start studying those two subjects this late in life.
I told her I would.
She told me she would see what she could do.
It meant would be nearly 20 when I left school altogether, and all my friends would leave and go on to do other things, but I knew friends would come and go through out my life and had to do what’s best for me now.
I decided not to tell anyone of my study plans yet.
I got home from sixth form, and told my parents I was going out tonight.
Is it wise love after what happened last week, mum said.
I’m alright now mum, anyway I won’t be drinking much, I am going out more for Caroline and jenny.
I was lying of course, I was going out to see if James would be there again and what might happen,
and to see if my dream really was concussion.
Dad being the twat he was, piped up and said, don’t get drunk now and tell the place about your dream life.
Really biting my tongue now, I made sure I kept my cool.
Well maybe it was a dream then, so I won’t be drinking much, I said,
But deep down I knew what I saw and did, it felt so real to me, but just to keep the peace, I would now say things just to keep people off my back.
Charlotte looked at me, she knew I did not really mean that, and would she still try and make my life a living hell.
Back stabber I thought, thinking to when she cheats with James.
I got ready, Caroline and jenny came round and we went out.
I was nervous,
We got to the Rumbler club, and I did wonder if I should go in or not.
What’s wrong now Caroline asked taking a final drag on her cigarette, and flicking it on the road.
Nothing I said lying, as I also took a final drag and flicked my cigarette.
It’s bloody freezing and my throats dry, jenny said going into the club, pushing past the bouncer.
I Just realised we have been coming here for over two years now, wow how time has flown, I said.
Soppy sod, Caroline said and she took hold of my arm and pulled me into the club.
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