“come near me and I will scream as loud as I can, I don’t want to do this, I don’t want you!”
He steps closer to me not listening to my warning He grabs my chair and spins it around towards him. He steps closer again with no wear to go I quickly scream but he just covers my mouth with his disgusting hands. At that moment I know I am hopeless or am I, I quickly think to myself a plan to get out of this as the principle slowly slides his other hand up my leg and back down to my knee. Yes! My knee I quickly shift my knee upwards and hit right on target. He collapses onto the ground within seconds of realising what has happened.
I quickly run for the door and unlock it. Outside waiting is half the school. Someone yells out “Ew, you slut we heard you fucking the principle” With that said I quickly punch the girl who said it and pushed my way through the crowd of people laughing.
When I get home I can hear mum on the phone.
“she did what?..... I’m sure it’s a miss understanding…. Why would she do that?” My mother is speaking into the phone with an annoyed tone. I know exactly who is on the other line, but what is he going to tell her? Would he tell her he tried to assault me or just make up some lies. “That’s right misses turner she kicked me right in the soft spot, she is hereby expelled from Blackwell high” The last few words come out slower than the rest. Or maybe it’s just me in shock. My mum opens her mouth to say something back into the phone but before she can *beep beep beep* He hung up before Mum could even say anything back to him.
Mum turns to look at me, she looks so sad and confused.
“Mu-mum it’s not what you think, he wanted to have sex with me, I was just trying to stop him”. I say
“Stop! Stop making up lies, just go up to your room, ill bring you dinner later you can eat up there, I don’t even want to sit at the same table as you- you disgrace!” Her words are sharper and more painful than anyone else’s. I stagger up the stairs and straight to my bedroom.
My bedroom is cold and dark, as I turn the light on I am blinded for a mere second. I sprawl out face-down on my bed, and quietly Blubber into my pillow. Replaying today in my mind I pull out the razor in my bedside table and start to cut. Just once at first but then the pain of the cuts overcomes the pain of my life so I do it again. And again. And again. I keep on cutting until there is a chain of cuts from the bottom of my hand to the underside of my elbow, Reassuringly joint together by trickles of blood. Id rather see blood on myself then tears. Tears are for those who are weak and blood is for those who are strong.
I try to clean the blood off a bit but the cuts just won’t stop bleeding.
I guess ill just have to have a bath to wash the blood away then maybe I’ll stop bleeding. I slowly take my clothes of and watch myself in the mirror. I see me tall, blonde, skinny in-truth I can see some of my ribs okay most of my ribs. I think back to earlier today. Hilary’s harsh words play through my mind like a CD stuck on repeat. ‘you little fucking hoe, how dare you send my boyfriend photos of your fat disgusting body?’ And suddenly the person in the mirror morphs into someone different. She is fat her body covered in stretch marks instead of scars. Is this me? It must be. At that moment I decide never to eat again.
I wake up and it is morning time. Remains of last nights un-eaten dinner it on my bedside table. I must get up and get rid of it before mum sees. I rise out of bed and see the left side of my bed covered in blood. Fuck! The bleeding didn’t stop. I quickly retrieve a bandage that I keep in case this happens. I wrap the bandage around my arm careful not to make it so thick or people will notice. I shove a hoody on over the top so no one can see the crime covering bandage.
After I dispose of my dinner much thanks to Mickey my pet Great Dane. I go to the bathroom to clear off the remains of yesterday’s make-up that I didn’t think to wash off in the bath. By the time I get it all off mum is awake, she walks past me in the hallway but doesn’t even look at me. I walk into the kitchen after mum in hopes she says something to me or at least recognises me. She looks at me for a split second the grabs the phone and storms outside onto the veranda.
Two hours later mum walks inside looking much happier then when she left. She gives me a kind smile and speaks
“Get your nicest clothes on you have an interview at St. Mathews” shocked I don’t say thing back I just walk into my room. I thought if you got expelled you couldn’t get into any more schools? Mum must have made some sort of deal with the principle so I guess I should do as I am told for her and put some nice clothes on.
In my room I search and search for something nice that will cover up my scars and fresh cuts. I find a long-sleeve plain white t-shirt and a red and black vest to go on top and some plain black pants. I apply some make-up but not as I usually do, I put on a thin line of eye-liner, pink eye shadow, some mascara and pink blush. I pull hair up in a tight pony tail and let my side fringe fall to both sides instead of one, I find a pair of Ashleigh’s ‘cool’ nerd glasses and put them on . There that looks neat and tidy, not exactly me but that’s the point.
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